Problems with not taking his name.

[luna99]

I've gone back and forth on this issue... at first I wanted to keep my last name or hyphenate it I think mainly because I"m half mexican and my last name is a mexican last name and I'm very proud of that fact ...

but about a month ago I was with my DF and I suddenly had this moment of such love for him that I told him I'd take his last name. He got so happy about it... and it's kinda an issue for him that I take his last name because he says there can be complications later if I don't.. especially once we have kids.

so what kind of complications I'm wondering? I can't even imagine what those problems could be.

anyone want to shed some light on it for me?

At this point I think I might take his last name but add my last name to my middle name. haha. do people do that?

 

[AnnieBelle]

I have thought of keeping my maiden name as my middle name since I hate my middle name! But I know of lots of people that do that. It is hard to part with something that has been a part of you that you are proud of, I can understand that.

 

[purplegirl247]

I'm going to do that. Well, I'm still going back and forth (I think I'd like the best of both worlds and would like to use either my last name or his depending on my mood ) but I think I'm going to end up being FirstName [MiddleName MyLastName] HisLastName and consider everything in the brackets to be my middle name. This thread had some people discussing this very topic: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1368516.

I'm not sure what problems he thinks there would be with having a hyphenated name and having kids. You would have both his name and yours, so it isn't like teachers would be confused. Maybe he means you would have to discuss whether the kids would have just his last name or hyphenate like you are?

Good luck with this decision; I know it's hard! (Plus it totally sucks that guys don't have to worry about this AT ALL! )

 

[Arabella]

I am not changing my last name and any kids will have a hyphenated last name. People can call me by his last name socially if they want but I like my name and I am used to it.

 

[figmentfan814]

I am actually keeping my last name. My DF and I have talked about it and it was actually something that he was completely open to for me. I am the only one left in my family line with our last name (since everyone in my family had daughters) plus we are in our late 20s and I have used my last name professionally for several years. I had considered taking on his as a second middle name, but both our last names are extremely long. Our kids will have his name and according to etiquette books I can go by Mrs. hislastname informally. So, in other words at our children's school, etc. everyone would know me by our family name.

I know you mentioned that you are Mexican, I would check into your culture's traditions because the taking of names is not universal around the world. In fact, if I'm not mistaking in many hispanic cultures the husbands and wives take each other last names (I'm trying to remember back to some classes I took many years ago, so I would definitely double check this fact.)

Just some food for thought. I've already been called a yuppie by some of my older relatives for being so "progressive" in their words. What can I say, I'm a free spirit

 

[cryssi]

no worries! a lot of us here have done that...I just added my maiden name to my middle name, so now I legally have 2 middle names. My SS card and DL are very long! LOL

I was reluctant to give up my unusual last name, so this way I still have it somewhere...

 

[KingdomHearts]

My DH and I were married 07/06 and even after the wedding I wasnt sure if I wanted to take his name. ( I am a complete Irish girl with the last name attached and I married a man who was 100% Itailin, so my new last name does not fit me at all, so I have to laugh when people try to say it and look at me becuase that doesnt fit! ) In December I eventually decided to take his last name, so I had to get a new social security card, bank card, and license. But that was really it. The only issue I could think of if you didnt take his last name was when you do have children whose last name would they have? Other then that, it is really up to you, and you could def hypenate your old and new last name, I know alot of people who did that! Good luck!

 

[cryssi]

btw, I didn't change my name until almost 1 year later, so you know, no rush...lol

 

[mla1977]

My mother took my father's last name and used her maiden name as her middle name. She kept it that way when they divorced too. She had been remarried (a few times) and each time she keeps my father's last name as her middle name and drops her maiden name. I think keeping my father's last name made it easier for her when I was younger, but at this point it wouldn't matter.

I am not sure what I would do with my name. It is a beautiful Italian name (but loooong). My BF is Vietnamese and has a short name. I am also a lawyer and have been working with my name as a lawyer for 4 years. I think it is something that I will have to consider if he ever pops the question.

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

I took DHs last name

I was a little hesitant taking a hispanic last name cause there are people out there who make assumptions about hispanics, but everything was fine....i do get the occassional person that thinks I am hispanic(kinda funny)

As for other issues with last names, like problems..........i work in a dr office & the last names issue is a nightmare with kids/parents.
i wont go on to much about it but its not easy & makes things confusing & complicated

I think the middle name thing is neat....infact thats a big tradition with mexicans is that babies get the moms name as their middle name & dads as the last......it can get a little outta hand with some people, ive seen names that go on forever....

do what you feel is right, but a last name doesnt define who you are....you do

 

[mla1977]

I took DHs last name

I was a little hesitant taking a hispanic last name cause there are people out there who make assumptions about hispanics, but everything was fine....i do get the occassional person that thinks I am hispanic(kinda funny)

Our friends just got married in December. She took his last name (Long). One of her clients asked her if her husband is Chinese. He's actually Mexican!

 

[Tiggerific04]

I'm just adding DF's last name onto mine, so I guess I'll have two last names. I don't mind if people call me Mrs. Hislastname, but I don't want to lose my own either. I'm an only child, and I've never met anyone on my dad's side of the family, so I have no idea if there are any boys to "carry on" my last name.

 

[aprincess72]

I never questioned changing names until just recently. For one thing my last name has 12 letters in it so I was searching for a man with 6 letters or less! I got one with 7 letters and I happen to be crazy about him so I'll hang on to this one.
Anyway... After I started thinking about changing my name I realized that everyone in my company knows me by my maiden name. I travel for my job and I have worked for a huge company for almost ten years. That means that I have contacts all across the company who know my name as it is now. I decided to change my name legally but keep my maiden name for professional reasons. I like to think of it like I will now have a stage name... hahaha!

 

[corbennic]

OK please don't flame me for this. I know what you mean, I really want to hang onto my maiden name - its been mine for almost 30 years! I dont know who I will be if I change it! BUT...

I work on in customer service and when people call me who say their name is for example Mrs Gillian Grant Smith. I always get confused as I am asking for their full name - do I call her Mrs Grant Smith or Mrs Smith? Who knows. I really hate to offend people and some really get offended if you get it wrong.

Also my friend works in a bank. She tells me that there are problems when opening a childs bank account if the surname isn't the same as either parent. Example: mother Ms Duncan, father Mr Jones, child Bobby Duncan-Jones. I don't see how this can be with things like people looking after other peoples children etc happening all the time but I can only go by what she tells me.

So I would say if you are worried about strangers getting your name wrong or some minor red tape issues then just change your name. Otherwise keep your own if thats what you would rather do people do it all the time!

 

[iradi8]

I was 30y.o. when I got married. I didn't change my name -- it just didn't feel right to change it and dh was okay with it. Our kids have my last name because dh doesn't like his last name (people always mispronounce it and misspell it).

I've never had a problem other than people sometimes ask if we're married when they see the different last names.

 

[Belle1981]

I am going to Hyphenate my name and the kids (if there are going to be any) will have daddy's last name. I am not going to push the issue about the kids but like I have mentioned before in a previous thread I promised my late Grandfather that I would keep my last name. It is most certainly a personal choice but I can't really see any HUGE complications later on. If its important to you to keep your name I say do it!!! Best of luck

 

[scrump]

I kept my name, and expected some resistance, but never got any except for a few people on DH's side of the family, and they don't even matter.

I have some friends who alternate last names with kids. Girls have mom's last names, boys have dad's last name...or first child has mom's last name, second child has dad's last name. Maybe not for everybody, but they love it.

 

[jmmastra]

I too have 12 letters in my last name. It is very Italian and I do not look Italian at all. DF's last name is 5 letters and fairly common. Growing up it was a pain having such a long last name but I have grown to love it. When people ask what my last name is and then ask about DF's they always say wow that will be so much easier. The fact of the matter is my last name is my conversation piece! People ask tons of questions about it and I am not sure I want to lose that. Plus there are only a handful of people with my name. But DF really wants me to take his name. I have joked around about hyphenating it and people look a me like I have two heads...plus the poor kids My mother now uses her maiden name as her middle name, So I think (I still have 14 days to decide!) I am going to have two middle names and take DF's last name. At work I will probably keep using my last name but for Dr. appt. and things like that us DF's. I know that offices like that would prefer the shorter last name instead of me spelling mine with the names of an animals or people or something after it :M as in Mary, A as in Apple"

 

[DisneyFairy19]

To Df it is very important that I take his name... but my last name is part of me and is who I am... I feel like I am losing a part of my identity.. I asked Df if I could hyphenate it and he was upset.. SO its a very touchy subject with us... Still not sure what I am going to do.... GL to you

 

[prncssmel]

I was planning on keeping my last name. Hyphenating would not work for us at all because of our names. DF didn't have a problem with me keeping my name.

The thing that has made me change my mind to taking his last name is I have a very common first name (#1 name the year I was born!) and a very common last name. For everything, there has always been numerous other people with my same name, including in school they would always send the wrong report card, letter, etc. to my house because there were 2 other people with my same first and last name as me.

So, because his name is not so common, I think I am going to change it. I actually am excited about the fact that not everyone will have the same name. My middle name is much more important to me than my last name (it's the same as my mom's), so I am going to be myfirstname mymiddlename hislastname.

But nobody better ever call me Mrs. hisfirstname hislastname. I can't stand that, as if you are defined by who you are married to.