Pre nup or not and Why or why not?

[DVC Sadie]

After all the threads we have read in regards to joint or separate finances we would like to know your feelings on this subject. When a man wants a pre-nup everyone on these boards say some terrible things about not having everything EQUAL. When a women voices these same concerns then she is demonized. Where are you in this situation?

 

[minkydog]

If I were coming into the marriage with significant assets i would want to protect them,especially if I have children from the previous marriage. If I were to come into money during the marriage, then I would feel obligated to share it with DH(and possibly it would be mandated legally.)

 

[EthansMom]

I think that it's intelligent for someone of either sex to have a pre-nup if they have substantial assets and/or have children from a prior marriage and wish to protect their childrens' inheritance. There really isn't much reason for folks who have roughly similar net worths to have a pre-nup.

I told DH that if something ever happened to me, he's welcome to remarry. BUT I'll haunt him if he doesn't get a pre-nup to make sure that all of the finances we've worked hard for get passed on to our children. He understood.

 

[DawnCt1]

I agree with the previous posters. For first marriages its not necessary. For subsequent marriages with children, absolutely.

 

[MAKmom]

I thought only money made during a marriage is community property. This does not include an inheritance. Money you have before a marriage is safe.

 

[lindalinda]

I have to agree as well. I have actually considered it myself. I am a single parent and if something were to happen to me, I would want to make absolutely sure my son was cared for. That would include a broken marriage. I would be devastated if my sons college education money was lost to a divorce settlement. I went the other way tho.....decided never to get married instead!

 

[castleview]

I agree with the previous posters. For first marriages its not necessary. For subsequent marriages with children, absolutely.

I agree with everyone also. However, in some first marriages where one comes from mucho dinero, I could see getting one. Someone like Athina Onassis should probably have had one.

 

[Charade]

My dgf said she would sign one WHEN (not IF!) we get married. She's coming into the relationship with pretty much nothing. She had a business that she had to disolve and file for bankruptcy. I've got a house and retirement assests. My retirement assest were pretty much cut in half when I got divorved. I'm not sure what I'll do but I will investigate my options.

I really never gave it much thought until now.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would certainly have one signed prior to any marraige...I have a pension, retirement savings, house etc..no way in heck is anyone getting half of what I worked years to get!

 

[Tuffcookie]

I do not believe in pre nups. Before you flame me let me explain. I am a divorced mom with her own home and assets. I believe a marriage should be a merging of hearts and everything else. A pre nup sets the tone that if the marriage does not work out, you can get out easier. If no pre nup is in place maybe it forces the couple to work out their differences alot harder. I have seen this happen over and over. A couple of marriages (that had pre nups) lasted approximately 8 years each. Eventually a pre nup eats away at the marriage. If you marry you have to go into it thinking it is for good. Now, because I want to save my assets for my children, I will not be getting married again.

TC

 

[sajetto]

I'm getting married in January. Any assets I've aquired has been since I started dating my DF and we've earned everything together. Since we aren't married yet we are getting a cohabitational agreement in 2 weeks.

I think that a pre nup is a good idea if someone has a great deal of assets before entering a marriage, but in other situations I really don't think its necessary.

 

[Becky2005]

I guess it would just depend on the situation. I can't imagine needing one for a 1st time marriage where you both come into it with basically somewhat equal footing.

I know we have run the gamut in our marriage, so we have pretty much covered every base except a divorce. LOL! At least financially....neither of us have won the lottery or a big inheritance or anything like that though. We started out the marriage wtih me making a lot more than him, eventually him making a lot more than me (along with switching around a couple of times), it's a running joke because his car is in my name and my car is in his name due to when we bought them (right now I'm a SAHM so have no income, hence the reason my car is in his name) but we have everything co-mingled. I take care of all the bills so it's all basically ours.

Now, if I were coming into a 2nd marriage and had some specific property or reason (i.e. specific trust funds for the kids or something) that I wanted to make sure was for the kids, then I could see where it might be a good idea. I don't really know since things ebb & flow so much in the marriage I would have to think about just exactly what I was putting in it and why it was important.

 

[pearlieq]

DH and I both came into our marriage with nothing, so there wasn't a real need for a pre-nup. I didn't need to protect my old Civic, and he didn't feel the need to protect his computer (our biggest assets at the time of our wedding). It wasn't really anything we throught about.

If the unthinkable happened and somehow found myself willing to remarry, I would certainly protect my assets with a pre-nup.

My own feeling on the gender disparity regarding perception of prenups is that women generally (NOT always, I realize) make the majority of financial sacrifices in a marriage. It's often the woman who takes a less demaning/more flexible job in order to make running the household easier. Those jobs aren't usually very lucrative. It's the women who give up their jobs to follow a husband's transfer. It's usually women who take the financial risk of stopping their careers in order to raise children. When couples divorce, the man's standard of living usually increases slightly while a woman's usually decreases significantly. I think that's why the general perception is more in favor of financial protections for women instead of men.

 

[Pugdog007]

In my 20's, no. Now in my late 30's? You betcha!

 

[Disney Doll]

I think it would depend on if there was a huge disparity between my and my "betrothed's" assets.

I don't have children, so that wouldn't be an issue for me. If I were to remarry a man with hcildren if God forbid something happened to my DH, then if he really wanted me to sign a pre-nup to protect his assets for his children, then I probably would. I can see both sides of that coin.

My only thing is that I am a person of integrity, and if I were to marry a man with children, I would never dream of taking their inheritance away from them, regardless of the circumstances.