Potty troubles.....long

[tiggger1]

My daughter Emma with be 3 in June. We started working on potty training when she just turned turned 2 because she asked. She was doing really well for a month and then refused to even try. I let her be the judge and didnt push the issue. Well for the past 2 months, she will has been waking up dry, but had no desire to use the potty. we have used every reward I can think of from a sticker chart, to candy and even told her we would buy her the American girln twins. She wants them but wont go.......( She still hides when she has a bm and then tells me she has to go but of coarse she already went. I tried to put her on mid poop but she was having constipation issues)

Well last few weeks she started asking to sit on the potty and will sit there forever but wont pee. We leave the potty in the living room and she learned to take her pull up off and will put a new one on if she gets wet. I have tried undies but she just wets them and takes them off and puts another one on.
She is still dry most nights and has been dry longer and longer each day. A few days ago, she woke up dry and last last time she pee'd was 6 pm the night before, so i made her sit on the potty. it took 45 minutes of "no I dont have to go" and a few tears before she peed. She got her stickers and lots of dancing and praises and even a new toy. The same thing the next morning. Yesterday she cried and cried, so we didnt want to regress so we put on undies. She pee'd on the floor twice before she asked for pull-ups and then stayed dry till last night when she pee'd on the potty at my mom's. Today, she woke up wet and as soon as i mentioned the potty, she purposely peed in her diaper and asked to be changed. I made her sit on the potty anyway but of course she didnt go. She stayed dry until 7pm tonight, when she peed 3 times in her pull ups. ( im calling her ped in the morning because she has been complaining about her "bum hurting" and has no rash or fever, so i think she might have a UTI, either that or she just doesnt like her dry scratchy diaper...but i changed her into training pants and she is still complaining)

Sorry for the long post but what can I do to help her get to the next step? According to her ped, she is more than physically ready to be out of diapers and she thinks its more of a control issue. Its driving me mad to run a million times to the potty and her not go when i know she needs to go and wont! And as soon as we put on undies or pullups she pee's on the floor

 

[paigevz]

My advice: Leave it alone. Let her wear undies or pullups as she wants. Let her sit on the potty and not go, or go in pullups or undies. Let her change herself, or change her.

Don't suggest, cajole, get upset, or try any persuasion. She's in control, and will do what she wants when she wants to. She can get pretty sick if she really holds it in.

Do praise for any success in the potty, dryness, or even when she sits on the potty. Don't worry about toys, stickers, etc..........just "I'm proud of you". Don't use the "big girl"........sometimes that scares them, they don't want to be big at times.

Now, here is why I know to say all this: My son at early age 3 was not trained. I had tried a bunch of stuff too, despite that I kept thinking and saying, "he's just not ready".........because of his age and other people (especially my mom), I kept trying.

Finally, I stood up to all and said "He's not ready, leave it alone". And we did. We offered both undies and pullups, and he made the decisions. We did all I just advised you to do. He began showing more interest in about 3 weeks of that. Within 5, he was well on his way. 8 weeks later he was trained. 10 weeks later, he went backwards to having accidents again. Now 12 weeks later, he is well trained. He is 3 and 1/2. He still wears pullups to bed.

It's so hard to do, but just let her lead you.

HTH!

 

[AC7179]

Oh girl, no advice but tons of empathy!

My dd is only 18 months.....and I would be totally cool with her being still in diapers (which she is) but she has decided she doesn't like to poop in her diaper OR The potty. Think of how fun that is!

I'm thinking I'm in for a long 18 (21, 35? When does it get easier?) years.

 

[Microcell]

Does she find it gross to have pee on her skin? When she has an accident is she eager to get the wet underwear off?

DD could have cared less until I told her she couldn't go to preschool unless she could stay dry. That is all it took for her.


My neighbor did this for two days and it took me a week and both were boys:

Put underwear on your daughter. Do not ask, just take her hand, get her walking, and say "Lets go to the potty" every couple of hours. If she protests, just redirect her back to the potty and talk about whatever while she sits there. Do not talk about the potty exactly, because she will engage in the control issues with you. Sing songs, let her take a favorite toy, talk about what to have for lunch... Let her get up after five minutes if she wants.

You are already doing great praising and all I could add is to take it to this extreme - get her on the phone with a favorite person to tell them that she went potty. My DS got upset if I said he was a big boy, so you can decide if your DD would like to hear that or not.

Here is the magical part that might get me flamed, but my DS has dry pants almost a full year running:

If she gets her underwear wet and tells you she had an accident, show no signs of frustration at all (which was hard for me because I HATE potty training) and act like you are really busy and will get to her "in a minute". Direct her to keep them on and you will get to her very soon. "Finish up" what you are doing- I usually took 5 to 10 minutes and then help her change. I would ask my DS how it felt, and "I bet that feels yucky and cold" I would put him in the tub and found that was reinforcing for him, so he would have accidents to take a bath, so I started using wipes to clean legs and other parts. He wet maybe 10 times and I just kept at it.

Remember this: It may feel like it, but chances are you will not have to change her diaper before she walks down the aisle. Good luck.

ETA: I had problems too with the cleaning the mess every time I turned around. We covered the couch with plastic and put a blanket over it, and we tried to keep him in rooms that don't have carpet for easy cleaning. Really it may not take mroe than a couple of days of carpet cleaner everywhere if you are at least diligent about the potty at least.

 

[tiggger1]

Thank you!
I think it was more of a vent than anything.....I had her in training pants and plastic pants and she ended up peeing on my bed ( this was after I put the plastic pad on HER BED!~) so she went to bed in pullups. Ats least she is peeing again, she was making me nervous!

 

[Microcell]

I really hated potty training, so I understand completely!! Glad that is over.

Funny, I used to be very good about working with kids who have Autism and teaching them to use the potty. Probably because I got paid to do it! That usually took anywhere from 10 weeks to two years! At least it won't take that long I am sure.

 

[SueM in MN]

i agree with paigevz and with the doctor. It is a control issue and you are not the one in control; she is. The more you try to control her, the more she is going to fight it. If you back off, she doesn't have incentive to do anything to get control away from you.
We pretty much did the same as paigevz did.

My oldest DD showed interest and actually used the toilet at her request a couple times when she was about 18 months old. I figured it would be easy to train her, since she obviously knew what to do.....
But, she wasn't really interested, so we held off any pressure until she was 2. Then, we came uo with some things to encourage her, like,
we made a sticker chart and something she wanted for when she earned all her stickers.
She earned the new doll and then she wasn't interested in using the toilet any more.

At that point, we backed off. Each morning, I let her decide if she wanted "big girl underpants" or diapers. It was totally her decision, but I did tell her that if she chose them, it meant she has to use the potty like a big girl. Some days she chose to wear then, some days not. If she wet the underwear, I didn't say anything except "Oh. The underwear got wet. We need to change it." I let her choose whether or not she wanted to change to underwear or pullup.
Another thing we did was set a timer, so that it was the timer saying it was time to think about using the toilet. (So again, it wasn't me controlling anything, it was the timer).

After a while of sometimes using the bathroom and sometimes not, she woke up one morning and said "I decided I'm big and I should wear big girl pants all the time." Once she decided, she never had another accident and she never needed any reminders to use the bathroom.

 

[tiggger1]

update:

we are now on day 3 of undies... she is still pooping in them though. I have tried the treats and that didnt work.. I have taken away webkinz and she hasnt been on it since Tues....I thought that would work but it hasnt yet.....She is currently crying because she just pooped in her pants and wants a pull up and I am making her wear undies.... ( I already changed her)
I m thinking this is a baby issue because she has started to talk babytalk to me when she is mad or when she wants something

 

[debbi801]

My advice: Leave it alone. Let her wear undies or pullups as she wants. Let her sit on the potty and not go, or go in pullups or undies. Let her change herself, or change her.

Don't suggest, cajole, get upset, or try any persuasion. She's in control, and will do what she wants when she wants to. She can get pretty sick if she really holds it in.

Do praise for any success in the potty, dryness, or even when she sits on the potty. Don't worry about toys, stickers, etc..........just "I'm proud of you". Don't use the "big girl"........sometimes that scares them, they don't want to be big at times.

Now, here is why I know to say all this: My son at early age 3 was not trained. I had tried a bunch of stuff too, despite that I kept thinking and saying, "he's just not ready".........because of his age and other people (especially my mom), I kept trying.

Finally, I stood up to all and said "He's not ready, leave it alone". And we did. We offered both undies and pullups, and he made the decisions. We did all I just advised you to do. He began showing more interest in about 3 weeks of that. Within 5, he was well on his way. 8 weeks later he was trained. 10 weeks later, he went backwards to having accidents again. Now 12 weeks later, he is well trained. He is 3 and 1/2. He still wears pullups to bed.

It's so hard to do, but just let her lead you.

HTH!

This was the way it was with my youngest too. We tried everything and nothing worked. Actually went to the pediatrician to make sure there wasn't a health reason for it. Our pediatrician said he just wasn't ready and we'd know when he was. DS was a little older then 4 when it finally clicked for him. But, he literally potty trained in a weekend and hasn't had an accident since (day or night).

Let her be for a little while and follow her lead. It will come when she is ready.

 

[mickeyboat]

Glad to hear she has been staying dry, but the BM problem concerns me, especially because you said she has issues with constipation. I have a friend whose 5 year old was still asking for pull-ups or a diaper to poop in because she was so afraid of it. She had terrible constipation issues, and had some uncomfortable BM's. It took a long time to get her to stop.

Talk to your doctor about what you can give her to eat to help. Also, make sure she gets plenty of fluids to prevent consipation. Your doctor may prescribe something to help, too.

Denae

 

[Hannathy]

Keep her in the underwear, no pull-up ever. She is plenty old enough she is almost 4. Do you make her clean up her mess? She should be. If she makes a mess she needs to clean it up and she needs to clean herself up. I would also express my displeasure about it at this point, she isn't a baby. I don't mean punish but I feel it is perfectly OK to let her know you are frustrated and disappointed. Go ahead and flame me. Is there anything she wants to do like dance or pre-school or sports that you could keep reminding her that she can't do unless she is potty trained and a big girl. Something that "babies" can't do.

And lastly what does she say when you ask her why she won't go in the potty? At her age she should be expected to give you an explanation. Good luck you have a lot more patience and money(pull ups are expensive) than I did, 2 was my upper limit and my tolerance for changing diapers!

 

[mickeyboat]

Keep her in the underwear, no pull-up ever. She is plenty old enough she is almost 4. Do you make her clean up her mess? She should be. If she makes a mess she needs to clean it up and she needs to clean herself up. I would also express my displeasure about it at this point, she isn't a baby. I don't mean punish but I feel it is perfectly OK to let her know you are frustrated and disappointed. Go ahead and flame me. Is there anything she wants to do like dance or pre-school or sports that you could keep reminding her that she can't do unless she is potty trained and a big girl. Something that "babies" can't do.

And lastly what does she say when you ask her why she won't go in the potty? At her age she should be expected to give you an explanation. Good luck you have a lot more patience and money(pull ups are expensive) than I did, 2 was my upper limit and my tolerance for changing diapers!

I think the OP said she is almost 3. But I agree with you on the pull-up thing. I think they are the worst things in the world for potty training.

ETA - I see now that this is an old thread, and she is almost 4.

 

[diznygirl]

Being a kid sure is tough - someone is always telling you what to do and when to do it - including going to the bathroom! Can you imagine someone trying to tell YOU that you have to go NOW?!

OP - sounds like you are on the right track. My DD just potty-trained herself a couple months ago - she's three. She did poop in he underwear for about two weeks after starting undies. We did a chart - she had to poop in the potty for a complete week to get a favorite toy. She failed the first week and had to start over. Then she did it and has been good ever since.

It is a control issue, and this is one thing I figure they need to be in control of. If they don't have to go, I don't make them. And if they have to go, we run to a potty. Just like the grown ups.


Also - a good idea re: the new baby - we gave presents to DS from the baby and notes so he was really excited to meet his new sibling. Worked great for us. And we bought him a stroller of his own to push around. Good luck!

 

[auntie]

I'm way past this..my youngest being 15...but I had to chime in..because I've gone through it also with my niece and nephew(thus the "Auntie" disboard name!)...Please ...let it go. She's not ready. In the great scheme of things is it really going to matter if she is trained at 3 or 3 and 2 mos or 3 1/2?.. .You are driving yourself and her to distraction. Honestly..I don't mean to make light of or deminish the significance of your situation in any way. That being said.. I've had 4 children...some were trained at 2...yes and he was a boy..but he was extremely verbal..and an only child and wanted to use the potty. Very often..I'd say most often when kids are younger than 2 to 3 and they are "trained"..it's more the parent that is trained, because they simply know the time of day their child has a BM ..and spend every other waking moment placing the child on the potty. My daughter was much like yours..she wanted NO PART OF THIS. I tried putting her in the underwear..which she thought was disgusting..and wanted her "diapie" back. No problem she got it. I did the same with my youngest son...didn't even start until he was 3. When he was able to say...verbally convey clearly that he had to go..that was it..he just went on the potty. No fighting..and no stickers and praise. Not that it isn't great to tell them they did something good..but not to bribe them into doing something they just aren't ready for. Personally...I'd just rather change a diaper..it's so much easier. They were happy and so was I. When THEY made the decision to go potty...they just did. I'd like to tell you I trained them..but I didn't ...they were ready to do it on there own. No fights..no bribery. Never took more than a week. Don't give in to pressure of those who had the baby who was trained at 15 mos..or two..they weren't ...mom and dad were trained. Who cares anyway...enjoy your time with your baby...and yes..three year olds are babies. They won't be for long so don't frustrate yourself with sonething that in the course of your or the babies lifetime will NOT MATTER. Give her another few months..and try again..I'd bet she'd come to you first.

 

[MareQ]

I think the OP said she is almost 3. But I agree with you on the pull-up thing. I think they are the worst things in the world for potty training.

The first post was OVER a year ago?!?! OP's daughter looks to be about to turn 4.

OP - DITCH THE PULL UPS! They're just a diaper that goes on another way!! Go with panties and deal with the mess - eventually she'll "get it"

 

[Daydreamer64]

I would say, let it go for a while, then - if you just can't stand it any more try the following:

I used to run my own daycare and worked in several as well as the public school EIP for differently abled children. I have a possible solution for you but it will take a lot of will power and patience- you cannot get drawn up in the "event". ONLY if you are absolutely sure that there is no infection and only if you are sure that she understands what is going on then you can try this- it workes, at least IMHO and experience.

Get her attention and say something to the effect of, "I noticed that we are having some problems with pottying when we need to. I know that sometimes you do not like to sit on the potty because you seem to be sad when we do this." Make sure you have her attention. This is not to shame the child- Do NOT shame her or this will not work.

Tell her that it's OK if she doesn't want to sit on the potty and wants to wear her diapers, that you would be happy to let her wear diapers or training pants ( whatever she prefers ) BUT she if she does wear diapers, then she has to act like the other kids who wear diapers- as in infants......nothing but milk to eat or drink - one day of milk only will not hurt her nor starve her- most kids cave after a few hours anyway, no TV, no big kids toys and she has to sit in a chair or on the couch just like an infant would sit in their swing or bouncy seat. Diapers are for infants so diaper wearers have to act like a baby.

This part really gets to the kids- you need to fix and eat her favorite foods, watch TV with the captions on, make sure that she knows it's her favorite show and then turn her or the TV away so she can't see it. You need to make her lay down for naps every say 15 mins ( just to keep her guessing )-make it undesirable for her to want to belong to the diaper gang. When she fusses, and she will try everything to get off of the chair, just say to her how sorry you are because she chose to be a diaper wearer today. Be simpathetic but do not show any weakness- be firm she has to follow the rules.These are all things that diaper wearing kids have to do- make it as no frills for her as you can- .

Next, tempt her with big girl panty wearing activities ( like the food ) but don't say you can have this if you get in panties, don't say, wouldn't you like some of this food- be as neutral as you can or she will figure out that she is still in power. When she wears "big girl panties", or her tinkerbell pants... or underware or whatever she calls them, then she is a two/three year old whatever the age- ONLY kids who keep their pants dry/clean can be a big girl or whatever word you want to use- she has full privaliges- computer, TV, toys that are age appropriate. When the accident happens- tell her, "Oh, no, I'm so sad, we need our diapers again- leave her in the wet panties ( only a few mins ) while you make a big show of taking up the toys, take away whatever she was doing at the time. Ask her to go get her diapers and wipes. Change her- remember, no looks, no aggrivation- nothing to indicate that you are upset, don't say anything after- "go get your diapers", change her and put her on the couch. She will fuss and fight but make her sit on the couch, not the potty- make sure she understands that she is not being put in time out or punished but if she chooses to wear diapers that is where she has to wear them. THis is NOT a time out, just an alternate view of the situation to remind for her-

After a few mins. of sitting- she can ask or you may ask her if she wants to change- always give her another chance to redeem herself-

This has worked for lots of kids, they will have days where it seems like all day they are wet and changing to the chair. Most kids who understand ( I would never use this if the child wasn't ready or didn't understand ) are trained in less then 2 or 3 days if you are consistant and neutral with your responces. Pick a weekend that you are not working- start on Friday night- make sure she has some new very desirable panties to temp her.
That's all- I hope it works for you!

 

[INDISMOM]

My first DD was potty trained in about 2 weeks when she had just turned 3. Second DD was another story. She would have nothing to do with it. I had a friend going through the same thing and she got her daughter trained in a week with a method she saw on the Dr. Phil show. We tried it and it worked for us too.

You get a doll that "potties." You give the doll the bottle, have the doll go to the bathroom in the potty and then have "potty party" for the doll. Put on hats, blow horns, throw confetti or bubbles, whatever you think your DD will enjoy. Then tell your DD that she gets to have a potty party too if she goes on the potty.

My youngest DD got into it so much that we had to have potty parties for my oldest DD - who was almost 6 at the time!

In any case -- good luck and I hope you find something that works!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm way past this..my youngest being 15...but I had to chime in..because I've gone through it also with my niece and nephew(thus the "Auntie" disboard name!)...Please ...let it go. She's not ready. In the great scheme of things is it really going to matter if she is trained at 3 or 3 and 2 mos or 3 1/2?.. .You are driving yourself and her to distraction. Honestly..I don't mean to make light of or deminish the significance of your situation in any way. That being said.. I've had 4 children...some were trained at 2...yes and he was a boy..but he was extremely verbal..and an only child and wanted to use the potty. Very often..I'd say most often when kids are younger than 2 to 3 and they are "trained"..it's more the parent that is trained, because they simply know the time of day their child has a BM ..and spend every other waking moment placing the child on the potty. My daughter was much like yours..she wanted NO PART OF THIS. I tried putting her in the underwear..which she thought was disgusting..and wanted her "diapie" back. No problem she got it. I did the same with my youngest son...didn't even start until he was 3. When he was able to say...verbally convey clearly that he had to go..that was it..he just went on the potty. No fighting..and no stickers and praise. Not that it isn't great to tell them they did something good..but not to bribe them into doing something they just aren't ready for. Personally...I'd just rather change a diaper..it's so much easier. They were happy and so was I. When THEY made the decision to go potty...they just did. I'd like to tell you I trained them..but I didn't ...they were ready to do it on there own. No fights..no bribery. Never took more than a week. Don't give in to pressure of those who had the baby who was trained at 15 mos..or two..they weren't ...mom and dad were trained. Who cares anyway...enjoy your time with your baby...and yes..three year olds are babies. They won't be for long so don't frustrate yourself with sonething that in the course of your or the babies lifetime will NOT MATTER. Give her another few months..and try again..I'd bet she'd come to you first.