Parents Who "Over involve" the School.

[DawnCt1]

I was listening to Dr. Laura today and and a mom called in. She is involved in a car pool with her DD and two other girls. Girl A was absent and Girl B began talking about Girl A inviting her to play the "choking game". This is a very dangerous game in which one person chokes another until they pass out or closely approach it. The mom said she called the school to report it! When Dr. Laura asked why she didn't call the parents of the girl, she said because it was discussed on school property. Dr. Laura told her to not depend upon the principal calling the parents but to hang up and call them immediately. That scenario made me wonder if today, parents call the school and expect them to intervene in situations that used to be up to parent?

 

[Rock'n Robin]

That is idiotic of that woman. She should have called the parents immediately.
Robin M.

 

[dis ms.]

I agree that the woman should have called the other girl's parents. Maybe she felt funny approaching them directly.

If some girl were trying to get my DD to do something that ridiculously dangerous and stupid, I would have no problem calling the girl's parents.

 

[freckles and boo]

I would call the parents first and foremost. They are the ones who are on the front line. But I would probably let the principal know what was going on as well. Whether she could/would do anything or not I don't know. My older daughter's social circle is essentially all the first graders in her class. With the exception of a few playdates, lunch and recess are her social time and the time she learns all those tricks we never taught her. Fortunately right now it is just Rock/Paper/Scissors and singing Cheetah Girl songs, but the choking game is the kind of thing I would imagine is discussed by kids on the playground. We have a very strong behavior program at our school and respect is a very important topic. They also try to teach self-respect and they could easily tie in a lesson about not hurting yourself if the principal thought it was appropriate. It is a tough call - I can't believe that our principal has to send gentle reminders home for parents to remember that IT IS WINTER and kids need gloves and hats. There is only so much she can do.

 

[gina2000]

Our schools would have immediately called in the parents for a conference and had a guidance counselor and a regular counselor speak to the child.

 

[JVL1018]

I would have called both the parents of the girl AND the school.

I would bet that there was more than this one girl at the school into the choking thing--best to make the school aware of it and get someone in to talk to the kids(like in an assembly) or send a letter home telling parents to be aware of things that have been going on so they can discuss it with their kids.

 

[jenr812]

I would have called both the parents of the girl AND the school.

I would bet that there was more than this one girl at the school into the choking thing--best to make the school aware of it and get someone in to talk to the kids(like in an assembly) or send a letter home telling parents to be aware of things that have been going on so they can discuss it with their kids.

ITA - this is exactly what I was going to say

 

[mamacatnv]

It takes a village.......

I would have called the parents immediately - I live in a fairly small community and we have a pact with each other, our kids don't get away with much.
Example: Your teen drives like an idiot, it is likely someone will see it or hear about it from their kid and a parent will get a call....Some parents have the "oh, not my kid" but that does not deter us.

 

[MoniqueU]

Well the standard Disboard answer to that problem had it been posted here would be to call the cops.

 

[DawnCt1]

Well the standard Disboard answer to that problem had it been posted here would be to call the cops.

That's true!

 

[horseshowmom]

If the girl was in my carpool, I should know her parents well enough to talk to them personally.

If my daughter came home from school talking about this being discussed by some random person at school, I would have called the school.

 

[DawnCt1]

I still do not understand calling the school. It seems that the school now has to accept the responsibility of not only teaching our kids but raising our kids. A discussion of something, particularly something that may or may not have been planned or discusses at school, doesn't warrant the school being involved. If the choking game had been done at school, then yes, because obviously the playground wasn't being supervised. I would have called the parent of the girl immediately. Another possibility is that Girl B could have heard about the choking game and was gossiping about Girl A. Calling the school is passing along gossip that should be handled by the parents first.

 

[DawnCt1]

If the girl was in my carpool, I should know her parents well enough to talk to them personally.

If my daughter came home from school talking about this being discussed by some random person at school, I would have called the school.

Yes, because you would have no other way to communicate a concern to the actual parents that NEED to know.

 

[VirtuallyMe]

I think I would have done both. For starters- if the girl was in a carpool with my daughter than I'm responsible for the girl when she is in my care for the carpool- so I would definitely feel fine calling the parents and discussing the danger etc...

I would also call the school because no doubt if one was doing it so are others- and a little education about the danger in one of their classes can help and get all the kids the same information...

I actually had an issue with myspace- I went on my dd's page and saw information I know I told her not to post- well I also checked out all her friends pages and most of them were much worse- so the few parents of kids that I knew I contacted and said- I'm not ratting them out- just making you aware so you can get them to take off the information that is too much off the page... But I also sent an email to the principal because most of the kids had listed their school and sports schedules etc- I was notifying her because of the safety issue for the entire school- they ended up going over internet safety again in the computer class and offered to work on all their pages and make them safer for each other...

 

[I'mNoPrince]

We just had something like that happen (nothing dangerous like that) with one of DDs classmates.

We called the parent right away and explained everything in detail. We haven't seen either one since then as school has been out due to snow and holidays.

Well we saw them last night as they both play soccer on the same team that I coach. The mother was talking to DW and was concerned that we wouldn't let her D around our D anymore and would shun them away.

We got a big kick out of it and told her no way we told them as we were concerned that she might not have known and would want her to do the same thing if DD did anything in her presence that warranted a call.

This could have been a call to school as it did happen in school (even tough it was not that big of a deal) but we just thought a call to the parents was better.

I think things like this happen as to pass the buck and not get invovled. Well if your going to do that then just stay totally out of it.

 

[freckles and boo]

I still do not understand calling the school. It seems that the school now has to accept the responsibility of not only teaching our kids but raising our kids.

The reality is that schools have to deal with the consequences of children who are raised poorly and often can't teach children who don't know how to behave. Of course every child should walk into the school ready to behave and learn, but that is totally unrealistic. If it can mitigate that by establishing the behaviors it expects when the children are in class and on the school property, why is this a bad thing? I clearly agree that the parents should be contacted first and given the opportunity to deal with the issue, but what happens when you are completely dismissed by the parents and are still concerned? What if the kids clearly are talking about this on the playground? Yes, at this point it is gossip, but it is gossip about a child choking herself, not something trivial or minor. I would still err on the side of caution.

 

[singingpixie]

I think there would be two reasons that a call to the school would be warranted in a similar situation:
1) The other child was not known to the parents, and thus they did not know how to contact the other set of parents.
2) There was concern that the problem is widespread; ie many students in the class/grade/etc are participating in a dangerous activity. In this case, the school could bring the issue up to a broader audience than the individual parents talking.

In any case, the parents should be the primary target of the discussion, there are just times when the school may need to serve as a tool to facilitate this contact, or bringing a widespread problem to the attention of many parents. The parents should still be the ones addressing the problem with their children.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think I would have done both. For starters- if the girl was in a carpool with my daughter than I'm responsible for the girl when she is in my care for the carpool- so I would definitely feel fine calling the parents and discussing the danger etc...

I would also call the school because no doubt if one was doing it so are others- and a little education about the danger in one of their classes can help and get all the kids the same information...

I actually had an issue with myspace- I went on my dd's page and saw information I know I told her not to post- well I also checked out all her friends pages and most of them were much worse- so the few parents of kids that I knew I contacted and said- I'm not ratting them out- just making you aware so you can get them to take off the information that is too much off the page... But I also sent an email to the principal because most of the kids had listed their school and sports schedules etc- I was notifying her because of the safety issue for the entire school- they ended up going over internet safety again in the computer class and offered to work on all their pages and make them safer for each other...

I have no doubt that the principal and other school officials are aware of the choking game and have been proactive in dealing with it. With regard to the myspace issue, I agree with you that you did the right thing in contacting the parents of the kids involved. Calling the principal however, about an issue that has nothing to do with school I do not agree with. Its up to the parents to deal with their kids' myspace account. Its up to the school to discuss safe computer use in general. I don't think it is right for a parent to email a list of names to the school regarding an issue that did not occur at school.

 

[challada]

I work in schools and can tell you that yes, parents call us first when they have a concern w/behavior. Yes, they usually are calling from their cellphones while driving down the road not paying attention and want to yell at me about some behavior that some other kid must have done somewhere sometime. Even when the behavior is not at school! We are expected to feed, clothe, educate and parent...all within the seven hours we have them here....oh yea, and leave NO child behind!

Thanks for letting me vent....I'm better now!

 

[DawnCt1]

I work in schools and can tell you that yes, parents call us first when they have a concern w/behavior. Yes, they usually are calling from their cellphones while driving down the road not paying attention and want to yell at me about some behavior that some other kid must have done somewhere sometime. Even when the behavior is not at school! We are expected to feed, clothe, educate and parent...all within the seven hours we have them here....oh yea, and leave NO child behind!

Thanks for letting me vent....I'm better now!

Exactly my point. It isn't the school's fault that children are coming to school with issues and it isn't up to the school to fix it.