Pre-K bullying

[dogluva]

I agree with you, I think it was an overreaction. The OP seemed so proud about her sister "scaring the poop out of the bully" and yelling so loud the 5 year old almost wet his pants. I don't think the sister was wrong to say something, but an adult feeling so righteous and self-satisfied about scaring a five year old kid? Why couldn't she just say something in a normal tone of voice? Sounds like the adult was a bully too! JMO.

I think the better response would have been to get her little boy and go find a teacher and explain about the "bullying". She could then handle it. Scaring a little boy enough to make him pee his pants is actually bullying. I don't think a little push or two can be classified as actual bullying.

Why is there so much drama over this? Wait until her kid does the shoving then it will be a different story.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Snowwhite I'm sure you are a great teacher I just see things differently then you do. I think it's the parents job to make the kids mind if they don't do it I'm not sure what comes next but I don't think it a stranger place to do it.

Well let me tell you "happy girl", if your kid touched my kid for any reason , I would have something to say to your child loud and clear.

I have done it in the past and would not be afraid to do it again. And on the other hand, a stranger has also disciplined my daughter when she was misbehaving and I didn't see it. I did ask DD, "Did you do it" ? When she answered yes, I thanked the stranger for letting me know and let her have it again from me.

So it would be OK for your child to bully another child and since you aren't there to witness it and discipline your child or the teacher didn't see it and discipline your child, I'm supposed to sit idly by and let your kid, push my kid? Don't think so!

 

[happygirl]

Well let me tell you "happy girl", if your kid touched my kid for any reason , I would have something to say to your child loud and clear.

I have done it in the past and would not be afraid to do it again. And on the other hand, a stranger has also disciplined my daughter when she was misbehaving and I didn't see it. I did ask DD, "Did you do it" ? When she answered yes, I thanked the stranger for letting me know and let her have it again from me.

So it would be OK for your child to bully another child and since you aren't there to witness it and discipline your child or the teacher didn't see it and discipline your child, I'm supposed to sit idly by and let your kid, push my kid? Don't think so!

Wow I would have done something and gor the teacher so she could do her job,

 

[happygirl]

I love how I'm getting all the brunt of this attacks., All I did was state my opinon That strangers shouldn't yell at small kids. I will defend that opinion to the death. If yelling at stranger kids works for you so be it. Don't slam me because I don't agree with you.

 

[Kim&Chris]

I have six kids and I also think she over reacted. Especially where she said the little boy was about to wet his pants. That really bothered me. I have seen kids push, shove, hit, whatever my kids and my kids have probably done the same to other kids. It sometimes is a stage they go through. Doesn't mean there is bad parenting or the kids is going to grow up to be a murder. The shoved kids isn't going to be traumatized for the rest of his life (it actually might toughen him up).

Some of you are taking this to the extreme. Yes, sorry, but kids will be kids.

Hello everyone,
I've stayed away from this thread because it got so very off -topic, but I'm just dropping in to tell some of you that the "pee his pants" blurb was not really intended to be taken in the most literal sense. I meant he was shocked, taken off-guard, surprised, etc. Urine didn't really come out

 

[luvsJack]

I love how I'm getting all the brunt of this attacks., All I did was state my opinon That strangers shouldn't yell at small kids. I will defend that opinion to the death. If yelling at stranger kids works for you so be it. Don't slam me because I don't agree with you.

Happygirl, I agree with you wholeheartedly. She had no business yelling at the child. She should have calmly told the boys to stop and then alerted the teachers to what was happening.

Most of these people would have a whole different outlook if the teachers had yelled at the kid loud enough to scare him; but think its perfectly ok for them to do it. Doesn't make sense to me.

I know that all kids do not push or act agressive toward each other; but this is pretty normal behavior for that age. Doesn't make it right, but doesn't make the kid a bully either. In reality, the OP's nephew could be the one doing the pushing the next day.

I defend my kids too. I always have. But rather than yelling at somebody else's kid; I teach mine how to take up for themselves. Works better and keeps the problem between the kids and the solution between the kids.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I love how I'm getting all the brunt of this attacks., All I did was state my opinon That strangers shouldn't yell at small kids. I will defend that opinion to the death. If yelling at stranger kids works for you so be it. Don't slam me because I don't agree with you.

And I will defend my opinion to the end because thats what I agree with. When I was young, kids didn't act up when they seen any adult for the most part, because we knew any parent of any child would discipline us for doing wrong.

Now kids are so nonchalant. I don't have to listen to you, you aren't my mother. How disrespectful is that? Thats one of the most pitiful things , IMOP a child can say to an adult. My kids are taught not only to mind me but any adult.

 

[happygirl]

And I will defend my opinion to the end because thats what I agree with. When I was young, kids didn't act up when they seen any adult for the most part, because we knew any parent of any child would discipline us for doing wrong.

Now kids are so nonchalant. I don't have to listen to you, you aren't my mother. How disrespectful is that? Thats one of the most pitiful things , IMOP a child can say to an adult. My kids are taught not only to mind me but any adult.

I agree that kids don't respect adults. When I was growing up I know I better act right or I would get a good talking to twice. I just feels like times are different then back then

 

[LaraK]

I have noooooooo problem repremanding another person's child if they're doing something inappropriate and I hope they'd do the same to mine. It's called being a grown-up.

Yelling is debatable. I wish I could lie and say I never yelled at my kid, but the lightning strike would destroy my laptop. I do try not to yell at other people's kids, because they're not mine. I talk to the kid VERY FIRMLY.

My son was being hurt by the older kids at his daycare. Because of his medical conditions, he has a weird pain reaction and doesn't react normally to injury. I came upon a kid twisting my son's arm on purpose one day....you better believe I said something...to the kid and then to the teacher with a demand that it was addressed to the parent. I didn't yell, but that kid sure did look like he was about to pee himself......because he got caught.

 

[torinsmom]

As a teacher of pre-K/K children, I see this type of inappropriate play all the time, especially with the boys. At this age, most are impulsive and I don't believe they are "bullying" other kids. They just want what they want when they want it. I have the right to discipline kids when they are in my care, but I don't feel parents have the right to yell at or lay hands on other peoples' children in a school setting. That is what the teachers are for, and a parent who did that at our school would be getting a call from the principal. I would have pointed out the problem to the teacher, so she could address it with the kids. As a parent, if I saw another parent yelling at my child to the point of him almost wetting his pants, I would be doing some yelling of my own.

As far as addressing the inappropriate behavior, we DO talk to our students. We call over both children and have the "victim" tell the child who hurt him what he did and why he didn't like it. The other child is allowed to speak as well, and given a chance to apologize. Then the child in the wrong is asked to sit and think about his actions. When he is allowed up, he is asked to tell us why he was sitting and what he should do next time he is in that situation. I have seen teachers who yelled and sat kids out, and when they let them up, the kid STILL doesn't know what they did. How can we expect them to change their behavior if they don't even understand what they did wrong??

Marsha

 

[N&B'smom]

I'm guessing the OP's daughter just reacted and who could blame her, mama bear kicks in when someone does something to your child. I know the feeling well.

Thinking it over I would have DEFINITELY addressed the situation myself. Would I have yelled? Probably not but that's because I would have gotten my point across very easily with just the expression on my face. You know...THE look.

 

[dispor]

As a teacher of pre-K/K children, I see this type of inappropriate play all the time, especially with the boys. At this age, most are impulsive and I don't believe they are "bullying" other kids. They just want what they want when they want it. I have the right to discipline kids when they are in my care, but I don't feel parents have the right to yell at or lay hands on other peoples' children in a school setting. That is what the teachers are for, and a parent who did that at our school would be getting a call from the principal. I would have pointed out the problem to the teacher, so she could address it with the kids. As a parent, if I saw another parent yelling at my child to the point of him almost wetting his pants, I would be doing some yelling of my own.

As far as addressing the inappropriate behavior, we DO talk to our students. We call over both children and have the "victim" tell the child who hurt him what he did and why he didn't like it. The other child is allowed to speak as well, and given a chance to apologize. Then the child in the wrong is asked to sit and think about his actions. When he is allowed up, he is asked to tell us why he was sitting and what he should do next time he is in that situation. I have seen teachers who yelled and sat kids out, and when they let them up, the kid STILL doesn't know what they did. How can we expect them to change their behavior if they don't even understand what they did wrong??

Marsha

Maybe I'm reading the original post incorrectly, but it sounds to me like the other two purposely waited for the child in order to push him out of the way again. If that's the case, it is far from impulsive. It's called being a brat.

As for the teacher... she had two opportunities to do something about it and did not.

 

[torinsmom]

It sounded to me like the teacher did not see the incident and the child did not report it either. Believe me, we do not have eyes in the back of our heads. It's hard to do something about it when you don't know about it. I'm wondering why the OP's nephew didn't tell the teacher the first time it happened? We tell our kids to come to us if someone hurts them, so we can help them address the problem. Not that it's the victim's fault, but that would have helped.

And we only have the OP's interpretation(she heard it from her sister and is now retelling it to us, so 3rd hand at that) that the kids waited specifically for her nephew and then pushed him again. They were probably just thinking they wanted the slide for themselves and were pushing anyone who got near it. Is that right? No. Is it bratty? Yes. Does it mean that child is a bully? Not really. Maybe he has a rough morning at home, maybe someone just pushed him and he is angry, or maybe the other child actually said or did something that caused him to react(the OP said her sister was walking away when she saw the pushing) in an inappropriate way. I can't count the times that I have had to call a child over for time out after seeing them hit or push, just to find out another child spit on them or said something like "You're ugly and stupid and I hate you!" It still isn't okay to lay hands on another child, but it does make the situation a little less black and white, KWIM?

I still don't think a grown person should yell at another person's child like that. Remove your child from the situation and tell the parent or teacher what happened. Being a bully isn't going to make things better. If that child really is a bully, believe me, the only thing that will change is that he will look around more carefully before hurting that child again.

Marsha

 

[luvsJack]

Maybe I'm reading the original post incorrectly, but it sounds to me like the other two purposely waited for the child in order to push him out of the way again. If that's the case, it is far from impulsive. It's called being a brat.

As for the teacher... she had two opportunities to do something about it and did not.

Those two "ganged up" on the other boy, so to speak. That doesn't mean it won't be one of them and the boy who was pushed "ganging up" the next day. Its typical behavior at this age. Not right, needs to be addressed but nothing to get all in the air about.

And like torinsmom said, we don't know all the details. The nephew could have done some little something to one of the offending boys to set the whole thing off. That happens a lot. One kids does something more subtle that starts the commotion; the other kid hits or kicks back --- kid #2 gets in trouble while kid #1 gets off scott free.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I did say that. I said I tell my children when they are wrong and punish when they do it again. I think that just saying discussion is the only way is silly.

Nobody is saying discussion is the only way. Believe me, at our daycare after we discussed it with the kids there was still a punishment, and certainly prior behavior was taken into account. But as another poster pointed out, if the kids don't know why what they did was wrong they are more likely to repeat it. I would rather the kids in my care do the right thing because it is the right thing than out of fear of punishment.

I have noooooooo problem repremanding another person's child if they're doing something inappropriate and I hope they'd do the same to mine. It's called being a grown-up.

Yelling is debatable. I wish I could lie and say I never yelled at my kid, but the lightning strike would destroy my laptop. I do try not to yell at other people's kids, because they're not mine. I talk to the kid VERY FIRMLY.

My son was being hurt by the older kids at his daycare. Because of his medical conditions, he has a weird pain reaction and doesn't react normally to injury. I came upon a kid twisting my son's arm on purpose one day....you better believe I said something...to the kid and then to the teacher with a demand that it was addressed to the parent. I didn't yell, but that kid sure did look like he was about to pee himself......because he got caught.

I would have no problem with something like that. Tell a child to stop, remove your child from the situation, give them "the look". But do not yell at another person's child, particularly when there is a teacher right there.

 

[torinsmom]

Those two "ganged up" on the other boy, so to speak. That doesn't mean it won't be one of them and the boy who was pushed "ganging up" the next day. Its typical behavior at this age. Not right, needs to be addressed but nothing to get all in the air about.

And like torinsmom said, we don't know all the details. The nephew could have done some little something to one of the offending boys to set the whole thing off. That happens a lot. One kids does something more subtle that starts the commotion; the other kid hits or kicks back --- kid #2 gets in trouble while kid #1 gets off scott free.

I have a personal story about a situation like that, actually. I was a teacher at my son's school for the 9 years he was there. I could see the elementary playground from my room. Well, one day(when DS was 6) I happened to look out and see this little blond haired boy pull my son off the rock climbing wall and sit on him. After about 2 minutes he let my son up and DS ran off. Evidently, no teacher on the playground saw it and my son did not tell(he believes "what happens on the playground STAYS on the playground", LOL) Anyway, about 10 minutes later, I get a call that I need to come over because DS has hurt another child. Teacher said he pulled the child off the rock climbing wall and the child is upset. So I asked was it a little boy with white-blond hair? He said yes, so I walked over and told the teacher what happened. They had wanted to suspend DS, even though this was WAY out of his character, but once they knew that it was tit for tat, both children got a time-out and a lecture instead. I wasn't going to sign a suspension notice when the other child did the same thing to my child. The only difference was that my child didn't cry. Although I didn't like that my child could have hurt the other boy, I can tell you that boy never hurt him again!

Marsha

 

[Darsa]

Everything has got to be so pc now a days.

I really feel that this is a big problem and is definitely contributing to the declines we've been seeing; I can't believe how everything is so monitored and controlled and held to such rigorous, ridiculous standards that you're unable to MOVE without being targeted as a bad person for SOMETHING...

I have never had an issue with another grownup speaking firmly to my child when she's done wrong, and when I see another child being a brat (to my kid or any other kid) I *do* speak up; I certainly don't stand there any verbally ABUSE the child, or even holler. Just firm and adult words stating that what they did was wrong and "uncool". Heaven forbid any kid nowadays should be uncool...

 

[mjkacmom]

Maybe I'm reading the original post incorrectly, but it sounds to me like the other two purposely waited for the child in order to push him out of the way again. If that's the case, it is far from impulsive. It's called being a brat.

As for the teacher... she had two opportunities to do something about it and did not.

Well, unfortunately the OP deleted her post, but the teacher was made aware, talked to the child, and put the child in time-out. Maybe she should've belted the child?

 

[Darsa]

Maybe she should've belted the child?

Wow, now who here said anything about hitting any child? That's very inappropriate, IMO.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Well, unfortunately the OP deleted her post, but the teacher was made aware, talked to the child, and put the child in time-out. Maybe she should've belted the child?

Maybe I missed something. But, I didn't get the impression that the OP had a problem with the teacher or her actions.