Preventing WWIII..? Family Issues...

[AKL_Megs]

If it is all just joking, then are you truly notr worried about family drama? Or is that a real issue or you? Do you think it is possible that you say things jokingly to family that they take the wrong way as well? I got the impression that this really bothers you from your OP
Gosh, maybe his family is just joking when they say things that irk you.
Or maybe you get stressed so easily that they are kind of like some people on this thread and like to play you to see how easy it is to get a rise out of you and if you stop reacting it will taper off

My OP was a little lighthearted... I guess my hyper-smilies didn't give me away! YES, they are insane crazy about over-celebrating, YES, they get mad if you interfere, AND they like to be the ONLY one doing something (wedding, baby, birthday, etc.) but NO, it isn't a huge issue. I WAS trying to find suggestions for THINGS to say, or WAYS to handle their... tendencies. My DH and I were discussing this this morning, calling it "WWIII", and I thought it would make for good Dis-cussion. Per usual, my crazy posts take off

 

[disykat]

Ok, they'll go ballisitc if you're pregnant in May. Next thing you know they'll go ballisitic because you'll have the nerve to get pregnant when the cousin's baby is 6 weeks old.
In other words with crazy people, there will be no good time for you to get pregnant.
This should never be an issue. A pregnancy's timing is something between you and your husband and no one else.

I agree. I have no idea why people are being so nasty to the OP. It's perfectly normal for her to anticipate drama from these people. However, I agree with this post that they will cause drama no matter what. It was pretty clear from the OP that this is a humorous situation.

Seriously, you married a MONTH apart and they were upset? I'm sure their baby will be their 'baby' for two years at least. No use trying to avoid the drama by changing your life, just choose to ignore it.

Maybe if you're lucky, you can have the baby on her birthday!

Oh, and OP, at least you haven't gotten the "my husband's cousin is dead, you should just be happy you have a cousin" post yet!

 

[focusondisney]

I don't understand why you are making someone elses problem into your problem. If they have a problem with another baby in the family, it's THEIR problem, not yours.

You don't even know when you will get pregnant. Why does everything have to be so drama filled?

Most people that have "sooooo much drama" in their lives create it themselves.

Good posts!


I was feeling sorry for you OP, but then I realized you might be contributing to this drama, too. It seems the cousin had a huge wedding which took forever to plan. You decided to get married at around the same time. If I recall, you have posted that you were not sure you wanted children. (I apoligize if this was not you.) Dh's cousin gets pregnant, & now you want a baby. And to be pregnant at the same time. And you are anticipating the "drama".

I am not trying to insult you or say you only want a baby to annoy his family. Just trying to point out that maybe, even unconcsiously, you are doing your part to add to the drama. Kind of "poking" the aunt & cousin to get the drama going.

Like others said, if you are not even pregnant yet, why even think about this. Live your life, if & when you get pregnant, hopefully your family will be happy for you. Don't pay so much attention to the aunt & cousin as they live their lives & maybe you won't notice the "drama" so much.

Best wishes for a quick, smooth & healthy pregnancy!

 

[rie'smom]

My OP was a little lighthearted... I guess my hyper-smilies didn't give me away! YES, they are insane crazy about over-celebrating, YES, they get mad if you interfere, AND they like to be the ONLY one doing something (wedding, baby, birthday, etc.) but NO, it isn't a huge issue. I WAS trying to find suggestions for THINGS to say, or WAYS to handle their... tendencies. My DH and I were discussing this this morning, calling it "WWIII", and I thought it would make for good Dis-cussion. Per usual, my crazy posts take off

Say, " I'm pregnant and we're so excited." They are responsible for handling their "tendencies".

 

[NHdisneylover]

Okay then. my suggestion is to just treat it as a non issue. Do things just as you would if they were totally normal people. If (when?) they make nasty comments just smile and make light of them as if you think they are kidding (because who could seriously be upset by an intended pregnancy of a married, financially stable couple? is the attitude you are going with here).

When we had our first and told people I was pregnant (oh, at about 5 or 6 weeks BTW--some of us to dell right off) my dad responded by being angry because he was "not ready to be a grandpa." I laughed and said something like "good one dad--as if you could ever be so selfish" I refused to acknowledge that he was serious (which he was) and he got over it.

 

[HM]

Start taking vitamins and extra folic acid now. If you've been on the pill or other birth control for a while, I'd use condems for the next month or so and don't plan on getting pregnant in December. Get your own body ready for the prospect first. Then start trying.

Good luck with your relatives. I have a feeling that no matter when you make an announcement, they'll find some reason to try to take away your joy. Don't let them. Be happy.

 

[Acklander]

I just wanted to share, not to scare you or give you anything else to worry about, but when we started trying I was 27 & had not been on BC in 9 years. I could not take it, in any form. It took 2 years to finally have our daughter, but we had a medical diagnosis & explanation of infertility.


I had been on BC for about 9 years, before trying for a family. When trying to get pregnant found out I had fertility issues, and never would have been able to get pregnant naturally. I was thinking about all those times during the college years when I was living on Raman noodles cause I was so broke, but made sure to have the money for BC pills. - I could have had the occasional steak instead and it wouldn't have made a difference

 

[Scurvy]

My OP was a little lighthearted... I guess my hyper-smilies didn't give me away! YES, they are insane crazy about over-celebrating, YES, they get mad if you interfere, AND they like to be the ONLY one doing something (wedding, baby, birthday, etc.) but NO, it isn't a huge issue. I WAS trying to find suggestions for THINGS to say, or WAYS to handle their... tendencies. My DH and I were discussing this this morning, calling it "WWIII", and I thought it would make for good Dis-cussion. Per usual, my crazy posts take off

If they are really as dramatic and ridiculous as they sound from your OP, then the best way to handle them is to not engage them about this at all. Treat it as a non-issue. If they make comments about you stealing their spotlight, don't take it seriously - act like they are joking and change the subject. Act oblivious to the drama. If you don't take it seriously, it will be difficult for them to make it clear that they really have such a bad (and selfish) attitude about your milestones without making themselves look terrible. If they flat out say you've gotten pregnant to steal their thunder and they make it clear they aren't joking, tell them that's an interesting assumption and then change the subject. Walk away when you can. There can't be drama if you don't engage, so just don't engage.

 

[bgirldeb]

LOL, this is what my DH said, "Screw them, they can be mad!"

Your DH is right!

If they are really as dramatic and ridiculous as they sound from your OP, then the best way to handle them is to not engage them about this at all. Treat it as a non-issue. If they make comments about you stealing their spotlight, don't take it seriously - act like they are joking and change the subject. Act oblivious to the drama. If you don't take it seriously, it will be difficult for them to make it clear that they really have such a bad (and selfish) attitude about your milestones without making themselves look terrible. If they flat out say you've gotten pregnant to steal their thunder and they make it clear they aren't joking, tell them that's an interesting assumption and then change the subject. Walk away when you can. There can't be drama if you don't engage, so just don't engage.

Good advice!

Honestly, if there were people like this in my family I would try to avoid them as much as possible. There is no reason you should have to withhold something like this because of someone else's selfish feelings. They sound like a bunch of 'me first' two year-olds.

 

[marcyinPA]

There are no suggestions or good ways to handle this. You know that on some level. They aren't rational and they are going to be ticked off about it. Plan for it and accept it.

I agree.

And you know what? Sometimes, pregnancies aren't planned What are you supposed to do? Be unhappy and miserable because you rained on the cousins parade? That's ridiculous!

I think you celebrate your joys, and if THEY can't accept YOU, then to heck with'em!

 

[need2cruise]

I say go for it! Otherwise if you wait till after she has the baby to try, then you run the risk of having the baby during the same mth of her babys b/day and THAT will set her off too! Good luck!!

 

[PigletsMommy]

I had been on BC for about 9 years, before trying for a family. When trying to get pregnant found out I had fertility issues, and never would have been able to get pregnant naturally. I was thinking about all those times during the college years when I was living on Raman noodles cause I was so broke, but made sure to have the money for BC pills. - I could have had the occasional steak instead and it wouldn't have made a difference

When we were sitting in our RE's office & he was explaining to us why we couldn't get pregnant (combination of DH & me) & that our chances of ever getting pregnant the good ol' fashion way was less than 1%... between crying & laughing I told him that this is not as easy & they said it was in high school sex ed.

I guess its a good thing I didn't know all that back then

Sorry OP for getting off track

 

[IUTBAM]

To the OP: I haven't read through all the replies, but when I read your post, my thought was this:

People can only make you uncomfortable IF YOU LET THEM. Don't let them, especially since they seem to be 100% unreasonable. It's your life, your pregnancy. Period.

 

[ols386]

If having a baby is that important to you, and I would think it is, then just go about your life the way you want, and ignore them.

 

[AKL_Megs]

When we were sitting in our RE's office & he was explaining to us why we couldn't get pregnant (combination of DH & me) & that our chances of ever getting pregnant the good ol' fashion way was less than 1%... between crying & laughing I told him that this is not as easy & they said it was in high school sex ed.

I guess its a good thing I didn't know all that back then

Sorry OP for getting off track

That's okay... is that your cutie below your username???

 

[PigletsMommy]

That's okay... is that your cutie below your username???

Sure is...but I need to update it. It was taken last winter & she just turned 2 a few weeks ago.

 

[eeyoremum]

First I didn't read all 6 pages.

Second, you will never not prevent WW3. It will then be a competition for your child and the cousin's child.

Are you going to give up your whole life (special events, baby, vacation, whatever) because you might piss them off? They might get angry? SO WHAT!!!! It is there issue NOT yours unless you make it yours.

Have that baby and who cares what they or anyone else thinks, says.

If they make snotty comments so be it. Ignore them or come up with a snappy comeback.

My guess is you are a young couple. There will come a time when you get older (closer to 40 maybe) that you might feel more comfortable telling the obnoxious family member where to go and what to do when they get there.

Good luck

 

[luvmy3jewels]

When I (quite unexpectedly) became pregnant with my third child, my cousin was furious. She was pregnant and due four months before me. She made several comments to family members complaining that I couldn't let her child have some time as the baby in the family before I had another one. I remember her coming up to me during our Christmas party and making the same comment.

You know, sometimes you just have to consider the source and let it roll of your back like water on a duck! This is between you and your dh and you can't consider what other (distant) relatives are going to say or think.

 

[golfgal]

People REALLY get upset about when others have a baby . There were 4 grandkids born on DH's side within 9 months and it is GREAT. Then there was another little mini-explosion a few years later . Those kids have a BLAST at family get togethers, etc.

I would have to start making comments like "well, _____ needs to grow up sooner or later and figure out that the world doesn't revolve around her"

 

[Mrs. Charming]

It is a totally moot point, imo, until you actually become pregnant. Don't put your cart before the horse.

Yep, this. And honestly, (bleep) what they say. It's a wonderful thing. SIL is similar, she's a nitwit but on this pedestal so high you'd think she'd have nosebleeds. We were both pregnant at the same time last December, and my pregnancy was "meh" and hers was "omg! yay!"... so I know the feeling. (She miscarried, and didn't care ) I didn't have all the fancy baby showers and stuff that she's going to have this time around (pg again) but you know what, I have this amazing little boy that I wouldn't trade for the world. He's so worth it, you'll know what I mean.

Good luck to you!!