Policing the bus stop (vent)

[RadioNate]

I am so sick of being the only parent who actually watches the kids at the bus stop. It is kitty-corner from my house and my DS is at the bus stop. I generally just watch from the window.

Today, they were throwing a ball, which ended up in the house nearest the bus stop's gutter. So 1/2 the kids were then in her flower beds throwing the landscaping rock into her gutters to dislodge the ball. One even climbed up the column on the corner of her house and tried to pull on the gutter.

They don't know this woman. She doesn't have a child at the bus stop.

There were 4 cars of parents and another neighbor who all could have said something but no one else did.

Am I seriously the only parent who finds their behavior inappropriate?

A few weeks ago they were all hanging out in the driveway 2 houses from the bus stop. Again, this person has no children at the bus stop so it isn't like it is one of their houses. They were 10 ft from his front door and swinging their backpacks about 3 ft from his 40k Mercedes. Again, I'm the only one who says anything.

Why don't these other parents say anything? Do they not care?

I know I'm going to hear it from one of the mothers because "her son doesn't like to be yelled at" but he's one of the worst offenders.

I don't care if they play or are even loud but must they throw rocks at strangers houses and be up in their driveway? It is so rude.

 

[MushyMushy]

Call the school or transportation director. I don't know if all districts are the same way, but where we live, that's something they would address.

 

[agnes!]

Some adults/parents are just so clueless, rather than do their *jobs* (like, oh, I don't know, supervise their children?!?) they'd much rather chit-chat than keep their offspring/children in their care from damaging the surroundings.

Hey, tell that mom if/when she calls you something like "well then, he shouldn't have been doing something wrong" or "I'm sure Mr. Nice Car/Mrs. Nice Landscaping will appreciate not having damage done to their property because I said something to your child. Next time maybe I should let them break that window with those rocks or dent that car with their backpack?..." or "Supervise your child better and I won't have to say a thing."

agnes!

 

[Christine]

My reply is going to be VERY unhelpful to you but it has started me reminiscing... Also, I was reading a very similar post on one of my local community internet forums.

Back when I went to school (a LONG time ago)--parents did not come to the bus stop at all. Even when I was in 1st grade, I was at the stop alone as well as the 20 other kids there. We didn't misbehave.

We also had bus/busstop patrols. You were selected to be a patrol and then it was your job to keep order at the busstop and on the bus. Somehow it worked. If someone acted up, they were written up and "reported." Too many infractions and you were on detention or eventually off the bus.

It was great because parents didn't get involved with disciplining so there were no issues between families and the school took the patrols seriously, so did the students. It was also a coveted job, even by the "cool" kids.

So, what happened?

 

[RadioNate]

Believe me, I don't WANT to say anything. I actually have a really long fuse for their (IMO) inappropriate behavior. I never say anything when they are running all over people's yards playing tag and screaming their heads off. I never say anything when they wrestle and the older ones play "monkey in the middle" with the little kids. I don't even say anything when they are hitting eachother with their backpacks. I really do figure that as long as it isn't my kid, I should stay out of it.

I know my DS cringes when I actually go out there. In my PJ's no less! I'm such an embarrassment.

But I do draw the line when they are CLIMBING up the decorative rock side of a complete strangers house. And throwing stones very near the 4 windows on the front of her house.

I got the info on who to call and am going to give it to the lady's who's house they were all over today. I'd actually prefer that she call. They know I'm not happy about it...I want them to realize that these people care about their property too.

I talked to the other neighbor watching and she is friendly with the other house. Her DH is going to go over later with a ladder and get the ball out of the gutter partly so it doesn't cause any clogging problems and partly so they won't have reason to be messing with gutters.

 

[dawson5]

I feel for you, I am the bleacher police at baseball games. I try my best to ignore their behavior until they are hitting each other with bungee cords (with the metal hooks). We're going on four years now, same kids, same parents and same problems.

I know your neighbors care about their property but maybe if you don't say something and they damage the property, the parents will be responsible and possibly step up to the plate and be the parent they should be. I know it's wishful thinking.

 

[golfgal]

My reply is going to be VERY unhelpful to you but it has started me reminiscing... Also, I was reading a very similar post on one of my local community internet forums.

Back when I went to school (a LONG time ago)--parents did not come to the bus stop at all. Even when I was in 1st grade, I was at the stop alone as well as the 20 other kids there. We didn't misbehave.

We also had bus/busstop patrols. You were selected to be a patrol and then it was your job to keep order at the busstop and on the bus. Somehow it worked. If someone acted up, they were written up and "reported." Too many infractions and you were on detention or eventually off the bus.

It was great because parents didn't get involved with disciplining so there were no issues between families and the school took the patrols seriously, so did the students. It was also a coveted job, even by the "cool" kids.

So, what happened?

I would have to agree with this. The kids would be a good solution to most bus stop problems.

RadioNate--throwing rocks and climbing on someone's house is not a good thing. I think in that situation I would have walked across the street with a broom or a ladder to help the kids and just mention that throwing rocks near a window isn't a good idea. Keep in mind they are kids and they didn't mean to break a window, they were trying to get a ball down. It seems like a good solution but kids don't think things through like 'I can't throw very well and I might break a window if I throw this rock" . Honestly, most of the behavior you describe is pretty normal elementary kid behavior, especially boys who show their affection by punching each other. You must not have brothers.

 

[jfoofj]

Well....... all I have to say is if you told my son to stop doing something like the behavior described in the post, I would thank you. That kind of behavior is completely unacceptable and I would hope that any responsible adult who saw my child doing something like that would step up and give him a gentle reminder that he was making poor choices. Of course, my child is perfect and NEVER does anything wrong so this would never be an issue.

Kids will be kids, parents need to be parents.

 

[RadioNate]

I would have to agree with this. The kids would be a good solution to most bus stop problems.

RadioNate--throwing rocks and climbing on someone's house is not a good thing. I think in that situation I would have walked across the street with a broom or a ladder to help the kids and just mention that throwing rocks near a window isn't a good idea. Keep in mind they are kids and they didn't mean to break a window, they were trying to get a ball down. It seems like a good solution but kids don't think things through like 'I can't throw very well and I might break a window if I throw this rock" . Honestly, most of the behavior you describe is pretty normal elementary kid behavior, especially boys who show their affection by punching each other. You must not have brothers.

I do not have brothers. Or sisters for that matter. And I do ignore a LOT of it. I think this is the 3rd time I've been out there all year (since August.) The last time was when they were playing hide and seek around a Mercedes. I'm sure there has to be another time, though I can't remember what for so maybe not.

But normal or not these kids need to have some respect for the property of complete strangers. It wouldn't bother me at all if this was one of the kid's houses. But it isn't.

I am going to get the ball down and I'll have it for them when they get off the bus.

However, why were they playing with the ball so close to her house that it got stuck in her gutter anyway. I didn't see ball get stuck but why didn't one of the car parents help them? Trowing river rock into the gutters, windows or not, is pretty ineffective way to get a ball out of a gutter. People really think it is ok to climb up the side of a strangers house?

The house is set back maybe 30 yards from where the actual bus stop is and maybe 15 yards on the side around the corner. Unless they were rolling the ball up onto her roof, it is pretty hard to get it stuck in the gutter in the 1st place.

My problem is that when something happens I'M going to have to be the person to deal with it. I don't know these kids nor do I know their parents.

Like today, now I get to haul a ladder across the street and get the ball out. Hopefully, my neighbor is right and her husband will do it. But still, it isn't their kids ball. However, these kids parents aren't going to do it.

When they wrestled and a 1st grader got knocked in the face and had a bloody nose, who do you think they came running to? Sure, I didn't HAVE help to but since I am the only adult around it seems if I don't no one will. I don't want that job.

Thankfully, we are moving and I'm going to research where the bus stop is before I buy!

 

[taximomfor4]

OP, try having the bus stop in your yard!! (Our yard is the corner house, and there are no sidewalks.)

 

[HM]

Wow.

Those kids have too much time on their hands. If they have time to play games and goof around, they are getting to the bus stop too early.

 

[golfgal]

While I agree that one of the other parents could have done something you also can't expect kids to have the same reasoning skills as adults. The kids don't see throwing the rocks to get the ball down and destroying property, they see it as a solution to get the ball down and unless someone tells them otherwise, they don't know. I just think there is a good way and a bad way to go about this. Like I said, I would have gone out there and showed them a good way to get the ball down and if it were ever to happen again they would probably come knock on your door and ask to use your broom vs throwing rocks.

If I saw the kids by the expensive car I probably would have gone out and said "hey kids, I think Mr. Smith wouldn't like it if you scratched up his car with your backpacks. How about if you go back to the bus stop" vs yelling at the kids to get away from the car ( not saying that is what you did but that is what most people would do).

I am sure the other parents in the cars feel the same way you do "why do I have to watch out for someone else's kids?". Honestly, I don't blame them. Just wait for all the posters that will be LIVID if you disciplined their child....

 

[golfgal]

Wow.

Those kids have too much time on their hands. If they have time to play games and goof around, they are getting to the bus stop too early.

Really????? As kids we ALWAYS got to the bus stop early so we COULD play. It's really a shame that kids are getting in trouble for playing these days.

 

[HM]

Really????? As kids we ALWAYS got to the bus stop early so we COULD play. It's really a shame that kids are getting in trouble for playing these days.

Well, yes. Granted, we had a very early bus so we were usually only half awake and playing was far from our minds, when I was a kid.

I don't see any playing going on at our neighborhood bus stop now either.

My kids are car riders because it's on my way to work.

 

[RadioNate]

Really????? As kids we ALWAYS got to the bus stop early so we COULD play. It's really a shame that kids are getting in trouble for playing these days.

I didn't actually scream at them. I asked what the problem was and then told them to get off a strangers house. My tone wasn't sweet but I wasn't really yelling either. I was slightly loud because I was too cold and lazy to cross the street. When the car incident happened, I walked over to them. Told them it was an expensive car and that they needed to go back to the actual bus stop and not wait at the top (closest to the house) of his driveway. It was a weird place for them to be since it is no one at the stops house nor is the owner of that house a family friend to any of the kids. They were right outside his front door.

I know for a fact that the one mother will say something to me about it. Her son is quite the special snowflake and she's told me that he doesn't like being told he can't do something. However I've seen this mother get in other kid's faces when they tell her son to stop tackling them.

I'm cranky, I don't want to help them get their ball back. I WANT them to stand there and wait for the bus. I'm realistic enough to know that won't happen but it is what *I* want. I'm sure they have much different ideas. Maybe I'm weird but I don't consider scaling the side of a strangers house "playing" and I do expect them to know better. Maybe I'm the only one who teaches my kids to stay off other people's property? I seriously would have far less of an issue with any of it if it was someone's house that we knew or at least had kids who were at the stop at some point. It is a mid-50's single woman and her elderly mother.

I offered my front as the bus stop and the school won't move it. The lady across the street has also offered since her kids ride the bus. The stop used to be the house east of me but he complained and they moved it to across the street from him. They like it on the west side so the bus doesn't have to go around the block before getting the kids. Of course it goes around the block to leave the neighborhood. We are 4 corner houses at an intersection.

I'm over it now. I'll apologize to my son for being out there in my PJs this morning. I'll promise to at least brush my hair in the future.

They will have the ball back and maybe tomorrow no one will have to fish it out of a gutter.

 

[MarilIncredible]

My in-laws have a bus stop on the corner of their lot. They haven't had children in school in 20 years. The kids are little maniacs and incredibly destructive. My FIL encourages me to let my dogs poop on that corner, on the grass, whenever we visit in the hopes that the doggie doody would be a deterrent to the little monsters climbing up the hill and tearing out their plants.

And yes, there are a few parents who hang out with the kids and no one does jackship about their hooligans-in-training.