Prayers and Pixie Dust Request For Thom's Family (and me)

[honeywolf7]

I just found out that his Uncle Jimmy (who was my favorite of his relatives) died last night of cancer (we knew he was not going to live much longer, but I'm still heartbroken.) He's going to be cremated in Florida later this week. I'm trying to be strong and not cry for the kids' sake (I've got them watching the Little Mermaid) but I keep thinking of all of my good memories of him as well as the way that he had declined over the past couple of years. I know he's out of pain and I'm glad but it still hurts to know that I'll never see him again. I also had to be the one to tell Thom since he and his father don't speak and that was hard for me as well as for him. So, if you could keep his family and me (since I'm still attached to the family and was very attached to him) in my prayers, I'd really appreciate it.

 

[iluvdisney]

My sympathy and prayers go out to all of you - take it a day at a time.

 

[C.Ann]

Sympathy and prayers to all..

I hate cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Pin Wizard]

I'm so sorry, Becki! Prayers for you, Thom, and your family.

 

[honeywolf7]

Thanks, everyone.
C. Ann, I hate cancer as well. It took my mom's mother before I ever got to meet her (when my mom was a junior in college) and my dad's brother when I was a sophomore in High School (and they had told us two days before he died that they thought they had gotten it all) and now it's taken Thom's uncle who was like an uncle to me.

 

[RNMOM]

Sorry for your family's loss. We also have lost an aunt this week who has been ill with Alzheimers for a long time. She is at peace now.

Honeywolf, I don't want to be negative but just want to add I think it is always good for your kids to see you go through emotions that are valid. Sadness over a death is a natural and reasonable emotion. It is a good teaching lesson, I think, to sit down and explain why you are sad and crying. It might help them in sad times to see that you will again be back to your normal self in a few days and that sad feelings are okay too. JMHo.

 

[honeywolf7]

I actually ended up letting them know. I was kind of sitting in my room crying while they watched their video (so that I could cry without them seeing) but Bobby kept coming in and asking me what was wrong. I don't think they completely understood but Jessica went into the kitchen and started washing dishes (she'd actually been begging to do it all day, but I hadn't let her b/c I didn't want to feel like I was having my daughter serve me....there's a few women on my dad's side of the family who have basically used their daughters as servants and the idea leaves a bad taste in my mouth) and I let her do it since I know that she wanted to help more than anything. Bobby just wanted to cuddle and I let him do that as well.

 

[TigerBear]

(((Hugs))) Becki. I'm sorry for your loss. I too definitely think that children need to witness us coping with our emotions.

I am curious though about your comment regarding your daughter serving you??? Chores are beneficial for children - they not only teach responsibility but they teach children that they are capable human beings. IMHO, to not have your children do tasks around the house is doing them a huge disservice...especially when they WANT to do them. I also think this should apply equally to both genders, as long as the tasks are developmentally appropriate.

 

[Dan Murphy]

My condolences, Becki.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Well, who likes cancer??? I lost my father 4 years ago to the nastiest cancer there is, and he died within 3 weeks of being diagnosed. My then 13 year old sister and I (21 at the time) were in the room with him when he died, and it was the worst thing that I have ever been through in my entire life. To this day, I can not speak about my father, otherwise I lose it.

You comments disturb me a bit when you write things about your children, Honeywolf. Saying something about your daughter "serving you" is a little odd. Why would you feel that she is serving you if she's offering to help do something? It also bothers me that **you** are asking for support rather than asking for it for you **and** your children.

 

[missymouse3367]

I'm sorry for your loss.(((Hugs))) Becki. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by Stepharoonie!
Well, who likes cancer??? I lost my father 4 years ago to the nastiest cancer there is, and he died within 3 weeks of being diagnosed. My then 13 year old sister and I (21 at the time) were in the room with him when he died, and it was the worst thing that I have ever been through in my entire life. To this day, I can not speak about my father, otherwise I lose it.

-------------------------------------

I too lost my father to a horrendous cancer.. He suffered beyond belief and I too was in the room when he died..

And I'll say it again - I hate cancer!!!!

Sorry if that rubs you the wrong way.....................

 

[honeywolf7]

Stepharoonie, the kids weren't that close to him...it really didn't affect them that much (they are only 7 and 4, after all....Jessica knew who I was talking about but Bobby didn't even realize who I was talking about.) As far as the kids doing chores, it doesn't bother me so much to let them do things like cleaning their own rooms (which is their responsibility). It's when it comes to things that I think I should be the one to do (like dishes, cooking, taking out the trash to our balcony, cleaning up rooms other than theirs) that it bothers me because I feel like I'm asking them to be servants or to do something that really should be my job (of course, my mom would tell you that I've always been someone who hates to ask for what I need or for help-even as a kid, so maybe that feeling is part of that.) I am sorry to hear about your father....that had to be very hard.

 

[MeanLaureen]

Becky, first let me offer my condolences on the loss of Thom's Uncle.

On the subject of kids and household chores, I think it would be good to let Jessica have responsibilities around the house outside of her own room.

It's not treating her like a servant, it's teaching a child responsibility. That is something a child needs to learn at a young age and will effect her throughout her life, not just in chores, but in all aspects. You don't want her to think that "mom should do that for me" or "I didn't do it so I don't have to care about it". Before you know it you will have an adult on your hands that can't think or do for herself or expects that the world owes her a living.

Besides, she WANTS to do it!! Send her to my house!

 

[honeywolf7]

Honestly, as far as letting a 7-year-old wash the dishes, I kind of was expecting to get yelled at in the other direction (that I shouldn't have under any circumstances allowed her to do them b/c it's not her job.)

 

[MeanLaureen]

Well the way I see it is that the family shares in family responsibilities.

She was one that ate and dirtied the dishes, right? So it shouldn't be unreasonable for her to help wash. She might not do a great job being so young but she'll learn in time.

Now if you were talking about making a child clean out your overflowing stinky ashtray because you are a chain smoker or manicure your punky fungusy toenails because you are too cheap for a pedicure or too lazy to do it yourself, well that's another issue. (And I'm not saying that you are a punky fungus toed chainsmoker... its an example..LMAO)

 

[TigerBear]

I think the key to what Laureen said is that sometimes she should be expected to help with the dishes. Given her young age, she shouldn't be expected to wash them all by herself everyday.