OK, so here's my Pity-Party-Tuesday story. I just really need to vent about this. Not looking for pity, guys... just... I don't know how to feel about all of this, and I'm hoping just writing it all out will make me feel better.
I have a sister who is 15 months younger than me. She has always been a little... off. I always blamed it on her excessive drug use, but she was recently diagnosed as bipolar. It explains a lot about her. Anyway, for some reason a few years ago, she decided she didn't really like me anymore. I have no idea why, and she completely denies it when I bring it up and try to talk to her about it. It breaks my heart, and I've done everything I know how to do to try and mend this mysterious problem between us.
So fast forward to last year... toward the end of last year, she found out she has cervical cancer that is quickly spreading throughout her body. She has made the choice not to seek treatment, but she also doesn't want anyone to know about it. She only told our other sister, who told me. She's also been in some legal trouble, and moved out of state to avoid a warrant for her arrest (over a lawsuit from an accident). Now she lives in another state with her ex-husband and daughter, and has no contact with me. I did speak to all of them on Christmas, but it was strained.
Last week my other sister went to visit her. She's currently on meds for her bipolar disorder, but, according to our other sister, seemed depressed. My other sister came home on Wednesday. Thursday, my out-of-state sister wrote letters to her daughter, her ex-husband, my mother, my other sister, and added one in for the paramedics (but none for me), and took 57 painkillers. Her daughter found her when she came home from school and called 911. The paramedics picked her up, ignored her "please do not revive me" letter, and took her to the hospital. It was a fight, but they saved her. She's now in a mental health facility.
I do not believe this was a cry for help. I believe she fully intended to end her life. Sadly, I can understand getting to that point in life where that seems to be the only option. I know my sister, and I know when she gets out, she'll try again.
I found out about this last night. A full 4 days after the fact. My sister is denying contact with me.
I have so many emotions about this entire situation. I'm sad, hurt, confused, and most of all angry.
So anyway, that's why I'm having a bad day.
