Pets! (A joke)

[beckmrk04]

This is too funny.



The dog's diary:
7 am -- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am -- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am -- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon -- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm -- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm -- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm -- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm -- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm -- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm -- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm -- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!


The cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope
of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself
to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat! was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my
powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use
it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The
dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an
informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety
is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

 

[escape]

So I take it that my cat's purring when I pet her is just a ploy....to soften me up....getting ready for the big kill.

 

[beckmrk04]

So I take it that my cat's purring when I pet her is just a ploy....to soften me up....getting ready for the big kill.

Yep!!

This is sooo my cat, too. I swear, there is disgust in her eyes when she looks at me- she only loves my dh.

 

[eclectics]

Thanks for posting. That was very funny, and true! I've got three little conspirators at home. The latest thing is for one of them to scratch on a closed door until I finally get up and open it, only to find no cat. I swear the other two wait in another room and then they all high five each other!

 

[ashjohnson80]

 

[beckmrk04]

 

[Syrreal]

One of my cats likes to sleep on my head. She is trying to smother me. (I sleep with a pillow on top of my head- as well as under it- to block out light and she sits on that at night and purrs when she wants me to wake up and pay attention to her).

Luckily I do think that all my cats really like dh and I. They are also really social and b/c we always have people over ( I just vaccuum really well right before I expect people)

It's so weird that we even have cats as we normally don't like them and they don't like me. Yet we have 3 and are in love with them.

 

[beckmrk04]

My cat is plotting my death so she can have dh all to herself.

This is why I'm a dog person.

 

[ashjohnson80]

well I'm allergic to cats so I have to be a dog person. But my dog does love me more than anyone has ever loved me. And I love him back.

 

[Pooh67_68]

Istn't this the cutest puppy ever.

beckmark, my friends dog is that way.

 

[bianca]

This was one of the funniest things I've ever read. Thanks!

 

[cactus]

aww...that was cute.

I love dogs!

 

[drgnfly30]