Pixie dust for my Aspie son

[donalds friend]

How much rejections can he take? He is a senior in high school in the Honor Society and an Eagle Scout. He is trying to find a prom date, (instead of the girls saying no they say they will let him know so he has to ask again before being rejected). He also can't get his SAT's high enough for college. He has Tourette's and the College Board will not let him mark in the book so filling in circles to perfection is tedious. He applied to Disney's Career Start Program and got that rejection letter yesterday. I think he just doesn't have the bubbly personality for the phone interview. He also told the interviewer he liked a regular schedule so I think that probably took him out of it. Hopefully he can do the college program and I will check the boards for interview questions so he can answer them better. To top it off he just lost his cat he has had for over 10 years. My heart is breaking for him. I just want someone to give him a chance.

 

[cogero]

just wanted to send big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} and sending some pixie dust vibes your way.

 

[XYSRUS]

Say no more... and are on the way!

 

[tweedlemom]

Thinking of you! Hang in there.

 

[mdsouth]

Sending hugs and prayers for your son! I, too, have an Aspie son. He is 13 years old. Since, we are just beginning the teenage to adult journey with my son, I cannot offer any advice. The Disabilities Community board here on the Dis might offer more advice.

The situation about prom and the responses he gets from the girls I am sure if very frustrating! The girls are trying to be nice and just not want to tell him no - but they do not realize that Aspie kids do not get subtle hints like that and so, it is more hurtful to them to keep them waiting and thinking that they have a chance.

My son had a close friend when he was younger, but as they got older the two grew apart. My son would still ask him to play and he would say he would call, etc, or ask my son to call him later. Of course, my son did not take the hint and kept thinking he really was busy at the moment. It took a long time to convince him otherwise. Then, to add hurt to it -I hear from another neighbor thet the boy's mother said my son is a stalker - just because he kept calling back when her son told her to do so! I was so upset and angry. I never confronted her and I wish I had. Instead, we sat my son down and told him he could call people back one or twice only. No more! If they do not return his call - then stop. He seems to have learned from this and we just have to keep reminding him how sometimes people do not say what they really mean - which of course is difficult for him to understand why.

So, again I will send prayers and pixie dust your way. I am sure there is probably a girl at his school who would love to go with your son, he just hasn't picked the right girl yet, and is missing out on the subtle signals that she is sending him!

 

[rszdtrvl]

Hugs and lots of pixie dust to you and your son.

My son is also 13 with Aspergers. It can be a tough journey.

Hang in there, both of you!

 

[DawnM]

Aspie mom here too!


My son is only 12, so we are only just embarking on the teen years.

He doesn't get social situations either and will keep poking LONG after you say, "STOP!"

I worry daily about his future as well. I worry he won't be able to do college, won't be able to keep a job (due to social constraints), etc......

He went off to scout camp this weekend and I have been a wreck all weekend worrying he might have a meltdown or struggle socially and not get why. I know I have to let him do these things, but it is hard.

Dawn

 

[bnhasak]

Hoping that he gets the success he so deserves! Sounds like you have a wonderful boy who just needs a break.

I hope things turn around for him (and you) very very soon!

 

[auralia]

have you considered starting a community college? could he get in there... my husband while not diagnosed with anything definately had some issues as a child that could have been clasified autistic (including twitches and random grunting). Hubby can't seam to pass the tests to get into the math classes for the college yet he is better at math then i am... he just blows at taking tests. he may get a community college to wave the testing requirement if he goes for an interview and proves himself it gets his foot in the door and he can transfer from there... when i was transfering i didn't have to take any tests to get into a 4 year college it was based on my 2 year college grades... also community college is cheaper and not as intimidateing as a 4 year school... my hubby is still working on getting over his issues of dealing with people (litterally couldn't talk to any authority figure for the first 8 years of his military enlistment... now that he is higher in the ranks he doesn't have a choice and it has forced him out of his shell).

 

[donalds friend]

Actually that is what he is looking at now. It has been really hard for him because he is in honor's classes and all of the kids are talking about going away for college and this Career Start seemed perfect for him because he could get out into the real world and live in a college type atmosphere. He will have to take a placement test in Reading and Language Arts, but his Math scores are high enough to have those tests waived. It is just so hard getting extra help because he isn't low enough academically.

Socially he survives now. Middle school was the hardest. The kids don't pick on him as much now and they are polite to him. He doesn't get invited to "hang out" with anyone though. A couple of friends he had when he was younger ended up be very cruel to him because they were embarrassed being associated with him I guess. He made it through scouts, but there were challenges there as well.

 

[brymolmom]

Hugs coming your and your son's way....

My borderline-Aspie ds is almost 8....So it is very interesting (and saddening) to hear some of the posts of you more experienced. Half of me hopes with all my heart that although he is very borderline with characteristics....He will pull through a bit more smoothly in the coming years. But my realistic side knows that it is likely to be just as big a struggle.

Just yesterday I was so excited when he agreed to go play soccer at the kid next door's house (usually he says no and prefers to 'race' his little animal figureines by himself instead) - and then, unfortunately, it was not successful. He whined the whole time and was very frustrated cuz all the kids were better than him and he kept wanting kids to stop taking the ball away from him (that IS the object, I try to explain) - he ended up in tears a couple times and I'm not sure if that neighbor kid will be asking him again any time soon....

School-wise - I just keep wishing he'd get invited to a birthday party...just ONE would do, I'm not greedy...

I'm lucky that we have a boy next door and the one across the street that at least he does have a couple neighborhood 'friends'. And I'm secretly hopeful that one of his sister's friends will agree to be a date in the future. She's in the grade just below his so keeping fingers crossed that will work to our advantage in the future...

OP - You're not alone!

 

[PrincessMom4]

Say no more.... Sending pixit dust your way. My daughter has a hard time picking up on social cues too. I think teens have it much more challenging then when we were kids.

 

[kpgriswold]

More hugs and pixie dust to you! It seems pretty bleak right now, I am sure. Just remember that life dishes out happy days, too.

 

[LuLuO]

(((hugs)))

 

[DawnM]

My son got back from camp and had a great time. Fortunately, we are thrilled with his scout troop. They are so great to him. That is the one place he just really can thrive.

Dawn

Actually that is what he is looking at now. It has been really hard for him because he is in honor's classes and all of the kids are talking about going away for college and this Career Start seemed perfect for him because he could get out into the real world and live in a college type atmosphere. He will have to take a placement test in Reading and Language Arts, but his Math scores are high enough to have those tests waived. It is just so hard getting extra help because he isn't low enough academically.

Socially he survives now. Middle school was the hardest. The kids don't pick on him as much now and they are polite to him. He doesn't get invited to "hang out" with anyone though. A couple of friends he had when he was younger ended up be very cruel to him because they were embarrassed being associated with him I guess. He made it through scouts, but there were challenges there as well.

 

[wvdislover]

Another Aspie mom here. My DD is 12 1/2 and also has difficulty with social situations. We have been homeschooling her for a couple of years now, partially b/c of that. She's getting into the stage now where she is starting to like boys...but, they don't give her the time of day (maybe that's not such a bad thing right now )...I would like her to find someone who "likes" her one day, though. Making and keeping friends is a difficult issue with her, too. She gets her feelings hurt easily and often misunderstands others, which often results in her getting angry and saying the wrong things to people. As much as I love my DD, and am trying to accept and understand all her "issues," there are definitely times I wish she were like other preteen girls. I know the next several years may be difficult, especially when I hear the stories about other Aspie kids/ teens. I am learning that my dreams for her may have to change, and continue to encourage her from day to day. OP, I am so sorry that things have been difficult for your DS lately, and am sending lots of pixie dust your way Hope things get better soon! Don't give up hope!

 

[Pooh's Hunny]

Another fellow Aspie mom here. It does seem to be that we are on a constant roller coaster doesn't. We are proud--like when they choose to play with a friend instead of alone, survive middle school, call a friend for homework question--and we think woo, things are going good, she's going to have s great future. Then comes the next thing--and we wonder if we will have to enroll in college with them. My DD is 14 and starts high school next year.

Pixie dust and prayers for you and your son. He sounds like a terrific kid.

 

[donalds friend]

Thanks so much everyone! I have to look at the bright side. He is one of those who follows rules to the letter. For example he refuses to wear his school id on a lanyard because the id is to be on the upper 1/3 of their body. Even though lanyards are acceptable he said it wouldn't be on the upper 1/3. I don't have to worry about him caving into peer pressure and drugs. I have heard of a lot of kids who have been brought up carefully who have been in trouble with drugs. DS will make a great employee because he is so thorough in everything he does.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I know the feeling.

My oldest ds has Asperger's. He is a college graduate (degree in History) but is working at our local Shop Rite. He just doesn't interview well.

Luckily he is working full time with benefits.

I too wish people would just get to know him. He's a really nice kid and a really hard worker.

Wishing you pixie dust.

 

[Eeyore's Wife]

Dear Donald's Friend,

Hugs and pixie dust are headed your way. I am a former teacher who just loved my special kids. Whether it was Asperger’s or dyslexia or ADHD, I really enjoyed seeing my kids with extra challenges succeed. Just an idea, if your son has a teacher who is thoughtful and kind, and by now you know whether that is the case, ask them for a suggestion about who he can ask to prom. When I was teaching I knew which girls were in a position to answer "yes" to a young man, such as your son.

Back in the day I went to my Junior prom with a guy who had special needs. My brother was in special ed, and I had a soft heart for the emotional needs of a guy who just happened to be a little different. When I found out that a really adorable guy had been turned down multiple times, and in a couple of rather cruel ways, I asked him to go with me, and voila I had a sweet date for prom. I made it clear that we were going as friends, and his parents really appreciated my honesty with him.

Truth be told, we had a great time. He brought me flowers, held the door for me, and DANCED. So many guys wouldn’t dance with their dates, or only to certain music. My date boogied with me all night long. We did the fast dances, the slow dances, and I had more fun than I thought possible. He didn’t get drunk and try to grope me or puke in the car (like one of my "friends" who had laughed at my date choice) and he didn’t spread any rumors about taking any liberties with my virtue (like another girl I knew whose date told everyone about their private romantic interlude that evening, classy).

There are still nice girls in high school, and I hope your son finds one of them for prom.

As to higher education, community college is nothing about which to be ashamed. It is not baby college or lesser college, it is a real college where he can earn real college credit in much smaller classes and with instructors who are more likely to build a relationship with him and accommodate any of his special needs. It can be hard to give up on the dream of going away to school, but with the money you save by doing community college, he can take some amazing trips or indulge in a passion, like Disney.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

--Eeyore’s Wife