Personal life and work

[katerkat]

How do y'all deal with your personal life and your job? I'm starting to think my boss wants me to clear EVERYTHING I do with her, first. And even then she can have me cancel personal plans for her.

Yesterday was the *third* time I was asked to do something last minute - canceling plans of mine. (I've been asked to do last-minute things before, and I don't mind if I have nothing planned, BUT when I have plans, I have plans!) At 2 pm she asked me to go to the City Council meeting at 5 pm. I had a squadron wives' thing at 4 pm. She didn't care in the least and expected me to drop everything for her. For those of you who aren't familar with the military - it reflects badly on my husband when I (a 2nd Lt's wife) cancels last minute on the colonel's wife, especially for a small gathering such as yesterday's.

As this was the third time I've been expected to instanteously drop all my plans... I don't know. I'm really frustrated and angry. Personally, I think my personal life - including my 'job' as an officer's wife - should come first.

I'd quit, but DH graduates in 149 days....but who's counting?

 

[MJames41]

katerkat,

Sounds like your boss and my boss have a lot in common, although to be fair my boss will usually ask rather than expect. But, it still creates huge amounts of pressure for me (so much, that I am going to see a doctor on the 28th for the physical pain I've been in). I've finally reached the point of "how important is it" - meaning my job. Although I haven't shut down completely, I've also said that there are some things that are not negotiable.

Do you mind if I ask what kind of job? How important is that job? How badly do you need the money? (for me, if I didn't have 2 kids to raise, and Disney trips of course, I'd quit right now - instead I just keep looking). Is it a job or a career? Just my thoughts.

 

[TIdoublegaER]

My boss is getting to be this way. She actually told me I needed to reschedule my surgery, which technically was elective but due to the size of my tumor/unknown malignancy the surgeon wanted it removed ASAP, so I could attended a training session for some product we may or may not be using in the future! I said, no way! She also complains that the radiology center I go to for scans needs to have evening hours the kids' school needs to plan conferences at more convienent times, etc, etc. She, however, thinks nothing of leaving in the middle of the day to mow her lawn or get a bikini wax. And, yes, she tells us this is what she is going to do! The woman is single with no kids you would like to think she could mow her lawn in the evenings or on weekends like the rest of us!

It's all about control. I have made it clear to my boss that my health and family are first in my life and this is just a paycheck for me.

 

[JAP]

{{HUGS}} I know how it feels. I have bosses (I am a paralegal) and clients that believe they should come first.

I feel the stress of the situation as well. However, I let it be known that unless they are going to pay me above and beyond what I am currently making then they are not in control of what I do after work.

I am not talking about the occasional staying until 5:30 or 6:00 when things are rushed. I am talking about being at your employers beck and call. I truly believe that it is out of the scope of your job duties if they expect you to work past a certain time, routinely and without notice.

I have 2 small children as well. You need to take care of you and yours. Good luck!

 

[katerkat]

Do you mind if I ask what kind of job? How important is that job? How badly do you need the money? Is it a job or a career?

I'm a reporter - I cover education for a local paper. It's a job, but I do love writing. It's important to stick this out if I want to stay in newspapers, but after two not-so-great newspaper jobs, I'm not sure this is what I'd like to do anymore...
We can survive on just DH's salary, but our deal was that I work now so I can be a SAHM when the time comes. Plus, we're hopefully moving in 5 to 6 months, so I feel weird both taking a job I won't be sticking at or leaving this job when I know I'll be gone in a few months. But I'm not sure I can take another 5 months here!!
There's a job in my paper for a 20-hour-a-week church secretary - something I did for 4 months at our last assignment. I'm thinking about applying... It would give me time to concentrate on my own writing for a while.

 

[Disney Doll]

Your response depends on several things, the primary one being how badly do you need the job? If the job is crucial to you and yor family's well-being (ie-without it, you guys don't eat), then you need to tread carefully here. However, if it is just a way to earn a little extra cash that you guys can live without, then you need to do some limit-setting with your boss, knowing fulll well that it may mean you lose your job.

The next time she asks you to do something that would require you changing plans, you need to tell her no. In a nice way, but no.

At the hospital where I work, the off-shift supervisors are constantly pulling that sort of thing with us with regard to staffing. They are short-staffed, so they expect that we will make up the slack and work double shifts. Well, if a double shift works for me, then I do it. But if it doesn't work for me, I have no qualms about saying no. Of course, then I get the "you'll technically be abandoning your patients" to which I reply, "The supervisor is ultimately responisble for providing patient care, not a staff nurse. They are abandoned only if you leave, so perhaps you'd be willing to do the double shift?" That usually makes the point and shuts them up!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Kate-

I cannot count the number of times I have had something similar happen. When I was younger, I bit the bullet and did the job thing (including a 90-day deployment leaving 26 Dec). Now that I am older with kids, I have no problem saying no. Especially if it is something I really don't want to do. The other day, I had to postpose a job interview because DD4 was puking her guts out and DH was flying. The "sweet" revenge to that one is that DH is now sick! Of course, I am now taking care of him as if he were my 4 year old.

Anyway, the only thing I can say to you is: remember that DH is a student. Unless the colonel flies the same plane you DH gets, chances are you probably won't run into his wife again. And in today's day and age, most wives do or have worked outside the home and understand the demands of a job. Hang in there.