Pre-death “funeral”

[starry_solo]

I agree. I wouldn't call it a funeral. A celebration of life is what it sounds like

 

[anniemae]

I think people are put off by calling it a Pre-Funeral. I think it is really just a gathering. Nobody knows when their time will come and we all have an expiration date. This is just a party for family and friends to gather and spend time together. Much like you would at Christmas. If he is still alive at Christmas, I doubt they will call it "Joe's final Christmas dinner." It will just be Christmas dinner.

 

[tvguy]

A co-worker's wife ask that this be done for her. She had battled cancer, and then been declared cancer free three times and then it was discovered again.. When it was clear she had but a few months to live, she made this request. She was the Religion writer for the local paper and a dedicated Catholic. Because of her history with the entire local religious community, they made it happen. As she put it afterward, it put her at peace, she wanted to be a part of her celebration of life with her husband, sons and friends.

 

[Nora03]

We attended a dessert party/gathering for someone who was terminally ill about three months before he passed. His sister had come from far away (Scotland) and other family from a few provinces away, and his wife said it was to meet his family, but it was a good way to spend some time with him while he was relatively pain free, and wanted to socialize. He was a very social person. It certainly wasn’t called a pre-funeral although he had accepted his illness. There was a regular large funeral when he passed. While his passing wasn’t easy I admired their strength in handling it. They had time to prepare and make all arrangements together. They worked on some projects, had professional pictures taken, prepared personal messages that she sent out after he passed.

 

[PollyannaMom]

My first thought was when I've seen in movies or on TV where someone faked their death to get everyone together to see them one last time!

I actually kind of agree with the concept, though (not the faking part!) It's kind of nice for the person who is ill to get to hear all the sweet things people have to say about them. And I would guess that it's less socially taxing for the immediate family after the person passes, as I would presume the actual funeral service would then be smaller.

 

[ronandannette]

A popular local business owner had a celebration of life before he died. He got to see everyone and they him before he passed. When he died a couple weeks later their were no services.

I like the idea of the event "before" for the person that has limited time left. Personally, I also feel very strongly that funerals/memorials are for the bereaved left behind so I wouldn't want one to preclude the other. We've discussed this lots on the boards - I'm satisfied to let everybody do what is right for them.

I think people are put off by calling it a Pre-Funeral. I think it is really just a gathering. Nobody knows when their time will come and we all have an expiration date. This is just a party for family and friends to gather and spend time together. Much like you would at Christmas. If he is still alive at Christmas, I doubt they will call it "Joe's final Christmas dinner." It will just be Christmas dinner.

My Dmom "teetered on the brink" for 10 years or so before we finally lost her at the age of 99. You bet we joked about "Mother's 7th Annual Last Christmas" or whatever number it was. Our whole family actually found it quite hilarious and it was never mean-spirited.

 

[sk!mom]

Anyone ever heard of/been to something like this? A co-worker’s husband is not doing well. His doctors say he has less than a year to live. He was at the hospital last weekend and was told his kidneys were beginning to shut down. I am not super close to her so I am only going on what I’m being told. They supposedly told them that there’s nothing else they can do. He told them he wanted to die at home so they discharged him. I’m really not sure how close to death he is. Anyway...they are having a “funeral” for him today, before he passes. I have never heard of that and can’t imagine doing it for myself or a close relative. It is hard enough to go through a funeral, much less with the loved one sitting there. I’m not sure what you would say. I’m not attending because I’m not close to her and don’t know her husband at all. It just seems awkward. Just wondering what others experiences were with something like this.

Timely topic...I had never heard of this until yesterday. A close friend went to a “Celebration” for an old friend of hers, who is terminal, yesterday. She said that it was a sweet time of hugs and reminiscing in a “come and go” format throughout the afternoon.

I do not know if the family will have a funeral after she passes.

 

[disykat]

I like the idea of a celebration of life party, but agree with others that it's weird to call it a a funeral or a pre-funeral. Close friends of mine are Southeast Asian and they had a Longevity Celebration for their mom when she was 85.

 

[anniemae]

I like the idea of the event "before" for the person that has limited time left. Personally, I also feel very strongly that funerals/memorials are for the bereaved left behind so I wouldn't want one to preclude the other. We've discussed this lots on the boards - I'm satisfied to let everybody do what is right for them.

My Dmom "teetered on the brink" for 10 years or so before we finally lost her at the age of 99. You bet we joked about "Mother's 7th Annual Last Christmas" or whatever number it was. Our whole family actually found it quite hilarious and it was never mean-spirited.

Thats a little different I think and in your situation kind of appropriate to use humor in a strange way (my family would do the same). When someone is in their 80's or 90's death is sort of expected. It's a whole other ball game if the person facing death is young, has young children vs a 90 year old who has lived a full life. Not sure about op's situation though.

 

[thinkerbell]

“Pre-death funeral”- those were actually my words. Not sure what they are calling it. I had no idea so many people did this. They do not plan on doing anything after he passes.

 

[anniemae]

“Pre-death funeral”- those were actually my words. Not sure what they are calling it. I had no idea so many people did this. They do not plan on doing anything after he passes.

out of curiosity, how old is this man?

 

[MrsDuck]

What the heck... very weird to call it a "funeral". A "party" or "gathering" or some other innocuous term seems more appropriate.

 

[scrhsa]

I mentioned this not long ago on another thread(I think). My sister and Mom were talking and my sister told my Mom that we were going to have a roast for her funeral. You know, get up and just have at her. She got a bit tiffed at her because she wants to be there for it. She loves to be the cener of attention and doesn't want to miss a thing. So we probably will give her a grand party for her before she goes She'll love every minute of it!

 

[DisneyOma]

Anyone ever heard of/been to something like this? A co-worker’s husband is not doing well. His doctors say he has less than a year to live. He was at the hospital last weekend and was told his kidneys were beginning to shut down. I am not super close to her so I am only going on what I’m being told. They supposedly told them that there’s nothing else they can do. He told them he wanted to die at home so they discharged him. I’m really not sure how close to death he is. Anyway...they are having a “funeral” for him today, before he passes. I have never heard of that and can’t imagine doing it for myself or a close relative. It is hard enough to go through a funeral, much less with the loved one sitting there. I’m not sure what you would say. I’m not attending because I’m not close to her and don’t know her husband at all. It just seems awkward. Just wondering what others experiences were with something like this.

He's not on a kidney transplant list? Or dialysis? Less than a year - that's a long time where other options, and a second opinion, cold be helpful. Where exactly does this person live?

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

Calling it that might be weird, but having the opportunity for everyone to have a last visit is really a wonderful thing.

 

[debknight]

He's not on a kidney transplant list? Or dialysis? Less than a year - that's a long time where other options, and a second opinion, cold be helpful. Where exactly does this person live?

With "kidneys shutting down", and no plans for dialysis, I believe death would be imminent?

 

[DisneyOma]

With "kidneys shutting down", and no plans for dialysis, I believe death would be imminent?

Yes, sadly it would be, but then why would the doctor say less than a year? That gives a much longer expectancy than kidney shutdown would give. That's why I questioned it. It just sounds like the medical people haven't done the full deal for this guy? Just sending him home to die? Sounds like they've all given up, which they can choose to do, of course. I think a get together while the guy is feeling up to it is a wonderful idea.

 

[thinkerbell]

out of curiosity, how old is this man?

I think he is mid 60’s. From what I have been told, he needs a liver transplant but is too sick otherwise to receive it.

 

[VandVsmama]

I think this sounds weird.

 

[BingoJoe]

A funeral is for the surviving family and friends, not the dead person (for obvious reasons).