Pre-death “funeral”

[thinkerbell]

Anyone ever heard of/been to something like this? A co-worker’s husband is not doing well. His doctors say he has less than a year to live. He was at the hospital last weekend and was told his kidneys were beginning to shut down. I am not super close to her so I am only going on what I’m being told. They supposedly told them that there’s nothing else they can do. He told them he wanted to die at home so they discharged him. I’m really not sure how close to death he is. Anyway...they are having a “funeral” for him today, before he passes. I have never heard of that and can’t imagine doing it for myself or a close relative. It is hard enough to go through a funeral, much less with the loved one sitting there. I’m not sure what you would say. I’m not attending because I’m not close to her and don’t know her husband at all. It just seems awkward. Just wondering what others experiences were with something like this.

 

[ronandannette]

Anyone ever heard of/been to something like this? A co-worker’s husband is not doing well. His doctors say he has less than a year to live. He was at the hospital last weekend and was told his kidneys were beginning to shut down. I am not super close to her so I am only going on what I’m being told. They supposedly told them that there’s nothing else they can do. He told them he wanted to die at home so they discharged him. I’m really not sure how close to death he is. Anyway...they are having a “funeral” for him today, before he passes. I have never heard of that and can’t imagine doing it for myself or a close relative. It is hard enough to go through a funeral, much less with the loved one sitting there. I’m not sure what you would say. I’m not attending because I’m not close to her and don’t know her husband at all. It just seems awkward. Just wondering what others experiences were with something like this.

I've only seen them on tv; never been invited to one or even heard of it being done IRL. I don't mind the idea though. It would be really hard, but I'd go if I was asked. Anyone I know and care for that's nearing the end, if I've had the opportunity, I do make a point of seeing (or contacting somehow) and telling them just how much they've meant to me. There have been many others though who have gone unexpectedly and I've always wondered and hoped they knew.

 

[EveDallas]

That seems super weird to me.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Why call it a funeral? Maybe just have a day to celebrate the person, similar to a birthday party.

 

[hereyago]

That seems super weird to me.

What is weird? The person isn't lying in a casket alive, it is more like a gathi to tell the person who is still alive how they feel about them.

 

[luvsJack]

My first thought is “how odd”. But then to think about again, it makes it more for the person dying. They actually get to experience how much they are loved and how they will be missed.

After my Dad’s funeral, I always wondered if he knew how much he was loved by the community. Having the local fire dept, local police and the high school baseball team all taking part in the funeral was so special and he would have been so touched. Knowing the lengths his son in law went to to make it a military funeral would have made his so proud and to realize how respected he was. I would have liked for him to have seen it.

 

[gwynne]

Or maybe just get together for a visit, have a lovely day together. People who are very seriously ill don't have a lot of stamina.
There will be time to have a funeral when the man passes.

 

[Kae]

When my my friends mom died his dad said we should have had a party while she was alive she would have loved to see all of us. They had the house that everybody hung out at and she loved have us around.

 

[ronandannette]

Or maybe just get together for a visit, have a lovely day together. People who are very seriously ill don't have a lot of stamina.
There will be time to have a funeral when the man passes.

I don't disagree, but I can see the efficiency of doing a group thing. Having been with several loved ones in hospice care, the constant "coming and going" can be overwhelming and the person does reach a point where visits can't really be meaningful for them anymore.

 

[gwynne]

I don't disagree, but I can see the efficiency of doing a group thing. Having been with several loved ones in hospice care, the constant "coming and going" can be overwhelming and the person does reach a point where visits can't really be meaningful for them anymore.

Hopefully hospice is fully involved. In that case, sure, I agree. Having one or more professionals monitoring the length and the atmosphere with an eye toward the patient's ability to experience the hour or two of the gathering is really important.

 

[slpeters]

I've never been to one, but I think it sounds like a great idea. If everyone's going to get together and celebrate your life and talk about how much you meant to them, why wait until you can't actually attend?

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

When my grandmother was dying we did that for her

 

[gwynne]

I've never been to one, but I think it sounds like a great idea. If everyone's going to get together and celebrate your life and talk about how much you meant to them, why wait until you can't actually attend?

It's always a loving thing to tell the seriously ill how dear they are to you. Maybe remember a special outing together, a funny story. Love you so much can be said anytime, and I think it's important to say it. Hold their hand. Let the quiet moments happen as well as the talking ones.

Hopefully this is happening in addition to the get together.

 

[hereyago]

Has anyone seen the HBO documentary: Alternate Endings: Six New Ways To Die In America?

It's pretty interesting. A couple of the people had a gathering before they passed.

 

[Allison]

I think it could be lovely.

 

[disneychrista]

A popular local business owner had a celebration of life before he died. He got to see everyone and they him before he passed. When he died a couple weeks later their were no services.

 

[EveDallas]

What is weird? The person isn't lying in a casket alive, it is more like a gathi to tell the person who is still alive how they feel about them.

Maybe if it wasn't called a funeral it wouldn't seem odd. To me, funeral denotes someone has died. I get the reason behind it, but calling it a funeral before a person had passed is odd. JMO.

 

[hereyago]

Maybe if it wasn't called a funeral it wouldn't seem odd. To me, funeral denotes someone has died. I get the reason behind it, but calling it a funeral before a person had passed is odd. JMO.

Yes funeral word has a negative connotation. Many people use living wake for the ones who haven't passed yet.

 

[GoingSince1990]

I certainly don’t object to the idea but I would never refer to it as a “funeral”.

 

[disneyhand]

I come from a very large extended family. In the last week or so of my 96 year old mother's life, we had a big "gathering" at her home for our huge family and close friends. We didn't call it a funeral, we had one of those and a rosary later. She was aware and happy seeing all her loved ones. It was comforting to the family too