Prom issues

[Tiger Lily 03]

My graduating senior 18 year old told me that he would not be attending school on Monday following prom weekend. Prom is on Saturday of the weekend.

I just called school to see how absence would be handled if Monday after prom weekend were missed. Was told it was a parental issue, and that many students do miss the day. School is not excused for prom weekend attendees. If parents call child in sick it is handled as a parental called in sick excuse. If it is not excused by parental call then it will be treated as a truant and time will be served either weekend or in school suspension. Hmmmm. To call or not to call that is the question

He may be sick if he goes to CP Sunday and gets home late (as in tired-sick).

Also, there has been some discussions about staying overnight somewhere with all his friends either before or after Cedar Point. It will be a mixed crowd, i.e. guys and gals. His prom date is someone that asked him to their prom two weeks ago. This will not be a parentally supervised overnighter. I know he is responsible as in the issues facing teens these days as some of our conversations have occurred on how he handled things when he was faced with good/bad choice decisions. We have also discussed that prom weekends often present additional stress on these issues and how we as his parents feel.

He is not our first to go through this and I am trying not to stress here, but I can’t seem to help myself.

 

[amid chaos]

I'm glad we don't have these issues...prom is on a Sunday night, kids have to be in school by 8 or they are suspended and seniors have to be there by 10 or they get suspended also.

prom was this past Sunday and everyone was in school...on time!

I don't envy you these decisions...good luck.

 

[CamColt]

I think my decision would depend on how DS has done in school. If he has good grades and a good attendance record, I dont think missing 1 day so close to the end would really matter much. And from what you said, it doesnt sound like the school will be too upset about kids missing that day.
On the other hand, if he is struggling with grades and really needs to be in school, then Id make him go...or at least not call him in.
Good luck deciding and hope he has a time to remember!

 

[yoopermom]

and we have this problem with "senior skip day", too. When they only took one day, and left the area, it was basically overlooked. Now, if it rains on skip day, they think they deserve another one, and, if it's nice, they like to drive around the high school and taunt the other kids. Not a good scene. Glad mine's only in 2nd grade...Good luck!
Terri

 

[tar heel]

Let me get this straight -- you are actually considering calling him in "sick" when he's not? I would not do that in a million years -- talk about sending the wrong message to a young person getting ready to leave the nest. If he were my child and told me he wasn't going to school on Monday, I would tell him to make sure to enjoy himself enough to merit the weekend/in-school suspension.

It doesn't sound to me like the school doesn't care. They are treating it like any other absense. I think there are two very different issues here. I'm not sure the skipping school is a big issue but a parent protecting a child from the consequences that some kids will face for the exact same action is IMO.

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

I have kids 17 and 18 ... but fortunately, what you are describing is not a custom in our town.

I think you have to trust your instincts ... why agree to something that you "feel" is not right and where "bad things" can happen?

You may have a child who is quite responsible, etc. but things and pressures can change when you are in a pack ... oh, I mean group. Personally, I'd think twice before allowing my child (even at 18) to enter into such a situation.

We seem to be a bit different than a lot of other parents in our town because we will say NO when we feel it is the right thing to do.

You're the parent. Explain to your child your reasonings and listen to their side of the story. If you are still uncomfortable with the situation, by all means exert your parental authority and say NO.

 

[Sal]

I'm with tar heel on this.

I would never call the school and lie about my child's absence. Senior Skip day used to happen in our school, but I haven't heard about it recently. I told DD that we would not support a skip day and she would pay the consequences. Only a few skipped, she did not.


I understand that missing a day of school is not that big of an issue. The issue, for me, would be a parent calling in sick for a student when he was not. The school will know he is not sick.

We just had our Prom here last weekend. It is such an exciting time for those kids, but also a time when they face situations they may not have been in before. Sometimes parenting can be such fun!!


Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[FOJMO]

What's with this thing Prom "Weekend"??? When did Proms become whole weekend events? Maybe the same time that "Class Reunions" became whole weekend events, too???

I guess I'm from the old school where it was a one night thing and no co-ed sleepovers...

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

We had a Senior Skip Day in my high school and I was one of the few Srs in my class that did not skip. I wonder if that had something to do with my mom being a teacher? Anyway, my Calculus teacher gave her regular first-day-of-school spiel on the first day of school to all of us stating that she did not condone Sr Skip Day. Calculus was 4th period in a 7-period day (right before lunch). There were only 4 or 5 students in most of my classes, but all 30 showed up for Calculus that day!! Pretty funny.

 

[Evil Princess]

It's just one day. My prom falls on test week, after school has already ended. We will be in the Hamptons Tuesday night and Wednesday, as well as Thursday night (prom) and Friday night. Granted we have no school, but still.

I think that if he has kept up his grades and if he doesn't skip often that he should be allowed to skip. After all, he is graduating. There are certain things as senior privileges.

For the record, I am 18, I am a senior, and I am biased And I do hold a job, one that I have called in sick once after a year of employment (and I was really sick). So I know what responsibility is, although I will skip schools for cut days and what not.

 

[princesstommi]

As far as calling in for him, ITA with this...

If he were my child and told me he wasn't going to school on Monday, I would tell him to make sure to enjoy himself enough to merit the weekend/in-school suspension.

He knows the options, and he knows the conseqences. He should make that choice, and not have his parents bail him out if he wants to choose the option with the consequence. Especially at 18. You couldn't call in for work for him on a Monday morning because he partied too hard over the weekend. (And personally, I would take the in-school suspension. Not really that big of a deal, especially at the end of his senior year. I bet he would be in there with a few of his buddies, anyway. )

As for the overnight thing, only you can really make that call. I know in HS, all our outings like that were harmless. My mom knew all my friends, where I was so she could find me if she needed me, and never really needed to worry (I'm sure she did though). It was a big trust thing, and I hadn't done anything in the past to make her question that trust.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I guess my mom is a horrible mom. When I was a senior I skipped on senior skip day and she wrote me a note. Heck, there were a few times I needed a "mental health day" and she wrote me a note. I'm sure none of you have ever done that. Oh yeah she also let me go to an unsupervised party after my senior prom. SHOCKING.

Actually the thing is, two months later I was off to college (I started in the summer)...what difference did the two months make?????

 

[Tiggeroo]

If he's a good kid who never misses school, already has his college/after high school plans made, has good grades, I would be inclined to let him miss. But I might be uncomfortable with the overnight thing. I know that if a kid wants to get in trouble they can, and that in a few months they will be on their own, but all night with his girlfriend and most likely alcohol just sounds like too much temptation. I know I wasn't allowed to go to an overnight after prom. Our high school has an excellent after prom party/program. It is a lock in event that goes right to breakfast. We really push to get all the kids to go to this. Of the two things, going out after prom and all night has the greater risk of trouble or injury then missing one day of school.

I have a son who is bugging me to go on a camping trip to Chincoteague with the kids on his running team this summer. (not co-ed)He will be 16, although most of the team will be 18. I am really stressing this decision. I have suggested that they at least recruit an older (25 or so yo) sibbling to do some minor supervision. I might be more inclined to say yes then. It was so much easier when they were little. If I made a mistake the consequences were so much less. Every time something like this comes up I worry that either I am being too strict, or that I might be too lenient and God forbid something might happen to my child or one of their friends.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Oh yeah I forgot to add, that the unsupervised party was at a hotel and we all stayed the night. She knew exactly where I was.
I woke up the next day with a little bit of a hangover, but nothing else went on (at least for me). I guess my mom did raise me right. Trust is the big thing. She trusted me and I didn't do anything to violate that trust as she knew about the drinking as well.

And yes I graduated from college, have a good job, and am an upstanding citizen (at least most of the time ).

 

[Lucky4me]

He's 18. He's about to graduate. However you've raised him up till now is how he'll probably live the rest of his life. One day is not going change him into a irresponsible, unproductive citizen.

 

[Pebblszzz]

I'm with Tar Heel (and likely others) on this one.

I think, being "tired-sick" is going to happen a lot in his lifetime, as he becomes an adult and eventual bread-winner in a family.

Do you think his boss will understand when he calls in sick on a Monday?

I think he needs to suffer the consequences of his actions, and his parent(s) should not condone skipping school for being "tired-sick".

As adults, we often go off on weekends to have ourselves a dandy time, and get in late on Sunday night - only to have to be at work at 8am. As a new adult, he should learn this now.

Perhaps you could introduce him to coffee...that's what the rest of us do on Monday mornings!

 

[Micca]

I'd like to respond to the question about calling your student in "sick" on Monday morning. My parents cut me some slack a few times during high school, and I was a mediocre student at best. In the big scheme of things, those few days did not influence my high school career or any endeavor subsequent to it. I agree that parents shouldn't try to be "friends" with their children while they are minors, but that doesn't mean you can't give 'em a break once in a while. It worked for me, your mileage may vary.

 

[Ilove8Trax]

Agree with some of the others about how this is one day and I doubt it will suddenly turn your child into rebellious, slacker-ish, lazy, or a situation that is taken for granted. Trust is important. Kids will experiment someway or another. My parents trusted me, and my friends, when we stayed over night at a hotel for prom. No problems, just a bunch of good fun.

Yes, parents need to be careful, but you most likely raised a good child. Also, think of youself and experiences when you were younger. Was there ever a time where you knew it would be a funtime (granted that you never know what might happen, but never the less) you knew you could be trusted and authority was very skeptical? You do need to put yourself in their shoes sometimes.

Good Luck!

 

[CamColt]

Just another thought...since the school knows about this and it sounds like they leave it to a parental decision who says you have to lie? I would call and say "So and so, wont be coming in today" and leave it at that.
And I dont know if things have changed, but when I was in high school(late 80s) if a student was 18 they could call themselves in sick.
For the record I worked for about 10 years, and called in sick once, maybe twice that entire time. I worked through 9 months of pregnancy without taking a sick day and worked up until 17 hours before I gave birth. As you can see I have a very good work ethic(and trust me, those who dont, bug me to no end) but I really dont see how rewarding your child with a day off after 13 years of hard work is going to turn them into a lazy shlep. Of course this is an individual decision, based mainly on the child, or I should say, young adult, but as long as I felt my child had done well, I wouldnt have a problem with one day.

 

[Lola]

It's pretty much tradition at my school to have 2 Senior Cut Days.. one is 103 days left in the school year, and 103 days into the school year (the -03 for the year we graduate.) I didn't cut the first day because I had a track meet that afternoon and had to be in school in order to be eligible to run. We decided to save our second day until it gets warmer.. so we can go to Six Flags or the shore. Students must have a letter from their parent excusing them also.. Most teachers know about this, but it doesn't mean the school day stops. Their are a handful of juniors in my math class and I'm pretty sure we went over material so the juniors still had something to do lol.

As for Prom.. My prom is June 5th.. a Thursday. And also as tradition, our senior class goes to the shore - for the weekend. So I won't be in school on Friday either. Supposedly, if a student isn't in school on Friday they're being drug tested when they return on Monday.. If they don't want us going down the shore and missing school, why make Prom a Thursday.. and kill a Prom weekend tradition as well?

I'm also biased in this as you can see.. But like others have said, if he's a good student and hasn't racked up the absences, what's one day.. and the end of the year?

Just my input