Paying for child's friends......

[McKelly]

I just need a wide, general opinion on this to make sure I am not making some major social error.

When I ask and bring along my children's friends to activities, movies, swimming pool, mini-golf, etc., I always pay for their entrance fees and snacks, lunch, whatever. I always figured, I invited them, I should pay.

Well, yesterday, my kid's two friends along and I paid for their entrance into the pool. My friend asked me if I just paid for the two "Extra kids" to get into the pool. I replied Yes, wouldn't you? And she said No.

Normally, I wouldn't question this, but I never send money along with my kids when they go with their friends and their families places, should I be? I hope not, because I haven't been!!

How do you handle this? If I am supposed to be sending money along, do you give it to the parents? I don't want my child walking around with $20.00, there are no pockets (especially in the summer) and my DD is not old enough to carry around a purse (without the possibility of leaving it somewhere). Just looking for some opinions..............

 

[Keurigirl]

Hmm. My daughter is only 2 so I haven't had this issue, but I will tell you what I will likely do in the future.

I'd pay for my friend's kids, and I'd probably let the parents know that they don't need to bring money. I'd hate to think that the parents were giving their kids money, and then you pay, but then the kids keep the money anyway cause their parents don't know you paid, and they're up $50 or whatever. You know? I don't know if that would happen when they are younger, but I can see a teenager doing that. LOL

Sending your kids with someone else, I'd think that the parents were planning on paying for them, but if you feel uncomfortable maybe ask the parent if they'll need money? That way you know whether to send money or not.

 

[Darcy03231]

Whenever we invite someone we pay. Whenever someone invites my child I send money with him/her, just in case. In 99.9% of the cases the other parent has paid, although my child has offered to pay for themselves. My kids are very good about giving me the money back.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

I'm with you...if I invite a friend along I pay. Now DD does have one friend that always orders the most expensive thing and has to get $20 worth of candy at the movies, so after dealing with this child I now let her pay.

When my children are invited places, I always ask the parent how much money my child is going to need. Sometimes they say don't worry about anything, your child is our guest. Sometimes they say whatever they need for admission and concession...or wherever.

I'll continue to treat my kids friends if I invite them...but I wouldn't look down on anyone who thinks differently.

 

[stella27]

I pay for the other kids. If I am sending my kids, I do send some $$ for snacks, etc. If the child comes home with money, I expect him or her to give it back to me.

 

[Queen of 3 princess]

I too pay for friends. I just think it's the right thing to do since I invited them. But I do send money with my kids if they are invited somewhere. I just think it's polite. They always come back with the money though.

 

[pixiewings71]

I always get chewed out when I say this but we only send our kids with very good friends so first off they don't go anywhere with friends very often. When I send my kids with their friends I send them with money, I give them the money now but when they were younger I gave it to the parents. When we take the same kids (we sort of swap lol) they send money for their kids. It works for us, and yes, there have been times they haven't had the money to send so we covered the girls, and then they cover our girls next time.

 

[mjkacmom]

Whenever we invite someone we pay. Whenever someone invites my child I send money with him/her, just in case. In 99.9% of the cases the other parent has paid, although my child has offered to pay for themselves. My kids are very good about giving me the money back.

I always pay, and I always send my children with money, which is sometimes taken, sometimes not. For example, we didn't join the pool club this year to save $ (costs thousands), but I told my gf, who is a member, that I would love it if she would invite my dd sometime (who is good friends with her dd), but would insist on paying the $20 guest fee myself.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

We always pay for the friends, and send money with ds. He always brings it back -- other parents won't allow him to pay, just like we won't let his friends pay! This is just the movies, skating, bowling, etc.

I think if it were a big trip with real travel involved, we would work it out ahead of time. I certainly would not expect someone to pay for my ds. If we brought someone I would expect to pay all the costs, and hopefully be pleasantly surprised when the parents offered to cover some.

 

[McKelly]

I'm with you...if I invite a friend along I pay. Now DD does have one friend that always orders the most expensive thing and has to get $20 worth of candy at the movies, so after dealing with this child I now let her pay.

When my children are invited places, I always ask the parent how much money my child is going to need. Sometimes they say don't worry about anything, your child is our guest. Sometimes they say whatever they need for admission and concession...or wherever.

I'll continue to treat my kids friends if I invite them...but I wouldn't look down on anyone who thinks differently.

That's a good idea - How much money will my child need? I should start asking that. I just feel weird talking to people about money, I don't know why............

 

[Tiffany_PartyOf7]

I pay if we invite. If my child is invited, I ask the parents how much they think my child will need.. Normally they say none.

 

[Hannathy]

We (all my kids friend's parents) always pay for our own children. It is just nice that they ask other kids to go. I would rather pay and have my kids go often rather than just once in a while. It would get outrageous to pay for 2 or 3 extra kids all of the time. We are just glad one parent can give the ride or time to take everyone. My DD is almost 18 so we have been doing this for 12 or so years and I have a DS 11 and we do the same in his group.

 

[pooh4evr]

If you invite you should pay- unless it is a babysitting situation- if they invite your kids they pay- but i usually send money along anyway for a snack or drink too.

 

[powellrj]

It always seems I am paying on both ends! Now that my kids are older, my rule of thumb is if I actually go and stay with the kids, I pay, if I am just dropping them off, they pay their own way.

When my kids are invited I always send enough money for whatever they may do and to be honest, most times they need the money.

One time we did get burned. We had always taken a neighbor girl with us and paid her way. Once her mom invited DS to go with them to an amusement park for the day. Its one of those places that has 2 sessions. I asked several times if I needed to send enough money for meals and both sessions or if they were just staying for one session. She assured me they would only be staying for one session. I sent plenty of money for meals and the morning session, BUT, the little girl decided she wanted to stay longer and not only did her parents let her, because DS didn't have enough money for the second session they made him sit on the bench with them while the little girl rode all the rides again with her sister. Lesson learned, always send enough money for anything they may do. What really ticked me off was I had sent a BOGO coupon for them to use!!!

 

[scottish mum]

If i invited the kids then I would pay. Sometimes I will be taking my kids to dancing or swimming etc, and my best friend will ask if I can take a couple of her kids too as she is unable to. In this case my friend will send the money for her kids.
If my kids get invited somewhere i don't send money for admission but do send money for any extras ie ice cream. Usually the money is given back and never spent.

 

[disneymom2one]

We pay. Tomorrow night, we're taking my daughter and two school friends to a play. The tickets are $15 each and we bought them. We'll also pay for any concession items they buy at intermission. The only thing we won't pay for is souvenirs. They're on their own for that.

 

[stella27]

One time we did get burned. We had always taken a neighbor girl with us and paid her way. Once her mom invited DS to go with them to an amusement park for the day. Its one of those places that has 2 sessions. I asked several times if I needed to send enough money for meals and both sessions or if they were just staying for one session. She assured me they would only be staying for one session. I sent plenty of money for meals and the morning session, BUT, the little girl decided she wanted to stay longer and not only did her parents let her, because DS didn't have enough money for the second session they made him sit on the bench with them while the little girl rode all the rides again with her sister. Lesson learned, always send enough money for anything they may do. What really ticked me off was I had sent a BOGO coupon for them to use!!![/QUOTE]

This is not nice at all!

 

[crisi]

We pay. We offer to pay or send enough money along so our kid's can pay (and we tell the parents the kids have money).

However, when we pay we also control. There is no "have to have" concessions at the movies. There are no souvieniers unless I choose to purchase them.

And this will change as our kids get older - when it starts being "peer group events" rather than "parent driven playdates" - we will pay less. i.e. if the kids decide "we all want to go to the movie, can you drive?" I'm not the host, I'm the chauffeur.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I learned quickly back when DS was in preschool that if you invite a child somewhere you are expected to pay.

DS asked a friend to come to Chuck E. Cheese with us. I paid for pizza, drinks, tokens, etc. and it was not a cheap outing! I foolishly assumed that the friend's mom would reimburse me. Nope, no reimbursement was offered.

Now I figure if we are going to invite someone to go with us we better be OK with footing the bill for everyone!

 

[DCbride]

Honestly it depends on the age, place and relationship to friend. Usually under age 12 I paid for everything when we invited. As they got older the kids paid their own way if I was dropping off, as PP said. But if we were attending or eating out I would (and still pay.) Now as they are older, if we invite their friends to a sporting event we are attending as a family we still pay, but they only invite close friends.

Now we have let the kids invite friends on our Disney trip 2x in the past. I only ask the parent to pay for air, park tickets and send some money for meals. (I don't divide the bill but do have the parents chip in a portion of the meals.) We of course pick up room, rental and anything else that is extra.