My allergist said once that he was concerned about today's kids with nut allergies because they aren't learning how to cope with a world that contains their allergen by being isolated from it.
First, there will always be *those* parents who coddle their children until that are, oh, 45 years old. We've seen them all, haven't we? They run the gamut of what they coddle for. In the peanut allergic population, we have those parents. We also have those parents who hardly pay attention and continue to let their kids be exposed. I knew one mom who routinely let her peanut allergic son eat some sort of trail mix until he finally ended up in the ER because his reactions kept escalating. She thought a little bit of peanut would not cause a problem.
I disagree with the allergist overall though.
When my now-17-y/o son was in daycare, his daycare made themselves peanut free. They decided to do this all on their own because they felt that having a bunch of 2-3 year olds smearing peanut butter all over the place was too stressful for them to work with. When my son reached elementary school age, he was given a peanut free table for lunch. The school also grouped the peanut/nut allergic kids together where they could so he always had another child in his class with a similar allergy. He had accommodations made for him up until 5th grade--all the while, me as his parent, ensured that he was expertly educated on what he could and could not eat, how to handle himself in public eating facilities, and how to wash his hands after he'd been in a large-group food setting. By the time he got to middle school, a few things happened:
1. He was mature enough to logically think through a situation.
2. He was smart enough to look at something and make the decision on whether or not it was safe.
3. He had years of practice in telling adults "no, I can't have that".
4. He became physically aware of the telltale signs of the start of an allergic reaction so that he could inform an adult.
5. He became confident enough to handle his own epi-pen.
Maturity and training on the part of the parent and physician are key ingredients to managing a severe food allergy. One of these ingredients is not always in place at age 2, age 5, age 7, age 9. But you gradually get there.
I don't think having accommodations in place at a young age is doing a disservice to the child, nor does it make them ill-prepared to deal with it as an adult. Ignoring it and pretending it's not there makes it a problem.