Preventing WWIII..? Family Issues...

[mlynn]

I agree with everybody else do what is right for you!!!!

My family we always have at least 2 people expecting together. This Christmas we have 3 babiesfor their 1st christmas. The year I had my oldest we had 4 born all with in 2 months of each other.They all are in 3 grade together now.

If you put this usless worrying on yourself , your going to drive yourself nuts and stress out you body.

 

[Northstar]

My husband and I, after much thought, have come to the decision that, next month, we will start to try for a baby! If I am lucky enough to get pregnant right away, the baby will be here around September. That would mean that the

Coincidentally, my DH's cousin is pregnant, and due in May. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be an issue... But you don't know DH's cousin and HER mother!


As insane as DH's cousin and aunt are, he is still very close to them.

Assuming I get pregnant right away, by May, I will more than likely be showing, and we will probably want to tell our family.

I know it's not logical to NORMAL people, but if we tell people we are expecting BEFORE her baby comes, we will be "taking away from her pregnancy celebrations (i.e. "attention")", and if we tell AFTER the baby is born, we will be "taking away from her new baby celebrations (i.e. "attention")"... It's a no-win situation!

Humor me with your thoughts... I am bored at work!

So you're looking for ideas on what to do when the inevitable S hits the F, not ideas about how to plan your pregnancy around the very few available non-celebration times that would suit the whacky relatives, right?

Hmm... you could play with it. Call them up when you're ready to announce it to the family at large, crying and wailing. "Oh, I am SO SORRY but we've had a slight accident with our birth control... I KNOW I shouldn't have gotten pregnant within a year or so of YOUR celebration, but it was an accident. Can you ever forgive me???"

Or you can just completely ignore their craziness and get on with your life. Let your DH apologize for daring to lead his own life and make decisions about when to start a family independent of their celebration blackout period. If they go off on you about it, stare at them blankly and say, "You can't possibly be suggesting that you are not delighted that we will have cousins so close in age to grow up together!"

 

[ilovejack02]

Life is to short to even be concerned about this. First off you might not get pregnant quickly, second of all who cares if they throw a fit LOL.

It is only turns into a war if you let it !


Good luck on your journey.

If they even bring it up , just smile and remind yourself to not engage and be happy that you don't feel the need to be the same attention grabber . ; )

 

[Acklander]

Congratulations on the start of your journey into parenthood.

The first thing that struck me from your post was not only how far you were letting the cart run downhill from the horse, but how you were projecting such negative onto others regarding a hypothetical. I recommend stepping back, regrouping and realizing your viewpoint may not always be accurate. The fact your husband still has positive feelings for his aunt & cousin really makes me think your perspective on the wedding is perhaps a bit skewed.

This.

Not only are you projecting that you're going to get pregnant just in time to make the announcement when they're giving birth - you're getting upset about their <imagined> WWIII response to it.

If the pregnancy happens right away there shouldn't be any problem with letting people know before the cousin's baby is born. There baby will be almost here, and yours will be months and months away. If you make the announcement after the baby is born - same thing - everyone will be focusing on the new baby, where as they'll be getting super excited for you several months down the road. I wouldn't pick the baby's b-day to make the announcement - not because you'd be stealing the new baby's thunder, but because the new baby will be stealing yours. Maybe it's just me, but new baby news ALWAYS trumps hearing someone is a few months pregnant. It shouldn't effect your cousin at all.

 

[rie'smom]

Ok, they'll go ballisitc if you're pregnant in May. Next thing you know they'll go ballisitic because you'll have the nerve to get pregnant when the cousin's baby is 6 weeks old.
In other words with crazy people, there will be no good time for you to get pregnant.
This should never be an issue. A pregnancy's timing is something between you and your husband and no one else.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

My husband and I, after much thought, have come to the decision that, next month, we will start to try for a baby! If I am lucky enough to get pregnant right away, the baby will be here around September. That would mean that the

Coincidentally, my DH's cousin is pregnant, and due in May. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be an issue... But you don't know DH's cousin and HER mother!

I'm scared to get pregnant!

Let me explain...

DH's cousin and her mother are "Attention..." well, you know the word. It starts with a "W"... Everything with them is a "celebration", and nobody else can do anything to disrupt their celebration.

DH's cousin is 28, and she celebrates her birthdays for a WEEK. Literally. This past year, her birthday was on a weekend, and she literally started celebrating on the Monday before.

When my DH and I got married, our wedding was small (think 30 people), quick and dirty. We had Costco sheet cake. It was practically WWIII THEN, because DH's cousin had gotten married a month beforehand... their wedding was a four-day event, with a week-long celebration leading up to the event(s). DH's cousin was upset, and HER mother said, and I quote, "You two can't get married so soon. You'll take the attention away from ___! They won't even have gone on their honeymoon by then! They will still be celebrating their wedding!" Okayyy...

So... back to my point and question...

As insane as DH's cousin and aunt are, he is still very close to them.

Assuming I get pregnant right away, by May, I will more than likely be showing, and we will probably want to tell our family.

I know it's not logical to NORMAL people, but if we tell people we are expecting BEFORE her baby comes, we will be "taking away from her pregnancy celebrations (i.e. "attention")", and if we tell AFTER the baby is born, we will be "taking away from her new baby celebrations (i.e. "attention")"... It's a no-win situation!

I know I am jumping the gun even thinking about it, but it's something DH and I were discussing, and I thought I would discuss it here (of course!

Humor me with your thoughts... I am bored at work!

In my opinion, you are too immature to be comtemplating parenthood if this is scaring you.

 

[krcit]

My SIL actually sulked when I announced my engagement because she wanted to get married first. That was 18 years ago and she is one of my closest friends. My point is that I refused to engage in the drama and continued on with my plans and was thrilled for her when she got engaged a few months later. Trust me when I tell you that you cannot feed the drama.I live my life the best way I can for myself and my family. I don't go out of my way to hurt people, quite the opposite actually, but if someone chooses to get offended over some imagined 'slight' then so be it. Life is way too short. Go ahead with your plans and don't make trouble where there is none. If you get pg right away(fingers crossed!!)then the people who love you will be thrilled for you and if people are jealous(so ridiculous!) that's their problem. Good luck! Such an exciting time!

 

[AKL_Megs]

In my opinion, you are too immature to be comtemplating parenthood if this is scaring you.

Ouch. Totally not necessary. My OP was riddled with sarcasm and joking. There was TOTALLY no need for you to blatently insult me.

 

[SaraJayne]

I don't understand why you are making someone elses problem into your problem. If they have a problem with another baby in the family, it's THEIR problem, not yours.

You don't even know when you will get pregnant. Why does everything have to be so drama filled?

Most people that have "sooooo much drama" in their lives create it themselves.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Ouch. Totally not necessary. My OP was riddled with sarcasm and joking. There was TOTALLY no need for you to blatently insult me.

Sorry - I thought you were looking for all opinions - not just those that you want to listen to.

 

[SaraJayne]

Aren't you a flight attendant? How can you be bored at work??

 

[AKL_Megs]

Aren't you a flight attendant? How can you be bored at work??

I am reserve today... no flying today, just waiting for the you-know-what to hit the fan!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Stupid question: I thought you were a flight attendant. Most people who post from work work in offices with computers--not on airplanes. Did you change jobs when I wasn't looking? Do I have you confused with someone else?

Just makin' conversation here! I'm well aware it's currently a non-issue. Just a discussion!

And FYI, none of you actually KNOW if I am pregnant or not... who tells people in the first months???

As a pp pointed out--we all assumed you would tell us the truth in your OP:

My husband and I, after much thought, have come to the decision that, next month, we will start to try for a baby!

Assuming I get pregnant right away, by May, I will more than likely be showing, and we will probably want to tell our family.

First off, this is such a major assumption that there is really NO point in worrying whatsoever. Even having had two out of two pregnancies which seem to be traceable to the very first unprotected time in each case I wouldn't make that assumption about myself. Not having any history that way you are jumping the gun, and the count, and others even arrivign at the racetrack

His family is nothing but drama. I don't have family, so his seems VERY dramatic to me! That, and everything stresses me out by nature!

You should work on both of these issues before you start a family. Seriously. Family drama prekids is NOTHING compared to that which occurs around the kids. I do know you often post family drama issues, and I hope you do not take this the wrong way but very often they seem to be more you looking for problems than anyone really doing anything to hurt you (like being upset that your brother in law called and invited you and your DH to dinner but when your DH said he had to work and could not go it did not dawn on BiL that he should call you separately to see if just you wanted to go instead of him assuming, as most of us on the DIS said we would, that your husband spoke for both of you). In this case, where you are assuming all kinds of drama based on an assumed getting pregnant right away, I can see that again. If you are looking for hatefulness and spite you will find a way to come across it.
On the other hand, if it IS truly that his family is Psycho--it will only get worse so you and he better figure out NOW how to handle it so your children do not get caught in the middle of the drama.
About being stressed over every little thing: Do you have ANY idea how stressful motherhood is? I love it and wouldn't want anything else, but you just cannot be a good parent flipping out over everything (and as someone else says it is bad for the pregnancy too). Maybe you can get some help dealing with this before you take the leap into starting a family? I know it is hard being an overly anxious person--but it will make it very hard for you down the road, so if you already know this about yourself and have the chance to work on it pre kids that would be really good.

This.

Not only are you projecting that you're going to get pregnant just in time to make the announcement when they're giving birth - you're getting upset about their <imagined> WWIII response to it.

 

[RitaE]

Ouch. Totally not necessary. My OP was riddled with sarcasm and joking. There was TOTALLY no need for you to blatently insult me.

and smileys.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Aren't you a flight attendant? How can you be bored at work??

I was typing while you posted this We think alike

 

[PigletsMommy]

who tells people in the first months???

I did. Told everyone as soon as we found out. Lots of women wait until after the 1st trimester, but lots don't too.

My thoughts exactly... and no BC here, call me Fertile Myrtle (hopefully!)

I just wanted to share, not to scare you or give you anything else to worry about, but when we started trying I was 27 & had not been on BC in 9 years. I could not take it, in any form. It took 2 years to finally have our daughter, but we had a medical diagnosis & explanation of infertility.



I'm a bit of an over planner & always worried about things like this so I do understand. The best advice I ever received for these type of situations was to simply respond with "Why would you say that" or "Why would you want to know that". It puts the other person on the defense to explain their own insecurities. And isn't that what it is really about? They are the ones who are insecure about themselves (ie, needing a week to celebrate a birthday).

Good Luck in whatever you decide & congrats on your decision!

 

[SaraJayne]

I was typing while you posted this We think alike

 

[NHdisneylover]

Ouch. Totally not necessary. My OP was riddled with sarcasm and joking. There was TOTALLY no need for you to blatently insult me.

If it is all just joking, then are you truly notr worried about family drama? Or is that a real issue or you? Do you think it is possible that you say things jokingly to family that they take the wrong way as well? I got the impression that this really bothers you from your OP
Gosh, maybe his family is just joking when they say things that irk you.
Or maybe you get stressed so easily that they are kind of like some people on this thread and like to play you to see how easy it is to get a rise out of you and if you stop reacting it will taper off

 

[JerseyJanice]

What would happen if you weren't trying to conceive and got pregnant anyway? I mean, would you get an abortion to avoid upsetting your DH's extended family?

Really, this is very silly stuff to be worrying about.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Stupid question: I thought you were a flight attendant. Most people who post from work work in offices with computers--not on airplanes. Did you change jobs when I wasn't looking? Do I have you confused with someone else?

I'm sneaking Wi-Fi from the lav!!!

I'm kidding...

Look above your first post... I responded!