Paying for child's friends......

[JenLanDisney]

It always seems I am paying on both ends! Now that my kids are older, my rule of thumb is if I actually go and stay with the kids, I pay, if I am just dropping them off, they pay their own way.

When my kids are invited I always send enough money for whatever they may do and to be honest, most times they need the money.

One time we did get burned. We had always taken a neighbor girl with us and paid her way. Once her mom invited DS to go with them to an amusement park for the day. Its one of those places that has 2 sessions. I asked several times if I needed to send enough money for meals and both sessions or if they were just staying for one session. She assured me they would only be staying for one session. I sent plenty of money for meals and the morning session, BUT, the little girl decided she wanted to stay longer and not only did her parents let her, because DS didn't have enough money for the second session they made him sit on the bench with them while the little girl rode all the rides again with her sister. Lesson learned, always send enough money for anything they may do. What really ticked me off was I had sent a BOGO coupon for them to use!!!

That would be the last time I sent my child with this family.

 

[Snow Shoe]

If you invite, then it should be up to you to pay, to a point. Things like movies, pools, lunch, etc I definetly would and would expect the same from a person with my child. This has always been we treated our childrens friends when they would go with us places. I guess we're seen a "soft targets".

I now step up on my soapbox.
Now the exception. We've taken and completly paid for everything from plane fare, to park tickets, 2 bd rm at BWV, and food two seperate times for friends of our daughter's to go with us to WDW. On one trip, the girl friend backed out the morning we were to pick her up on the way to DFW. The parents said she just changed her mind and did not offer to remburse us for any of the expensives. Another girl friend went but complained all the time about how Disney wasn't like Six Flags in Arlington which was so much better. Couldn't wait to get that child home to her parents. After much dicussion between ourselves, we have started a new family policy dealing with Disney. If we invite your child along with us to Disney, and you agree to let it happen, then you will have some financial investment like plane fare, or park tickets to ensure your child goes.
I'm through ranting, and I'll get off of my soapbox now.

 

[tmarquez]

On one trip, the girl friend backed out the morning we were to pick her up on the way to DFW. The parents said she just changed her mind and did not offer to remburse us for any of the expensives. Another girl friend went but complained all the time about how Disney wasn't like Six Flags in Arlington which was so much better. Couldn't wait to get that child home to her parents. After much dicussion between ourselves, we have started a new family policy dealing with Disney. If we invite your child along with us to Disney, and you agree to let it happen, then you will have some financial investment like plane fare, or park tickets to ensure your child goes.
I'm through ranting, and I'll get off of my soapbox now.

Ohhhh I HATE this! We have changed plans all around to accomodate another child and then when it is time to go they simply don't want to. We won't ask that child anywhere again.

I've made it very clear to DD that if she ever says she is going somewhere with someone...she goes...she made the commitment.

 

[Mickey'sGal]

I took my niece on a Cedar Point trip, that then turned into a Kalahari overnight. My parents, who are raising her, she's 15 asked how much money should we send with her? I said wll I am paying for her ticket $35, (didn't know we were going to make it a two day at this point) so I said just send whatever money she needs for food. So they gave her $50 for food and souveniers. Well right away she spends most of her money on souveniers, and gripes when she had to use a little money for lunch. Then we decided to do an overnight at Kalahari, and we had my 2 girls plus her and DH and myself. So we had to pay an extra $20 for a park wristband, because our room included 4. So DH says have her pay for it because its the extra money for her ticket. So I say no she doesn't have much if any money left, I will pay for it. So the next day before we left she ended up buying a $36 dollar sweatshirt from one of the stores.. on her debit card that she said she had over a hundred dollars on. The two days ended up costing over $450 dollars. We paid for all her food except one meal, and hotel, tickets for two parks .. our kids got no souveniers or anything and she comes home with $70 in souveniers. What do you think about that?

 

[Chereya]

I took my niece on a Cedar Point trip, that then turned into a Kalahari overnight. My parents, who are raising her, she's 15 asked how much money should we send with her? I said wll I am paying for her ticket $35, (didn't know we were going to make it a two day at this point) so I said just send whatever money she needs for food. So they gave her $50 for food and souveniers. Well right away she spends most of her money on souveniers, and gripes when she had to use a little money for lunch. Then we decided to do an overnight at Kalahari, and we had my 2 girls plus her and DH and myself. So we had to pay an extra $20 for a park wristband, because our room included 4. So DH says have her pay for it because its the extra money for her ticket. So I say no she doesn't have much if any money left, I will pay for it. So the next day before we left she ended up buying a $36 dollar sweatshirt from one of the stores.. on her debit card that she said she had over a hundred dollars on. The two days ended up costing over $450 dollars. We paid for all her food except one meal, and hotel, tickets for two parks .. our kids got no souveniers or anything and she comes home with $70 in souveniers. What do you think about that?

I think next time, your parents should give you the money for her spending so you can help educate her on responsible spending.

 

[smylie1]

Whenever we invite someone we pay. Whenever someone invites my child I send money with him/her, just in case. In 99.9% of the cases the other parent has paid, although my child has offered to pay for themselves. My kids are very good about giving me the money back.

Same here, but I let mine keep the money. I figure if they'd had to pay the money would be spent, so I let them add it to their savings.

 

[mikamah]

When I was growing up back in the 70's and 80's, my mother had a very simple theory. If the kids are with her, she knows where they are and what they are doing. It was my older brother and I. At times one of our best friends was along for the fun and occasionally both. My mother figured it was a small price to pay for the extra ticket, to keep the kids happy and distracted. For example, the car ride there and back can be a lot more pleasant for a parent if your child has a friend along distracting them.

She paid for everything, never asking the parents to send money. My mother was in charge of what was spent, and if the friend didn't like this they could bring money. But my mom knew some of our friends had money and some didn't, she didn't want us only picking friends that had money to pay their way for such trips. She found it easier with the friend along, so to her that made the extra expense worth it, even on a big trip like to Disney. I saw her pay for a kid to go to camp with me (probably because I wouldn't have gone otherwise), and many other trips. On most family trips, we had at least one extra.

This is how I was raised, it is how I will raise my kids. I would never want another parent to feel obligated to fork out money for a trip/event they had not budgeted for. I would never want my kids to only pick friends to go with them based upon their parents ability to pay. Honestly I don't want my little princess even thinking about the economic status of her friends.

So true that our kids should not have to worry about their friends economic status at such a young age.

If I invite a friend, I plan to pay, and if my son is invited I offer money to the other parents, and they usually offer money to me if I'm taking them. So far, it seems if you invite, you pay, which works well.

 

[Tinkerbella001]

It is good social etiquitte to pay for guests that you invite. If you can't afford to pay for your child's friends admission, don't invite them. Now sometimes I have had parents say something sounds like fun, and how much to send them as well? They invite themselves, so to speak. (which is another no, no, but what do you do?!)

We carpool with a neighbor to school everyday. We take them to school and they bring them home. I was SHOCKED to find out that sometimes after school, the mother goes through a drive-thru and gets food/drinks for HER CHILDREN ONLY!!! To me, this is even worse. No, I'm not saying my kids deserve or should get something, but why get the kids an ice cream cone, for example, when there are other children in the car?? If I have other kids in my car, I trat them the same as my kids. If I don't have enough money to treat them all, I wait until after I drop them off at their homes. I have a really close friend who babysits from time to time. I found out she took the kids to a drive-thruu and her kids ordered value meals and extras, and my kids were told they could have 1 thing off the dollar menu!!

 

[MichelleVW]

Whenever we invite someone we pay. Whenever someone invites my child I send money with him/her, just in case. In 99.9% of the cases the other parent has paid, although my child has offered to pay for themselves. My kids are very good about giving me the money back.

That's pretty much what we do. We are always going to sporting events/movies and usually let the girls bring a friend. Now that they are teenagers the friend usually has their own money for snacks etc at the game, but we pay for the ticket, and if we go out to dinner we pay for that too.

 

[luvsJack]

If the OP was trying to decide the correct thing to do, then imho, it depends on the situation and possibly the age of the kids. When dd was younger and we specifically went somewhere to do an outing for her and a friend, invite went through the parents not through the girls, planned well in advance, we always paid for everything.

As she has gotten older, many times I am just the ride for the group to get where they want to go. So, say dd and her group of friends decide they want to go skating this weekend; they ask me if I will drive them. In that instance, they each pay their own way.

 

[cinderelladad]

I pay for my DD's friends if we invited them. When my DD7 gets invited I always ask the parents if they can hold the $ for her. That way they know she has the $ or they can let me know for sure that they are paying.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I'm glad someone brought up the issue of age -- of course we never invited a 6 yr. old directly, and certainly didn't expect them to pay or understand what things cost!

The older the child, the more they make their own arrangements -- and they know exactly how much it costs to get into the movies, buy their favorite snacks, etc. Older kids also often have their own money from allowances, and sometimes their parents expect them to pay rather than a parent contribution.

I guess we are just very lucky. DS's circle of friends includes parents who always pay for him, and we always pay for their kids. When we have a sleepover, the parent bringing the child also brings some sort of treat -- I never give it a second thought. We also always send ds with $20, which he always comes back with.

I wonder if paying for the other children is a regional thing? I can remember when I grew up in the Midwest, my mom had a friend watch me (I was 4) and the ice cream truck came through the neighborhood. The mom bought ice cream for her son, but not for me. They never watched me again. But you can see what an impression that made -- I was four a few decades ago! It could just be those people didn't get it -- My SIL lives in FL, and she always buys for whatever kids are around when the ice cream truck goes through...

 

[sskem96]

We pay for our own kids when they go places with other people, and any kids that have ever gone with us have always brought their own money. The girls each have a purse with a long strap that they can wear across their body so they don't leave it laying somewhere, and I make them carry their own money and phone, and DD12 has to carry her inhaler.

Now if it's the case of a sleepover and we decide after dinner to go to Dairy Queen or something, of course I buy for the guest, but if it's decided ahead of time that we're going to the movies and the kid shows up with no money, I'd be upset.

I do hate it when kids bring too much money though. Every time we go to Chuck E Cheese, one of DD12's friends brings like $20 or $30 which is all spent on tokens since I'm buying the pizza. I get the $30 coupon special that comes with 100 tokens, and make the kids share them, that's all they get. Then this girl will go buy over 100 tokens for herself and we're there a lot longer than I'd like to be because she never runs out of tokens! I've told her mom that we always get a package that includes tokens so she doesn't need any money, but she gets a big allowance so she always has money available to bring with.