Potentially Awkward Situation--WWYD?

[Jynohn]

I was close friends with a guy in high school/college that I ended up dating briefly before we kind of drifted apart. In the past ten years I’ve seen him maybe three or four times, always when out with other friends from school. My sister ran into him a few months ago at a bar however and he told her that he loved me and thought about me all the time. (He is now married, BTW).I was flattered, but I’m happily married and didn’t think much of it, especially since he was drinking at the time. I haven’t seen him or talked to him at all since the time my sister told me this story.

Well here’s my dilemma…another friend of mine invited me to join in a book club that she and a few other women are starting up. I thought it would be a fun night out and was looking forward to going, until I found out that the first meeting will be hosted by the old friend’s wife at their house! I now find myself a little uncomfortable about going. I don’t think that she has any idea that we ever dated, just that we’re old friends, but I still feel a little out of place being at her house as her guest given what her husband told my sister. I doubt he’ll even be there, but in case he is I also feel a little awkward bumping into him for the first time in that situation. I don’t want to embarrass him by being there either, as he probably really regrets what he said now, given that he was drinking at the time he said it. (Not that it’s an excuse, but sometimes people say things they wouldn’t otherwise have said if not for the influence of alcohol!)

So now I feel a little uncomfortable about going, but on the other hand it would be a shame to miss a fun night out with friends over this too. Would you just go and have fun or sit this one out? Am I over reacting???

 

[Tigger_Magic]

I'd go, have fun and act like you never heard what your friend's husband said about you. Why let his moment of weakness/stupidity ruin your fun?

 

[Cindy's Mom]

I say go - look like a million bucks - tell his wife what you heard and watch him sweat



JUST KIDDING!! Just go and enjoy your evening.

 

[Microcell]

I think that Tigger-magic gave you good advice. I wonder what you should so in the event you befriend this woman. When should you tell her you dated her husband? I don't think this first time, but soon. I see no point in telling her at all that he said what he did.

Another thing to consider is that people say what they are otherwise unable to say sober when they are drunk. Those feelings are probably very real, and maybe at some point you need to clarify with him that you are both married and nothing will ever happen. Again, probably not tonight.

Go, have fun and take care of business.

 

[janet715]

I'd go, have fun and act like you never heard what your friend's husband said about you. Why let his moment of weakness/stupidity ruin your fun?

 

[ChristmasElf]

I would wear something pretty sharp and snappy just in case the wife knows and he is there!!
Just kidding! Have a great time.

 

[budbeerlady]

Go and have a great time. If she does or doesnt know you dated does it really matter?
Drunk men say stupid things and when drunk the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Go on with life and forget the conversation had between sister and previous dated friend. Chances are he doesnt even remeber saying anything of the sort to your sister now. Conversations held in bars are best not repeated or remembered! (Can we make that a law "Anything you say in a bar will automatically be forgotten and never discussed by said parties!"?)

 

[luvmy2sams]

I'd go, have fun and act like you never heard what your friend's husband said about you. Why let his moment of weakness/stupidity ruin your fun?

Excellent advice. Pretend you and your sister never had the conversation about what he said.

 

[Disney Ella]

I would go and not say anything about it. If he was drunk, he may have just beengetting nostalgic, particularly if he'd just had a fight with the wife. If that was the case, you, a distant fond memory, may have become even more perfect in him mind than you already are and he decided that you were the one he missed out on. Things could have looked much different when he was sober.

 

[SC Minnie]

Go, have fun and forget about what was said in a drunken stuper.

 

[Nana Annie]

Another take on it could be - How did he mean "I love her." Did he mean actual in-love love, or that he loves you as a person, an old friend, a type of brotherly love, etc. Many people will say "Oh, I just love her", when they really mean they care about an old friend, or love and admire the person you are, rather than being "in love." And thinking about you a lot could be innocent too. I often think of my old aquaintences, both male and female. But never in an amorous way. I wonder what happened to them, did they achieve what they wanted, etc. Just because I think about somebody in no way means I am at all interested in them in a relationship way. How many times have we told girlfriends that we haven't seen for awhile "I've thought about you a lot." Doesn't mean it is in the relationship way. Just a conversational piece that lets the person know they are appreciated. Without hearing the tone behind the comments, you can't be sure if he was just making conversation with your sister, or if he was confessing some deep, unresolved love for you. Quick question - was your sister drinking too? Perhaps she heard more into it than was intended.

I say go. Don't let a couple of sentences stop you from enjoying an evening with friends. Take it one night at a time. If you run into the old boyfriend and you get different signals, then go from there. But I would assume it was innocent until you get different proof.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd pretend you never heard a thing. he may remember saying it. He may or may not have meant it...sometimes we say stupid things when we're drunk.

The bigger deal you make of it, the bigger deal it will be.

 

[Jynohn]

I'm glad the concensus seems to be that I should go anyway. I was really looking forward to it and would hate to miss out on a fun night out. I guess I was just thinking of how I would feel if I had said something stupid about some guy while I was drinking and then he came strolling into my house one night to hang out with my husband!

For the record, I have no intentions of ever mentioning a thing to his wife. She seems like a really nice person and there's no need to upset her over something said in a moment of stupidity. I just felt kind of weird being at her house, I guess I would be upset if my husband said something like that about another woman and then she showed up in my living room. I know she doesn't know, but it just feels kind of odd anyway. I wouldn't feel awkward being around her if it was a different setting, but just something about it being her own home...

What was said to my sister was basically that he screwed up in the relationship and wished he had done things differently. He asked her if I was still married and told her to tell me to stop by the firehouse sometime to say hi. (I never went BTW). I'm not under any delusions that he wants to leave his wife for me or anything, I just think that he felt bad about how things ended and may have been nostalgic as others pointed out. My main concern was just that since I haven't seen him since the conversation took place, he'd probably be really embarrassed to see me under those circumstances (if he's even there at all.)

I guess I will plan to go, have fun and pretend the conversation never took place.

Thanks again everyone!
Jynohn

 

[MAKmom]

I'd stay away form whole thing. Book Clubs get very close IMO. Next thing you know your going to be invited to partys at their house ect. Then in a few months your going to be at a book club meeting & the wifes going to tell everyone her Husband is in Love with another woman... then your going to think I should of never gone to this stupid book club. God Forbid he tells the wife he loves you. Then the wifes going to think its your fault & call your husband. Then your husbands going to say, you went there & you know he loves you?

Or it could be really fun.

If you told your DH & he does'nt care go & have fun.

 

[Jynohn]

I'd stay away form whole thing. Book Clubs get very close IMO. Next thing you know your going to be invited to partys at their house ect. Then in a few months your going to be at a book club meeting & the wifes going to tell everyone her Husband is in Love with another woman... then your going to think I should of never gone to this stupid book club. God Forbid he tells the wife he loves you. Then the wifes going to think its your fault & call your husband. Then your husbands going to say, you went there & you know he loves you?

Well now it sounds more like an episode of Melrose Place. Oops, I'm dating myself, I should say Desperate Housewives!

And to think it all started with an innocent book club....

 

[MAKmom]

Well now it sounds more like an episode of Melrose Place. Oops, I'm dating myself, I should say Desperate Housewives!

And to think it all started with an innocent book club....

I crack myself up!

 

[Cindy's Mom]

Well now it sounds more like an episode of Melrose Place. Oops, I'm dating myself, I should say Desperate Housewives!

And to think it all started with an innocent book club....

I was thinking Knot's Landing - now that's dating one self

 

[mommyintn]

What does your husband think? Did you tell him about what your sister told you? If he knows you briefly dated this guy and isn't uncomfortable with you going then go for it.

 

[rt2dz]

Haven't read the whole thread, just a few of the posts...

Go. Have fun.

First, this story is second hand. He could have meant he loves you, but not necessarily passionately. He could have also been trying to be funny. Plus, your sister was probably drinking to.

Second, he didn't say it to you. He didn't plan on acting on it or he would have. He might not know you know. It might not be something he even remembers saying. Could have said it simply because he saw your sister, so you came up and he had been fighting with his wife.