Please help with Christmas budget!!!

[Disneybuckeye]

I am married with 3 kids. My sister is married with 1 kid. My brother is not married, but his GF gets a present. My parents spend the same on each family unit ($500 or $1000 depending on the year). As we are a family of 5 we each get $100 or $200.

I get the being fair thing, but not reallly sure if this is the best way or not.

 

[brymolmom]

I think you're inventing trouble where none needs to exist. Really, don't worry about it. It doesn't matter whether you spend the same amount on each child or not. Choose something that'll please each one, and don't get overly caught up in the cost.

This! Totally agree. All except the 14 year old are all adults and honestly we all know that it's the thought that counts and we can be happy that anyone even wants to give us gifts! I would be very upset if my mom was sitting there worried about what to get us all. That she wants to get us anything - is wonderful. And honestly - if she hand makes me something that costs pennies but is something I will use all the time but buys a TV for a sibling....Well - we both got something we will love.

Of course - I wouldn't do this every single year - showering one child with the most expensive stuff. But I wouldn't worry about it either.

As for the 14 year old...I would give him what you normally have in years' past.

 

[disneychrista]

Children - $X
Grandchildren - $Y
Spouses - $Z

 

[MSSANDRA]

I bet Christmas Morning..No one will care. Agree TV is split two ways and is enough for them. Babies needs, wants are less expensive so you are great with that one. If all gifts are opened at same time, you might want to even out things a little for the others, but if your youngest DD is the only one at home for Christmas AM for example, I would give her a few more gift but not worry how the money even outs.

A token gift for boy friends and girl friends is my rule.

Children and Children in Laws get treated the same. Both sides of family has ALWAYS done this and I really do not know any families where this is not the case.

Grand-kids in our family sometime get extra from everyone just becase it is FUN!

 

[la79al]

On my moms side, there are 4 of us kids. I have a husband, 2 stepkids, and 2 girls of my own. My brothers both have long time girlfriends but one of my brothers still lives at home. My sister is mostly single and still lives at home. My mom is the type that goes as far as counting jelly beans for Easter baskets in order to keep things even. She buys something for each 'couple' and then a few things for each individual. My girls each get something kind of big and then a bunch of smaller stuff. The stepkids usually get a bunch of stuff they asked for. We don't keep track of who gets what. It's the thought that counts. Honestly, one of the most awesome things I ever got was when my mom helped my oldest daughter do a craft that included pictures of both of my girls when my youngest was a newborn. In my husbands family on the other hand, there are 2 kids. My husband is obviously married with 4 kids, his sister is no longer married but has 3 kids. His parents will get him and his sister each something big and then a smaller thing. I get a 'token' gift. Usually something that appears to be regifted. The grandkids all get one piece of clothing and then 1 or 2 smaller things. His parents really seem to get something just to get something, with not too much thought as to who they are buying for. I would rather they would just skip gift giving all together. I vote that you give the TV, if that is what your son needs/wants. Get a few things that your other son and your daughter need/want. Don't spend money on filler gifts just to even up the money. And don't nix the TV because you think your other kids are going to keep track.

 

[Minnie]

I always spend the same amount on each of my children. This year the family dynamics have changed greatly! I have a son who is now married with his own family. I have another son who is in a serious relationship for a year now and my 14YO daughter. How do I divide up my money to be fair? My son has a wife and a baby, do I spend the same on each of them as I do my one daughter? Do I spend on his family the same as the daughter? It seems kind of unfair either way. I bought my son and his wife a $400 TV. I am sitting here trying to be fair. I am getting son #2 an IPOD touch @$200 and his GF I spent @ $80 so far. What do you do?

I think what most posters missed here is the 14YO DD - so far she doesn't have anything for her and does not have the funds for to make things "fair".....

In other words she has $500 worth of gifts for her married son, $280 for younger son, and $0 for 14 YO DD.

This is a tough one OP - your funds so your choice - if others see this as fair or not..... Since you are asking for opinions - I wouldn't skimp on the 14 YO who is still at home for her older siblings that have access to personal funds.

Good luck with your choice!

 

[Jey12]

My personal opinion is who cares what you spend. Buy each child something they will like. My opinion kids are taken care of first and best on Christmas. This includes your grandbaby and your 14y/o. You bought a TV for your oldest and $100 of stuff for the baby. Great check that family off your list. You bought something your middle child will like. Have you bought anything for his GF? If not I would pick her up a little something she would like. Then check them off your list. Find out what your 14 y/o wants and buy what you can afford off of this child's list. Check them off, sit back and relax.

My inlaws make a point to tell all of us every Christmas that everyone had the exact same amount spent on them. If there's a difference and they spent less on you, then you will find cash in one of your presents. I'm happy that they think to buy us anything. We are grown adults. I honestly don't care if the same is spent on me as the other adults in the family. The thought of evening out is nice, but not necessary IMO. If I mention I would like something and they are able to buy it for me as a gift, then I love it. I don't care if my sister in law wanted something more expensive and they bought that for her. I don't need (and not to sound selfish but I don't want) fillers, such as t-shirts, socks and other things that are going to clutter up my house in the idea of fairness. They also make a bigger point to tell the grandkids the exact same was spent on all of them. They are only ages 1, 5 and 6. They don't care. If my 5 year old wants a $40 pair of roller skates more than anything, then she's not going to care that her 6 year old cousin got a $100 American Girl doll. At their ages, they want the same amount of presents, although thankfully my DD doesn't seem to care about that either, she's honestly happy with underwear.

I guess what I'm getting at is people, and kids don't think to care about what was spent on who unless they're taught to. This is my main gripe about my inlaws telling the grandkids that exact amounts were spent on all. I don't want my kid to care how much a gift cost, I want her to be happy someone wanted to buy her something, and even better if it's something you really want.

I'm 14 and 16 years older than my brother and sister. I never cared how much was spent on each of us kids at Christmas. I was happy to almost always find my biggest want under the tree. Now that I'm older with my own family the real joy comes in watching DD5 open her presents. Anything I receive is just a bonus on the day.

 

[tennisfan]

When I was little my sister & I always got the same amount spent on us from my parents & grandmother. I always had a less amount of gifts as I chose more expensive items then my sister.

My sister then got married & my parents still tried to spend the same on each of us & my BIL got a gifts around $60 amount (his parents favoured his sister & some years he got nothing from them)

The one year I got slightly more is when my sister got married (5 days before Christmas) my parents paid for the whole thing so bought me something extra.

Now my sister has children they try to keep it equal but I was at home until this year so I tended to get a couple of extra things.

I have said this year I want for nothing as my parents have been very generous with helping my kit my house out, which i'm very grateful. Over the years they have helped/bailed my sister out as they wasted a lot of money. Overall it all equals out over the years.

I do plan on spending extra on them this year as they have done so much for me & its a way of saying thank you.

 

[perthgirl]

Gee I am starting to feel cheap! The rule in our family is once you have children the gifts to siblings cease. My family spends approx $50 on each child (niece, nephew) and the gandkids make or buy a small gift for the grandparents. Our DD (14 yo) hets gifts usually to around $100 to $150 only.

Christmas is way too commercial in our minds so we enjoy finding gifts our family will enjoy without making it too stressful when the credit card bill arrives!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have 4 kids and recently my mom told me that she felt bad because she can't spend as much pp as my siblings who have less people in their families.

I told her that it didn't matter. It would be silly for her to "match" dollars in that manner.

I think it is nice to just remember others. Recently got told by another family member that they won't buy for kids anymore because the were getting too old and old kid gifts are too expensive. It left me scratching my head since my kids favorite place to shop is the dollar spot at Target. I would have rather they asked for suggestions like they used to do versus assuming that my old child could only be pleased with expensive items. I had to break it to my kid that they would no longer receive gifts and played dumb when she asked why. But said relative still got me a gift.

 

[kimsuenew]

My M-I-L & F-I-L spend the same on their childen, in-law childen, and grandchildren (it was not always like this and caused a big family rift). Now that one nephew has a serious (live-in but not engaged) girlfriend they split the money between the two (M-I-L says if they were "not being sinful and were married" they would each get the full amount but not until).

My parents, due to a big age diffeence in us kids (19 years youngest to oldest) did have this issue. The two left at home got the full amount that they were to spend (like $200.00 each), the two off and married kids got a nice gift for them and their spouse or a giftcard, while grandkids got a nice gift (like average of $30.00 each per person).

In my opinion, the child at home deserves her "18 years" of gifts like the older siblings got... the adult sons need a nominal gift as does the wife. The girlfriend needs far less, she is not family. The grandkids need a set amount.

 

[TinkTock]

I probably lean more towards splitting a grown child's gift between him and a spouse. I have a question for those who think that if you give your grown kids a $50 gift, and when they get married, the wife also gets a $50 gift because that's fair. When a kid gets married, do you think they should spend twice as much on a gift for their parents as they did before because it's from the son and DIL? That would seem like the other half of that fairness argument.

 

[DisneyCher]

My parents spend twice as much on each of us kids as they do on spouses. For example, they'd spend $500 on each my sister and I, but only $250 on my husband. And my son is spoiled rotten, with no spending limit, but I think that is OK with his aunt (my sister) because she spoils him, too.

 

[pyrxtc]

you could think of it this way.....

you have given ?? amount to your grown married son for say 27 years already

you have given ?? amount to your grown unmarried son for say 22 years already

you have given ?? amount to your 14 yr old DD for the 14 years she has been alive so it is already unfair.

When you pass away someday, two of them will always have gotten more from you since they were alive longer. Fairness doesn't matter in any case. Sometimes it's just how life rolls the ball.

Buy your DD what you think she will like and need and don't worry about fair. It's not like you were planning a $16,000 car for her. (or were you??)

My younger two will end up getting more stuff for Christmas than the girls did because we didn't have the money when they were younger.