please ignore

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[crisi]

That sounds like you have made some productive steps. It also sounds like you still need to cut deeper. Private school may be the next to go. Or the earlier suggestion for trading down into a smaller home.

Your financial success at 25 will have little bearing to the bankruptcy judge. Its today you need to worry about.

PG: You have posted personal financial details on a internet board. Moreover, you've posted little tidbits about your life here, which allows people to go back and check. People are going to try and help. They are also going to judge, make comments, question why you are doing things. When they give advice a year ago and discover you've taken two more Disney trips and have a third in the works since then, they are going to wonder if they are wasting their breath. This is the nature of this medium. If you don't like it, perhaps you should ask to have this thread closed and stick to getting professional credit counseling.

 

[imsayin]

You keep bringing up my Disney trip for yes 10 days last year. Ummm guess what, that was the best trip we have ever had! Mother and daughter together having a blast for 10 days. We have memories that nothing can take away. And that again, has NO PRICE!

Actually, it did have a price. The price is your stress over your current financial situation. It could have been lessened by putting your vacation money toward debt. You can make priceless memories without spending so much cash. Go to a local zoo, park, beach, museum, etc. There are a million things I could do with my kids that will make great memories that are a lot cheaper than a Disney vacation.

I don't think the posters here want to judge you, we just have a hard time seeing that you are making this a priority since you did take 2 trips to WDW while in your current situation.

 

[Luv2trav]

You keep bringing up my Disney trip for yes 10 days last year. Ummm guess what, that was the best trip we have ever had! Mother and daughter together having a blast for 10 days. We have memories that nothing can take away. And that again, has NO PRICE! Life is about living for me... and yes I TRUST myself enough to know my choices are what works for ME.

If you trust yourself so much then why are you asking for advice??

 

[CarolA]

This is going to sounds harsh, but you are NOT telling us the truth which is fine. You don't know us and you have no obligation to tell us the truth.

But I think you are not telling yourself or your DH the truth!

Let's see... you only buy generic, you have cut out everything extra, you don't shop etc... And yet you have no money! I have news for you it went somewhere?? It's like you want us to believe that it just disappears into thin air.

You also want to be out of debt without giving up Disney vacations, private schools, new cars, etc..... That isn't going to happen. The good fairy is NOT showing up, waving her magic wand and absolving you of your past debt.

Sorry, but until you decide to get real the debt is not going anywhere and the situation is going to get worse. I am not sure why you keep posting here since you don't really seem to want to change. If you always do what you have always done, you will always get the same result.

I did not have a 10 day mommy and me vacation growing up. Guess what??? I have WONDERFUL memories of time with my mother.... you seem to equate "love" with spending money and they are not at all related.

I wish you the best, but I don't see a happy outcome here unless someone in your family stages and intervention and takes away all your access to funds.

(I know the next step will be to have this thread closed LOL! I find it very entaining when folks post facts of thier life and then when everyone doesn't say.... "your wonderful and it's not your fault":" get upset!)

 

[tlbwriter]

You keep bringing up my Disney trip for yes 10 days last year. Ummm guess what, that was the best trip we have ever had! Mother and daughter together having a blast for 10 days. We have memories that nothing can take away. And that again, has NO PRICE! Life is about living for me... and yes I TRUST myself enough to know my choices are what works for ME.

I think this is the attitude that has put you in this position. Because it's NOT working for you. It has put you deep into debt.

The fact that it was the best trip you ever had doesn't mean it was the responsible thing to do. You have memories that nothing can take away, but you paid a heavy price for them, and now the bill is due. There are a lot of wonderful things you could have done with your daughter that cost a lot less than WDW. I think the fact that you're defending that trip as a good thing shows that you really aren't in the best frame of mind to get out of your situation. If you said "it was a great trip, but I realize now I should not have spent that money," I would feel better about your ability to climb out of this hole.

In your previous thread there was a lot of talk about doing things for other people who deserved it, or were entitled to it. As in, your husband works hard so he is entitled to his fun money and you will not take it away from him. Your daughter is entitled to go to private school and take part in after-school activities. Your MIL is entitled to go to WDW. Your friends are entitled your charity. Now, I'm not arguing with you on this point - I'm sure all of these people do, in fact, deserve exactly what you want to do for them. But when you cannot even buy groceries, it's a moot point. You will not always be able to give them what they deserve. All of these items are *wants*, and you must take care of the needs before you take care of the wants. I know you have taken action in this area, but if there are no other expenses to cut, and you're still falling short, you're going to have to take it farther. For example, as much as you love your daughter's private school, I do not see how you can justify it when you can't even afford groceries.

You keep telling us how responsible you were in the past. But the past is past. All that matters is what you are doing now.

Another suggestion... you say your husband is very frugal by nature. Perhaps you should turn over your checkbook and leave the bill-paying to him, and limit yourself to a cash allowance, just to eliminate temptation.

 

[dvcgirl]

but I am not your relative.... please dont take out your thoughts of her out on me.

Oh God, I wasn't trying to do that PG. Really, I was only trying to offer up some advice that may be helpful to you. I was only reading the information that you put out on this board and offering suggestions as to how to remedy your situation. The fact that you may have reminded me of a relative is just pure coincidence. Well, not much of a coincidence as there's lots of folks in the same predicament as you right now.

You seem very exuberant and put forth the appearance that you want to change your financial future. But after remembering and re-reading the thread from September, it's just human nature for folks here to scratch their heads when two trips to WDW were taken in between pleas for help. But it's not judgemental. It really isn't..it's constructive criticism. In some ways, these boards are doing you a disservice. I mean, it's easy to think that *everyone* must be going to WDW in the world right. Everyone here sure is, regardless of financial status. So heck, if they're going to go, well I might as well go. Everyone else is going who has some money troubles and figures a way out...so I'll figure my way out of this mess too.

In the end, your issues won't change anyone's lives around here. They're your issues, and what you choose to do about them is your business. You've received lots of great advice and support...I hope you can see that.

And really, you need professional help, not the help of a bunch of kind people on a Disney message board. I was only trying to offer up my experience in living well below my means....not above them. Trying to explain that you'll feel great pride in living your life that way and that there's no greater feeling in being able to buy expensive things, and then not buying them. There's a peace that surfaces in your life when you reach this place because you realize that expensive items and vacations are just things....and more stuff. And "stuff" can't make you happy.


And like another poster said recently, you put out a similar plea for advice/help only 10 short months ago. Now you're saying that you've made a lot of positive changes, and if you have....great! That's wonderful. But clearly, if you're currently seeing a $400 deficit per month before you've bought any food for your family or fuel for your cars, well, that's a critical financial crisis by any definition. Whatever changes you've made are clearly not working. On your current path (if it is as bad as you say), banks will stop giving you home equity loans and the 401Ks will be gone. It sounds as though you've already reached a point where you have so much debt that you can't keep your head above water. You are beyond advice like "hey, how about dropping basic cable...you'll save $19 a month that way." Yes, every little bit counts, but your current monthly deficit will snowball into bankrputcy and foreclosure if major changes aren't put into action immediately.


As for the 10 day WDW trip being the "trip of a lifetime". Every WDW around here is the trip of a lifetime. And please don't tell me that you decided on the WDW trip because you love life so much...or have more of an appreciation for life than the rest of us, or the familiar..."life is too short" mantra. People who are financially responsible enjoy those trips just as much as you do, trust me. They probably enjoy them more in fact because they can afford them and don't have the worry that must live in the back of your mind at all times.

How on earth can anyone go to WDW when they're coming up $400 short per month before putting food on the table? I get it...it's got to be very depressing to be in your situation financially. But a trip to Disney World isn't going to fix that. It's only going to make you want to go back...again and again and again. It's a quick fix.

 

[EthansMom]

Peacefulgirl,

I agree with crisi, CarolA, tlbwriter and dvcgirl.

You don't want your current situation to be compared to the financial situation you were in 9 months ago, but despite your claims that you followed the advice given then and really buckled down, you are apparently worse off with your finances now then you were in the past.

You seem angry, but we're only trying to help.

You keep making excuses for your spending: DH deserves it..., it was the trip of a lifetime..., I like to help my friends out..., etc.. And yet you say, "We haven't made any large purchases!" In the last 9 months, you've gone on two trips to WDW -- those are large purchases. And you've probably purchased or renewed your APs which is another large purchase. At a guesstimate, there's $3000-$4000 that should have been used to pay off debt if you are in the dire straits you have respresented on this thread.

I don't know if we can help you here, PG. And it's not because we don't want to help. But because you don't seem able to make the lifestyle changes and set the priorities required to make real change.

Really, I wish you the best!

 

[peacefulgirl]

please ignore

 

[Twinkies]

My DH is always trying to tell me that the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome" (Because I'm always trying to get the kids to pick up their stuff or whatever....) but the truth is, that is one approach isn't working, then try a different approach, which is commendable....

However, you certainly implied you were planning a trip a few days ago when you discovered rates (for the fall, I think) and said "time to start planning"

so it does seem as though your thinking is all over the place right now...

 

[Nik's Mom]

O.k, I'm going to say something here, but it's not directed at anyone in particular. Just stating the facts. Debt is a major problem in this country. Even our own President has run our country into a huge deficit. So there are many people around you, many people on these boards that are deeply in debt. Almost every person has some debt. So, Peaceful girl, you are not alone. The difference in your case is that it has become so overwhelming.
Peaceful girl, I honestly don't know what to tell you about the debt, other than to say I'll pray for you and your family that you will get through this.
Can I suggest reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. It won't give you advise on debt directly, but it is a great eye opener on life! Every time I read from it, I learn something new about how God works and that every thing in life is a lesson. Yes, everything. Even the bad stuff.
O.k., peaceful girl has made mistakes in life. I just don't see any reason to kick her when she's down. Yes, state the facts, yes give advise, but let's try to keep it civil.

O.k. guys. Now rip into me! Just kidding.

 

[tlbwriter]

I didn't put my entire life out here, financially or otherwise. You have no idea who I am, what I own, how I dress or what I do... please don't assume things.... like that I am going to WDW this year, like I am not truthful to my husband, like I spent 4000 on 2 vacations last year...

You know what? We can only go by what you tell us. And what you have told us, in this thread and in other threads, is that you're planning a trip to WDW this year. That your husband was surprised when he discovered how serious your money problems were, and he doesn't know how you got there. That you took two WDW trips last year. You cannot blame people for believing what you said in other threads, or for making suggestions based on what you yourself have told us.

Have you ever tried to do something once, and it didn't work out, so you tried again and again and then GOT IT?

Yes, but I never pretended it was the first time I tried. Or got angry with others for realizing I had been in the same situation before.

It feels like you are getting joy out of this, and that is just a SAD reality for me, that people take joy in stuff like this and don't see that someday, they could be the one on the other side. I could NEVER be so unkind to someone when they ask for help. It has gotten beyond my reason for my original post and become a place for some of you to find joy in someone elses challenge. I guess it makes you feel better about yourself to beat up someone else on the internet.

I didn't see joy at all. I saw frustration. Frustration with someone who posts this huge dramatic post, gets all kinds of good suggestions, and then posts pretty much the exact same thing except worse a few months later. If I had been in your shoes, I would have said "I posted a few months ago, got some good ideas, but now I need more help." We had no way of knowing that everyone and their dog had already told you the basics, and you should not have been offended when someone pointed out that a lot of this ground had already been covered. After all, if you want NEW ideas, you need to let people know that you've already heard the basics (or maybe you haven't... I notice someone mentioned the Tightwad Gazette books in this thread, and you said you'd check them out, but they were recommended in your earlier thread as well.)

Please let me get back to what this is about, if you have an idea, great, if not, please ignore this post. I don't need to be brought back a year and I don't need to be beaten up.

All right, here's an idea. Private school. Drop it. It is a luxury that you cannot afford right now.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Yes, getting rid of the private school would definitely help. I know doing this saved us $575 a month when I quit working to stay home. I always had a bad attitude about public school. In the year that I've been home with my son, I've learned that the public school is as good as the Parents involved. I am vocal if I feel that my son is not getting enough work, or I feel the homework is not working. And the teachers listened and took some of my suggestions, or made recommendations on how to supplement the work at home. So guess what, I'm currently looking to go back to work and my son will stay in his public school. I've discovered that public school is just as good as private. Peaceful girl, look into the public schools in your area. You may be as pleasantly surprised as I was.

 

[PlutoPony]

Have you ever tried to do something once, and it didn't work out, so you tried again and again and then GOT IT? Or am I and the rest of the world the only ones? The fact that I am here looking for ideas AGIAN, only tells me I am doing the right thing. KEEP TRYING!

Yes, continuing to look for ideas is good, discarding the ones that don't prove helpful is a process that should work OVER A PERIOD OF TIME. But I think that people responding here are concerned for you and your family - and concerned that you may not have many more chances to "get it right".... I'm not sure what people can tell you that will actually help in your situation. You need some combination of income increasing/expenses decreasing and at a burn rate of $800-1200 in the hole each month (your stated $400 plus some allowance for things not specified in your budget like food) small things like cutting cable are psychological helps more than anything (but good for that). I mean this in best possible way, but I believe that with the facts as you've presented them, if you're truly serious about getting out of debt your best/only option is a significant change of lifestyle in one form or another (change in living situation. private school, etc.). And the longer it takes to make this kind of change, the more drastic the change will need to be..... I suspect this isn't what you want to hear but I hope you realize that you're getting pretty consistent advice from people who have BTDT (since few of us actually know anyone who's won the lottery ). Good luck to you and hope things work out!

 

[C.Ann]

I'm just totally confused now.. You say that you have already cut everything to the bare bones and you still can't make ends meet.. Yet whenever someone points out something else that you really could/should cut out, you are totally resistant to the idea.. So just what is it that you expect people to tell you?

The ONLY solution to this problem is to bring in more money, but you say that isn't possible..

So again - if you have already cut out everything that you are willing to cut out, you and your DH are unwilling or unable to bring in any additional income, what EXACTLY is it that you think anyone can say that WILL change the situation..?

 

[welovedis]

Ethansmom-ITA with your post.

peacefulgirl-I think people are bringing up what you posted last year and talking about what you've posted recently because it appears to us as the following:

1-you had financial difficulties last year, so much so that you posted and asked for advice on a public forum.
2-despite having those financial difficulties, you took 2 trips (based on sig line of Oct 2004 & Dec 2004), therefore spending at least some money and, presumably, adding to your financial difficulties by not saving those funds or investing, etc..
3-you recently posted a few different times about "planning again" & "AP rates" so it would certainly lead us to believe that (at least recently) you were considering another trip.
4-you now are posting that you are not able to put food on the table and are again asking for help in a public forum.

Those 3 things don't add up to most people, therefore they are "calling you out" so to speak. When posting on a forum such as this you need to be aware of what you are saying as it can certainly come back to bite you in this kind of situation.

No one here seems to be doing anything maliciously or to make fun or you, make judgements. What you post is what we know of you so these discrepancies make it hard to believe that you are truly taking this information to heart. Plus the fact that most, if not all, of the things mentioned you seem to shoot down saying that they wouldn't work for you, don't apply, you aren't willing to forgo this or that, etc....

I sincerely hope that you find the balance you need in your life. My concern is that you child is old enough to see you struggling to pay for everyday things and then taking long vacations and seeing that as her role model. Debt and finances are definitely something that we should be teaching our children about, they will learn more by what we do than what we say.

I really enjoy Mary Hunt's books, website and seminars. Check them out at Mary Hunt's Cheapskate Monthly--she is a terrific writer who has BTDT and her strategies paid off years ago when we crawled our way out of debt.

I wish you the best of luck for both you & your husband's future and your daughter's as well.

 

[Morganpics]

Do you have a Sam's/Bj's card? We don't have a cellphone, use our land line for local calls only and have a phone card for long distance. 1200 min. at 2.7 cents per minute. That really helped with our phone bill. I also agree with the folks who say stop the extra payments on the mortgage and car. Excellent idea, but right now you can't afford to do that. Hang in there-it will get better. Dave Ramsey is a great tool.