Paternity test for unborn child

[wdwmom0f3]

That's interesting. There is an 18yo senior who is expecting a baby by a 17 yo Junior at the HS here. Are you saying that if a baby is born to a minor, he should never have to pay child support? I'm not so sure that I would agree with that. Someone has to support that child until it's 18 years old. What if a child is born to two minors?

 

[hereyago]

What if a child is born to two minors?

How would that work? I mean would the boy once he became of age to work have to start paying child support arrearages?

 

[stepmommyof1]

I think if a boy is still legally a child himself , and the infants mother is both a legal adult AND a certain amount older than him(maybe like at least 4 or 5 yeas older than him).
It's not something I have thought too much about but I feel like if the women aren't really supposed to be with these young boys in the first place, then they should take responsibility for whatever the outcome is (whether they have charges filed against them for misconduct or whether they get pregnant and have to support a child). It may not be fair for the woman but I feel like she was the one doing something illegal so why make the "victim" pay? (even if he does not consider himself to be a victim).

 

[NHdisneylover]

Sounds like a very tricky situation. I would definitely agree with people here that he does need to insist on a paternity test before his name goes on the birth certificate. I am not sure I would let her move in either before that happens. It could be hard to get her out once the baby is born regardless of paternity. Why is she being offered a home with the 17 year old's family? It appears she, as an adult, is already living independently of her parents--she ought to be able to move into a small place on her own if she is breaking up with the other guy and keep whatever job she has until the baby is born and she knows who the father is. I could see offering to help her pay rent, where she is, but not having her move in (and across the country) under theses sketchy circumstances.

FWIW this 22 year old broke the law touching a 17 year old which is all kinds of not ok, if it was my son she would be in jail...then again I don't know the age of consent with an adult in Florida. From another angle, I think this sounds like a con where this person is hoping your friend will suckup the most expensive parts of bringing a baby into the world. Did you save all the e-mails and texts, they would be helpful in forcing the paternity testing if she eventually withdraws her position.

It would only be illegal in 7 US states:
Arizona
California
North Dakota
Oregon
Wisconsin
Virginia (interestingly, you can get married younger-with parental consent--and then it IS legal)
and
Tennessee (though had the age gap been four years or less it would not be illegal anyway).

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think if a boy is still legally a child himself , and the infants mother is both a legal adult AND a certain amount older than him(maybe like at least 4 or 5 yeas older than him).
It's not something I have thought too much about but I feel like if the women aren't really supposed to be with these young boys in the first place, then they should take responsibility for whatever the outcome is (whether they have charges filed against them for misconduct or whether they get pregnant and have to support a child). It may not be fair for the woman but I feel like she was the one doing something illegal so why make the "victim" pay? (even if he does not consider himself to be a victim).

As I pointed out above it is not illegal for this young woman to be with this almost grown man in most parts of the US (including the state the OP lives in). Stupid, yes but not illegal.

I am curious that you point out the ate difference of 4-5 years as an issue. You have posted a lot recently about your 15 year old stepson and that you are only 26. One would assume that means there is at least a 4-5 year age difference between you and your husband, more than that unless your DH had his son when he was 16 (possible, but not all that likely since you also have stories of him living in the same house now as then and no parents seem to be involved--precious few 16 year old parents could afford their own place and that place be a 3 or more bedroom house to boot).

So I am genuinely curious--does this age gap bother you because the male is younger? Because one of the people is under 18 (though over the age of consent)? Why do you feel differently about it than your own situation? I hope you don't mind me asking; it just really intrigued me when I read your post and then realized who had posted it

 

[Kellydelly]

I think if a boy is still legally a child himself , and the infants mother is both a legal adult AND a certain amount older than him(maybe like at least 4 or 5 yeas older than him).
It's not something I have thought too much about but I feel like if the women aren't really supposed to be with these young boys in the first place, then they should take responsibility for whatever the outcome is (whether they have charges filed against them for misconduct or whether they get pregnant and have to support a child). It may not be fair for the woman but I feel like she was the one doing something illegal so why make the "victim" pay? (even if he does not consider himself to be a victim).

You do realize that the proposed father of this unborn baby is not going to be 17 yrs old forever, right? So if this is his baby he should never have to step up and take responsibility? You don't make much sense with your comments.

This situation is wrong on so many levels. What parent would just invite this lady into their home to live with their teenage son without any proof the baby is actually his? Some people are cuckoo. Or desperate for a grandchild.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

What about the girl here? Where are her parents, and who is going to pay the medical expenses for her? She may know that her ex-bf can't afford the child, she may feel alone in all of this so she sees an easy out, or a temporary solution, by pinning this on the boy until the test is preformed.

If my son was in this mess, I would be livid, and I would make damn sure his name was not on the birth certificate until we knew for sure.

OP, how do the boys parents feel about all of this? I am sure they are wanting to protect their son, but what are they saying?

 

[Mermaid02]

I would NOT let her move in with us unless she had the test and we KNEW our son was the father. The risks are minimal for miscarriage- if the girl is young and healthy with no history of problems I would think she would be fine. If she wanted to come live with us, she would take the risk and have the test.

 

[mhsjax]

And your friend is going to allow this

Sorry, sounds like the "mom" is really a, well, not DIS appropriate word.

Also, the age of consent in many states is 16 or 17 so that may be a non-issue.

Thank you for saying this. I was beginning to think I was the only one that thought it.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

FWIW this 22 year old broke the law touching a 17 year old which is all kinds of not ok, if it was my son she would be in jail...then again I don't know the age of consent with an adult in Florida.

FYI, It was legal in Florida. If the girl was 24, it wouldn't be:

794.05 Unlawful sexual activity with certain minors.-- (1) A person 24 years of age or older who engages in sexual activity with a person 16 or 17 years of age commits a felony of the second degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084. (cut here because it gets censored by DIS after that...)

 

[FINFAN]

FWIW this 22 year old broke the law touching a 17 year old which is all kinds of not ok, if it was my son she would be in jail...then again I don't know the age of consent with an adult in Florida. From another angle, I think this sounds like a con where this person is hoping your friend will suckup the most expensive parts of bringing a baby into the world. Did you save all the e-mails and texts, they would be helpful in forcing the paternity testing if she eventually withdraws her position.

yep, and then she will get back with the real father who is the BF. (AFTER appearing on Jerry Springer of course )
Sorry your friends family is going thru this...but as the others have said, sign NOTHING..not even sure why this girl is being allowed to move to their home. I would get the 1200 test done. Far cheaper than moving her out, paying for medical, and then paternity testing anyway.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

yep, and then she will get back with the real father who is the BF. (AFTER appearing on Jerry Springer of course )
Sorry your friends family is going thru this...but as the others have said, sign NOTHING..not even sure why this girl is being allowed to move to their home. I would get the 1200 test done. Far cheaper than moving her out, paying for medical, and then paternity testing anyway.

 

[Liberty Belle]

17 is almost an adult. The age difference is not that huge. It's about maturity rather than age, a lot of the time.

Not in the eyes of the law, at least not in many states. I don't know about Florida.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'd wait til the baby is born and get testing done then and don't put his name on the birth certificate.
The age thing is a bit disturbing...i wonder if his parents care??
Personally I think people sometimes make a mountain out of a molehill with this woman/boy scandal stuff. I mean if she wasnt using him, if theyre actually in love with eachother or at least have a relationship not based on sex, it would be okay I think.
I don't think it's a big deal because it's not the same as a young girl with an older man.
I mean...I guess I have to admit I wouldn't like it if that woman was with my stepson, but then again I don't even like when he dates girls his own age.
Oh another thing is, I don't personally think that boy should have to pay child support. I don't think the relationship is necessarily wrong but if the woman gets pregnant from a teenager, well too bad for her, she knew what she was getting into dating a teenager in the first place and I don't think she should be able to get money from him for the next eighteen years just because she made the choice to do the deed with someone underage.

What?! Why?

 

[okeydokey]

That is exactly what I thought when I read this post. That boy is playing with fire here. What are his parents saying?

The whole Internet relationship, then visiting once while she still lives with her ex boyfriend... I guess its possible, but why would a 22 year old want to date a 17 yo? I would gave my guard up on this one. Somethings afoot!

They seem willing to accept this and to move this woman into their home. I actually told my daughter in Dec that I thought they'd be getting a phone call around Feb with just this news. The girl said then she wishes she didn't have to leave after the visit was over.

It has been a real teachable moment with my own daughter about making the right kind of choices. This girl has no job, no driver's license. She wasn't feeling well last weekend and the other family wouldn't take her to the Dr so she didn't go.

I told my DD that this is what happens when you are unwilling to take of yourself and you look to rely on others to take care of you.

Personally I think the whole situation is crazy beginning with asking her to visit them for the holidays. They had never even met her. I think she has no relationship with her mother and not much contact with the rest of her family. Seems like they feel they are responsible for her already.

 

[stepmommyof1]

Okay I misunderstood and thought it was illegal because she was 22. If it's not illegal then never mind.

As for the poster who questioned my marriage...it's fine , I don take offense, you're just asking a question. Yes my husband is more than ten years older than I am. What I see as the difference is that we met and got married when we were BOTH adults and not teenagers...if we had met when I was 17, I'm pretty sure my husband would have had no interest/made no move to date me, because he would have seen that I was too young for him.

As for dating someone that young anyway...like I said it just doesn't gross me out the same way if it's a boy with a woman, what I find gross is when it is a man with a teenage girl. I probably just say that because I think traditionally as a society as a whole, people seem to be ingrained to think we have to protect young girls and their innocence but boys on the other hand are expected to be strong and look out for themselves. I'm NOT saying it's RIGHT to have a double standard...I'm just saying that it seems different to me....Although I'm not sure that deep down I truly believe that because even though I don't think it's all that gross, if it was MY stepson having a "relationship" with an older woman, I would be angry and it probably would all of a sudden seem really wrong to me.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I would not under any circumstances let the girl move into my home if it were my son. That's just crazy talk given that she was (and is) living with another man when she allegedly got pregnant!

I'm all for stepping up, but AFTER the baby is born and a paternity test done.

 

[okeydokey]

I would not under any circumstances let the girl move into my home if it were my son. That's just crazy talk given that she was (and is) living with another man when she allegedly got pregnant!

I'm all for stepping up, but AFTER the baby is born and a paternity test done.

Yep, me too.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Okay I misunderstood and thought it was illegal because she was 22. If it's not illegal then never mind.

As for the poster who questioned my marriage...it's fine , I don take offense, you're just asking a question. Yes my husband is more than ten years older than I am. What I see as the difference is that we met and got married when we were BOTH adults and not teenagers...if we had met when I was 17, I'm pretty sure my husband would have had no interest/made no move to date me, because he would have seen that I was too young for him.

As for dating someone that young anyway...like I said it just doesn't gross me out the same way if it's a boy with a woman, what I find gross is when it is a man with a teenage girl. I probably just say that because I think traditionally as a society as a whole, people seem to be ingrained to think we have to protect young girls and their innocence but boys on the other hand are expected to be strong and look out for themselves. I'm NOT saying it's RIGHT to have a double standard...I'm just saying that it seems different to me....Although I'm not sure that deep down I truly believe that because even though I don't think it's all that gross, if it was MY stepson having a "relationship" with an older woman, I would be angry and it probably would all of a sudden seem really wrong to me.

Thanks for answering my question and not being offended I find your thoughts on this really interesting.

 

[Disney Doll]

A coupel of observations:

~I wouldn't be arresting any 22 year old for doing the deed with a 17 year old. I am fairly certain that the 17 year old was a willing participant and at 17, I was certainly old enough to know the consequences of participating in that particular activity.
~My kid wouldn't be putting his name on any birth certificate where there was a question of parentage, until there was a paternity test. This woman had alluded to the fact that there is more than one man who could possibly be the father of this baby.
~No pregnant woman who claimed that my 17 year old could be the father of her unborn child would be moving into my home until I had proof that my 17 year old son was the father of her unborn child. Then maybe we'd talk about living arrangements depending on the necessity and circumstances..
~The difference between 17 and 22 is only 5 years. This woman may be a woman, but a 17 year old is a lot closer to "man" than "teenager", obviously.