Problem with people not RSVPing?

[Tenacious K]

Hey all,
I'm sure most brides have this problem, but it seems even more difficult with a destination wedding!

My two questions are: How many weeks or days before the wedding did you give to people to RSVP? Do you think two months out is too early to begin getting super strict about people RSVPing?

I sent my invitations out 5 MONTHS prior to the wedding because I did not want to send both save the dates and invitations, plus I wanted everyone to have the details far enough in advance to begin planning for it. So, although I sent the invitations out 5 months prior, I did not request the RSVPs to be returned until 2 months prior to the wedding. That gave people three months to toss the idea around in their heads.

Well, it is 2 months prior to the wedding, and exactly half of the invites have not responded (8 of the 17 invitations sent out). I have called, asked in person, or e-mailed all of these people within the past week and they have either changed the subject, ignored the question, or told me that they would get back to me on it. I've told them its okay to say Yes and later on change it to No if something happens, but I would like an idea at least of what is going on.

I want to get firm with these friends and tell them that they either tell me yes or no, or I will assume that they mean 'no', but I am afraid that it is still too early to be pushy while still being reasonably proper

Any stories about what you did would be most helpful.

 

[lurkyloo]

We asked for RSVPs to be returned two months before the wedding, but I considered 30 days to be the drop-dead cutoff time because that's when our room block expired and people would no longer be guaranteed rooms. This didn't seem to faze a few of our guests, though, who ended up making reservations on their own just a couple weeks in advance.

I phoned everyone I hadn't heard from at 30 days and pinned them down. What surprises me is that phoning still hasn't worked for you - I can't believe they're avoiding telling you when you're right on the other end of the line.

However, with the economy the way it is, I'm guessing they genuinely don't know at this point. It's just a shame, because Disney trips go a lot smoother when you can plan well ahead.

I say wait until 30 days to get tough with 'em!

 

[RangerPooh]

While it might be tough I would give them another week or two to respond and then lay down the ax. Let them know that you need to have the final count into your planner so that you can finalize the payment and details. Most people should be able to respect this and give you an answer. Let them know that it's ok if the answer is no, as you understand how the economy if affecting peoples plans, as well as the difficulty that taking time off from work might create. An understanding bride might get more of a response form guests. In the end if you don't hear anything by 2 months out you could send them a note politely letting them know that due to a lack of response/decision that they have been removed from the final guest list that was submitted to your planner. I know that this mightnot be the favorable thing to do, but I'd hate for unexpected gusts to arrive at your wedding leaving you with a final bill that wa snot anticipated.

This said we sent out our invites in November for a June wedding with a March RSVP date. We wanted to make sure that we didn't pay for people who weren't serious in coming, and in the end we either called or emailed them to find out if they were coming, some we knew weren't even though we never received a response. In the end we had about 5 no-shows to the wedding; new jobs are last minute family problems. So we ate ~$500, we just told some of our guests to drinkto their hearts content as that meant that we were short 5 drinkers when we purchased the unlimited bar option.

 

[emilymad]

My vote would be to get answers out of people ASAP. I am really surprised that even when you ask they can't tell you. That must be awful! I totally sympathize. Most people have to give their work a good amount of notice so I think you should be able to tell you.

We sent invitations January 15th with a RSVP date of March 1st for our May 10th wedding. I only have back my immediate family so hopefully a lot more will come in the next few weeks. We wanted the repsonses back before our final payment was due since there are a lot of people we have no idea if they are going to come. We could have 25 people or 40 so that is a big difference.
I regret not making the RSVP date sooner.

Good luck! Another thought, could you have another family member ask people if they are coming? Maybe people are afraid to upset the bride?

 

[Bethany66]

We sent out "Save the Dates" almost 12 months out, because working for the Federal Government, as most of our friends do, you have to plan your leave a year in advance. So over the months, people have known about the wedding and I have kept them up to date on the whole "lottery" issue, etc. WE got our date & location so the invites are going out tonight. Our friends & family already know whether or not they are really going to come out to Disney WOrld, so we have given them a three week window to RSVP. Any longer than that, invites just get lost on desks & counter tops and people forget about them. Long story, but the point is if you give them a shorter turn around, they won't misplace them or forget that YOU need the information, for not only the ceremony but for dinnier sittings, tours etc. Good luck and do not stress too much!!!!!!

 

[Tenacious K]

okay, *takes a deep breath* I feel better now! I'll just give it a week or two and then make DF or DM handle these people!

 

[DansBride2009]

It took FOREVER for my guests to respond. I just added in a few extra spots just in case and the spots got filled so it all worked out. Just hang in there! I know it's a TOUGH wait but hang in there, it'll happen!

 

[DznyGal]

I am hoping people get back to you soon and get things booked! I wasn't as lucky. DF asked 3 friends to be in the wedding and they all changed the subject when he talked to them about it and now he finally got them to answer him and NONE of them are coming. I feel horrible for him, I had an easier time convincing my sister and best friend to come, they are Disney lovers like me. None of DF's friends and/or family have ever been to Disney so all they were looking at was the cost as a bottom line.

I am also really worred that DF's mom might not go, last we talked to her she said she IS coming but is all of a sudden afraid to fly... so she is going to drive with her boyfriend. Personally as long as she conmes i don't care how she gets there, and also said she wasn't offically invited (since I didn't get the invites until a little bit ago) We personally invited everyone and just didn't get the paper cards to then until I had all the dates and times for things set.

Again I am thinking and hoping happy thoughts for you!!!!!!!

 

[tomthebarncat]

People have no manners these days. Honestly, how hard it is to check a box, stuff the card in the enclosed envelope and drop in the mail box??

 

[lurkyloo]

I always tell this story, but someone we know actually said "Oh, I never return the RSVP card - those are just for show!"

 

[girli565]

I always tell this story, but someone we know actually said "Oh, I never return the RSVP card - those are just for show!"

Haha! And that's where I say, "so was your invite."