Personality change after major surgery?

[jen0610]

Has anybody on here had to deal with a loved one going through a major - almost 180 degree - personality change after a major surgery or life saving operation?

Did it change overnight or slowly over the years? Did it stay that way or did it change back to how they were after awhile or a liveable percentage split of the new/old personality?

Ever since DH had his heart attack and quad bypass surgery last July, it's been hard, really, really hard. It is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, with Mr Hyde being around a lot more. But when Dr Jekyll is around, it's just like before he got sick.

When Mr Hyde is around, he's rude, mean, and says the most hatefull hurtfull things. He doesn't care if DS17 or DD15 can hear him rip me apart. I caused his heart attack and bypass surgery. Nothing I do is correct. I don't fix dinner correctly. I don't clean the house correctly. I don't buy the right food. I don't take care of myself correctly, but when I wear certain shirts or jeans to work, he questions who I'm dressing sexy at work for. There is nothing sexy about the clothing that I am wearing.

The knife today was him telling me that the last quarter century has been a total waste of his time. It's to bad he can't hit restart and go back and fix the biggest mistake he ever made in his life. We started dating 25 years ago on July 7th.

I love him, but I don't know how much more I can take of the mental beat down. I know they told me to watch for personality changes before we left the hospital, but I never expected this. I've talked to my minster, DH won't. There is no insurance coverage or money for outside help. With his mind frame, if I told him that if he doesn't get some help to control the anger (or whatever it is sending him to Mr Hyde) that I am gone, he would tell me good, would make his life a 1000 times better. I don't want that, I just want my old husband back.

 

[Lehuaann]

Has anybody on here had to deal with a loved one going through a major - almost 180 degree - personality change after a major surgery or life saving operation?

Did it change overnight or slowly over the years? Did it stay that way or did it change back to how they were after awhile or a liveable percentage split of the new/old personality?

Ever since DH had his heart attack and quad bypass surgery last July, it's been hard, really, really hard. It is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, with Mr Hyde being around a lot more. But when Dr Jekyll is around, it's just like before he got sick.

When Mr Hyde is around, he's rude, mean, and says the most hatefull hurtfull things. He doesn't care if DS17 or DD15 can hear him rip me apart. I caused his heart attack and bypass surgery. Nothing I do is correct. I don't fix dinner correctly. I don't clean the house correctly. I don't buy the right food. I don't take care of myself correctly, but when I wear certain shirts or jeans to work, he questions who I'm dressing sexy at work for. There is nothing sexy about the clothing that I am wearing.

The knife today was him telling me that the last quarter century has been a total waste of his time. It's to bad he can't hit restart and go back and fix the biggest mistake he ever made in his life. We started dating 25 years ago on July 7th.

I love him, but I don't know how much more I can take of the mental beat down. I know they told me to watch for personality changes before we left the hospital, but I never expected this. I've talked to my minster, DH won't. There is no insurance coverage or money for outside help. With his mind frame, if I told him that if he doesn't get some help to control the anger (or whatever it is sending him to Mr Hyde) that I am gone, he would tell me good, would make his life a 1000 times better. I don't want that, I just want my old husband back.

Yes, mood and personality changes after heart surgery are VERY common.

My father had an emergency quintuple bypass and he became depressive, reclusive, and snappy. Just plain mean at times. It took several months for him to return to normal, but he DID - THANK GOD!

Just be patient/peaceable and do not allow the side-effects to provoke anger in you. Give him space to heal...his heart has just been through a lot of trauma.

I also wanted to add this -

 

[happygirl]

Yes, you read about personality changes after surgery. There was the lady who started speaking with a British Accent when she had never before. They guy who woke up from his coma gay. SO yes it does happen

 

[Disney Doll]

The same thing happened to my late DFIL after his bypass surgery. They explained that it had to do with being on the heart/lung machine and the difference in oxygenation in his blood stream and therefore to his brain.

I will tell you that it took a few months but he did settle out and go back to his normal self.

if your DH is a younger man, he may be feeling the effects of a life-threatening illness, scared, changes in body image, dealing with his own mortality in addition to the physical effects from the heart/lung machine as I noted above.

That being said, there came a point at which my late DMIL said to DFIL "enough is enough" and he came around. I don't know how long this has been going on for you, but you are correct that the mental abuse is not acceptable. And you need to tell him. And if he says "Good go" then maybe going for a few days and letting him see what life would be liek without you would be a good thing.

 

[BearcatsFan]

After my aunt had heart surgery, she did a complete 180. Wasn't the same person at all - she was rude and could cut you down with a look. She was nothing like she was prior to the surgery.

I hope some time will do your DH good; as PPs have said, his body has been through a lot. Hang in there.

 

[mhsjax]

My mom went through a depression after her bypass surgery. I was told that it was completely normal. I don't know about other mood cages or how long they last, but I know that our Dr told us to expect them.

However she did come around, not sure how long it took though.

 

[LisaR]

My dad went through this exact same thing after his heart surgery. My mom put up with it for about a year until we (the grown kids) insisted she take him to the doctor and get him on anti-depressants. It really worked wonders for him. He was actually able to come off of it after awhile but he needed bypass surgery years later and my mom made sure the doctor put him back on the anti-depressant immediately. She wasn't taking any chances!

 

[Lynne M]

Depression is very, very, very common after a heart attack or heart surgery, especially in men, and it can make people meaner than snakes. You should be talking to your husband's doctor(s) about this. ANYTIME anyone has a major personality change like this, they should be medically evaluated. There could be something going on other than depression. Medication side effects, all kinds of things.

He sounds absolutely irrational. Call the doctor today, if not for your marriage, for your kids. They shouldn't have to see their father behaving this way; they must be in terrible pain.

 

[minkydog]

Depression is very, very, very common after a heart attack or heart surgery, especially in men, and it can make people meaner than snakes. You should be talking to your husband's doctor(s) about this. ANYTIME anyone has a major personality change like this, they should be medically evaluated. There could be something going on other than depression. Medication side effects, all kinds of things.

He sounds absolutely irrational. Call the doctor today, if not for your marriage, for your kids. They shouldn't have to see their father behaving this way; they must be in terrible pain.

I totally agree. DH underwent a personality change after a life-threatening episode of septic shock. He didn't have surgery, but he did have a pacemaker implanted because his heart rate was about 25beats/min. so we know there was some oxygen deprivation. Afterward he became very irritable and I couldn't do anything right. After several weeks of putting up with his crankiness and complaining I went with him to the doctor and demanded that one of us be put on an anti-depressant! We just had it out right there in the doctors office, too. Thankfully, DH agreed to start an anti-depressant and things got better. It took him over a year to recover.

 

[Robmom]

YES!! My dad had triple bypass surgery, and he became depressed and snapped at everyone, including me. He finally got out of it after a year. He's back to his old self again.

 

[LuLuO]

I had open heart surgery last summer. Afterward, I was a mess. The shock of finding out I needed surgery and the actual surgery (I still find it hard to wrap my brain around it), and the recovery time really did a number on my brain. I have had issues with depression, anxiety, and at times, anger all of my life, but everything was out of control. I was completely overloaded. At my worst I told my husband I wanted a divorce, was convinced I was the absolute worst mother in the world and I was very suicidal.

I saw a psychiatrist and was on the verge of needing inpatient care. She put me on meds and I began seeing my talk counselor again (she had helped me previously with post-partum depression).

I encourage your DH to seek professional help. I know you said that there is no insurance or money for outside help, but what you are describing is beyond what a minister can help with. Your DH needs a mental health professional.

 

[Lehuaann]

Depression is a HUGE side-effect of many surgeries, prescriptions, etc. The doctor should have made this fully aware beforehand. I know my dad was, so we knew what to expect. You need to discuss this with him since it has been nearly a year with no changes.

 

[Bilberry]

I think that is fairly common after open heart surgery. As mentioned earlier, it seems the machines used to oxygenate the blood does a poor job, sometimes leaving the brain deprived of oxygen causing some brain damage. At least I recall reading that, somewhere.

This is completely different, but when I learned open heart surgery can cause some brain issues, it reminded me of the story of Phineas Gage. Phineas experienced some brain damage while at work, and as a result of the head accident experienced a complete personality change.

"Phineas Gage's Story"

http://www.deakin.edu.au/health/psychology/gagepage/Pgstory.htm

If you want to try something different to possibly see if it helps, you might try a ketonic diet for your husband. Doing so will give the brain a new fuel, that in some cases has been helpful for those with Alzheimer's disease. As I've learned in the past with family members, Alzheimer's disease can cause a 180 degree personality change.

A video making the rounds on the internet is of Dr. Mary Newport helping her husband with his alzheimer's disease by feeding him coconut oil. Coconut oil will produce ketones in the body. Thought it might be of interest.

"‘Livin’ La Vida Low-Carb Show’ Episode 240: Could Taking Coconut Oil Be A Dietary Cure For Alzheimer’s Disease?"

http://livinlavidalowcarb.com/blog/...be-a-dietary-cure-for-alzheimers-disease/4181

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Yes I have heard that it is entirely possible. I have known a couple people who have had it, and they said they would cry for no reason afterwards, very emotional at times. In fact, I believe that is one of the things they warn people and their families about as a side effect is the intense emotional changes afterwards.

Additionally throwing in the Alzheimer's issue, I have heard that something like a major surgery can exacerbate that. Now, whether or not it is true, I cannot guarantee. That could have been some nurse running her mouth.

I am not trying to like be a downer or anything, just adding to the convo because I witnessed it. My grandfather was doing fine (he was in his 80s), no symptoms to alarm anybody. He had bypass surgery, and came out of it alright without complications. However, very soon...and I mean VERY soon he had full blown Alzheimer's.

 

[bellanotte10]

Not heart surgery, but I became very depressed after my jaw surgery in december. I couldn't talk, looked like something out of a horror film and I was in pain. Plus, a lot of my meds stopped being effectual and I got a ton of infections, and had a reaction to EVERY med i was put on for the infections. Something that has never happened. For some reason the surgery just set off a series of events in my body. I spent most of the past few months snapping at my parents and feeling sorry for myself.

I feel much better now, but it's a rough thing to deal w, especially if it was heart related. His body might've had the same perfect storm I did. Shock/ trauma to the body, recovery, then fear and lashing out because no one understands. I say go to a therapist and get help. sending you warm fuzzies and love and support

 

[disfan07]

Yup...happened (and still happens) to me. I had a craniotomy in 2010. But there's 2 sides to it for me. My personality has changed in that I have a lot less patience for what I consider to be minor things. I can't stand to listend to people complain about what I consider "little things". I do listen adn just nod my head, but in my head I really want to tell them to shut up and stop complaining.

And for about the first 3 months afterwards during the major period of revcovery I was not the nicest person in the world. I was a witch...I know I was. I was 21. I was percocet for 3 months (2 every 4 hours for the first month). I couldn't do ANYTHING for myself. I couldn't walk stairs for a month. I couldnt get my own food. etc. I was miserable adn I made sure everyone knew it. Even for the next 2 months after that I was not the most pleasant person. About 6 months after the craniotomy, I had a pelvic laparoscopy. I am mean when I come out of anesthesia...not gonna lie. Very mean. But only to my family. I am very nice to my nurses....just no one else. I can also get very very mean anytime I am really sick. I just got out of the hospital 10 days ago after being in for 5 days because of GI problems. A lot of times when I am hospitalized, I am a very different person for about 1-2 weeks afterwards. A lot of frustration, a lot of meltdowns and just not being myself. Heck, today I had an appointment with my favorite doctor today and I don't get mad at her or argue with her about ANYTHING and I was very very short and snippy with her today. I also had an anaphylatic reaction (to allergy shots today) and I can guarantee that while I am not too snippy tonight it is because I had 2 shots of epinephrine amy adreanline is still soaring. I will not be the nicest person tomorrow, and I know it and my parents know it.

Personally, the thing that does help me is therapy. I finally realized last year after one of my hospitalizations that I could not longer deal with it anymore and I needed an outlet to talk. It has worked. I still deal with significant 180 personality changes after some hospitalizations/surgeries but its not EVERYTIME and its not ALL the time.

Personally, if it's that bad, i think thats what he needs. It sounds like he has some very very deep seeded feelings about being young(er) and having such a life altering health condition and he is taking it out on you because he doesn't know how else to deal with it. If he can take all of his anger out on a therapist and have someone who can really help him deal with the underlying issues, I htink it would help everyone. I don't suggest therapy for every little thing, but this does not sound like a "little" thing to me. I think he needs some serious help.

 

[Promomx2]

Dh (52) has single heart bypass surgery in April. For the most part he is the same as he was, but every once in a while he can be really mean. I waited until a few days later and then calmly told him what he was doing, he apologized. And we have agreed that I am to tell him when he is being a bear. I'm not sure if it's from the surgery or his high stress job. It seems that I am the one that cries at the drop of a hat now. Thank goodness for chocolate.

 

[Pamlur]

My husband had several bad illnesses, plus he broke his ankle. Any time he was sick, he became viciously mean and spiteful. But when he wasn't sick, he was his usual fun, sweet self. I guess they are scared, and unfortunately they take it out on the people who they know love them most.

 

[Jennifer Shelton]

This is definitely an issue. I am four months post-op for bilateral knee replacements. Necessary procedure, but, I'm not the same person I was before. I was born with a lot of joint problems. I'm 46, and have had one hip and both knees replaced. This time, recovery has been difficult. I'm changed on so many levels. Things that were crucial before, are non significant to me now. I know I needed the surgery, but it has altered my life in a way that I didn't even recognize.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I do pick my battles however being rude and mean is not acceptable to me and I will call DH out on that. If that means a fight so be it.

He had a heart attack and emergency triple bypass in 2015. I had breast cancer with surgery and radiation in 2016. Both of us have side effects & issues from our medical situations. Our kids have medical issues as well.

We hope to get it all behind us but it is SO SLOW!!!