Potty training question.

[Beth76]

What do you do when your child insists on wearing underwear, but refuses to use the potty? This kid is driving me crazy. He chose to start potty training. I brought out the potty seats a few months ago and just left them in the bathrooms for him to use when he chooses. I put underpants in one of his drawers for him to have when he's ready.

For the past couple of months, he has occasionally gone potty on the toilet. Usually at bathtime. Now in the last few days he refuses to put on a diaper or a pull-up. He did go to camp for 2-1/2 hours the other day with no accidents. But he has still managed to have several accidents a day. A couple of them have been while I was trying to urge him onto the potty because it had been 3 hours since the last time. He sometimes just flat-out refuses to go. Even for bed he's refused to wear a diaper and woken up wet the last two days. Tonight if he refuses, I'm going to put one on him after he falls asleep.

I just don't know what else to do. My older son wasn't like this at all.

 

[ilovejack02]

Silly question, but how does a child refuse to put one on? You are bigger than he is just wrestle his hiney into the diaper or pull up if it is important to you for him to wear it. How old is the little guy? Age would def be a factor on how i would handle this.

 

[Beth76]

LOL! It took DH, DS6 and myself to get a pull-up on him this afternoon. He's strong and stubborn. Oh and he'll be 3 in about a month.

He wants to wear underwear and I don't want to discourage him. But I just don't know how to handle it when he won't use the toilet. I did manage to get him to go a few minutes ago.

 

[mattsdragon]

This is kind of related, but I'm asking for my wife. . .

I use the potty, but I really don't like underwear, how should that be handled?

 

[cepmom]

how about if you just tell him in order to wear his new underwear, he must go to the potty every 2 hours (or whatever you decide is the right time frame) or when you tell him to go try?? If he won't cooperate the undies must go bye bye. Maybe that will help motivate him

 

[Kathring]

I've been known to use a bribing technique (shhhhhh, don't rat me out!).

No really, we used a sticker reward chart for DD (that never worked for DS though!). Sorry, no real advice for you, just some hugs!

 

[va32h]

Take the underwear out of his drawers and put it somewhere where he can't reach it. Tell him that if he uses the potty he will get it back. Then walk away and ignore the tantrum.

 

[Beth76]

I've tried bribery. What kind of a 2yo refuses M&Ms? I have a huge bag of them waiting for him to use the potty and he still refuses. Now keep in mind, this is sometimes. He doesn't always refuse. But I usually do have to coax him. I might try taking all the underwear and hiding it. I'll see how that works tomorrow.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Take the underwear out of his drawers and put it somewhere where he can't reach it. Tell him that if he uses the potty he will get it back. Then walk away and ignore the tantrum.

Good advice. It also sounds like he is ready, but needs more motivation then just being dry. Try rewards. Rewards for trying every 2 hours.

I got really bugged when DD (who very close to the same age as your DS) was fully potty trained for over 2 months. Then one day she had 3 accidents in 24 hours. Twice with in 5 min of when I asked her to use it and she refused.

We had to start giving rewards again (even though we were so far away from that.) and having her promise she will try when we ask.

She has been doing well.

Hugs, this can be so frustrating.

I can remember slipping pull on on her after she was asleep (just a few months ago, how quickly we forget.) . Lately I put a matt under her comforter and tucked it in the wall so if she does have an accident (it seems like once every few weeks) I don't have to change the fitted sheet, the biggest pain in the rear.

 

[Beth76]

Good advice. It also sounds like he is ready, but needs more motivation then just being dry. Try rewards. Rewards for trying every 2 hours.

I'll try that too. Another problem, he doesn't seem to mind being wet. It doesn't bother him and sometimes I have to fight (again) for him to take the wet clothes off

It's really hard because I don't think he's ready. This is all his doing.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Have you tried rewards for staying dry or no accidents? (not just trying or using it.)

 

[Wishing on a star]

Take the underwear out of his drawers and put it somewhere where he can't reach it. Tell him that if he uses the potty he will get it back. Then walk away and ignore the tantrum.

You need to win this one without it becoming a control thing.
(2-3 year olds will win control battles every time!!!! )

Simply do away with the underwear. Tell him that underwear are only for children who will use the potty.

No discussion.
No fanfare.
Walk away and ignore the wailing, begging, negotiating, tantrums, accidents, etc...

Do this on a day when you can back it up, and not even leave the house if your child refuses to wear a diaper. It shouldn't take long for him to realize that if he wants to regain control and to wear the big-boy underwear he will cooperate accordingly.

It is either diapers, or the toilet.
TWO simple options.
No middle ground.
No bribes, or punishments.
No begging, arguing, etc.

 

[TurboKitty]

Oy. My heart goes out to you.

Have you tried putting a little bowl of dry Cheerios in that bathroom, for him to drop a handful into the toilet bowl and play "sink the rings"? I remember getting a special toy for my very stubborn son, and he was only allowed to play with this "cool talking Buzz Lightyear" for 20 minutes AFTER using the potty. If he used the potty for two weeks, with no accidents (night-time didn't count, but I didn't tell him that), he could have the Buzz for anytime.

None of that worked for me though. I finally told him to put on his own diapers if he wanted to wear them. We had no Pull-Ups available to him. He didn't like being wet though.

Good luck with your little guy.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

Do you have or can you buy a kids alarm clock? Pick it out together. Let him know that your setting mickey or whatever clock you get for 3 hours. At that time he has to try to go on the potty. Then reset it and keep doing it. If he has a sign that it is time to go vs. you just telling him then maybe he will be more co-operative. Stop at a $1 store and pick up little treats for when he is successful - stickers, balls, bubbles, coloring crayons, books, etc. When we were training both kids could wear whichever they chose during the day - underwear or pull up but at night it was non-negotiable. Until they were trained for full daytime no accidents then they HAD to wear a pull up at night.

Good luck!

 

[va32h]

I'll try that too. Another problem, he doesn't seem to mind being wet. It doesn't bother him and sometimes I have to fight (again) for him to take the wet clothes off

It's really hard because I don't think he's ready. This is all his doing.

If he can ask to use the potty, I'd say he's ready. My daughter is 3 1/2 and very stubborn too. Getting her into pajamas most nights and back into clothes the next morning is an ordeal. I just have to stay firm and keep saying over and over again "we can't (go somewhere, have breakfast, play, go outside) until you cooperate." Now that it is summer, I have the luxury of leaving her to pout all morning, but when I had to get the older kids to school, I'd just scoop her and put her in the car in whatever stage of dress she had achieved.

For a child in wet clothes, I think I'd just refuse to leave the bathroom until the wet clothes came off. Seriously. Take a book if you have to!

I did make all my kids wear pullups at night while potty training. I just told them that their special tiger/blanket/doll that the slept with did not want to get peed on, and if it did get wet, they wouldn't have it for a whole day while it got washed and dried.

 

[Plantlady]

I'm all for bribery when potty training.

We gave a treat every time they went. A small cookie. We insisted they went ever 15 minutes on the first day, moving it up to 30 minutes, 1 hour, ect.. as the days go by. it only took us one day per kid.

We read books to them, while they were on the potty, so it was fun for them.

good luck!

 

[BuckNaked]

We threw Cheerios in the bowl for "target practice". Worked like a charm.

 

[mickeyboat]

I have to agree with you, Beth, he does not sound ready to me.

I wonder if you need to wait a little while to start. Maybe he could wear his undies on the outside of his pull up for a while. Then you can use another method of reward when he is ready. Or else you need to take the undies away until he shows he is a little more ready.

Denae

 

[cybrkitn]

Silly question, but how does a child refuse to put one on? You are bigger than he is just wrestle his hiney into the diaper or pull up if it is important to you for him to wear it. How old is the little guy? Age would def be a factor on how i would handle this.

Ilovejack02, you would be very surprised at how strong a child can be, LOL. I've had my battles with DS4 when he was 2 and 3. It was very difficult to get him to put a pull-up on at night at times (and at 2 while at a rest stop ). He would literally kick his legs and arms . Yes, an adult is stronger. But knowing that, I didn't want to hurt him so I held back. Eventually the pull-up got on him .

OP, try to be patient . I know it's hard, I've been there. I've even had to get up in the middle of the night to change DS's sheets - several nights in a row. DS4 started potty training at about 2 1/2. Daytime was much quicker than at night and he was trained by 3, 3 1/2. We finally did away with night time pull-ups at 4 1/2 (last December) when his body was able to hold it at night for 2 weeks straight . He still has the occassional accident, but nothing like before.

Do you have one of those full vinyl covers for his bed? The one that totally encases the mattress? If not, definately get one. It makes clean up much easier and definately saves his mattress.

Why not try a reward system? I've mentioned this one on another thread a while back. DS4 is just finishing up pre-school this year. They had a reward system in place where the children get to earn stars. The teachers would reward the child when they were "caught" being good. Five stars meant the child could go to the treasure chest and pick something out. It worked out great and our son just loved it.

DH and I decided to incorporate that system at home without telling DS. Only we changed the treasure box reward to different things like ice cream, Chuck E Cheeses, an amusement park, etc. DS loved it! Especially going to Chuck E Chesses <chuckle>. He could spend all day there if he had his way!

IMO, potty training is one of the most difficult things for us as parents to do as it definately tests our patience. For some parents it's easy, for others it's more difficult. Especially if the latter is with a very strong willed child (like my son). Just try and hang in there. He will get it.

 

[Beth76]

If he can ask to use the potty, I'd say he's ready.

Well, he's not always asking to use the potty. He has occasionally gone on his own and then he started with wearing the underwear, which led me to asking him to go. I think he wants to be ready, but I still don't think he knows when he needs to go.

I have to agree with you, Beth, he does not sound ready to me.

I wonder if you need to wait a little while to start. Maybe he could wear his undies on the outside of his pull up for a while.

Like I said, this is his doing. I was totally not ready to start this until next month at the earliest but the kid had different plans. Anyway, we have no diapers anymore, only pull-ups. I know some people think pull-ups are horrible, but I have my reasons for liking them. I had a friend suggest the pull-up over underwear thing and I might try that.

IMO, potty training is one of the most difficult things for us as parents to do as it definately tests our patience. For some parents it's easy, for others it's more difficult. Especially if the latter is with a very strong willed child (like my son). Just try and hang in there. He will get it.

Oh you're not kidding. My older son was much easier. It took a lot longer, but it was easier. I've got the time. It just seems that he's in more of a hurry than his body is ready for.

And the most interesting of all of this is this morning (I did put a pull up on him after he was asleep) he woke up dry. AND he slept in. So, he went for nearly 12 hours without peeing. But again, he refused to sit on the potty when he woke up. I tried bribing him with everything: m&ms, calling grandma etc. He wouldn't sit on the potty. I explained to him that everyone goes potty as soon as they wake up, but he wanted none of that. I swear we argued for about 10 minutes, the whole time I was worried that he was going to wet himself. I actually went in his room to see if maybe he took off a wet pull-up and put a dry one on himself . When I did that, he locked himself in my bedroom. When I got in there finally he was on my toilet going potty! He went again about 15 minutes later and this time he did tell me that he had to go. So now he's at camp for 2-1/2 hours, in underwear. He was dry on Tuesday, so hopefully, he'll be dry today too.