Playdate when you don't know the parents

[MiniGirl]

Also, for all those parents that won't allow your kids to go on unsupervised playdates- what age will you let them?

I haven't read that many people here allow don't allow unsupervised playdates. They just don't allow it until they know the parents of the child they are visiting. I don't think that is unreasonable at all. My dd had her first sleep over for her 8th birthday. There were only a handful of girls and most are regular guests in our home. One girl my dd wanted to invite was a girl whose mom I had never met. I really didn't think her mom would allow her to stay, but she did. I was absolutely shocked when mom only stayed for a few minutes and didn't really go past my entry way. I certainly invited her in so she could discreetly check out my home, but no. She didn't want to stay though. Maybe she felt better because there were several girls there. Also, my dh was out of town, so there were no men in the house. I don't consider myself to be an over protective mother, but I think I would've stayed awhile. Oh well..... to each his own.

 

[PatsGirl]

Very difficult decision I agree but I think it was elementary school that I started to allow 2-hour playdates with families that I was unfamiliar with but... the first playdate was ALWAYS at my house. When they are first asked, I come straight out and tell the parents that I would love to meet mom or dad and would like them to bring the child to play at my house where I serve a light snack like coffee/pastry, or lemonade/pie sort of thing. I fully expect the parents to stay the entire time if they'd like but I do expect them to stay for an hour or so to "chat em up" and they can do likewise to me

I expect that when my DD10 (the other is nearly 18) goes to a new home that they may have very different rules than what I have. DD knows MY rules and knows to call me if she isn't sure if something would be okay with me. The one and only time this was a problem I think she was 7 or 8 and I picked her up at a new friends' home. After meeting mom and having a playdate at our house, I knew this friendship was going to present some issues. The family (mom and 2 kids just like me) had little money, lived in low-income housing, and were not very clean but I of course let DD go because those are just not reasons I would decline a playdate for. When I picked her up she was painted up like a two-bit well you know, was absolutely filthy and covered with dog hair and was playing in a yard that was filled with animal poop! Yuck! Mom said "don't worry, she's had dinner -- they made their own hot dogs and fries" -- good going Mom, DD doesn't know how to cook, lol.

Anyways, family has moved away and that's that but back to the question... I think you have to trust your children to call you when they feel uncomfortable. I always tell the parents to please allow DD to use the phone if she asks to call me (so there's never a misunderstanding on this). DD has many friends that actually have their own cell phones at this age and are constantly in touch with their parents when they are here.

As for sleepovers, whole nother discussion -- I am extremely paranoid about letting DD sleep anywhere that I am not really familiar with everyone in the house, including boyfriends and girlfriends of teens, etc. I wasn't this bad with DS but I just think a little girl has more of a chance of running into trouble with the drunk uncle or boyfriend or other males. I also have an issue with her driving with others after dinner because I'm afraid that someone driving might have been drinking.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

My ds is now 9, and we have known most of his friends since they all started in preschool (private school) at age 4. The first playdates, we absolutely, always went -- and continued to do so for a few years. Now we have known these people for 5 years. The kids go to school together, play on the same basketball and whiffleball teams, and have been to 4-5 birthday parties at each others homes or other venues. There are 15 kids in the class, and I know at least one parent by sight, and most much better than that. DS was allowed to sleep over at his best friends' (twins) house, and I would not insist on staying for a playdate there.

With the other kids, it's a case by case basis. At a birthday party two years ago (which started at noon) one mother was clearly inebriated, and responsible for her two and 7 year olds. My ds cannot go to that house to play at all.

I am not offended in the slightest if a parent wants to stay, or asks if we have firearms in our home (we don't, but my bil is a hunter). I don't think it has to be an offensive question -- and if a parent is in the military, police force, etc. I would of course assume that they both have a firearm and are competent to secure it -- but I would still come to the home the first few times, check it out, and ask a few polite and respectful questions.

If that is a problem, then my child can't visit, bottom line.

 

[Kitzka]

I think that each and every parent has to do what is comfortable for them. To the OP if you are leery about letting your 6 year old going to a house of someone you don't know-suggest the 4 of you getting together for coffee, tea, mcd's lunch etc. Once you get to know the parent you will better be able to judge your comfort level.

I am not a nervous parent. My daughter is 9 and has been sleeping over at friend's houses since she was 3. Did I always know the families well before she slept over? Yes. Often times her playdates can be 5 or more hours long. Many of her friend's parents are nervous and like to set limits on the playdate. I know who those parents are and take this into consideration when DD plays with them. If she is going to Joanne's house I make a point of telling Joanne's mother what time i would like to pick her up. But if she is going to her friend's house where the parents do not set limits or even care, i leave it up to the parent to tell me when enough is enough.

I am fortunate that all of her friend's parents are good people and have known them for over 4 years. we all hang out socially and i have made wonderful friends as a result of her playdates.

but the most important thing is for YOU as the parent to be comfortable. So, do what puts you at ease.

Lara