Potty training tips for 3 yr old boy

[Tikicampers]

The poster whose son does what I described is 4. And I'm sorry but 4 is not young to be fully potty trained!

I didn't say 4 was too young. I said four is still young. Some children potty train at 18 months, some at 4. The usual age seems to be 2-3, but as with any stage of development, there is a wide range of normal. My aunt and I have children close in age. We used the same method of potty training. Her DD trained at 18 months (and I was her part time nanny at the time), her son trained at 2 3/4, my son trained at three. Children are different, and what works for one child will not work for all.
I don't want any mother who has a child that is potty training later (3-4 years) to be made to feel that they are doing something wrong, or to feel that their child is being defiant. I have worked with defiant children. They are not usually defiant in just one area, so if a child is otherwise good but will not poop on the potty, then the child has a comfort issue.

 

[Tikicampers]

When discussing this issue with DS, he tells me he is scared to poop in the toilet. While I can try to impress upon him that there is nothing to be scared of, it's quite like trying to convince a young child that there are NOT monsters in his closet. For the sake of our whole family, we have decided to take our pediatrician's advice and wait until he decides he is ready. For us, it's not about power, it's about forcing our child to do something he is clearly afraid of.

You are not the first person I have heard of who is dealing with a child afraid to poop. You are doing exactly what you should.

BTW- when DS finally pooped at Disney, it was with no rewards and no prompting. One morning I put him on the potty first thing, and he pooped! He hasn't had an accident since. Your son will do it too, when he's ready.

 

[BuzzandAriel'smom]

I totally agree that kids will do it when they are ready. I had no idea that my dd would be ready so early. With my ds, I am not 100% sure what the problem is. He may be afraid but I want to wait for him to tell me that he is. I don't want to put words in his mouth and have him use that if it isn't the way he really feels. Right now he says he "can't do it". With going pee, I see no problem in taking away his car for peeing his pants and then giving it back when he is dry and goes in the potty. The pooping is another story, since he has never pooped in the potty I would like to give him an incentive to do so. Then when he can do it without fear and chooses not to, I would take something away.

 

[Tikicampers]

I totally agree that kids will do it when they are ready. I had no idea that my dd would be ready so early. With my ds, I am not 100% sure what the problem is. He may be afraid but I want to wait for him to tell me that he is. I don't want to put words in his mouth and have him use that if it isn't the way he really feels. Right now he says he "can't do it". With going pee, I see no problem in taking away his car for peeing his pants and then giving it back when he is dry and goes in the potty. The pooping is another story, since he has never pooped in the potty I would like to give him an incentive to do so. Then when he can do it without fear and chooses not to, I would take something away.

That sounds like a good idea. I agree if he has shown that he can pee in the potty with no problem it's fine to take something away if he doesn't. Those cars worked great for us with DS, I hope they do as well for you. We made a huge deal of giving them to him, he even called his grandparents to tell them he got one and why.
My second is a girl, so I'm hoping she'll train easier. Since she's three months, I figure it's a little early to start now.

 

[Crazy Mother of Two]

Okay my DS has been able to pee in the potty for a while now. We did pull ups and a reward system ( 2 candies for poop one for pee) and that did not work. So we waited a while and tried again. That didn't work. He didn't seem ready. Now since school has been out I have made a chart for "dry all day" and "poop in the potty". In 2 weeks he has had 11 dry all days. Zero poops in the potty. He says and I quote, " Poopy is too hard and slow. Pee pee is fast. You need to have an open mind, mommy." Yeah, he turned 3 in March and suddenly he is giving me advice!

We have told him that if he poops in the potty he can go and pick out a toy. That hasn't worked. Yesterday I bought doughnuts (which I never do so this is quite a treat!) and told him that as soon as he goes poop in the potty he can have a doughnut. That didn't work. I have used a potty seat and sat there and read book after book to him. Nothing has worked.

I don't really want to be cleaning poop out of spiderman underwear at Disney in a little over a month!

What should I do?

AHHH....I remember those days!! My ds(now 7) was one of those kids who LOVED his diapers! He loved them so much he told me and my dh that he was never giving them up - even when he was married!! We tried rewarding and promising and got very frustrated!
It was the summer that he was 4(yeah - I know!!) years old that I had to come up with something and QUICK! Pre-K starts in Sept. and they don't allow children in diapers in the public schools.
I took to my computer and wrote a children's story book about it! In doing so, I came up with a Potty Chart. I made the first one on a piece of poster board.
He was really into Power Rangers at the time so I went to the dollar store and bought PR stickers and made sure I had 4 large stickers (larger than the others for the GOAL squares)
I used glitter paint and other stuff to write "Jason's Potty Chart" on the top of the board.
I then sectioned 4 rows across with 7 columns in each row.
Each row represented a week.
At the end of the week was a 'GOAL' square
Each column represented a 'pee' square or a 'poop' square (alternating)and since poop was more difficult I used 'pee' 4 times and 'poop' 3 times a week.
Every time he made 'poop' on a poop day he would put a Power Ranger sticker on the square. (same thing for a pee day) If he did not pee or poop on the day he was supposed to - he did not advance to the next day (so - his first week took him 1 week and 3 days to complete)
He would also put on the GOAL sticker at the end of the week.
His goal sticker entitled him to a small gift (stickers, bubbles, an ice cream, etc)
He needed to complete 4 full weeks of his pooping and peeing - at which time he was able to receive the GRAND PRIZE which was determined in advance, by him.
It worked so well that I made my friend a potty chart for 1 of her daughters and a No Pacifier Chart for her other child.
I have since made about 50 charts (sold some, given some away) and they have a pretty good percentage rate (about 90%) of working.
I hope this post wasn't too long winded!

 

[Nicsmom]

Boy can I sypathize!!! I hate to admit it, but my DS just turned 4 and still refuses to poop on the potty. He was otherwise potty trained in three days around his 3rd birthday, but he's been holding out on the poop for about a year. Trust me when I tell you I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING!!! I have made charts, developed incentive systems, even had a visit from the "Potty Man," who left wrapped gifts in a basket in the bathroom for whenever he pooped in the potty. Well, those gifts have long since been relocated to our storage room. When I had finally had enough of being "nice," I literally sat there with him in the bathroom for over two hours, while he screamed bloody murder and hit himself. Needless to say, I have decided that is not a route I'm willing to take again. When I took away the pullups altogether he held it for FIVE DAYS! You can't imagine what came out of him by that time. He did this repeatedly to the point where we had to give him an oral laxative and evetually a suppository. Not fun.

I have read, researched and talked with my pediatrician about this issue several times. It is not uncommon, although my DS is certainly on the wrong end of the bell curve. Most authorities agree that when you get one of "these kids," all I can do is wait until he decides to do it on his own. The more I mention it, the longer he will take. It is definitely a power struggle - I admit it. It has taken me a LONG time to come to terms with it, and it isn't fun, but it is what it is, you know? I am not a pushover mom, and my DS is otherwise a very good rule follower - and we have a lot of them! This is just one of those battles that I have chosen not to fight - for all our sakes. I keep hearing that "no kid goes off to kindergarten with diapers on." But I'm not going to count my chickens, if you catch my drift.

He tells me when he has to go, I literally give him the pull-up, he goes in the bathroom, puts it on, does his thing, then we flush it down the toilet, wipe, etc. (Sorry if this is TMI - Just trying to highlight the fact that he does everything else required of him, except put it in the toilet directly!)

I sincerely hope you're able to avoid my fate. Just know that you aren't alone and you're certainly not worse off than the average mother of boys. Especially if they're firstborn boys. Good luck to you!!!

My niece did this when she was around 4. She's 17 now. She would kill me if she knew I was talking about her. She had full control, just didn't want to do it in the potty. She would ask for a diaper and go. What her mother finally did was place a papertowel in the toilet and she would go on that. So, strange. Not sure how/why it worked but it did. It might be worth a try. Good luck!! My DS just went poopy in the potty for the first time today. He did it once and refuses to do it again. What a power struggle. BOYS!!

 

[cinder1]

I have 4 kids and I do not think punishing works at all. (I did resort to trying it with kid#4 with no success.) So here is a quick synopsis of how potty training went for us:

DD12: she showed all signs that she was ready when she was barely 2 so we tried. She held in her poop. It was horrible. We gave up for a bit and she ended up potty training herself at 2 and 3/4.

DD10: after the 1st one, we decided to let her potty train herself. I just mentioned periodically that she could use the potty when she wanted. She decided one day she was done with diapers. She never had an accident, poop or pee. She was 2 and 3/4 also.

DS7: Started out the same as DD10. I just mentioned he could use the potty when he wanted. Well he wanted to only stand up but wasn't quite tall enough. Since I knew he could go in the potty (he never had an issue with going in the potty, just wanted to stand up), I finally said I had run out of diapers and there were no more. He never questioned it. He was, you guessed it, 2 and 3/4.

DD3: Noting the trend of 2 and 3/4 and how well it worked to let the kids train themselves, I tried this same method with DD3. It did not work. She said the pee did not want to go in the potty. The flushing did not scare her but apparently she did not think the pee or poop appreciated being flushed. We told her, yes it did, the pee and poop wanted to all be together in the pipes. She did not believe this . I told her all her friends used the potty. She acknowledged this but didn't care. Now keep in mind, she has me, DH and 3 older siblings to watch and learn from. She should have been easier!! Nope. She is now fully trained (except she wears a pullup at night; she wakes up dry most of the time) at 3 yrs and 2 mths. She had a big set back when she had diarria(sp??). She quit pooping in the potty for 2 wks.

Now I realize that she is not much older than the other 3 were when they were fully trained, but it was much harder and she has had way more accidents than all 3 combined.

Kids are all different and they potty train when ready. Pushing and punishing may seem to work but in my opinion, they only work when the kid is physically AND mentally (developmentally) ready. My advice, quit pushing. The reward thing might help (if he is truly ready), but I wouldn't nag him about it. Just remind him of the deal, but tell him it is up to him. He gets to decide if he wants the toy. His fear (or whatever it is) that keeps him from pooping in the potty may be more important FOR NOW. It won't be forever.

 

[mjh8955]

Buy a fantastic toy that he wants more than anything else in the world. Place it in plain site, but out of reach (like on top of the refrigerator). Tell him it is his to play with each time he poops on the potty, but no other time, until he poops in the potty "x" number of times and help him keep a chart with stickers. This is what my friend did for her son. My son had no problem pooping in the potty. It was my daughter that wanted no part of the potty thing until she was 3 and a half. So much for girls being easier to train than boys!!

 

[Tam1067]

I have 3 kids. My oldest struggled, and was well over 3 before he finally got it all together. We tried bribing and lots of different things, but nothing worked until he was ready.

My younger two both essentially trained themselves in one or two days by announcing they were ready and dealing with it. They were both about 2 and 1/2.

To the OP, please don't worry. All children are different, and they will learn how to do it when they're ready. Praise your child when he does well. And though it's hard, try not to show displeasure or disappointment when he does not do well. That just adds to the stress which will add to the problem.

Good luck.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

its tough my ds3 will go pee but we are still struggling woth poo
he has a speech delay and really just started talking good and that held us back
we are making progressbut I feel like its taking forever
good luck!

 

[Gillian]

I think this is a fairly common problem and nothing to worry about! I do feel that the child should not be punished or made to feel bad about it in any way. But do have him clean up. I did that with DD, in a matter of fact way, not because she did something bad.

To the person who said it's willful, and should be dealt with, when it's an issue that can cause physical problems, you don't want to create more issues by punishing.

Best of luck to you!

 

[badblackpug]

The "it takes too long" thing reminds me of my daughter. Long after she was fully trained (at 2) she would wet herself on occasion. Mostly she did this because she didn't want to miss anything, or stop what she was doing to go. Our solution was: Throw away the pampers and pullups. (I hate pullups, I thought they were just confusing, anyway, since they feel like a diaper) If your son soils himself do not make a big deal out of it. Just matter of factly point out that he has to clean up. Stop everything he is doing, turn off the TV, leave the playroom, activity, etc. Have him undress, bathe himself, put on clean clothes, rinse out the soiled ones, put them in the washer, take them out of the washer when they are done, put them in the dryer, then take them out and put them away. (make sure he does this all himself...wel, with you operating the washer/dryer) Then allow him to resume his activity. Don't get angry, don't act as if it is a punishment, just be very matter of fact, as if "this is something you need to do if you wet/soil yourself." Remember lot's of praise if he does go on the potty. Usually they figure out 5 minutes on the potty is way better than an hour of washing and laundr.

 

[TravelinGal]

my friend's son is just NOW getting potty trained for poop. He was 5 last Dec. How's that for stubborn?!

Other than, hang in there {{{HUGS}}} all I can suggest is to use pull ups for the trip. I agree that I wouldn't want to deal with poopy underwear at the parks!! WAY Gross! And do NOT use pull ups at home.

here's what we did though...
With DS we just had him watch when we cleaned out the dirty pants and made a semi big deal of how yucky it was and that we didn't like cleaning his underpants that way. We did not belittle him/shame him etc - just the fact that it's gross to have to clean poop out of underpants.
We also said "OH NO! There's poo poo on Bob the Builder" (or Thomas - whoever he was wearing that day) He only had 3 poop accidents and then he started going on the toilet.

 

[BCV MOMX2]

I can totally relate. Our ds turned 3 in the spring. We took a trip to DW last fall (still in pull-ups) and went again last month (completely potty-trained). We too had the poopy issue for a few weeks. We actually lucked out and "saw the signs" and headed for the potty. After successfully "dropping the kids off at the pool"....(fearing this would be a one-time thing), our entire family came into the bathroom after DS regrouped and we all "waved and cheered" the poopy as it was flushed away. We were over the top obnoxious, but it worked! Our DS laughed hysterically and that was that - no more in the pants! I think he actually looked forward the the next farewell. He doesn't do that anymore (the waving/cheering thing), but he did do it for a few weeks. It grew old to him and in the meantime, he developed a nice "habit" of going in the potty!
Good luck to you!
Lots of love, praise and encouragement....you all will get there.
PS - we did have DS wear "swim pants" (swim diapers) when we went swimming last month at Disney just to be "sure". Accidents happen, but we didn't want them happening in a pool He did fantastic - no accidents the entire trip (and we drove!). Again - best of luck!

 

[belle&beast]

Any luck, OP?

 

[BuzzandAriel'smom]

Nope no luck yet. He is very upset by not getting the cars. I had him on the potty for 15 minutes yesterday because I knew it was coming and nothing. Then he goes into the playroom and I spied on him. I saw him "assume the position" and I went in and got him to go to the potty where he did nothing. No poop at all yesterday. I am going to give him some raisins in a little bit and see what happens. I had him play in the bathroom yesterday with no underpants on just so he would be close by. That didn't work but I might try it again today.

Thanks for your concern. I'm hanging in there!

 

[nicolem]

I swear we have the same child! My DS will be 3 in a little over a week, and he's had the pee pee thing down for months, but pooping is another story. He's done it before - several times - usually when we offered him some sort of reward. And he never, ever goes in his big boy underwear ...he always waits till nap time or bed time (when he's in a pull up) and goes. We don't want to stop using pull ups during sleep times just yet because his diaper is always quite wet in the morning when he wakes up.

We've tried rewards and taking away the rewards he earned, plus lots of praise, "all your friends are doing it," etc. But I guess he's just not there yet. Oh well. It helps to know this is a common thing!

 

[bennythepug]

my ds turned 3 in march as well. so far occasional peeing on the potty never a poop. just starting to *get it*

 

[jodifla]

What worked for me was a combination of rewards and consequences. Whenever there was an accident, I made sure the cleanup took as long as possible. DS was 3.5, and I knew he was ready.

So whenever an accident happened, all the fun stopped. The TV went off, the toys went up, and he had to clean up. A few times of this, combined with losing fun things we'd like to do, like swimming in the pool: "Oh, I'm sorry. That's only for potty trained boys." I didn't do it angrily. Just matter of fact. He got the message, and we were done it about a week.

 

[BuzzandAriel'smom]

THE POOP HAS LANDED!

Today after lunch I walked into the play room and DS was once again "assuming the position" and I asked him if was going poop and he said yes, um not yet though! So I rushed him to the potty and as I pulled the underpants down I noticed that it was starting to come out so when I put him on the potty it fell in. He heard the splash and said, "did I do that?" and I said yes! Then he proceded to have a very large "movement". Afterwards he called DD and daddy in to see what he did. We were all over joyed and ecstatic. Then he picked a prize, put a sticker on the chart, called nana & gigi, and went across the street to tell his friend that he went poop in the potty. He said to his friend, " I pooped in the potty and it was really easy!" To top it all off daddy decided that we needed to celebrate Disney style and go see Ratatouille!

I think if he goes tomorrow we will have to take a trip to the zoo! Until then I am feeding him lots of raisins to keep the flow coming!

I am on !