Please weigh in on sensitive family situation

[kirstenb1]

Infidelity is not in the same category as the others you mentioned. Sure cheating sucks, but it's usually a sign that something was wrong in the first place. So while I may not be thrilled with the choice, I'm not going to hold it against someone.

You're way more open-minded than me. Infidelity is bad enough with no children involved. Once you involve kids, you teach them:

1. to grow up instantly, childhood is a thing of the past.
2. the people whom he/she loves most of all cannot be trusted at all
3. the new partner may well take priority over the child
4. once he/she enters a relationship on their own, they will likely be very distrustful, because trust is easily broken.

Seriously, I don't understand this philosophy of "my sibling will always be welcome at my home" Sometimes your sibling acts like an a__ and needs to skip the family holiday gatherings if he/she is going to force a new relationship down everyone's throat. By forcing it, he/she is telling the rest of the family to subvert their own feelings.

 

[luvmy3]

You're way more open-minded than me. Infidelity is bad enough with no children involved. Once you involve kids, you teach them:

1. to grow up instantly, childhood is a thing of the past.
2. the people whom he/she loves most of all cannot be trusted at all
3. the new partner may well take priority over the child
4. once he/she enters a relationship on their own, they will likely be very distrustful, because trust is easily broken.

Seriously, I don't understand this philosophy of "my sibling will always be welcome at my home" Sometimes your sibling acts like an a__ and needs to skip the family holiday gatherings if he/she is going to force a new relationship down everyone's throat. By forcing it, he/she is telling the rest of the family to subvert their own feelings.

She isn't forcing it, she asked to bring her
And as far as giving a sibling a "time out" from family gatherings, sure there are things that would warrant that, murder, phedophilia, but not wanting to introduce a new relationship to the rest of us.

 

[MichelleVW]

You're way more open-minded than me. Infidelity is bad enough with no children involved. Once you involve kids, you teach them:

1. to grow up instantly, childhood is a thing of the past.
2. the people whom he/she loves most of all cannot be trusted at all
3. the new partner may well take priority over the child
4. once he/she enters a relationship on their own, they will likely be very distrustful, because trust is easily broken.

.

I don't buy your above points because I've seen infidelity in my own extended family and not one of those things happened. In fact, kids were all fine and are now adults in happy relationships of their own, and the person that cheated is still happily married to the person he cheated with almost 20 years later.

 

[hambirg]

I would much rather my sister cheat on her husband than rob a bank. Not even close to the same thing. So yes, we totally differ.

See. .. I kinda think that hurting some nameless, faceless corporation that is probably screwing people over every chance they get, is way less personal than hurting the people you love. Go figure. I guess that you that are arguing the side of the sister think it is perfectly ok to hurt your child.

There is still no way in hell this sister is bringing her new squeeze to my family Christmas dinner. My house, my rules. I think you are acting out of societal bonds. . .even though some here on the Dis think that it's okie doikie that you cheated on your spouse and have now drug your own son through your psychological mess. I guess it it accepted because we somehow share the same DNA. That makes you incapable of being guilty of a crime and hurting other people.

 

[kirstenb1]

I don't buy your above points because I've seen infidelity in my own extended family and not one of those things happened. In fact, kids were all fine and are now adults in happy relationships of their own, and the person that cheated is still happily married to the person he cheated with almost 20 years later.

I guess everyone is different. I watched my parents go through this, and it has affected all of us children in one way or another. It is a horrible thing to go through as a child.

 

[luvmy3]

See. .. I kinda think that hurting some nameless, faceless corporation that is probably screwing people over every chance they get, is way less personal than hurting the people you love. Go figure. I guess that you that are arguing the side of the sister think it is perfectly ok to hurt your child.

There is still no way in hell this sister is bringing her new squeeze to my family Christmas dinner. My house, my rules. I think you are acting out of societal bonds. . .even though some here on the Dis think that it's okie doikie that you cheated on your spouse and have now drug your own son through your psychological mess. I guess it it accepted because we somehow share the same DNA. That makes you incapable of being guilty of a crime and hurting other people.

It just means we can forgive those we love. I'm not perfect, I don't expect anyone else to be either, we all make mistakes, and I would rather forgive them than be bitter and resentful towards them.

 

[MichelleVW]

I guess everyone is different. I watched my parents go through this, and it has affected all of us children in one way or another. It is a horrible thing to go through as a child.

I agree it sucks, but it's not the end of the world.

 

[hambirg]

I don't buy your above points because I've seen infidelity in my own extended family and not one of those things happened. In fact, kids were all fine and are now adults in happy relationships of their own, and the person that cheated is still happily married to the person he cheated with almost 20 years later.

Wow!!! You have got to be friggin kidding! I have seen it many times too. . and no the kids weren't okie dokie. And guess what. . I've had friends that have had their parental rights terminated for there stupid hormonal choices. So if they are completely in denial of the situation and don't understand the legal ramifications then I guess it is ok. . .NOT!!!

 

[MichelleVW]

Wow!!! You have got to be friggin kidding! I have seen it many times too. . and no the kids weren't okie dokie. And guess what. . I've had friends that have had their parental rights terminated for there stupid hormonal choices. So if they are completely in denial of the situation and don't understand the legal ramifications then I guess it is ok. . .NOT!!!

You're entitled to your opinion as I am mine, and no, I'm not friggin kidding.

 

[hambirg]

It just means we can forgive those we love. I'm not perfect, I don't expect anyone else to be either, we all make mistakes, and I would rather forgive them than be bitter and resentful towards them.

Again, please clarify at exactly what point would you not be willing to forgive and forget???! Seriously, there are limits. I'm not bitter or resentful. . .just drawing the line. . .so exactly where is your line???

ETA- I live in the community where Maurice Clemmons gunned down 4 innocent police offers. . .less than a mile from my home. His family supported him.. .well because he was family. so just where is your line between right and wrong?

 

[hambirg]

You're entitled to your opinion as I am mine, and no, I'm not friggin kidding.

Then I feel sorry for the kids in your family. And the adults might be in for a rude awakening from the law. . just sayin. .. .

 

[MichelleVW]

Again, please clarify at exactly what point would you not be willing to forgive and forget???! Seriously, there are limits. I'm not bitter or resentful. . .just drawing the line. . .so exactly where is your line???

I'm sorry if I'm just not going bonkers over someone cheating, and since that is the worst thing anyone in my family has ever done I have no idea where the line would be.

 

[luvmy3]

Again, please clarify at exactly what point would you not be willing to forgive and forget???! Seriously, there are limits. I'm not bitter or resentful. . .just drawing the line. . .so exactly where is your line???

I don't know, I'm lucky enough to not have had to make that decision yet. However I do know people who have been unfaithful in their marriage and they are welcome in my home anytime.

Regarding the bolded, your posts certainly say otherwise.

 

[MichelleVW]

Than I feel sorry for the kids in your family. And the adults might be in a rude awakening from the law. . just sayin. .. .

The kids in my family are all fine thank you, and Lol on the "rude awakening from the law" since all those kids are now adults with kids of their own in happy marriages with no lasting trauma from the divorce or the cheating.

I'm just glad I'm not in such a judgmental family...maybe that's why we are all ok.....just sayin...

 

[Tiggeroo]

it is pretty clear that the op loves her sister, has no intention of cutting her out of her life or beating her up about this. She also seems as though she will not cut out the new gf. She's just trying to decide how to handle holidays that her sister wants a decision on right away, in the same breath that she told her about the gf. And apparently she wanted to know before she had even told her mother or other family members about the gf. We all know people cheat. I doubt too many people wouldn't forgive their sister over it. But that doesn't mean it's not wrong, or that it doesn't hurt people.

 

[hambirg]

I'm sorry if I'm just not going bonkers over someone cheating, and since that is the worst thing anyone in my family has ever done I have no idea where the line would be.

Thank you. .. now the rest of us are clear on where you stand.

 

[hambirg]

I don't know, I'm lucky enough to not have had to make that decision yet. However I do know people who have been unfaithful in their marriage and they are welcome in my home anytime.

Regarding the bolded, your posts certainly say otherwise.

Again. . .that speaks volumes to the rest of us.

 

[MichelleVW]

Thank you. .. now the rest of us are clear on where you stand.

Yes, I stand by the fact that I will not disown anyone due to their cheating. Like I said before, I'm not the morality police.

 

[MichelleVW]

Again. . .that speaks volumes to the rest of us.

You sound really bitter....that's sad.

 

[hambirg]

The kids in my family are all fine thank you, and Lol on the "rude awakening from the law" since all those kids are now adults with kids of their own in happy marriages with no lasting trauma from the divorce or the cheating.

I'm just glad I'm not in such a judgmental family...maybe that's why we are all ok.....just sayin...

Or maybe they just don't having any clear understanding of being wronged. . .kinda like people that think domestic violence is ok because they have never known anything different.