Playdates

[emma'smom]

I like them! My dd's still call them playdates, but I could see dd8 changing the language at some point.

For me, play dates are scheduled---so my dd can plan on them and I can work them into my our schedule. With travel sports, gymnastics, two careers, etc.---time can quickly fill up. So this forces us to carve out time for the kids to play with friends they don't see as often.

We don't "schedule" playdates with our neighbors---that's more of the call up (or go knock) and see if someone wants to come out and play or go join a group of kids already outside.

The scheduled playdates are usually with kids from school, team, church....or somewhere beyond the neighborhood. Sometimes these include an "event" (today they are going rollerskating)...but sometimes it's just at our house.

I don't supervise them other than being in the house. I might make them a snack or pull out a craft kit or something---but mostly they are up in dd's room or in the basement doing stuff.

I love them because it keeps my dd occupied and not watching TV!

 

[Mommee]

Hate playdates. DS started calling them "hanging out" in 3rd grade. DD could care less what you call them.

My problem is that it's very difficult to schedule them. To make it happen, I have to call, follow up, plan around other mom's family's schedule (which usually involves an activity every day and one Sunday afternoon off between sports seasons that may or may not be when they fit in going to see their ill grandma), pry information out of the mom-such as an address, and then wait and see whether they actually remember. Unless the other parent is also a stay-at-home parent and/or doesn't believe in over-scheduling, it just doesn't work out well and requires way too much effort.

OR....my kids can pick up the phone and call a neighbor kid or hop on their bike and show up at their door. Much less hassle for me

 

[AristocatFan]

Dislike the term. Never had them when they were little. I don't trust many people, especially with my kids. Now that they're older it definitely isn't needed.

 

[wildernesslodgelover]

With my oldest, I actually liked playdates in preschool, where you would sometimes stay, because at the time, I really need to meet other moms. Ironically, once #3 got to preschool, I didn't like playdates, because I already had a large circle of mommy friends, and didn't want to waste 2 hours chatting. Dd8 and ds8 still call them playdates, but the others just get together with friends . Unfortunately, the only kids in walking distance for my 2 youngest have overprotective parents (great friends of ours - just different parenting styles), and I don't let my kids just go over to ring their doorbell, because they won't let their kids play outside unsupervervised (and I'm not supervising).

I'm lazy about letting the little ones have friends over, because they play SO well together! For me, having a friend over was for my benefit. I also learned, with the older kids, that some children need a lot of parental attention (no Suzy, I don't want to see yet another picture you made).

Now, playgroups I miss! An excuse to hang out with other moms, drinking coffee, while my cleaning is not getting done? One of my former playgroup moms is trying to impliment a kid-free lunch playgroup - same as what we used to do, but without kids, because they're in school. We are starting next week!

This is how I feel exactly! My DD is an only child (she is 12 now) and we do not live in an area where there are kids outside playing. Ever since she was a toddler, I would plan "play dates" for her. It kept her occupied and socializing. Sometimes, it was free babysitting for the mom, so she could go run errands, and sometimes it was time for us to socialize, too. Yes, there were some moms I did not exactly "click" with, but most of them I did and it helped me make new friends.

It never occurred to me that some people "hate" playdates. I guess you mean the *TERM* playdate?

and like Krista said...we all have "playdates"...even adults! We just call them something else!

I love my playdates, too. Could never give them up. They usually involve nice chit chat with a friend and WINE!

 

[golfgal]

I also hate the term "playdate". We just called it 'having friends over'. When the kids were little, I had a group of mom's that would get together almost daily at a house, McDonald's Playland, the park, zoo, etc. The kids loved playing together, the mom's loved getting together to chat, etc. We would also watch each other's kids as needed for Dr. appts, etc. It was a very nice social network all the way around.

We moved into a new town when our oldest was going into 1st grade and our twins were 3. There were a lot of kids in the neighborhood and "the swarm" as we called it just all played together. If they happened to be in your yard at lunchtime, you fed them. Once they started school they would often bring a friend home or go to a friends house right after school.

I think DD15 has had someone sleep over or has slept over at someone's house every weekend for I don't know how many years running .

Personally, I found that having a friend over for each kid was easier than not. The kids had someone to play with and often the 6 kids would find some fun things to do as a group.

 

[mjkacmom]

While I love for my DD to have friends to play with (not many in the neighborhood her same age, and gender), it really is a lot of effort to schedule, and do. I always seem to be the one inviting, scheduling, picking up and driving home, providing snacks and meals, fun things for them to do ie crafts, etc. .

I hate to say it, but you are doing it wrong. My kids will call their friends (yes, even the 8 year olds), the kids come over, and they play. There is no craft, there are no organized activities (when my kids tell me they're bored, I might make a few suggestions, but that's as far as it goes for me). The parents drop the kids off, and pick the kids up. If they're hungry, they can grab a snack from the snack drawer. If they're thirsty, help yourself to water from the cooler.

Ds8 had a playdate yesterday that I had been avoiding (this boy asks me every day if he can come over, he's a handful at school, and I've known his mom forever, and although I do like her, she's not the most organized or punctual woman). He called yesterday, I finally caved, and was pleasantly surprised. The boys played well, and mom was right on time for pick-up. I hate to say it, but ds8 has the least of them, especially in the winter, because he gravitates towards boys similar to himself (VERY active...).

 

[OceanAnnie]

Thank you for the replies.

I personally haven't had very good luck with playdates. It's not a big deal. I have heard mixed feelings from other moms and was wondering how moms on the DIS fared.

I also don't care for the term, "playdates", but that is what is used.

 

[shortbun]

The playdates we moms arranged when our kids were little have created lasting friendships for our children and we mothers. As our kids grew older, we used playdates to give moms some free time or time to do things like grocery shopping without kids. That was a great thing too! Now, at age 15, our house is full of my son's friends most of the time. They have spent time in our house since they were little and they are comfortable. I feel like I'm the back up mom to so many of them.

 

[disneychrista]

My kids never had them. They played with friends at school.

And growing up I just went over to my friends houses nothing was set up, we just walked over, etc.

 

[bdcp]

What difference does it make what they are called? Kids need other kids to play with for socialization skills. They don't get that in school anymore with limited recess time (if any). I don't know why but it makes me laugh to read the anger people have towards a word. Kids have always played together and always will. I didnt' work while my kids were growing up and we refused to schedule them to death with sports and other activities so they had lots of free play time. Sometimes in the neighborhood and sometimes at friends homes who didn't live close enough to walk to.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

It depends on how much I like the parents. A lot of my daughter's play dates are also play dates for me

It also depends on how well behaved the kids are together. My daughter has a friendship (she has been friends with this girl since birth) and they love to get together but recently they have been bringing out the worst in each other and getting into trouble. As much as I love this girl and her mother I really dread her coming over (or my daughter going over to their house) because I don't want to deal with what mischief they get into.

 

[ozarkmom]

When I was a kid you went outside and ended up playing in someones yard. Our kids live in a more rural area. Everyone has to have at least 5 acres and so there's not always been other kids nearby to play with. So while we didn't call them playdates we made arrangements for friends to come over and play and sometimes we had sleepovers. I can remember my oldest son one time after coming home from a friends house that lived in a cul de sac saying how cool it was to go out and other kids coming over to play. Then on the other hand kids liked riding four wheelers and camping and other stuff out here.

 

[descovy]

"Playdate" VS "playing" as I see it...

In the toddler set, it was a playdate... often for mother social interraction. Add a step... PLAYGROUP! Where moms & kids meet weekly "to play."

With my grade schoolers... "playing" is when you go out to play with the kid down the street. A little while at her house, a little while at mine, ride bikes in the neighborhood. A random ring of the doorbell... "Can Annie come out to play?"

BUT we still have what I term PLAYDATE. That is the school/scout friend who lives too far away to walk/ride a bike. So you have to make an "appointment" to drop Annie off at 1... agree to come back and pick up at 5. Same kind of play, but mom has to shuttle the kid around. It's not just like"playing" with whoever is around.