Possible change of plans-advice??

[perla75]

Ok, so our wedding isn't for a while now and we had decided on either a WDW ceremony and small lunch reception. I was so excited.....but now our parents (on both sides!) are trying to talk us into a home wedding and a WDW HM-I had originally wanted both

Anyways, I know we are grown adults and we were planning to pay for most of it ourselves, but my mom started to make a little sense, even though I feel really selfish about thinking that she is making sense!!

Anyways, she said that we shouldn't have a WDW wedding because most people will not be able to take the time off from work to go. She also mentioned that most of our close friends wouldn't be able to afford the trip eek: airfare, hotel, park tix) since many of them have new babies, just bought a new house, or don't have much money in the first place. She said that it's a little selfish to ask our friends to pay all of that money to come out to WDW for our wedding. Then she brought up the gifts from our extended families. I hate this part and please I hope that you won't think of me as selfish when I tell you that I paused a few seconds before I told my mom she was being ridiculous! She said that when people get married, it is a good opportunity to collect money gifts and use it towards a down payment on a home.

So, my mom offered to pay for an entire "proper" wedding at home & then we go to WDW for our HM.

My DF and I are pretty poor. We struggle with money, we still rent & probably will for a long time to come. We were planning on working very hard for the next two years to pay for a small WDW wedding.

Is my mom right? Or is that the most selfish thought in the world?? and is she right about our close friends not being able to coordinate a WDW trip for our wedding? We live in MA & the circumstances she described of our friends is fairly correct. These are close friends who neither of us would dream of getting married without them by our side.

I "guess" I would be ok with just a WDW HM, BUT it has been my dream to get our photo shoot in the MK. A WDW wedding is obviously my dream wedding, but the MK photo shoot is much more important to me. You only get the opportunity to have this photo shoot once in your life (I'm under the impression that you are only eligible of having the MK photo shoot if you are doing a WDW wedding). I will definately regret it if we don't have it.

If we went this route, my plan B was to have the ceremony at home, but get a sort of vow renewal at WDW as soon as we arrive for our HM. Do, say a simple Poly beach or Sea Breeze Point ceremony with just my DF & me, no frills, no other anything except for the MK photo shoot. We could just stay at a value for the 3 night minimum & stay somewhere fancy and cheap off site for the rest of our trip to save $$.

What do you guys honestly think? Am I getting sucked into my mother's rants? Acting selfish? Or does she have a point? Would it be too much, financially, to ask of our friends to come to WDW for our wedding? I know that they would do their best to pull it all together and attend, but I don't want them to be suffering because of it. and is it aweful that I am even considering the importance of receiving some money to help us live comfortably & my mom offering to pay by having a wedding at home? Again, I am EMBARRASSED that I am even considering this-I feel like such a selfish person!

Either way, we are still saving up to do whatever it takes to have an MK photo shoot, but in order to do that, we'd likely need to save up around $5500 for a very basic ceremony and the MK photo shoot. We would stay in a value resort fr the 3 required nights (roughly $300) and then stay off site at one of those luxury $100/night places I keep reading about.

I would love to know your thoughts. My head has been spinning with confusion, guilt, disappointment, practicality, etc...

 

[alissa2008]

hm. At first I was going to say BE selfish! But, the thought of a free wedding is quite appealing! Have you ever thought of taking her up on her offer and then doing a vow renewal in a few years?

 

[lurkyloo]

Um, does your mom know how much a regular wedding costs? Because depending on the number of people invited, you could end up spending twice as much on a backyard at home wedding as on an Escape ceremony. I'm just saying....

As to the argument about not getting gifts b/c you have an expensive-to-get-to destination wedding, that was not our experience. We did not expect to get much of anything, but we were overwhelmed by the outpouring of generosity from our friends and family - I think people just like to give gifts!

One other thing - the Escape wedding requirement is four nights in a WDW resort.

OK, so, on to the *real* trouble - will your friends be able to make it? I dunno, but frankly, I don't think your mom can know for certain either! Again, just our experience, but we were really surprised by the number of people who made it happen so they could get to our wedding - and they came from a lot further away than MA. My brother said the same thing to me - "No one will come." And then 34 people came, half of them friends!

I guess I'm just big on the whole "it's your wedding, so have the wedding YOU want" philosophy... I hear too many stories here of people who regret being pressured into a wedding that others thought was better for them. And being able to pay for it yourself makes it that much easier to tell people "Thanks, but no thanks."

 

[perla75]

hm. At first I was going to say BE selfish! But, the thought of a free wedding is quite appealing! Have you ever thought of taking her up on her offer and then doing a vow renewal in a few years?

Thanks for your quick reply! Well, IF we were to go that route, we would want to do the vow renewal during the HM. I want to capture our happiness of first being joined together during the MK photo shoot. I know that might sound corny, but it's what I want!

I wish there was a way to get the MK photo shoot without the entire package. To just pay for say, a ceremony, MK photo shoot, & thats it.

 

[B2B-2008]

From experience have the wedding you want.

We had our wedding booked as the big white wedding my mum had always wanted. I had always wanted a Disney wedding. The big white wedding stressed me out so much that I got ill and it never really was our wedding it was my mums. So we canceled and in four weeks we are having my dream wedding. My mum lost a lot of money because of this change but I'm please to say she is now really excited about going to Florida (She was never going to get on a plane over there!)

I have had to pay for my family to get there as they have never been able to go but you have two years worth of saving to do and that is quite a bit of notice to give people who really want to go. They could put a little bit of money away each month.

I learnt the hard way, have the wedding day you want.

 

[hope1826]

I can't advise you either way, but I will share my experience.

DH and I wanted a Disney wedding with at most 40 guests (only family and our closest friends). I completely didn't care about the gifts/money we might have been giving up. After the Disney wedding I wanted to have a party at our house for all to attend.

DH's parents were very against this. They liked the idea of the Disney wedding, but also wanted us to have a wedding in NJ so that ALL of their friends could attend. And just like your mom said, it was important to them that we get gifts and money to start our lives. Dh's parents felt that we ahd to have a formal wedding or reception at home to get money. SO they kind of demanded that we have one and that they pay for it.

So we agreed to have a reception up here. DH's parents paid for it. Our Disney wedding was May 5th. Our "Bon Voyage Pre-wedding Reception" was the week before on April 26th. (We chose to have it before, because the prices would have been close to double if we had waited to do it in late May, June or July. ANd DH's parents didn't want to wait until fall.

It was held at a beautiful NJ wedding /reception site. We sent out real wedding invitations to 240 people. 150 guests attended in formal attire. I wore a wedding gown (much simpler than the Disney gown- only $175), DH wore a suit. His parents hired a jazz trio. The food was catered on site. We had an open bar for 4 hours. And we had a wedding cake and a professional photographer.

We got tons of gifts and money. And even some double gifts from people who also attended the Disney wedding. We actually told some of the Disney guests that we didn't expect anything from them. I was actually crying as we were listing everyone and what they gave on our thank you card list. I felt so bad. I completely didn't expect everyone to give as much as they did. We were grateful but SHOCKED.

Also as far as Disney guest attendance. It seemed like all of the couples with small children made it into a huge family vacation. One of DH's best friends had no problem bringing his two year old and 10-month old, because his wife's parents came a long too. Another young family with three children under 5, brought both of their parents and the wife's brother. And they all shared the cost boarding.

You really can't make assumptions as to who will or won't come and who will or won't give presents or how much they will give. Many brides on this board have complained about guests dropping out, but just as many or more have complained about people inviting themselves to their Disney weddings. I think as long as you give people ample time to try to save and make plans if they want to share your day with you they will find a way to be there.

 

[perla75]

I can't advise you either way, but I will share my experience.

DH and I wanted a Disney wedding with at most 40 guests (only family and our closest friends). I completely didn't care about the gifts/money we might have been giving up. After the Disney wedding I wanted to have a party at our house for all to attend.

DH's parents were very against this. They liked the idea of the Disney wedding, but also wanted us to have a wedding in NJ so that ALL of their friends could attend. And just like your mom said, it was important to them that we get gifts and money to start our lives. Dh's parents felt that we ahd to have a formal wedding or reception at home to get money. SO they kind of demanded that we have one and that they pay for it.

So we agreed to have a reception up here. DH's parents paid for it. Our Disney wedding was May 5th. Our "Bon Voyage Pre-wedding Reception" was the week before on April 26th. (We chose to have it before, because the prices would have been close to double if we had waited to do it in late May, June or July. ANd DH's parents didn't want to wait until fall.

It was held at a beautiful NJ wedding /reception site. We sent out real wedding invitations to 240 people. 150 guests attended in formal attire. I wore a wedding gown (much simpler than the Disney gown- only $175), DH wore a suit. His parents hired a jazz trio. The food was catered on site. We had an open bar for 4 hours. And we had a wedding cake and a professional photographer.

We got tons of gifts and money. And even some double gifts from people who also attended the Disney wedding. We actually told some of the Disney guests that we didn't expect anything from them. I was actually crying as we were listing everyone and what they gave on our thank you card list. I felt so bad. I completely didn't expect everyone to give as much as they did. We were grateful but SHOCKED.

Also as far as Disney guest attendance. It seemed like all of the couples with small children made it into a huge family vacation. One of DH's best friends had no problem bringing his two year old and 10-month old, because his wife's parents came a long too. Another young family with three children under 5, brought both of their parents and the wife's brother. And they all shared the cost boarding.

You really can't make assumptions as to who will or won't come and who will or won't give presents or how much they will give. Many brides on this board have complained about guests dropping out, but just as many or more have complained about people inviting themselves to their Disney weddings. I think as long as you give people ample time to try to save and make plans if they want to share your day with you they will find a way to be there.

THANK YOU for sharing your story-that was very inspirational to me!!
So, maybe this could work out ok. We wouldn't have to pay for any of the home wedding-that I know for sure.

We would need to pay for our WDW ceremony/HM all ourselves. If we did both, the WDW part would likely be just me & DF. We have two sets of BFF's and they both would need to fly in for the home wedding, so there is no way they could make it to both. This is not vital to me (as long as they can attend the home ceremony!).

So, if we just did the bare minimum, we are likely looking at $7000 to cover the basic ceremony, MK photo shoot, officiant, 4 nights hotel. I guess we would have had to pay that anyways if we were doing our original plans, right? It might be a bit less though, because I have a feeling that my brother, my DF's brother, sister, & mom are going to give us Disney bucks and we can certainly use that towards our HM resort stay, right?

I understand where my mom is coming from with the gift money (and again, I hope I'm not sounding selfish!!), but I also understand regrets and I would only agree to this if we did both. I'm not sure why the MK photo shoot is so important to me, but it is and THAT I would regret not having.

If we do decide on this, I wonder if it would make more sense to do a Poly ceremony, since it would just be the two of us. Sea Breeze Point was our original location. We LOVE Epcot, which is why we chose that location, but we might feel silly on that big ceremony site all by ourselves. We definately cannot afford any added decorations. Does the Poly beach look really empty without any decorations?

Thanks guys, I'm starting to feel a little better.

 

[hiwaygal]

If we do decide on this, I wonder if it would make more sense to do a Poly ceremony, since it would just be the two of us. Sea Breeze Point was our original location. We LOVE Epcot, which is why we chose that location, but we might feel silly on that big ceremony site all by ourselves. We definately cannot afford any added decorations. Does the Poly beach look really empty without any decorations?

My DH and I were married at Sea Breeze Point and it was just the two of us.

I know sometimes the site seems so big, but it somehow (maybe magically ) manages to be very intimate for a smaller wedding too!

We originally were going to be married at Sunset Pointe but ended up changing and I'm very glad we did! There's just something about Sea Breeze Point!

Another thing to consider (and forgive me if I missed this) is the time of year you are planning. Sunset Pointe is only available during certain times of the year (October through May, I believe).

 

[perla75]

My DH and I were married at Sea Breeze Point and it was just the two of us.

I know sometimes the site seems so big, but it somehow (maybe magically ) manages to be very intimate for a smaller wedding too!

We originally were going to be married at Sunset Pointe but ended up changing and I'm very glad we did! There's just something about Sea Breeze Point!

Another thing to consider (and forgive me if I missed this) is the time of year you are planning. Sunset Pointe is only available during certain times of the year (October through May, I believe).

Thank you for that info! Now that you mentioned it, I do remember someone else telling me about the restricted Sunset Point availability. This might make a difference, as we are thinking about a January ceremony/HM.

Some more questions to you if you don't mind: You mentioned the ceremony was just the 2 of you-what the heck did you do with all of that cake? We will definately save our champagne for later, but what about the cake? I wish we could downgrade it to two cupcakes or chocolate glass slippers or something!

 

[PhilHarMaestro]

I know it's not exactly the same but, my parents were sooo against the disney wedding! Saying that it was against thier religion (mind you they're christmas and easter christians only), and they wouldn't come or help or pay or anything. But, once they saw that my heart was set on it and unwilling to change, they came around and my mom actually got me cindy's carriage. Once they saw that I was not going to have thier wedding...I was going to have mine they support it all the way! (with the occasional comment or two, but overall very supportave!!)

 

[padisneyfour]

wishing you luck with your family and decisions..... it can be very difficult but just remember it is your day....best of luck

 

[hiwaygal]

Thank you for that info! Now that you mentioned it, I do remember someone else telling me about the restricted Sunset Point availability. This might make a difference, as we are thinking about a January ceremony/HM.

Some more questions to you if you don't mind: You mentioned the ceremony was just the 2 of you-what the heck did you do with all of that cake? We will definately save our champagne for later, but what about the cake? I wish we could downgrade it to two cupcakes or chocolate glass slippers or something!

If you are thinking of a January ceremony, you can use Sunset Pointe if that is what you want!

As for the cake question... We took the bottom layer up to the concierge lounge and "forced" the CM's there to have a piece of cake with us. We asked if they could leave it in the lounge for other guests but they couldn't, so we gave it to them to put in their breakroom (I'm convinced that's why we got a nice little wedding picture frame the next day in our room!). I did manage to bring home the top layer, but it had been four days and it was mushy and stale You can definitely save some for later during your trip at least!

 

[JonetteA]

One of the things we thought about when we were going through this was to do the wedding here in Dallas and then doing an escape wedding at Disney just for us and a few friends who wanted to come. This is an option. It was a hard decision b/c due to health reasons we didn't know if my hubbie's dad could come. We ended up doing everything at Disney. The other option is to take a poll at see who is interested from then decide if you could do an escape or a custom wedding. Then always have a reception at home for those that couldn't make it. HTH!

 

[DecemberBride]

Yes, a poll would work well...

 

[IndyBride]

I think that two years is plenty of notice to give to friends to save up money if they want to join you. Of course, you will also have to be okay with friends not being able to come. I think your mom does make valid points but eventually any gifts you get will break or you may not use and the money will be spent. All you will have left is the memories of your wedding. Make them memories you love whichever decision that is.

 

[perla75]

Thank you guys-I swear you guys give better advice than my home friends!!

Anyways, I took pieces of all of your advice and here's what we decided:
home wedding followed by either a small WDW ceremony with friends or WDW ceremony with just us two

We were gonna (and may still) go with a wedding at home and WDW ceremony with just us two until I told my brother and his wife about our WDW ceremony plans (they got married in city hall last year!) and they were so excited and want to come! He made a good point too-that our close friends will likely want to turn it into a WDW vacation for themselves.

Anyways, my mom is covering all of the costs of the home wedding, but now shes trying to pressure me into the reception spot of her choice-the golf club they belong to. That is SO not DF and me! I told her absolutely not. I figure if she pressures me into something we don't want, I'll just say no thank you and skip it and just do the WDW one. If it turns into that, than the home wedding wouldnt have been meant to be anyways.

NOW, for our WDW ceremony, how does this work? Would we be signing up for a vow renewal? Our ceremony would literally be right after our home wedding. Is there a difference between a vow renewal and a regular marriage ceremony, besides the obvious?? I would want our ceremony to be the same as a regular wedding one.

and if it is considered a vow renewal, we can still get the MK photo shoot, right? That's a deal breaker for me!

Thanks again-you guys are so uplifting and helpful!!

 

[JonetteA]

It would be a vow renewal. Just check with your planner about the details. I think you would need your marriage license, but since it would not have arrived by then I am not sure how they handle it. You will still be able to do the MK photo shoot so no worries there!

 

[DecemberBride]

Yes, don't worry!

 

[perla75]

It would be a vow renewal. Just check with your planner about the details. I think you would need your marriage license, but since it would not have arrived by then I am not sure how they handle it. You will still be able to do the MK photo shoot so no worries there!

Yes, don't worry!

Whew! Thanks guys! As long as I get my MK photo shoot! It's weird because I usually hate getting my picture taken, but come h@ll or highwater, I want my MK photo shoot!

I hope my wedding ends up to be as beautiful as yours! I'll keep you updated.