Potty Training help!!!

[danielocha30]

I should have mentioned in my OP, but my son is in speech therapy and can do 6 or so signs. I think we may try adding potty to our list soon.

So far, I feel like my son has done most things late compared to other kids (crawling, walking, self-feeding, using utensils, and talking obviously) and that maybe I'm not introducing skills or encouraging him enough.

Also, I feel like it's really hard not to compare kids. My nephew is 14 months old, but was born over 5 weeks early, and he says more words than my son. It just disheartens me sometimes.

my daughter started talking at 4!!! no theraphy was used she just started talking right when she started pre K, right now she is top on her class, and she was potty trained at 3.5, started walking at 15 months also, some kids take longer and as long as your pediatrician is ok with it, don't worry about it.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Can anyone offer me advice or at least help ease my fears? I'm sure I'm blowing this way out of proportion, as I tend to do. I just don't want to miss some "window of opportunity" (if that even exists) and end up with an 8 year old in diapers...

Try not to stress. There's more than one "good window" and most kids nowadays aren't ready at 22 months. (We teach all kinds of skills in a different order than we used to, and they can only concentrate on so much at one time.)

This site:
http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/A-History-of-Potty-Training.html

says: "Today, the average age for potty training is about 30 months with the age ranging from 18-60 months."


My best advice is to keep it as light as possible. Kids can smell fear! Put the one he doesn't like away for now, and casually watch for a good time to introduce the new one. It might be:
when he's in a good mood, but not especially busy with his play,
when the subject comes up on a TV show or in a book, and he seems curious,
when he seems uncomfortable about a wet or dirty diaper,
when he sees another child at storytime or the park tell their parent they need to go...

 

[Frozen Canuck]

I should have mentioned in my OP, but my son is in speech therapy and can do 6 or so signs. I think we may try adding potty to our list soon.

So far, I feel like my son has done most things late compared to other kids (crawling, walking, self-feeding, using utensils, and talking obviously) and that maybe I'm not introducing skills or encouraging him enough.

Also, I feel like it's really hard not to compare kids. My nephew is 14 months old, but was born over 5 weeks early, and he says more words than my son. It just disheartens me sometimes.

Please don't feel disheartened! Place me in the camp of people who think it is likely waaaaay too early. I have had two boys and one girl. Both boys practically trained themselves...but they were very close to three years old when they did so. Once they were well past two, I made a potty seat available. We got into the habit of just sticking our kids on the potty seat for a minute when they had their diaper off before bath time. If something happened, we told them how great that was, but we weren't pushing the whole deal. For my oldest, right around the time that I thought he would NEVER be trained (getting close to three) and that I would be sending him off to college like that, he just looked at me one morning and said, "No more diapers." He was serious. I told him, "Okay. That is fine. How about we just stick the diaper package up in your closet for awhile, just in case?" He held to his word. He never used diapers after that. My second son was similar. For all of the "concern," it really was that easy. Being patient was the hardest part of the whole potty-training process.

I feel like you can spend a LOT of time trying to force something to happen when they are too young/not comfortable yet, or you can take a more relaxed position and know that your child will potty train when he is ready. I don't think there are many kids under 2-1/2 or so that have much interest in potty-training and they (whoever "they" are) say that boys are notoriously slower than the girls in this regard (this was not my experience...my daughter actually had little interest, but all of my kids potty-trained around age 3, either a little before or a little after).

You know your son best. You can't compare him and his needs to what all of the other kids are doing, whether he is in speech therapy or not. And yes, my youngest son was in speech therapy too. He had no words at 2-1/2, but by 7 has them all! I didn't find any correlation between his lack of speech and potty training. For what it's worth, if you feel that your son is delayed in most things (not sure if you have had a doctor or therapist's confirmation of this), it may be reasonable to expect him to be delayed in this respect as well and pushing him is not going to change that. He sounds like he is just moving through life's milestones at a pace that is reasonable for him and that it has nothing to do with the amount of encouragement you are giving him in any of these areas.

A few things you can try, WHEN you feel he is really ready:

• Let him sit on the potty for a minute before bath time. Know that absolutely nothing is going to happen, but praise him for trying, then take him off. You want sitting on the toilet to just be "something we do," not turn it into a place that they hate going on. It takes kids awhile to figure out what we expect them to do when we stick them on there. It isn't until they accidentally go while sitting there that they start making the correlation, and even then, it is going to take multiple attempts.
• Read a book about using the potty. Honestly, I found this pretty much a waste of time, but some find it helpful. Most of the books are lame and do very little to encourage bathroom use, but YMMV. The best one I found after reading several, was Pirate Potty (or Princess Potty for girls). I liked that it used a picture of a real toilet and not some pot that didn't resemble anything that kids currently use. If you don't like the terms they use for bodily functions in the books, change the words while you are reading to what ones your family would be comfortable with.
• Sometimes kids are encouraged to try when they know other kids/playmates who are using the potty. Kids can get that, "Well if they can do it, I can too!" attitude. Of course they can also be temporarily indifferent and not care that other kids have found a new way of doing things.
• I never used an actual potty for any of my kids. We just had a folding toilet seat that made the opening on our regular toilet manageable for them. This served several purposes. 1) We avoided the whole apprehension over transitioning from the little potty to the regular toilet that some kids experience, 2) We never had to deal with rinsing and cleaning and flushing waste. It all went into the toilet in the first place, and 3) When we traveled or went out, we brought our potty seat with us so it was always familiar and our kids had a degree of protection from public toilets. You could purchase two and just keep one in the diaper bag and one at home. They are really inexpensive.

These are just my suggestions based on my personal experiences. My biggest advice is to RELAX! and watch your son's cues. It is so easy for parents to become discouraged when they start to compare their kids to others, but every kid learns things at their own pace and in their own time. Your job is to do exactly what you have been doing...loving and encouraging him where he is at developmentally. The days of diapers will soon enough be nothing but a fuzzy memory. They grow up so fast.

 

[JediBonas]

Please try not to stress over it (I was the same way, I know it's hard). We first started potty training my twins around two, my daughter got the hang of it right away, my son just did not (he was also non verbal at this age). We just waited until he was ready and tried not to stress about it. When he finally WAS ready it was super easy. I think he was around three when he was ready.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had a test I used with my kids, naked butt. Potty chair in the room, watched a potty video, no diaper, no pants. If more than 2 accidents, revisit in a few months. Dd16 passed at just over 2, dd14 at 2 1/2, ds14 failed the first time, and went back in diapers for 3 months, then passed the next time , was trained in a week.

I made the mistake with my 2 oldest to wait until close to or after 3, and using pull-ups. It took months. There is a window, but I think 22 month for a non verbal boy is pretty early.

 

[goofy4tink]

Ok, no one graduates from high school in diapers! So, ease up a bit. You're going to drive yourself crazy. Besides, this is a battle you can't win. Our kids quickly realize the power they have. If they don't want to use the toilet, then they don't use the toilet. We can sit them on it for hours....and the result is a constipated child!!! You can't win this battle, so let it go!!
So....to start, get a potty that goes on the floor. We had one that looked like the potty in some book that my dd loved. We took that potty everywhere...just in case. Why, I remember driving down the highway, dd said 'I gotta go...NOW!'. So, we pulled way off the road, took that potty out, put it on the ground, she did what she had to do, we emptied it and off we went. Put the potty near the big potty!! Then, forget about it. As he gets older, your ds will get it. After he starts staying dry for hours at a time, you can let him run naked...makes it easier to get to that potty and use it!
But in all seriousness, try not to obsess over it. He'll use the potty when he's ready. My three kids all trained at different times. They walked and crawled different times. They started speaking at different times. There's no right age to start anything! Try not to compare kids...there's enough of that going on when they start school!!!!!

 

[KrazeeK120]

I appreciate everyone's insight and advice!!

I always feel like there's a "mom gene" that I'm missing. Parenting has not come naturally to me at all. I dumped my 10 year career in the insurance industry to stay home with my son and I really just feel awkward and flustered a lot of the time. My son means the whole universe to me. He is an adorable, sweet, loving, easygoing little boy. I think part of me just feels embarrassed when we go to the park or library or children's museum or zoo or wherever and I see these moms gracefully wearing their babies while toting along their 2 or 3 other kids and here I am fumbling around with my one! And I didn't want to be further embarrassed by having the "old kid" in diapers. But I see now that he is far from being too old for diapers.

Thanks again for taking the time to help me out, everyone. I really do appreciate it.

 

[gotomu212]

I appreciate everyone's insight and advice!!

I always feel like there's a "mom gene" that I'm missing. Parenting has not come naturally to me at all. I dumped my 10 year career in the insurance industry to stay home with my son and I really just feel awkward and flustered a lot of the time. My son means the whole universe to me. He is an adorable, sweet, loving, easygoing little boy. I think part of me just feels embarrassed when we go to the park or library or children's museum or zoo or wherever and I see these moms gracefully wearing their babies while toting along their 2 or 3 other kids and here I am fumbling around with my one! And I didn't want to be further embarrassed by having the "old kid" in diapers. But I see now that he is far from being too old for diapers.

Thanks again for taking the time to help me out, everyone. I really do appreciate it.

As someone who just had my second (after a 9 year gap) I'll say don't judge yourself against people with more than 1 kid (don't judge yourself against anyone really), but man with the first you're new at everything and tend to be uber neurotic about everything. You are learning everything from scratch too so of course it feels a little harder. Another mom secret- everyone is fumbling around behind the scenes dealing with one issue or another. If your son is happy, loved, and not setting the cat on fire you're doing okay!

 

[Disneybuckeye]

My middle DS was not potty trained until he was 3 1/2. Didn't walk until 15 months. All kids are different. There are many different parenting styles. All will be fine.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am also in the camp of "relax - he is still pretty young." My DDs are almost a year apart, and they trained together at 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 or so. Because I waited until they were ready, they had very few daytime pee accidents (like when they were busy or tired) and not one poop accident. I would recommend getting the potty chairs and wait until he shows interest. And if he pees on the potty once but then doesn't show interest again, don't worry. It will happen!

 

[HulaHoopy]

I would agree that he is still very young for potty training (and I had two that trained early). I wouldn't even think about it for another 8 months, unless he is showing significant interest in it.

 

[BLAZEY]

I would leave the potty out and if he wishes to use it by all means let him. However I wouldn't push it. The speech therapy is more important at the moment.

 

[ahutton]

Breath.....boys potty train later and 22 months is WAY to young to stress over it. Mine showed interest at 3 and to be honest, trained himself by just letting him start when he was ready. I always remember his day care saying that those training before the age of 2 were the parents being trained, not the kid. He'll be fine and when he's ready it will be smooth sailing.

My DS was the same. He came to me one evening and said I want to wear big boy pants now, Mom. I'm done wearing diapers. I said ok, pulled out a bunch of undies and other than when we didn't listen well when he said he had to go, he's not had an accident that was not our fault.

 

[aprilchem]

I agree with everyone else - kids potty train at very different ages, and there's no "right" time to start. My first potty trained at 3, the second at 2, and the third was potty trained at 19 moths (!). They were just ready at different times...

 

[#1hoosierfan]

Both of my boys potty trained at a little over age three. My first wasn't ready and my second was a stubborn little turd (no pun intended) that just didn't want to.

I waited until they were ready... telling myself that they would not go to kindergarten in diapers. Both boys had one, maybe 2 accidents and we were done.
I did find their "currency" to make it more exciting and motivating. For my first it cheap matchbox cars. My second it was m&m's

 

[punkin]

My girls (I am told it makes a difference) were trained very early, but I really don't recall looking down on people whose children were not potty trained. I was too busy dealing with my children's problems to notice...and believe me, those super moms at the library aren't any more super than you are.

 

[Elle23]

I waited till my kids were 3 and it was a breeze. My youngest actually trained himself. I had very little to do with it (having 3 older siblings helped).

The only hiccup I had was my 2nd child wouldn't poop in the potty, but that was quickly remedied with the bribe of a pack of M&Ms.

Seriously, potty training does not have to be stressful if you wait till they are older and ready. I would much rather change diapers for longer than deal with the stress of trying to make a kid use the potty who isn't ready.

 

[mjkacmom]

I appreciate everyone's insight and advice!!

I always feel like there's a "mom gene" that I'm missing. Parenting has not come naturally to me at all. I dumped my 10 year career in the insurance industry to stay home with my son and I really just feel awkward and flustered a lot of the time. My son means the whole universe to me. He is an adorable, sweet, loving, easygoing little boy. I think part of me just feels embarrassed when we go to the park or library or children's museum or zoo or wherever and I see these moms gracefully wearing their babies while toting along their 2 or 3 other kids and here I am fumbling around with my one! And I didn't want to be further embarrassed by having the "old kid" in diapers. But I see now that he is far from being too old for diapers.

Thanks again for taking the time to help me out, everyone. I really do appreciate it.

I've been a SAHM for 21 years, there is no way I couldn't managed without my tribe (or tribes). Find some friends in the same situation, you will quickly learn that those seemingly perfect, unstressed moms are all falling upart on the inside at times, but have to put on that calm, happy face and try and make it look easy.

After having 5 kids very close in age, so many moms would come up to me and ask me how I did it, how amazing. They were seeing me for 20 minutes at school drop off and pick up, but not my disaster of a house, or baby Einstein dvd's playing more than they should, or packing my kids pop tarts for lunch, because that's all we had. I loved my mommy friends who were in the trenches with me.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

The "Oh Crap!" Method ( google it) is very popular right now if you want to try a formal plan. It didn't work for my first but lots of moms swear by it. It suggests you can train your kid in 3 days.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Your son will be ready, developmentally, when he is developmentally ready!!!!
And, it sounds like your child is not quite as far along developmentally as some?

Take three (hundred) deep breaths, and chill...
ENJOY your time with your child!

I did notice the way you opened your post, and it almost sounded like you were looking at this kind of like a particular 'job duty'. "activity"
I then noticed how you mention that you "dumped" a ten year job/career.
BTDT as a working woman who was finally blessed with our DS after many years.

Relax!!!!
Raising a precious child is not a job duty/activity.
It is about enjoying your child, love, patience, etc...
Yes, I know it is HARD!!!!!
Not saying it is all sunshine and roses.
But, it isn't a job position with certain specific quotas and objectives.
It is about raising and supporting a wonderful happy and healthy child.

And, just totally forget, right now, immediately and forever, those 'comparisons' and wondering if your child. (or you) measure up.
That just isn't a good angle... Not for anybody!
Best not to let your brain even go there.