Please pray for our home to be built quickly - my inlaws are poison!!

[Swan4Me]

So an hour or so later, while they knew he was working, they burst in the front door and FIL screams, "Oh my lord... just oh my lord... look at this place," 3 or 4 times before DH has to but his call on hold and tell him to shut his mouth while he's on the phone.

So the rest of his working day, he said they chattered on and on about the messy state of the house. I did have clothes everywhere - I had been trying to get the laundry all washed and folded and out of the way, but I had fallen asleep on the couch midway through

. But not only did they tell us NOT to clean, we had been cleaning little by little, which clearly was not enough. .

QUOTE]

There's a show on TV called Hoarders, and these people really can not grasp how horrible there homes are. Maybe you 2 are the same? I had a SIL & BIL like this-the whole family talked for years and years about their horrible living conditions
If your FIL went on and on about it, it really must be a mess.

 

[Planogirl]

Exactly how messy is your house?

That aside, they should respect your boundaries and keep their hands off your stuff. MIL sounds wacky and FIL sounds noisy.

 

[Kellydelly]

Exactly how messy is your house?

That aside, they should respect your boundaries and keep their hands off your stuff. MIL sounds wacky and FIL sounds noisy.

If they have three cats and don't like to clean, I can only imagine. My house was not a mess till four kids came along to wreak havoc on it .

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Stop living in their house and your problems will go away.

When you live in someone's home rent free your privacy doesn't exist.

No matter how out of line you think your in-laws are they have allowed you to save money to build a new home.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

I am so sorry you are putting up with all of this. We frequent art shows a lot. Most have a website. If you remember the art show where you got the box you could contact the organizers. Usually they have a list of vendors and they may be able to get you in touch with the individual who made your box. We have have done this a few times. Once to replace a broken item, and three times when we later decided we wanted something we had previously passed on.

 

[smitch425]

There's a show on TV called Hoarders, and these people really can not grasp how horrible there homes are. Maybe you 2 are the same? I had a SIL & BIL like this-the whole family talked for years and years about their horrible living conditions
If your FIL went on and on about it, it really must be a mess.

How on Earth does this statement from the OP:

"Nothing that was "dirty" besides the dishes, or that would cause any damage, mind you - just messy, not tidy"

Get turned into a thought of her possibly being a hoarder. I mean, I am looking at my living room right now and I see a basket of clean laundry, 2 backpacks, 3 pairs of shoes, and 2 Wii remotes and some games on the floor. I can also see that there is a few dishes in our sink. OMGoodness! Maybe I'M a hoarder, too. Just because the FIL went on and on doesn't mean it was that bad. Some people complain about everything all of the time. It doesn't mean OP was living in deplorable conditions.

I think there are way too many assumptions floating around in this thread.

 

[carrie1626]

My sympatheties on the in-laws. They sound outrageous!

Sorry, but nobodies house has ever been built "fast". And because you want it so badly, it'll be all that much slower.
Keep reminding yourself, it will be worth the wait.

 

[N&B'smom]

I would absolutely never allow them to step foot inside your new home.

 

[Aliceacc]

I really, really, REALLY give up. We've signed all the papers on a new house (woo hoo!! ) and are just waiting on the mortgage company to give the builders the go-ahead to start construction. (I swear, they're going to ask me next why I went to mcdonalds for lunch the other day, instead of burger king. Sheesh!) Our realtor found the cutest little development. They're building new houses on some land that was cleared just before the market crashed, and those developers had abandoned it and gone out of business. We're getting a BRAND NEW house with our colors and specifications for barely more than we were going to pay for a lived-in house - AND the builder is paying all of the closing costs.

Please pray that they build it fast!!!

It can't possibly be fast enough. You haven't even gotten the go-ahead to begin construction. We're talking months, at least, before you have any sort of a shot at privacy or independence.

Start looking at rentals tomorrow.

 

[cornflake]

How on Earth does this statement from the OP:

"Nothing that was "dirty" besides the dishes, or that would cause any damage, mind you - just messy, not tidy"

Get turned into a thought of her possibly being a hoarder. I mean, I am looking at my living room right now and I see a basket of clean laundry, 2 backpacks, 3 pairs of shoes, and 2 Wii remotes and some games on the floor. I can also see that there is a few dishes in our sink. OMGoodness! Maybe I'M a hoarder, too. Just because the FIL went on and on doesn't mean it was that bad. Some people complain about everything all of the time. It doesn't mean OP was living in deplorable conditions.

I think there are way too many assumptions floating around in this thread.

I'm guessing the people saying that are getting the idea from that the original post indicates that weeks ago, when they first heard the in laws might be coming, they started cleaning and cleaning. Since then, she said they've been cleaning bit by bit, yet when the in laws walked in, the 'oh my lord' screaming went on.

Yes, in laws could be bonkers neat freaks who complain about anything but... that seems to be a LOT of cleaning that already went on and the OP doesn't at any point say it was now clean. I'm guessing that's where the thought that the house may be a serious mess and the OP doesn't see it that way but most people would, is coming from.

 

[scrapquitler]

Obviously your in-laws have some boundary issues (now there's an understatement). I supposed they have the mindset of "my house, my rules", and to some extent, I can understand that...the house belongs to them and they ware ultimately responsible for it, but they are taking things way too far.

I just don't understand why you and your husband tolerate it. Seems to met hat it would be simple to move out, get your own place and then be able to tell them, MY HOUSE, MY RULES i/when you let them visit.

Personally, I'd rather live in a cardboard box below and underpass than have to deal with these people and their behavior.

Seriously, I would move out NOW and find an apartment to rent until the house is ready, even if it was a studio. And in the future, if they want to visit me, they do it in a public place, like a restaurant, because I would not have them in my home if they behaved that way towards me and my belongings

 

[Bob NC]

Obviously your in-laws have some boundary issues (now there's an understatement). I supposed they have the mindset of "my house, my rules", and to some extent, I can understand that...the house belongs to them and they ware ultimately responsible for it, but they are taking things way too far.

I don't know but maybe, just maybe the in-laws feel that when living in their house they have the right to have some certain minimum expectations in regard to the maintenance of THEIR house.

OP admits the house is a mess. Op says they don't have time to clean, yet the hubby works at home, (If I worked at home and had NO commute time I think I could find a LITTLE bit of time to clean.) OP can't keep up because she falls asleep while folding laundry? Huh? They have time to go to art shows and Disney parks, but not to straighten up the house, really?

Hey, my kids have kept their rooms clean since they were 6.

My kids now have cars and I expect them to keep them clean. Would I be a horrible parent 'poisoning' my kids if I get mad because their cars are a mess?
Give me a break.

If someone gave me a FREE place to live and their requirement was that I keep it clean, ya know what, it would be clean. And, if I didn't keep it clean I would accept the repercussions myself rather than making myself look like an ungrateful moocher to thousands of people on a message board.

The talk about cats and birthday presents and flea market junque matchbook boxes kinda shows that you will stoop to anything to try to paint these people as toxic. Have you ever thanked them for giving you a place to live?

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I don't see how, whether or not the house is tidy or hoardery, it's any of the in-law's business.

My house runs to the messy side, but can be tidied well enough for company in a few hours or given a decent cleaning in a few more. At its worst, if my DH goes away and leaves me alone for a weekend, the whole thing can be top to bottom **** and span, all closets perfect, all drawers tidy, all storage rooms tidied, everything mopped, steam-cleaned, wiped down, even the flower beds weeded and fresh mulch put in (even if it's out of season!) etc. in about 2.5 days of steady work.

I have a BFF whose home runs somewhere between just below bad enough to go on hoarders and just perfect for a regular episode of Clean House. I may discuss it with some friends, because we worry about her, but I would never, ever dream of coming in and saying anything deragatory to her. Nor would her own mother, who keeps a house that is neat as a pin at all times! It's the BFF's business, not MINE. It's her preference and her right to keep her house however she would like so long as it's not a health hazard (and thus far, she's never let it get quite that bad).

If the in-laws are giving them a place to stay, they should accept that they have a son and a DIL who are messy and keep their noses out of it.

OP, learn from your DH's sibs. Do you want to be them, even if your house is tidy? Set some boundries now. MOVE OUT. You don't have to have an apartment if that won't let you have animals. Find something, anything anywhere and get out!

Also, when you do, set some boundries that include that overnight guests MUST give notice except in the case of emergencies, because you aren't tidy people and you want to clean up before they come over. This includes both sets of parents. This is our hard and fast rule. People know I'm not tidy and that I go into a frenzy of cleaning before company comes over and they respect that because they get yummy food in the kitchen, a clean, restful guest room rooms that smells of lavender, and a bathroom stocked with brand new soaps, toothbrushes and shampoos if they give notice! If no notice, they get assorted lunch meats and cheeses in the fridge, a junky room that smells of kitty litter and spray starch, and a bathroom with a tub that may or may not have been wiped out after I shaved my legs that morning.

Finally, now that you've kvetched with us. Reframe this. Start finding it funny. Start laughing between yourself and your DH that you ever took their rantings and ravings. Don't take offense, just start taking it as the amusing anecdotes of your insane in-laws. Don't give them any power by taking them seriously!

 

[DawnM]

No kidding.

So, are they gone now?

Dawn

First off . Why are you living there? I would be moving and not looking back. The IL are very controlling and abusive. And that is not something you have to put up with. There needs to be boundaries in place and they need to know those boundaries no matter where you live. But it sounds like you two have been living in fear of them. I am sorry to say that. If you intend on staying maybe you need to find out legaly if you can change the locks.

Please dont wait any longer. You dont need this going on in your marriage.

 

[emer95]

I don't see how, whether or not the house is tidy or hoardery, it's any of the in-law's business.

Well, maybe the fact that the house BELONGS to the in-laws makes it their business.

I have a MIL who makes me crazy, so I certainly can relate, to an extent. But can you imagine what our responses would be if the OP's MIL came here and posted?

OP, your MIL sounds like a whack-a-doo, I'll grant you that. But your first and biggest mistake was ever agreeing to live in their house. You kind of made it sound like you were doing them a favor, taking care of their goats. Please. Get out of there NOW. Don't wait until your house is built.

And like a PP, I have to admit to being a little confused as to why your house is so untidy. Do you even have kids? I have a teenager and a tween, and my house manages to be mostly clean. Well, I don't know if that's the right way to put it. If I'm in the middle of a big cooking/baking project, the kitchen might get a little messy. My kids need reminders to clean their rooms. But if we got word that someone was coming over, we'd need 10 minutes, tops, to make it "company-ready." I'm not trying to be unkind, but maybe a little more organization would be helpful. Sometimes moving and a fresh start really helps with that.

 

[jillybgood]

I don't see how, whether or not the house is tidy or hoardery, it's any of the in-law's business.

It is their house; therefore, their business.

I have a BFF whose home runs somewhere between just below bad enough to go on hoarders and just perfect for a regular episode of Clean House. I may discuss it with some friends, because we worry about her, but I would never, ever dream of coming in and saying anything deragatory to her.

Of course, but if you owned the house and was letting BFF live there for little to no rent would you feel differently about how it was being maintained? Would you feel you had the right to say something about it?

If the in-laws are giving them a place to stay, they should accept that they have a son and a DIL who are messy and keep their noses out of it.

Or son and DIL should accept that the "cost" of living in the inlaws home is keeping it up to the inlaws standards of cleanliness.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OP, you MIL and FIL do sound like they are no picnic. Defacing your personal property is wrong. Yet you still live in their house.

They may not be the nicest people in the world but they are doing you and DH a huge favor. Yes, it is a favor that has strings attached, like keeping it up to their standard of cleanliness and order. You can either accept that and keep up your side of the bargain or reject it and get your own place.

They don't sound like the nicest people in the world is coming here time after time to trash them any better? I know your frustrated but the power is in your hands to change this. Best of luck to the both of you.

 

[cm8]

OP, I am sorry that you are having to go through that DWIL I think that free or not, they still owe you some respect and should not barge in like that I'm not going to JADE anything to anyone who does not know or understand what is going on. I hope that you are able to move ASAP and live happily ever after

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Nope. Still say it's not the IL's business. They're landlords, whether the rent is free or $5000 a month, and it's not the landlord's business how you keep your house so long as you don't damage the house.

 

[Donnainnj]

Nope. Still say it's not the IL's business. They're landlords, whether the rent is free or $5000 a month, and it's not the landlord's business how you keep your house so long as you don't damage the house.

If the house was truly a hoarding situation then it would be their business. They have a financial stake in the condition of the house. A couple of years age a house in our neighborhood burned down during a power outage. The fire department stated the fire was very quick, the owner was a hoarder and all the junk allowed it to travel much quicker then in a non cluttered house.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

GUN at WDW I want to know that story.