Parents, Stop Giving In To 'Picky Eaters'!

[jodifla]

I've seen so many parents post questions on these boards like, 'my two year old only eats pancakes and cheese pizza, where can we find these at Disney?'

(Excuse me while I hoist myself on this soapbox...)
Parents who give in to their kids' 'picky' food habits are doing their kids an incredible disservice. Healthy eating habits are formed in the first few years of life, and when kids are only given 'kids foods' like fried chicken fingers and pizza, guess how they'll continue to eat as they age?

I'm sure many parents will come back at me saying, 'but my Johnny won't eat any vegetables, and I don't want him to STARVE'! Guess what, Johnny won't starve. He'll eat what you give him. And when he's older, he'll thank you for loving him enough to set standards for his well-being. You are the parent. Do your job, stay in control.

I'd love your opinions!

Why would you post something that's so offensive and untrue?

First off, it's NOT true that picky eaters go on to be picky eaters forever. Some do, some don't. I have texture issues and it was only in my 30s that I really starting eating fruit, and it's still last of my food choices. I remember my mother trying to cajole me into eating fruit until the day she died...but for me, it was like putting a bunch of nuts and bolts into my mouth. But my overall food range is quite broad and adventurous.

My son has inherited the same texture issues, and also has a severe language disorder and some allergies. I really pushed my son on a couple occasions to try some new things - a plate of eggs one day and some fried shrimp another day....which he promptly threw up.

And I found out this was not some scam on his part -- he turned out to be ALLERGIC to shrimp and eggs. It's a good thing I didn't keep up my quest to a Politically Correct parent to keep folks like you happy....I could have caused a reaction that would have hospitalized him or killed him. And because of his language issues, he can't communicate in depth how the food is making him feel, or why he's not eating it.

My son is 8 and is much more open to trying new things. But FORCING a kid to eat something they don't like is monstrous in my book, both from my point of view of being a child with texture issues, and having a child with texture issues.

 

[Tinkermommy]

This is really all about control. Eating is one area that a kid has control over in her/his life. I don't agree that you learn eating habits at a young age. I have changed mine over the years to be much healthier. But I do think you learn attitudes about food at a young age and if dinner time becomes a power struggle, then that may stay with you your whole life.

I think the problem that I have is with non-parents thinking this is easy or as the OP said "common sense." Unless you have been there, you really have no idea. It's like giving instructions to someone on how to rollerskate when you have never done it yourself. "Just stand up straight and push a little with your feet. It's common sense." But try it and you will see it is much more difficult than that!

 

[mjkacmom]

But I actually have children too!!! And have worked in education (preschool teacher to be exact) and am around children all the time too!! And we have completely different experiences.
The OP might not have her own kids, but that certainly doesn't mean she doesn't know anything about them. When we have kids we become experts on our own kids, but our kids can be completely different from most, being a parent certainly doesn't make anyone an expert on kids in general. I mean there are some pretty bad parents out there.
My daughters kindergarten teacher didn't have kids, but I trusted her judgment as some what of an "expert" on kids of that age. She was around some of those kids more than the parents were. I don't think it's fair to discount someones opinion based solely on the fact that they don't have their own kids.
And I think it's safe to say that the topic here isn't kids with medical problems, like sensory issues, but with parents that cater to children with no medical problems that would cause food aversions.

I'm also a certified teacher (but a SAHM), and my point is, I KNOW my children aren't picky because I cater to them. Maybe if the OP knew my kids IRL, and saw that dd7 would always order chicken nuggets and fries at every restaurant we go to, she would assume it's because that's what I choose to feed her. Heck, I can't even get myself to eat a chicken nugget - gross! Yes, there are parents who only feed their kids "kid food." However, there are also parents who have picky eaters, in spite of how they would like their kids to eat.

I cherish our meals that don't result in a default bowl of cereal or yogurt. It's hard having picky eaters, especially with a couple of kids who won't eat chicken nuggets, hot dogs, or mac and cheese (I won't eat them, either, for health reasons). I really hate when a person says that kids will eat what is put in front of them if they're hungry - it's simply not true in all cases.

 

[monkeybug]

Why would you post something that's so offensive and untrue?

First off, it's NOT true that picky eaters go on to be picky eaters forever. Some do, some don't. I have texture issues and it was only in my 30s that I really starting eating fruit, and it's still last of my food choices. I remember my mother trying to cajole me into eating fruit until the day she died...but for me, it was like putting a bunch of nuts and bolts into my mouth. But my overall food range is quite broad and adventurous.

My son has inherited the same texture issues, and also has a severe language disorder and some allergies. I really pushed my son on a couple occasions to try some new things - a plate of eggs one day and some fried shrimp another day....which he promptly threw up.

And I found out this was not some scam on his part -- he turned out to be ALLERGIC to shrimp and eggs. It's a good think I didn't keep up my quest to a Politically Correct parent to keep folks like you happy....I could have caused a reaction that would have hospitalized him or killed him. And because of his language issues, he can't communicate in depth how the food is making him feel, or why he's not eating it.

My son is 8 and is much more open to trying new things. But FORCING a kid to eat something they don't like is monstrous in my book, both from my point of view of being a child with texture issues, and having a child with texture issues.

I don't find what the OP posted offensive or untrue! And where does she say to force kids to eat anything? She just says that they won't starve if you don't give in, and for most kids that's true!
She is not talking about kids with medical problems that cause food aversions (like a sensory disorder). She is talking about kids who only want to eat junk, and their parents oblige using the excuse that they are picky.
I have a nephew who only wants to eat chicken nuggets, meatballs, and chocolate milk. He's over weight and unhealthy, but his parents say they've tried and he won't eat anything else.
Guess what at my house I don't have any of those things, and when he comes here does he complain? Absolutely! He goes on a hunger strike for a few hours and then eventually get's hungry enough to eat the food we have. He's not picky, he's stubborn, and unfortunately for him, so am I!

 

[jodifla]

I don't find what the OP posted offensive or untrue! And where does she say to force kids to eat anything? She just says that they won't starve if you don't give in, and for most kids that's true!
She is not talking about kids with medical problems that cause food aversions (like a sensory disorder). She is talking about kids who only want to eat junk, and their parents oblige using the excuse that they are picky.
I have a nephew who only wants to eat chicken nuggets, meatballs, and chocolate milk. He's over weight and unhealthy, but his parents say they've tried and he won't eat anything else.
Guess what at my house I don't have any of those things, and when he comes here does he complain? Absolutely! He goes on a hunger strike for a few hours and then eventually get's hungry enough to eat the food we have. He's not picky, he's stubborn, and unfortunately for him, so am I!

This doesn't always work.

And when my son was in the bottom 10 percentile for weight but 95 percentile for height, my concern was getting him to eat, not keeping the people who know everything (and yet have no children of their own) happy.

 

[monkeybug]

This doesn't always work.

And when my son was in the bottom 10 percentile for weight but 95 percentile for height, my concern was getting him to eat, not keeping the people who know everything (and yet have no children of their own) happy.

But that's when it becomes a medical problem, not just a normal picky kid. If you have a child that is literally choosing to starve over eating reasonable food choices, than there is something going on beyond being "picky".
I don't feed my kids healthy food to keep anyone happy, I do it because as their parent I'm responsible for making decisions for them they are not yet capable of making for themselves.

 

[robinb]

I agree, but come on! There are some things you don't need to be a parent to understand.

My point was that there are a lot of things that you simply DON'T understand until you have a child. In this case it's picking your battles. Before I was a parent (except to my aforementioned two cats Shiva and Comet) I thought I would NEVER allow MY kids to become picky eaters. I am an omnivore that will try anything at least once and I too actively looked down my nose at those parents with picky eaters. How hard can it be? Eat what I put down or starve. I did that with my cats ... eat your kitty crunchies and enjoy it because I am NOT buying you stinky canned food.

I'm here to say that it is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. As you can see, my DD is a vegetarian. My husband and I are not. She was born a vegetarian ... I could never get her to eat meat even as a baby. I tried and tried and tried and she spit it out. Almost every time. She ate chicken nuggets for about 3 months and hot dogs off and on for about two years but hasn't eaten either for years. I guess in a way that's a good thing .

I work around her picky vegetarian eating habits because it is simply not worth the fight. We have hot dogs and she has "not dogs". We have meat tacos and she has bean tacos. Pizzas are ordered half cheese and half meat. I try to find foods that can be served with meat and meatless so we can all eat the same thing but that doesn't always happen. Tonight's dinner for my DH and I is pulled pork. My DD will be making her own crescent roll "pizza".

The other thing to consider is: how many eating disorders are due to parents forcing their kids to eat? Food battles can cause both ends of the spectrum from overweight kids who belong to the "clean plate club" to anorexic teens who feel they need to control something in their lives.

 

[MushyMushy]

This doesn't always work.

And when my son was in the bottom 10 percentile for weight but 95 percentile for height, my concern was getting him to eat, not keeping the people who know everything (and yet have no children of their own) happy.

Yep.

I know not everyone agrees with the way I did it, but I hate the scornful replies about being a "short order cook" just because you make your child something he prefers when the adults are eating something else. How is that anybody's business? If I want to take the time to make a separate meal for a picky eater, then how's that skin off anybody's back?

 

[lizandjason]

Why would you post something that's so offensive and untrue?

But FORCING a kid to eat something they don't like is monstrous in my book, both from my point of view of being a child with texture issues, and having a child with texture issues.

FOR THE RECORD...

1) If what I am saying is offensive to you, it is because you are interpreting it to your specific situation and you feel criticized. That is YOUR issue. You may disagree with what I say, but that doesn't make it universally wrong.
2) I do not condone FORCING anything. If you are TRYING to feed your kid healthy food, regardless of whether he chooses to eat it, you are doing an awesome job. If you are NOT trying, and you're going through the drive through every night or giving your kid toys just to shut them up as one of the previous posters said, then you are NOT choosing the correct way to handle this situation. Period.3) My comments obviously don't apply to parents of children who have disabilities. This is a whole different issue and I have a lot of respect for your struggles.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

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LOVE your avatar AND your signature pic. The Who are my second favorite group ever (Beatles are first). And the Daily Show is the best!
Sorry everyone for hijacking

 

[monkeybug]

My point was that there are a lot of things that you simply DON'T understand until you have a child. In this case it's picking your battles. Before I was a parent (except to my aforementioned two cats Shiva and Comet) I thought I would NEVER allow MY kids to become picky eaters. I am an omnivore that will try anything at least once and I too actively looked down my nose at those parents with picky eaters. How hard can it be? Eat what I put down or starve. I did that with my cats ... eat your kitty crunchies and enjoy it because I am NOT buying you stinky canned food.

I'm here to say that it is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. As you can see, my DD is a vegetarian. My husband and I are not. She was born a vegetarian ... I could never get her to eat meat even as a baby. I tried and tried and tried and she spit it out. Almost every time. She ate chicken nuggets for about 3 months and hot dogs off and on for about two years but hasn't eaten either for years. I guess in a way that's a good thing .

I work around her picky vegetarian eating habits because it is simply not worth the fight. We have hot dogs and she has "not dogs". We have meat tacos and she has bean tacos. Pizzas are ordered half cheese and half meat. I try to find foods that can be served with meat and meatless so we can all eat the same thing but that doesn't always happen. Tonight's dinner for my DH and I is pulled pork. My DD will be making her own crescent roll "pizza".

The other thing to consider is: how many eating disorders are due to parents forcing their kids to eat? Food battles can cause both ends of the spectrum from overweight kids who belong to the "clean plate club" to anorexic teens who feel they need to control something in their lives.

I don't think any parent should force their kids to eat. I just think they shouldn't offer unhealthy choices on a regular basis.

 

[lizandjason]

I don't think any parent should force their kids to eat. I just think they shouldn't offer unhealthy choices on a regular basis.

EXACTLY. Thanks for your support through this discussion. And...more importantly...have an INCREDIBLE time with Mickey! It's coming up! We're going in September (we go twice a year, just the two of us!) and we can't wait.

 

[monkeybug]

EXACTLY. Thanks for your support through this discussion. And...more importantly...have an INCREDIBLE time with Mickey! It's coming up! We're going in September (we go twice a year, just the two of us!) and we can't wait.

Thanks!! I'm so excited, but I'm also wishing it wouldn't get here so soon!!
This is likely the last trip we will take for a while, as we will be moving next summer and are trying to get stationed on the West coast. Once we have to start buying plane tickets to visit Mickey, the trips are going to have to be a lot less frequent .

Oh and of course I think you are a horrible mom for going on a fun vacation and leaving your two little "kids" behind. And twice a year? My goodness, I hope you are just riddled with guilt the whole time.

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm not reading 15 pages of this post because I have to head to work (at a daycare facility) in 10 minutes.

Lol to the Op, never say never when it comes to having kids before you have them.

I work in a very affluent daycare where the parents are very particular about what the babies eat. All babies are offered basically the same foods by their parents and we have some that are picky and seriously won't eat at all, and some that scarf everything down. It honestly doesn't matter what you offer kids to eat when they are small, some are picky some are not.

I'm 43 years old and would have to skip meals for 3 days or more before I would eat eggs....so if I don't eat things I don't like, why would I make children eat things they don't like? We don't fight over food in our house, if you don't like what for dinner you make something else, not a big deal.

 

[robinb]

I don't think any parent should force their kids to eat. I just think they shouldn't offer unhealthy choices on a regular basis.

No? Then what was this?

have a nephew who only wants to eat chicken nuggets, meatballs, and chocolate milk. He's over weight and unhealthy, but his parents say they've tried and he won't eat anything else.

Guess what at my house I don't have any of those things, and when he comes here does he complain? Absolutely! He goes on a hunger strike for a few hours and then eventually get's hungry enough to eat the food we have. He's not picky, he's stubborn, and unfortunately for him, so am I!

I know that this is a common way to get kids to eat what they are served and that it works for a lot of families. However, you are essentially forcing the kid to eat or go hungry. Did you make him sit at the table the whole time too? Serve the same food for every meal until he ate it? Those are exactly the kind of on-going food battles I am talking about. For some kids it works in the short term but can lead to more serious issues in the future.

 

[lizandjason]

Thanks!! I'm so excited, but I'm also wishing it wouldn't get here so soon!!
This is likely the last trip we will take for a while, as we will be moving next summer and are trying to get stationed on the West coast. Once we have to start buying plane tickets to visit Mickey, the trips are going to have to be a lot less frequent .

Oh and of course I think you are a horrible mom for going on a fun vacation and leaving your two little "kids" behind. And twice a year? My goodness, I hope you are just riddled with guilt the whole time.

Where are you staying? We are going to be at Pop for 6 nights. With the dining plan, hopper passes and airfare, it's about 2K for a week. But SO worth it, we're obsessed.

And yes, we're horrible cat parents. You know what's funny, we always go to MK on our first day and when we're in Pirates of the Caribbean we actually get sad when we see the audio-animatronic cats with the rummed-up pirate. I mean, really really sad. They ARE our children!

 

[cheermom1]

I dealt with many picky eaters when working in child care. I even had one little boy that would not eat goldfish crackers because, he said "I don't like fish" Most parents just sent the child on and said he/she will eat something from what you fix or be hungry, that his/her choice. And those kids always really did eat something everyday and didn't go hungry. Amazingly most of them got to the point that they pretty much ate anything we fixed for lunch.

But we did have exceptions. One kid's mom sent his lunch every day: a cheese sandwich with the crust cut off (bread and a slice of cheese only), cheetos and a orange and he drank orange soda (apparently he liked the color orange ). That was it. Period. Everyday. His father said he ate the same thing for supper. This child looked so unhealthy! After he was with us about a year, the state policies changed and we had no choice but to serve him the same lunch we served the other kids and we couldn't allow him to bring in his lunch. Within about 3 weeks he was trying the food the other kids ate and finding out that he liked it! Best of all, he started looking like a healthy little boy.

This has gotten lost in the shuffle...Thanks LuvsJack - this is what I was talking about. This poor kid only ate that for lunch and dinner and it only took 3 weeks to get him to eat better. AND he did NOT starve!!!

 

[monkeybug]

No? Then what was this?



I know that this is a common way to get kids to eat what they are served and that it works for a lot of families. However, you are essentially forcing the kid to eat or go hungry. Did you make him sit at the table the whole time too? Serve the same food for every meal until he ate it? Those are exactly the kind of on-going food battles I am talking about. For some kids it works in the short term but can lead to more serious issues in the future.

I have never in my life forced a kid to eat anything. If my nephew wants to come to my house and not eat all day because I don't have the type of food he likes, then he is welcome to! No I don't make my kids sit at the table if they don't want to eat (or anyone else's kids for that matter) and no I don't keep serving the same thing over and over.
If my nephew comes at breakfast and doesn't want what we are having, he can have a snack, if he doesn't want that then he can wait until lunch, and so on and so on.
No food in my house is off limits, my kids can have what they want when they want. If they don't eat lunch and want 5 snacks instead that's fine, but I will NOT cook another meal, and I will NOT leave to buy food if they aren't happy with the choices in the house, and they have to TRY two bites.
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[lizandjason]

No? Then what was this?



I know that this is a common way to get kids to eat what they are served and that it works for a lot of families. However, you are essentially forcing the kid to eat or go hungry. Did you make him sit at the table the whole time too? Serve the same food for every meal until he ate it? Those are exactly the kind of on-going food battles I am talking about. For some kids it works in the short term but can lead to more serious issues in the future.

She didn't say that she ABUSES the kid. She's saying that she won't give in to his demands for unhealthy foods while he is in her home. As I said in my original post, 'Johnny's not going to STARVE'. Unless 'Johnny' has serious developmental/mental disabilities, he will eat what's given to him if he's hungry enough. And she is teaching her nephew a valuable lesson, both in nutrition and in life.

I encourage everyone to check out John Rosemond's columns on child rearing. A spoiled, overindulged child is an UNHAPPY and UNHEALTHY child and is more likely to stay that way into adulthood. And don't even think about flaming me because I don't have kids, I'm so over that.

 

[monkeybug]

Where are you staying? We are going to be at Pop for 6 nights. With the dining plan, hopper passes and airfare, it's about 2K for a week. But SO worth it, we're obsessed.

And yes, we're horrible cat parents. You know what's funny, we always go to MK on our first day and when we're in Pirates of the Caribbean we actually get sad when we see the audio-animatronic cats with the rummed-up pirate. I mean, really really sad. They ARE our children!

We are staying at POR, we have the 4 day military tickets, but are staying 6 nights and also doing the dining plan. It ends up being about 1,700 for us. (thank you military discounts!!!) The problem with airfare for us is that we have two kids already, and I'm pregnant with our third, so those tickets add up fast!!