That is somewhat like Chicago last year where it just kept snowing and snowing for months. We determined that we had obviously pissed off the weather gods and needed to make sacrifices to rectify the situation:
We first considered sacrificing all the politicians that had sunk Illinois into its bankrupt position on the assumption that even the weather gods would like to get rid of all of them, and sacrificing them would release all that hot air that could warm things up. However, that idea was scratched when we realized that without policiticians we would lose 50% of everything we had to complain about and the one thing we like to do here during the winter is complain. Nevertheless, you might want to consider the same idea concerning Northeastern politicians because we were informed by the party out of power that such sacrifices had at least a 60% chance of success in eliminating winter.
Next we considered getting rid of the other 50% of the reasons we had to complain. Namely the Chicago Cubs. Journalist George Will once said, "Any sports team can have a bad century." But we are now well past that century. Get rid of the Cubs and we thought spring would come early, a new team would take over Wrigley Field, and a winner would be produced. It seemed a great idea until we were reminded that what would likely occur is that the new team purchased from another city would itself probably have two or more ex-Cubs and the idea was nixed because of the rule of nature that Mike Royko, journalist and political pundit from many years ago, discovered and published while providing empirical evidence: that any team with two or more ex-cubs that made it to the world series and played a team with less ex-cubs always lost the world series. In fact, a corollary to that rule is that it is likely one of those ex-cubs will do something disastrous to help cause the series to be lost. You are likely familiar with that rule of nature if you follow the Boston Red Sox. In 1986, the Red Sox were one out and one strike away from winning the World Series when a routine grounder to the first basemen, ex-Cub Bill Buckner, went through his legs and the Mets went on to win the series. In any event, you might want to consider sacrificing one of your teams. Undoubtedly there are weather gods who are still suspicious about all those deflated footballs that New England's Tom Brady used to masacre the Colts. If I were a betting man, I would bet that the weather gods are among those who may be a little doubtful of Bill Belichick's explanation that it was just a freak of cold weather nature. Thus, that may well be the cause of your current weather problems and sacrificing the Patriots is the likely solution.
Ultimately, we just decided we could not sacrifice anyone but instead just started praying for miracles, one of which was for Chicago to avoid the same depressing winter this year while our friends and neighbors in the Northeast got to suffer like we did. Those prayers have been answered.
