Please help...my bride and I are struggling with this.

[kidzmom3]

I know I wrote about a situation that worked out and went well; but do be prepared that it might not. This is a very tricky situation, with no easy answer. Really no "good" answer. In an ideal world she would have parents who put her first and love and support her.


I wish you the best whatever decision you make. And remember, if you decide its not the right choice for your family at this time: Its okay. You are good people for even considering it and being so thoughtful.

 

[tigercat]

My son's friend was going to end up on the street because of his parents. He asked if he could live with us for a couple of weeks. It has turned into a couple of years. He is treated as my son. He has let us know that he is so grateful for what we have done for us. He doesn't talk a lot but will with me. He does see his mother about twice a year but doesn't stay long and can't wait to get back. There really is no room for him them and she is curt with him. I can get him to do things that there is no way she could, just the way I treat him. Am I glad that I did it? It has been trying at times financially but I think for us it was the right decision. I am glad that I did it. Really think through your decision as everyone is different. I know of several people that have said that they couldn't have done what we did. I just saw this really nice young man living on the streets. Couldn't have that.
tigercat

 

[minkydog]

No matter how great a friend is-having her move in will change your family dynamics. Good luck

Have to agree. At a time when you need to be concentrating on blending the family you are making, it doesn't seem to be a great idea to take on an unrelated teen.

That being said, we fostered a 17yo young man when his parents tossed him out in his senior year. He has severe ADHD and I think they just got tired of dealing with it. Mom was alcoholic and they had 5 other kids, so their household was just totally chaotic. No other family members would take him in. DS asked if we could help him out and after talking with his dad, we agreed. Eric stayed with us on and off for 6 years.

It really does change the dynamics in the family. I don't regret helping this young man because he was really trying to make his life work. He didn't drink, steal, or use drugs. He was always mannerly and behaved himself pretty well. Was putting himself through college with no help from his family. But still, sometimes it was hard. Still, I have never regretted helping him out where we could.

If I were you, I'd really try to help her exhaust every option. Not saying you shouldn't do it, but it sounds like this is not the ideal time. Consider this very carefully and don't be afraid to walk away. But if you can see your way clear to help her, then do it.