Please help me. I am desperate for advice -Updated 11-26 Post# 53

[Vallie]

I don't know if your husband is cheating or not and would make a determination of something that important from a message board post but if anyone I knew hacked my email or installed a key logger on my computer I would have a real problem with them. If you think he is cheating confront him but those two things are violations of trust that would immediately end any relationship I had with anyone, period.

If she caught him cheating by hacking onto his email who really cares if he leaves her or not!?

While I dont think women should snoop around and check just because she's nosy or has trust issues, because really thats just crazy. I do think that if a woman has a strong reason (in this case - his past cheating and now his repetitive behavior) to believe her husband is cheating on her she has every right to snoop. Women's intuition is a strong thing, and most of the time, if you have to sneak around, its probably because you already know the truth and just want "proof".

Cheating on someone is alot worse then hacking onto someone's email.

Just my opinion.

Just my two cents.

 

[DVCJones]

nevermind...old post

 

[Carly_Roach]

Any particular reason you brought up an old post from November of 2009?

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

Any particular reason you brought up an old post from November of 2009?

I'm curious now too haha... and I'm curious how things turned out with the original poster Im in such a curious kitten mood today!

 

[jamimb]

I'm curious now too haha... and I'm curious how things turned out with the original poster Im in such a curious kitten mood today!

I got an e-mail update from the OP but when I clicked on it and read everything in this thread it was not in there. I dont know if she posted an update today and deleted it or what?????

 

[sunnyday123]

It's sad that you distrust him enough to snoop and even sadder that he has earned that distrust. I really don't have a clue what you should do.

My standard marital advice is:

1) Respect your spouse. Show them respect when they are with you and when they are away.

2) Trust and be trustworthy.

3) Avoid major sources of stress. The two big ones that I see are money (people not saving enough or spending significant amounts without it being a group decision) and time (people having so many non-family activities that they don't have enough time for each other.

4) Have lots of physical relations. I think that we are wired to bond with people that we get physical with. Several times a week is a minimum.

Did you read her post at all?? Their issue was the fact that he cheated before, is dealing with depression brought on by a sick child, and is pulling away from her, again.

To the OP, I'm so very sorry you're going through this again. I think most posters here ( with the above exception) have hit some very good points, and I wish you well through all of this.

ETA: It's too darn early and I didn't realize this was an ancient thread. I HATE when people do this.

 

[ohiomom28]

I got an e-mail update from the OP but when I clicked on it and read everything in this thread it was not in there. I dont know if she posted an update today and deleted it or what?????

For some reason she maybe deleted it??

Anyway, I copied it from my email. Here it is.



So, I thought I would come and update because so many of you were so good to respond and PM me.

I dropped off the boards for a bit to work on my marriage. It turned out my DH WAS having an affair with the cousin that he went down to visit on that "training" trip. I should say that she isn't a real cousin, but a STEP-cousin. For one whole year he was involved in a long distance affair. That explained a lot. Erased computer activity, his wish to leave the marriage after that trip, etc.

He did come back home for a brief time at the end of Feb, for 3 months, but I found an email between them that was clearly not of the "cousin" nature. I confronted, he of course denied and I kicked him out, got a lawyer and filed for divorce in July. At the end of Sept, he was sniffing around trying to be a "good guy" he was being helpful and trying to get on my good side. He kept saying we "needed to talk." and that he was having second thoughts. I wasn't having ANY of it. While he was here one day, I went through his phone and found that he had been sexting with her. So, I sent it to myself and then sent it to her DH. Let's just say the pooh hit the fan!!!!

to make a very loooooooooong story short. DH came clean about everything and explained that he wanted to come clean for a while, but I wasn't having any of it. He begged for forgiveness and a second chance! He showed me months of email conversations between the two of them that showed him trying to break it off with her and wanting to be with me and the kids. SHE was really putting up a good fight, playing the victim, etc. Telling her DH put an end to her holding on to him. My DH still felt like he had to protect her until I exposed it all.

So, I made no promises to him, but i did agree to go to a new marriage counselor if HE went to his own in addition to MC. He basically agreed to anything and everything. He gave me all passwords to everything he wrote a "no contact" email to the cousin that said never to contact him again. I informed the cousin's entire family what was going on. WE now have nothing to do with ANY of that side of the family!

I still make no promises to him other than I am trying to get past it all. It has been a little over 3 months and things seem to be a a good path, but it is way to early to tell.

So, I just want to say thanks again for helping me through one of the worst times in my life and update you if you ever were wondering what ever happened to IsZisIT.






I'm glad things are going ok now. Good Luck!!

 

[ohiomom28]

Did you read her post at all?? Their issue was the fact that he cheated before, is dealing with depression brought on by a sick child, and is pulling away from her, again.

To the OP, I'm so very sorry you're going through this again. I think most posters here ( with the above exception) have hit some very good points, and I wish you well through all of this.

ETA: It's too darn early and I didn't realize this was an ancient thread. I HATE when people do this.

The original poster posted an update. I copied it above from my email.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Anyway, I copied it from my email. Here it is.



So, I thought I would come and update because so many of you were so good to respond and PM me.

I dropped off the boards for a bit to work on my marriage. It turned out my DH WAS having an affair with the cousin that he went down to visit on that "training" trip. I should say that she isn't a real cousin, but a STEP-cousin. For one whole year he was involved in a long distance affair. That explained a lot. Erased computer activity, his wish to leave the marriage after that trip, etc.

He did come back home for a brief time at the end of Feb, for 3 months, but I found an email between them that was clearly not of the "cousin" nature. I confronted, he of course denied and I kicked him out, got a lawyer and filed for divorce in July. At the end of Sept, he was sniffing around trying to be a "good guy" he was being helpful and trying to get on my good side. He kept saying we "needed to talk." and that he was having second thoughts. I wasn't having ANY of it. While he was here one day, I went through his phone and found that he had been sexting with her. So, I sent it to myself and then sent it to her DH. Let's just say the pooh hit the fan!!!!

to make a very loooooooooong story short. DH came clean about everything and explained that he wanted to come clean for a while, but I wasn't having any of it. He begged for forgiveness and a second chance! He showed me months of email conversations between the two of them that showed him trying to break it off with her and wanting to be with me and the kids. SHE was really putting up a good fight, playing the victim, etc. Telling her DH put an end to her holding on to him. My DH still felt like he had to protect her until I exposed it all.

So, I made no promises to him, but i did agree to go to a new marriage counselor if HE went to his own in addition to MC. He basically agreed to anything and everything. He gave me all passwords to everything he wrote a "no contact" email to the cousin that said never to contact him again. I informed the cousin's entire family what was going on. WE now have nothing to do with ANY of that side of the family!

I still make no promises to him other than I am trying to get past it all. It has been a little over 3 months and things seem to be a a good path, but it is way to early to tell.

So, I just want to say thanks again for helping me through one of the worst times in my life and update you if you ever were wondering what ever happened to IsZisIT.

Oh boy IsZisIT. BIG HUGS to you that you find the right path. You are a stronger woman than I am.