Please don't be mad at me...

[npall]

I am not trying to start anything just want to get other's opinions..

I have run across some postings from people making comments about young children and what I consider normal toddler behavior.. like fidgeting, laughing, talking.

I guess it started bothering me because the other day we went to HOPS ( like a TGI Fridays) at 2:30pm on a Sat. Of course we had our ds (2) with us. We sat in the booth and yes he is a very active child..When we go out to eat we let him sit in the booth with us and then when the food comes we sit him in the high chair, so he doesn't feel strapped in for 2 hours..

There was an older couple in the booth behind us and my son was not screaming, yelling,, but he was walking in the booth and they called the waiter over and asked to be moved (which was fine with us) but then before they moved they looked at us and said "You really should control his behavior!"
My son was not doing anything loud or outrageous...

Before anyone gets their guns out..I am a mom that doesn't go to restaraunts at night for this very reason, I don't do fine dining, I would never think about aking him with me to an adult movie (like I have seen other parents do.) and I do dicipline him when he gets carried away..

but to me no one can expect a toddler to sit quietly and listen to adult concersation for 2 hours, they need to move around and since I doj't want to let him loose in the rest. the booth seemd the best thing..

Okay now for the cruise part..why would someone get upset or roll their eyes when they see a family with young "fidgety kids" Gimme a break your on a DISNEY CRUISE! Are we supposed to a. drop our kids in the nursery for every activity or show b. lock ourselves in our rooms with them.

We do the best we can but kids under 3 are hard and they find it difficult to sit still...so have patience with us and if you don't like kids at all. Don't go on a DISNEY CRUISE!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Naomi

 

[SC Minnie]

I think what most people have a problem with is kids running around without parental supervision. There have been posts where parents have seen their kids hit or knocked down by another child with no parent around to correct the 'problem' child.

As for the restaurants I think they try to have the people with younger kids in the early seating. But if you do get the late seating your child will not be the only one there. The servers do an excellant job of bringing the children's food out quickly if requested. There is also crayons and a paper menu for the kids to occupy themselves a little.

Normal toddler behavior is expected and I don't have a problem with it. Everyone with children has 'been there done that'.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Npall, you make a very valid point. Any child at that age who sits perfectly still during an entire meal would make me wonder what drugs his parents feed him. We witnessed a similar thing in Olde Country Buffet, where a couple was complaining that they were sitting near kids--what do they want in a FAMILY restaurant? But I think most people can appreciate the difference between an active child and one who is overtired, cranky, whatever, and the parents ignore him. We have seen both sides of this--vacations with people who simply ignore their children's cues. In one classic case, on Day 5 of a WDW trip, one child threw up at dinner because she had been pushed so hard to keep up with the family's "schedule" (she was too big for a stroller). At the SAME MEAL, 2 total strangers at the next table complimented DH and I on how well-behaved and charming our kids were. Buzz was 2 at the time, and I guarantee, had Buzz been overtired, these same gentlemen would have moved to another table...preferably in a different hotel! So, keep the faith, most people are understanding on this!

 

[Samsma]

Npall,

Well said. The people that can't relate to normal, not obnoxious, child behavior have either never had kids, or must have had perfect angels. If anything, when I see a kid misbehaving I feel sorry for the parent, if they are at least trying to correct them. We've all been there. Its only those that ignore their behavior at the expense of others that get on my nerves.

 

[atigeg]

Your reference to "rolling eyes when you see fidgety kids" sounds like a direct quote from my post about the theater (when a big family sat down next to us). It would be ironic if you were using us as an example of people who do not like to be around children or who do not understand their behavior beccause I am an ardent defender of the kids in many of my posts (as well as a veteran of 21 Disney cruises...actually, I hate kids and just like to torture myself ).
I always jump in when adults compain about having a kid at their table to point out that, in the very few times this has happened to us, it has always been a great experience. We had one little 4-year-old girl at our table once who was an absolute delight! I loved to hear her explaining her day and all the exciting things she did. I have been known to hang out at the family beach rather than the adult one, right in the midst of the "action," because sometimes I prefer that. The eye-rolling was because, in a 90 percent empty theater, they chose to sit right next to us (and the point of my post was that they were actually very well behaved).
Having said that, I am always amazed that people are surprised to find kids on a Disney cruise. And of course they are going to run around, laugh yell, and be wild...it's what kids do. I am continually amazed that people often expect them to act like little adults. They'll be grown up soon enough...for goodness sakes, let them enjoy it while they can! I have done counseling with kids, and I won't even go into some of the horrific things I've seen (not to mention the parents who put their own priorities before those of their families...if you choose to have children, you should be read for that commitment).
As to the booth, that would have bothered me if the child was bumping the booth, staring over at me, or otherwise interferring with me. I like to live by the creed "Do what you want, unless it is having a negagtive impact on someone else." Hard to tell if it was really bumping and bugging them or if they were just cranks.
Barb
Visit the Platinum Castaway Club at: www.castawayclub.com

 

[RIDISNEYLOVERS]

I have a 2 1/2 year old and she is very active. My DH and I love to go out to eat on the weekends (this is the only time that we usually get to go out to dinner) and it is very hard to keep them entertained and in their seat for approximately 2 hours - longer if you have to wait to be seated!! We usually try to get a table or booth in a corner so she can have some "freedom" to roam, but not to run around the restaurant. We know the times that she is tired and when she naps so we do not go out during that time. I am happy to hear that we are not the only ones that face this - I think every family with toddlers do.

Don't worry about what other people think, they are not in the moment and they probably forgot what it was like raising kids or may never have had any.

Lisa

 

[npall]

Barb: being a frequent visitor to your website and seeing alot of your posts here I know that you are a defender of kids most of the time..

and yes the rolling of the eyes comment was about your post..(just being honest) it still bothered me because my thought process was as first they went to the matinee which I would've done instead of trying to take a tired, over stimulated child in the evening times.. second sure the theater was empty but most kids run to the fron of anything (line, seat..) just to get closer so they probably did this automatically.. third. if everyone felt like "I hope they don't sit next to us" families wouldn't sit anywhere...
Also a 2 year old and a 4 year old is a BIG jump in behavior..My nephew is almost four and the difference between him and my ds are HUGE! A four year old's attention span is alot longer.

Probably in the walking he may have been bumping the booth..if it were the other way around I would've probably turned around and made funny faces at the kids..
The thing that I don't understand is the lack of sympathy for parents with yound kids so maybe he was bumping the booth..so what ? Is that really going to kill you or ruin your quality of life for 30 minutes until the food comes out and we sit him in his high chair ? This place was one step up from a fast food place... are we suppose to go only to places that have a playland ?
I agree with you whole heartly about the committment part. I left a very great career Sept of last year (ds was 16 months old) to be a SAHM.

Samsma and Buzz: I agree that the parent's need to do their part to make the kids behavior better..Over tired, cranky kids shouldn't be taken to a sit down meal. Example of this was yesterday as a matter of fact, my dh and I cancelled going to Olive Garden because ds was not very happy after an afternoon in the sun...
Thank you for understanding my point...I too feel sorry for the parents when the kids are acting up...

Naomi

 

[npall]

we usually only go to dinner on weekends and try to do it before 6pm. We try to get a corner table to and ds is very good about just staying right in our area...the moment he wanders he gets put back in the high chair for the remainder of the time...

Thanks for your support and encouragement..I guess sometimes us moms of tots need to hear that others in our situation our out there...

Thanks again:
Naomi

 

[pal2pluto]

Ten years ago, dh and I had a wonderful little girl....compliant and easy-going. Many times we would go somewhere with her and she would be so happy to just read a book at the table, while we saw families with their "unruly" kids....usually boys...trying to control them, or ignoring them. "That kid just needs a good swat!" We were the experts.....look at our precious daughter!

Two years ago, dh and I had a wonderful little boy......with a voracious appetite for excitement and movement. In restaurants, he will sit for a little while in a high chair....but when he hits his wall......"check please!". We were at a Wendy's just yesterday, and he was happily making his way to the table alone while I watched. And then I heard it......"he needs to be controlled, maybe a firm hand (she's not able to control him, you know)." The comments always hurt....and are meant to!

Well, what goes around, comes around. Maybe not their kids, but maybe their grandkids, and then they will remember and not judge. I know, I was there. My son loves life and is happy to show it. Gosh I love my kids!

 

[npall]

pal2 LOL you reminded me of our own "story" When I was 19 years old I was told I would never have children due to some serious medical problems in my reproductive system...

When I met my husband three years later I told him right off the back because he was 9 years my senior and was already settled and ready for kids...
He told me he loved only me and that it didn't matter..so here we are two business people going out to nice dinner every night and enjoying vacations..Everytime we ran into normal behaving toddlers we would say like you " They need a good spanking.." Or "I can't believe that mom..or dad.."

Well a month before our wedding I went through a medical procedure. We got married on July 31st...

2 months later I found out I was seven weeks pregnant...Guess what ? I got a beautiful but active boy who's idea of sitting still is wiggling in and out of his chair..LOL!!!

Needless to say we don't EVER make those comments again and actually have offered to help those moms by carrying something or helping with the stroller why they get a handle on their little one...

Naomi

 

[RIDISNEYLOVERS]

npall:


God sure does work miracles!!

God's greatest gift to us is a baby so enjoy EVERY MINUTE - even when he is fidgety and possibly getting on your nerves (and maybe everyone else's)!! My mom always tells me to enjoy them because they will be grown before you know it!!

Lisa

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

npall--Congrats on your healthy, active son! Doesn't God work in funny ways? We've been through the wringer with Buzz, medically. Now he's a normal little boy, and he's loud, messy, charming, snuggly, you name it! Half the time I'm praying for his safety, the other half I could kill him myself! But I wouldn't trade him for the world

 

[npall]

I feel the exact same way about Aram..it's funny for the first 6 months of his life I was in awe of him because I couldn't believe he was really mine..and now at almost 2 I am still in awe of him but have my moments when I say "Does he have to be mine..?" LOL

He is so funny..just the other day I stubbed my toe and he came over and said "Mama hurt..hug" and then gives me a hug afterwards he said "All better.."

Just melts your heart..and keeps you sane for those moments at restaurants...

 

[grlzmom]

Being a mom to five wonderful little girls we are often the subject of scrutiny when out in public.

That aside, if a restaurant has a kids menu I think (my opinion here) that means kids are welcome We eat out all the time, use our manners, tip well and are very considerate of other diners whether they be with or without kiddos. I am also the first to get up and take my little squiggler out for a walk.

We are so looking forward to enjoying our disney cruise, kiddos and all and of course they will mind their manners when they should. And, they will giggle, laugh and have a good time when appropriate too We will be taking the whole gang to dinners and shows (that's why we are cruising Disney, not for the nursery, etc).

I can certainly understand those who are cruising without kiddos and dont want to spend their meals with the "crayon gang". In reverse, we feel the same way. It is way too uncomfortable for our large family to sit through meals for a week with the non kiddo bunch. Just not much in common


grlzmom

 

[fortwilderness]

First of all, I don't have kids yet but I hope to have a couple of my own someday -

But the number one thing that drives me crazy in restaurants is when parents let their kids run around and bounce around in booths. And quite frankly, it isn't the kids doing it that makes me upset - it is the parents that let them do it. I realize that not everyone would be annoyed by a child running around and bumping on the back of their seat for 30 minutes while they are trying to eat but I would guess that the majority of people would be.

It actually makes me feel physically ill when I am being bumped and bounced from behind when I am trying to eat. I can totally understand why the couple moved although I do think that their comment to you was quite rude. If they were already eating when you sat down your son may have been making one of them feel ill. If they were not eating yet they may have just wanted to prevent being bumped around when their food did come out.

You say that "so maybe he was bumping the booth..so what ? Is that really going to kill you or ruin your quality of life for 30 minutes until the food comes out and we sit him in his high chair ?" Well, at a place like TGI Friday's 30 minutes is around the time it takes to eat lunch so maybe he would have ruined their entire lunch. How fair is that ? Plus how were they to know that you were going to put him in the highchair later ? I am not defending the rude couple but just thinking about how I would have reacted in the situation.

I don't care if kids whine, talk, stare, make faces at me, throw food -just so it doesn't hit me - wonder around a little on the floor, ect. because I understand that is just how it is when you have kids. Good grief -I can even relate to BuzznBelle'smom throwing up example because that is exactly what I did on my first trip to WDW at age 3. I threw up right in my plate at breakfast one morning and my mom says that she thought that the poor server was going to faint

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

fortwilderness, Thank you for your candor, and I just want to let you know that, as a mom, I agree with you 110% in both areas. First off, I too, get physically ill if I get bumped, etc. while eating. I would have perhaps asked the family (very politely) if this could be stopped. If that didn't work, I would move without saying anything further. But as far as obnoxious kids go, it's actually worse when you're a parent. If (childless) you are having a pleasant meal and encounter an unruly child, you're annoyed, but it ends. I'm stuck with my kis wanting to copy the unruly behavior. If the behavior is especially inviting, it may take days for me to get my kids back on track. Added bonus: my kids probably go to school/camp/day care with kids who are similarly unruly, so it's a constant struggle to squash that kind of behavior. I don't mind, really--that's what I signed on for--but you can see why it gets doubly annoying for me to see this sort of stuff. But, there's not much to be done, except keep plugging along. We also lavishly praise good behavior, knowing it's difficult for kids to sit still when others are running amok.

By the way, I didn't mention it earlier, but Buzz's favorite trick is to pass out when he's overwhelmed! Medically it's no big deal, but it's a sure way to get lots of attention!

 

[tkd lisa]

Boy, I think as a parent, this thread is something I can really relate to. I also happen to be one of those people who sees both sides of a situation (usually at the same time, which drives my DH NUTTTS!) Anyway, on the side of the "grumpy older couple" I do second the fact that the booth thing probably was disturbing them. Most of those booths are bolted together back to back, so their seat was probably moving around a lot. I've had it happen to me both when my child moved it and when a child on the other side did it. And when my child does it, I point out to them that we are moving both our seat and the seat behind us, then apologize to the other table. Stand by for a big generalization here folks: Most older people (i.e. mid fifties and up) didn't eat the way that we did with their kids. I know that for my DH, their family NEVER ate out. When they did, it was such a big deal that the kids were expected to be on absolute perfect behavior. Of course, most people today with young kids have different lifestyles. For us, eating at a Friday's type restaurant with our kids is just normal. For that couple, it might have been a real treat. Certainly it would be reasonable for them to think that it should have been a treat for your family. Again, I'm not saying that they were right to react that way to you. I'm just saying that I can see a perspective where they would have felt that way.

To those who commented about the before kids perspective, boy can I relate. I remember saying "if my child acted like that, we'd leave right then and there". And there have been times that we have left based on the kids behavior. But there are times that we've just muddled through it, and said Sorry on the way out the door.

Great topic everyone!!

 

[CarolAnnC]

Just a reminder that we are the Cruise Board and the topic may be discussed as to how it relates to the Cruise Ships.

A general discussion of restaurant behavior outside of cruising would be appropriate on our DIS Family Board. Thank you very much!

 

[JJRide]

I can relate to most all of you. My child is so precious to me and I am so proud of him. He is adorable and very smart too. He is ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome. His size and social development is a little behind other children his age, but to me, that makes him all the more special and sometimes harder to control.

I like to help other parents when they are having some troubles too. I do not mind a stranger making a comment to my child like "Santa's watching" or something like that. Sometimes it takes a stranger's remark to straighten his behavior out.

I'm sure we all try our best to make sure our children do not bother those folks who just don't understand kids. So, let's keep loving our kids and being proud of them spite what bad remarks others might say.

Let's go Disney and as parents, never grow up!

I can't wait, only 23 more days.

 

[daltonsdodisney]

I agree with grlzmom. I have 2 DD's, ages 8 and 6 and have always expected them to behave in public when that is appropriate. My youngest has always been especially impatient, squirmy, and loud. I tried to prepare myself, explaining to them what is expected from them and then at a restaurant or whatever, let them color, snack on chips, etc... If it was a longer wait, either myself or husband would play tic-tac-toe, read a book from the diaper bag, etc.. If they're being cranky and out of control, one of us will take them to the restroom for a talk/spanking, whichever it merits. Yes, I know spanking isn't PC at the moment, but it worked for us. Now, I can take them anywhere and they can enjoy many more experiences. We're past the spanking part now and I can say whenever we're with friends, family, etc.. with children of similar ages, I am appalled at the way the parents let the kids walk all over them. They seem embarrassed and wonder why I don't have that problem. No, my kids aren't perfect and there are times I'm not sure what to do with them, but I think it's a matter of each parents' tolerance and expectation level for their own children.