Pregnant bridesmaid

[Strawberry Lemonade]

I just found out recently that I'm expecting and due in June. Before I became pregnant, I agreed to be in a friend's wedding in May. She wants to go dress shopping today, so I figure I'll have to tell her my news (we're not really spreading the word yet since it's kind of early). Anyway, since I'm so inexperienced in this, I have a few stupid questions for the moms out there.

Has anyone been in a wedding when they were in their eighth or ninth month? If not, and assuming all went well, was this something you saw yourself doing at that time? I'm a little worried about things like bedrest and back problems and just wonder how the average woman feels that far along. I realize everyone's different and all that, but generally speaking, I just have no idea what to expect.

TIA for any input!

 

[Pam]

First off, Congratulations!!

Secondly - I have never been pregnant and in a wedding, so I can't help you there. But - I have been pregnant twice - and yes, towards the end your back does hurt and you do tire more easily. I would think that if you wore flat shoes and sat down for frequent breaks that you should be okay. I was in the charge of the guest book at my cousin's wedding when I was 7 months pregnant. I only got wore out because my DH and I, along with my parents decorated the entire reception hall, which I would not recommend to anyone else!

Thirdly - I hope that this doesn't happen, but be prepared that the bride-to-be may not want you in the wedding now that you are pregnant. Some brides just feel this way.

Best of luck to you and hope you find a great dress!

 

[MelessaG]

I was hugely pregnant in my sister's wedding. The heels during the ceremony about killed me, but otherwise it was OK. I actually preferred it to the two weddings I was in last summer at 6 and 10 weeks post-partum, but that's a whole 'nother story. (that involves stripping completely out of my bridesmaid dress in the bathroom to nurse)
Since it was my sister, she moved her wedding up by a few weeks to accomodate my due date-but keep in mind, that's my sister and I was the matron of honor. In another situation with a good friend of mine, she did ask to be removed from the wedding party out of concern for travel, the potential for pregnancy complcations, etc...She did make it to the wedding and was listed in the program as a "seated bridesmaid and mommy-to-be."
I would discuss it with your friend and see what she thinks.

Edited to add-CONGRATULATIONS!!

 

[mtemm]

my sister was 8 months pregnant when she was in my wedding. She did have to travel for the wedding (from MD to Boston) which was a bit harder for her, but she was within range of time that her dr. allowed it. She was a bit tired and somewhat uncomfortable, I think I would personally only do it myself if it were my sister or a very close friend.

we had great luck with the dress we found. I really chose my bridesmaids dresses for my bridesmades. 4 out of 5 were redheads, so I went with a color that would flatter them (eggplant) and since my sister was pg I went with an empire waiste that would be a bit easier for her. I went with Liz Night and I can't even go into how wonderful their customer service was. she bought a size or 2 up, then Liz Claiborne sent us a ton of fabric for free so the seamstress could alter her dress. this was 7 years ago. another thing I did was tell the girls to buy their own shoes, whatever they wanted. she was able to get a small heel instead of a higher one. Instead of dyed I just asked that they all get black patent leather ones, whatever style they liked.

Now, all that said, I would not have been able to be in anyone's wedding during my last month or 2. with pg #1 I was put on bedrest at 33 weeks, with pg #2 I was on bedrest at 26 weeks. This is definitely something you and your friend should think about now. I think its great that you are telling her early.

congrats on your pregnancy! I hope you have smooth sailing and no problems at all!!!!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

My matron of honor was 8 months pregnant when I got married. We knew she was pregnant before we set the date and tried to make it far enough ahead not to have to worry about her delivering at the reception. It did not bother me at all that she was pregnant. She had a stomach upset the day of the wedding, which I didn't find out about until after we returned from the honeymoon, but otherwise things went smoothly.

We did have a lot of trouble getting her a dress. When I asked at one shop what she should do about getting the dress, they suggested I get a new matron of honor. Needless to say, we did NOT shop there. This was her first child and they would ask how big she expected to get and, of course, she had no idea. We choose a high waisted dress with a jsacket and had hers in a much larger size then had it altered. It worked out fine.

 

[DisneyHumbug]

Before I became pregnant with my first (she's now 22) my DB and future S-I-L asked me to be in their wedding party. When my SIL found out I was pregnant, she "politely" told me I couldn't be in her wedding party. The relationship has gone downhill since. Everyone was shocked when they found out I wasn't in the wedding party. Congratulations to you!!!

 

[tinatark]

Of course you have to tell her, and like Pam and Melissa both said, prepare to bow out as a bridesmaid. The last few months of a pregnacy can be hectic and stressful enough without bridesmaid duties adding to the stress.

That said, if she is a REALLY good friend, I would probably plan to stay part of the wedding party.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I was about 8 months along in my best friend's wedding. The dresses were hand made - they did mine last so I was closer to my "wedding size".

I also had a relative that was recently in a wedding while expecting. Her dress was also handmade - there was a panel that hung over her stomach - no matter how big it was. It looked great.

Just be honest with the bride. It will all work out!

 

[joats]

I had a very pregant bridesmaid in my wedding party and my MOH had just given birth two months before. They both just got bigger dresses and tailored them close to the wedding.

In no way did it bother me that my friend was pregnant. I even told MOH to have her husband bring the baby to the wedding so she didn't need to worry about leaving a newborn for such a long day

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope that your friend will be ok with it.

 

[laurie31]

My best friend was my Matron of Honor and she was 6 months pregnant for my wedding. We had set the date long before she got pregnant and she was horrified that she would be so far along (it was her third child so she was very obviously pregnant by 6 months) and asked if I wanted her to no longer be in the wedding. I was horrified that she could think that - how could I get married without my best friend? I wouldn't care if she were pregnant, fat, thin, whatever.

I chose handmade dresses and the seamstress was able to fit all my bridesmaids without any problem

The only problem I would anticipate would be if you were physically unable to be in the wedding. If that had happened to my friend, I'm not sure what I would have done, so I guess the bride should think of a "back-up" plan just in case

Laurie

 

[bekkiz]

Have her check out www.ariadress.com. Great dresses, in all styles (including maternity) and the fabrics are outstanding. My girls say it's the best bridesmaid dress they could actually wear again!

 

[ennazus]

Congratulations!

"seated bridesmaid and mommy-to-be."

That is such a SWEET gesture! It brought tears to my eyes.

I think the decision as to whether to have a PG bridesmaid is personal and I understand some brides wouldn't want a PG bridesmaid, but personally, I think it would be wonderful! What an awesome symbol of love & marriage to have overseeing your wedding.

another option that might be fitting (and less work on you!) would to read a passage at the wedding.

I hope it works out! Let us know how it goes.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

SIL just got married in August. Her finace's Sister was due 4 days before their wedding. They had to keep the date they already set because SIL is in graduate school and it was their only time off.

So they asked me to be the take her spot. I'm sure they all discussed it. She ended up having her baby right around her due date. They all made it to the wedding. I think her Husband was also an usher.

In the program they had a note in there welcoming their new Nephew.

 

[maci]

Yes I was past 8 months pregnant in my BF's wedding. I did have to drive 8 hours to be in the wedding, AND it was an outdoor wedding in July in MISSISSIPPI! It was not comfortable to say the least, but I wouldnt have missed it for the world! It was very pretty!

Congratulations!!!!! It will be fine!

 

[Keli]

My sister asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding before she knew I was expecting. I bowed out of it because I know my sister and I knew she wouldn't have wanted a big pregnant bridesmaid in the wedding. (And the fact that she didn't try to get me to be in the wedding anyway kinda confirmed that for me, lol) I think the most important thing here is to be sensitve to the bride's feelings on this and not be offended if the answer is to ask you to withdraw from the wedding party.

 

[Strawberry Lemonade]

Thanks for all the great replies. I did end up talking to my friend today and she was thrilled. She didn't even consider the thought of asking me to step down until I asked her if she was okay with me being pregnant at the wedding. Frankly, I would be offended if she asked me not to be in it - IMO, a real friend wouldn't care what I looked like. If someone is shallow enough to kick me out because I had a belly, she's no friend of mine. Of course, if it were purely out of concern for my health (or the baby's health), I would completely understand. Two different issues.

Anyway, my main concern was my health and I was glad to hear the wedding probably won't be too taxing. Of course, as always, we'll just have to wait and see what happens. I'm not MOH so my responsibilities are minimal and the other girls are great about not asking me to do anything I can't. The wedding is local so I don't have to worry about travel. We even ordered me a maternity dress (which I hope won't jinx anything!).

Thanks for reading my ramblings and for the advice and nice thoughts. Guess I'm just a nervous first-time mom-to-be.

 

[Serena]

It sounds like you've got a great friend. I'm sure everything will work out.

congratulations

 

[pw2pp]

StrawberryLemonaide:
I agree with you that a person who is shallow enough to not want you in her wedding because you have a belly is not worth having a friendship with.

I have a cousin who, when she was planning her wedding, ......... pretty much came right out and asked her sister if she had a diet plan in place in order to lose weight for her wedding (her sister was about 40 pounds overweight).
How shallow can you be

 

[BrinxFam]

My aunt who is one of my best friends was my MOH and delivered the baby 5 days after my wedding. She was huge but that was okay, I didn't care. I had my g'ma make the dresses, which were very simple so she was in control and made them at just the right time. We also chose shoes that my aunt was comfortable with. She never wore the stuff again but the other girls were able to. We make jokes about all of it now so that just makes it a little more special!

 

[tar heel]

My MOH was both large and pregnant. I HATED the dresses that fit her. The bridal shop I worked with ordered fabric like the other girls' dresses and she had hers custom-made in a design that was more flattering for her body. Have you thought about doing that?

I was pregnant in one of the weddings I was in, but it was pretty early. I had just started losing my waist and the dress took some adjustment but worked out fine.

Oops --I posted this before reading the part about you getting a maternity dress. That's cool.