People who don't RSVP!!!

[Desnik]

Sorry, but I need to vent!
My DD's 6th B-day party is Sat. We mailed out the invites the first week in Jan with an RSVP date for Jan.24th. We are having it at a local Bowling Alley and I need to call them 2 days before to give them a final head count. Well, 2 people never responded. Now this is actually better than usual. I usually have more than that who don't respond. What bugs me most is if they just show up. This has happened to me too. What I can't understand is why people don't have the curtesy to just call?!!! I actually don't know any of the moms b/c we just moved here. Should I call them? If so what would you say? Do I act like maybe I thought they didn't get the invite?

 

[Pam]

This happened to me every single B-Day party I hosted for my 2 children.

I would call the two parents and casually mention that you had not heard from them and were worried that their invitation had gotten lost in mail and you need to give an accurate head count to the bowling alley.

 

[soccerchick]

This is one of my pet peeves!!!

I'd call just like Pam mentioned.

I love to host social gatherings and not responding to RSVPs around here seems to now convey a regret. I don't know "who" decided this A columnist in the Wash. Post even ran an article about this a while back. This trend is evidently rampant in business and charity circles too.

If an invited guest doesn't have the common courtesy to leave me a message, he or she will be off my list for the next party Hey, how hard is it to e-mail or leave a message on an answering machine.

 

[Kimberle]

I'll totally agree w/ you on this one!!

Unfortunatly, lots of people feel "they are just childrens parties"

Last year for Brittany's 4th, I invited 26 kids. By RSVP date (just 1 week prior), I'd only heard from half. I had to leave "reminder notes" for the non-RSVPers. Most of them then called.... But a couple still didn't.

I ended up with 13 kids, 5 canceled at the last minute (sick) or didn't show, 3 showed w/ no RSVP.

Believe it or not, I do not think alot of people know what RSVP means. I'm serious. I talked w/ one lady (not from my party) who thought you only RSVP'd if you *were* coming. She was very embaressed when I told her the "correct" thing was to RSVP either way.

I too, am planning Brittany's next party. The invitations are all printed. I'm not going to hand them out till 2 weeks before the RSVP's are due back. Less time to "forget" I guess.....

 

[barbeml]

I have experienced this behavior with parties, business events and my own wedding. One thing I have come to realize is that the worst offenders are those who would never dream of hosting anything at their homes. Since they have no idea how much time, effort and money go into any event, they have no clue why RSVPs are necessary. Also, I have heard many people say they did not RSVP because "something better might come up." Cross that idiot of the list for future invites!

When someone invites me to their home or to any event, I am honored and I always promptly respond one way or the other.

 

[Kimberle]

Originally posted by soccerchick
If an invited guest doesn't have the common courtesy to leave me a message, he or she will be off my list for the next party Hey, how hard is it to e-mail or leave a message on an answering machine.

I'll agree w/ you on this one! But what do you do in the case of children? It's the parents who respond, not the kiddo's. I know lots of parents "hide" the invites from the kiddo's thinking they'll "never know" (kids DO talk!)

Do you not invite the child because of rude parents?

I'm really struggling with this. There is one boy who's Mother is, well, rude. She never RSVP'd, I left the "reminder" notes. (Everyone else who called apologized), she was "angry". (Sorry I thought your child might not want to be left out...) I do not like this boy (very rough, ill mannered), I know she won't RSVP and doubt they'll come (they never go to any parties).

I guess I will do the "right" thing and leave his invite......

 

[Mishetta]

Oh, I hate when people don't RSVP. Especially when it's an event outside of the home. If I'm having it at home, I don't get upset since I always have waaaay too much food but when it's an event at a hall or a bowling alley, or a sports arena, it just makes me crazy.

Call them. Make them wear the egg on their face! I would follow Pam's advice, but I'd still be mad!

 

[peg2001]

This used to make us angry as well but we've since accepted it as a fact of life. We had a birthday party last weekend for DD4 and DH just sat down with the party list and started calling a couple days before the party to bluntly ask if they were coming. Most seemed appreciative that he called and they used to opportunity to ask any questions they had "Do you want parents to stay? If I do, I'll need to find a babysitter for siblings." We ended up just letting siblings come too.

Peggy

 

[ead79]

Boy can I identify with your frustration! There were tons of people who didn't RSVP for our wedding, so we had to call them up. Disney had to have an official headcount or we would have to have paid a lot of money for no-shows. We even included the RSVP card with a stamp on it. Seriously, how hard is it to mail in a card when you don't even have to buy the stamp?!? The other annoying thing was the people who added guests to their RSVP's. Believe me I checked and double checked with Emily Post's etiquette book to be sure I did everything properly, and it's wrong for them to add guests. OK, I'm done ranting now, LOL!

 

[RitaZ.]

I totally understand, as I'm going through it right now. I agree with the poster that said that some people think not responding automatically means that they aren't coming, that seems to be the norm around here.

We invited all the kids in DD's K class (didn't want hurt feelings) and so far only 3 have called. I could send a note to remind the parents (no access to phone #s), but really... How many times do you have to "invite" a kid to a party? The schools here won't allow invitations to be handed out during class time unless the entire class is invited.

With 3 kids, I have had this happen to me more times than I care to count... My mistake (trying to be generous with parents) is that the RSVP date that I gave was the day before the party. I have never done this before, but I figure we would be ok since we are having the party at a park. I bought enough stuff to make some extra goodie bags in case someone shows up at the last minute. One of my friends said that I shouldn't go through all that trouble; that if the parents decide not to call to let me know that their child is coming, then there will be no goodie bag for them if they show up. I really don't want to do that, I hate for kids to feel left out.


What's one to do?

 

[goofiesgirlies]

Boy, I feel your pain. DD's birthday is this Saturday. We directly gave the invitations to the parents at daycare. To date 3 have not responded. I'm not sure if parents think their silence is an answer or if they just don't care? All I want is a yes or no.

DH is going to stop them in the hall at daycare if he sees them and ask them point blank. Good grief. All it takes is one little phone call to say yes/no - I don't need or want to hear the excuses.

Talk about rude! I always try to respond as early as I can for anything, because I know how it is to be on the other side waiting and wondering..............

 

[RitaZ.]

A lot of parties this Saturday...

 

[disykat]

I didn't RSVP once - it was 5 years ago and I still feel guilty about it! A child in my son's preschool invited everyone in the ENTIRE preschool to their party. My son wasn't in her class and didn't even know who she was - she went afternoons he went mornings. I didn't know the mother. I really had no desire to call a total stranger and turn down a party invitation that I was confused about receiving. Add to it the fact that we got the invitation two days before the party! I guess other guests said no? I felt like it was a rude invitation so I guess I was retailiating.

 

[CajunDixie]

I love to host social gatherings and not responding to RSVPs around here seems to now convey a regret

Guilty!! I've not RSVP'd a few times when the boys do not want to attend the event. If I know the person will just accept the fact that no they will not be attending then I'll call. But there are a few nosey ones that insist on knowing what the boys are doing instead. Or they insist the party is more important or more fun than what we have planned. I think it would be more rude of me to flat out tell them their kid is a brat and the kids can't stand being around him.

 

[onecoolmama]

I called my Aunt to see if she was hosting Thanksgiving this year. She said she would and sent out an email. 13 brothers and sisters and their families were invited. So the day of..4 families called to say they were coming...which added 22 people that she assumed werent coming. Needless to say she almost ran out of fiood and we were all cramped!

I told her next time just tell everyone that unfortunately..it is too late.

I disageree with you all with the RSVP thing. I thought invitations went two ways..RSVP wichi mean respond with an answer either way..or Regrets only which means only call if you are not coming. I have never not called and not shown up...and when the invite says RSVP I always call and respond one way or the other..but when the invite says regrets only..I dont call, I just show up. Am I reading that wrong?

 

[soccerchick]

"I disageree with you all with the RSVP thing. I thought invitations went two ways..RSVP wichi mean respond with an answer either way..or Regrets only which means only call if you are not coming. I have never not called and not shown up...and when the invite says RSVP I always call and respond one way or the other..but when the invite says regrets only..I dont call, I just show up. Am I reading that wrong?"

Onecoolmama -- I agree w/you on this. Regets only means I assume you're coming if I don't hear from you. This hasn't worked any better for me than a regular RSVP.

"I'll agree w/ you on this one! But what do you do in the case of children? It's the parents who respond, not the kiddo's. I know lots of parents "hide" the invites from the kiddo's thinking they'll "never know" (kids DO talk!)"

Kimberle -- I won't hold rude parents against a kid... luckily I'm just getting into this realm. DD turned 4 in October and we did the Chuck E. Cheese thing. Luckily everyone let me know by my RSVP date.


(hope this post makes sense...I tried to QUOTE but it didn't come up)

 

[Thumpersmom]

Funny this comes up! I was just talking to my DH about this. We are having my DS's 8th birthday party at an indoor glow in the dark mini-golf place. He wants to invite the whole class so that is 18 kids we think only about half will come and only about half of those will even respond. I need to give a count so I will go low and just pay extra that day if more show up...

For his 6th birthday we rented an ice rink for broom ball and it did not matter how many we had so I did not stress too much over the lack of responses and the oh we have relatives vistiting that weekend can we bring them too? people but the weirdest thing was the kid who kept returning the original invitation to my DS without it being opened. He brought it back home on the day he passed them out and then I took it back to the teacher and asked her to include it with the weekly packet she sent home each Friday. It came back to my house on Monday still unopened and my DS said she doesn't want to come to my birthday party. Whatever.....they could have just thrown it away!

We will see what happens but I am not looking forward to the non-rsvpers again.

 

[Desnik]

Another reason I like to know if someone is coming is because of the goody bags. I need to know how much to buy. I also like to do different goody bags for boys and girls. I will just bring 2 extra incase these non RSVP'ers show up!!
I just think it is rude and inconsiderate to not RSVP. If I didn't care I would've wrote nothing on the invite. Since I wrote RSVP, which to me means call to let me know either way, then obviously I need to know!
Regrets only means just that. Call if you are not coming. I have done that in the past and they still don't call, and then show up!

I complain about this with a childs' B-day party, if it was a wedding I'd go ballistic!!! Talk about rude!

I really don't want to take it out on the kids so I will have extra goody bags in case they show. I will still invite them again if they are still friends with DD next year.

 

[Kallison]

I would just call, maybe they forgot, or there could be stress in their life right now. Try and give the benefit of the doubt, although forgetting to RSVP does seem to be a rudeness trend. I tell my kids to call and let the parents know, even if they leave a phone message I tell them to follow up until they talk to a person. But we are all crazy busy and sometimes things fall in between the cracks. I usually check calendar and have them call the day it arrives in the mail. Everyone usually comments how we are always the first to rsvp. Hey have fun at the bowling party!

 

[katerkat]

Oy, so this continues with children's parties? Remind me not to invite my ILs, then. My FIL's family, we invited 12 of them to the wedding (6 separate invites, each with a stamped envelope to RSVP in). We received ONE RSVP card with "6" written on it. We were doing namecards for the tables, too! Were we supposed to guess which six were coming? Turned out, it was 6, PLUS his father, who never RSVPed.