parents of twins/multiples...question on b'day party invites

[cepmom]

my DD's friend is having her 13th b'day party tomorrow. She is going to go to the movies and out for pizza after.The b'day girls mom is picking up the kids and staying at the theater with the girls so they will not be unattended at any point.

DD was invited as well as some other girls from school that are friends with the b'day girl. One of the invites went to a girl that has a twin sister. The b'day girl does not know the twin sister. The girl told the b'day girl that her mom said she could only go to the party is her twin sister can go too. Really? Is that typical for twins? I could understand if they were very young maybe, but at 13 years old?


I don't have twins/multiples, so maybe I'm missing something here, but I couldn't imagine imposing like that. I would think at 13 you would be able to understand that if you don't know the b'day girl then you shouldn't be hurt about not getting invited KWIM? Or is the mom just afraid of her special snowflake feeling slighted?

Any thoughts?

 

[golfgal]

No, that is not typical for twins but look at how many threads you see here about siblings having to attend every party whether they are invited or not. It's too bad that the parents of those twins can't let one go without the other. We don't expect gifts for both twins either. If DD invited you to "her" party, you are going to her party, not DS's.

Also, I think a group of 13 year old girls are PLENTY old enough to go to a movie together without mom, but you didn't ask that.

 

[cepmom]

No, that is not typical for twins but look at how many threads you see here about siblings having to attend every party whether they are invited or not. It's too bad that the parents of those twins can't let one go without the other. We don't expect gifts for both twins either. If DD invited you to "her" party, you are going to her party, not DS's.

Also, I think a group of 13 year old girls are PLENTY old enough to go to a movie together without mom, but you didn't ask that.

DD is friends with a set of twins so those two are always invited together. She is good friends with both of them and has been since kindergarten. But she also is friends with a girl that is triplet. DD doesn't really know the other two kids, so when DD had her party last summer, she only invited the one girl she was friends with. I didn't think there was anything wrong with doing that. I mean these kids are individuals aren't they? I think it's sad that the mom in the OP won't let her kids do things without the other one going too.

Also, I think 13 year olds are old enough to go to a saturday morning show unattended too, but the b'day girls mom tends to hover

 

[okeydokey]

I think it is ridiculous to expect that your twins will always get invited to the same events. If one twin does not know the birthday girl, then why would they get invited. How rude of the mother to insist on an additional invite.

 

[mickeyboat]

DDs are not twins, but are in the same grade in school, so they might as well be twins.

They get invited separately to parties all the time and I never insist that they both go. As a matter of fact, it is nice to spend some one on one time with the other child every once in a while.

 

[justhat]

My kids are friends with many kids who have a twin. I only had 1 mom ask me if she could bring the kid's twin sister, but she asked, didn't mandate or imply I had to allow her to come along, plus they were only 3yo and her husband was out of town so she had little options.

The other twins (and there were I think 3 sets in my daughter's class, 2 in my son's) did not ask.

This year, my is in a new class and the way the school is set up, most kids from my daughter's class have siblings in my son's class. So there are 3 sets of twins, with 1 twin in each of my kids classes. Simply because the twin will know my other child, I might invite them if wehave space.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've had only one twin invited starting last year, in kindergarten. It was usually my dd, because a lot of girls had girl only parties. This year, they are in separate classrooms, and are invited to parties without each other - even if the mom asks the other to come, I say no.

 

[Pooh Crew]

Like with everything else, every parent is different. However, with that being said, I have triplets and know many twin/triplet/quad moms. We all strive to treat and have our children treated as individuals. My children all have different friends so I would not expect them to be invited to the same parties...and neither would any of the other moms I know. That's just silly.

 

[Darsa]

Erm, if I was the sister I think I'd refuse to go, if the only one I'd know was my twin. I can't imagine giving an ultimatum like that, sheesh!

 

[cepmom]

all right...at least I know I'm not the only that thinks this is nuts
My friend was going to drive them all to the movies, over to a pizza place after the movie, then home after that. Now with the sister going too, my friend doesn't have enough room in her car for everyone. I told her I'd drop DD off at the theater but her Dh is now going to have to go in his car to transport some of the kids to the pizza place as well I wonder if the twin mom expects the b'day girl's mom to pay for the extra twin's movie ticket too?

 

[okeydokey]

all right...at least I know I'm not the only that thinks this is nuts
My friend was going to drive them all to the movies, over to a pizza place after the movie, then home after that. Now with the sister going too, my friend doesn't have enough room in her car for everyone. I told her I'd drop DD off at the theater but her Dh is now going to have to go in his car to transport some of the kids to the pizza place as well I wonder if the twin mom expects the b'day girl's mom to pay for the extra twin's movie ticket too?

The transportation issue is more then enough reason to say the twin could not attend. Simply not enough room, sorry.

 

[Erin1700]

My DD9 just had her party last Friday night. It was a hayride and bonfire. She has a girl in her class who has a twin and we didnt invite the twin. (we dont even know her) Apparently the mom was mad so she didnt let the twin who we did invite come.
I could see maybe if we knew the other girl, but DD wasnt even sure what her name was!

 

[cepmom]

The transportation issue is more then enough reason to say the twin could not attend. Simply not enough room, sorry.

I totally agree with you, but the when the b'day girl was told by the twin that she could only go if her sister could go , the b'day girl said it was okay for her sister to go too. She didn't know what else to say.

 

[cepmom]

My DD9 just had her party last Friday night. It was a hayride and bonfire. She has a girl in her class who has a twin and we didnt invite the twin. (we dont even know her) Apparently the mom was mad so she didnt let the twin who we did invite come.
I could see maybe if we knew the other girl, but DD wasnt even sure what her name was!

this just boggles my mind! What is up with these parents???

 

[Disney Doll]

I think it is ridiculous to expect that your twins will always get invited to the same events. If one twin does not know the birthday girl, then why would they get invited. How rude of the mother to insist on an additional invite.

I agree witht his.

My DH has a set of twin sisters...one is great and one is a nut.

The one we like always comments on how when they were young, their mother used to do this...make both get invited if one was. Problem was, one twin (the crazy one) never got invited anywhere because no one liked her, so the nice one ended up not getting invited to stuff because it was like "Well, if we invited Twin A we have to invite Twin B and we don't want Twin B here so I guess we can't invite Twin A". Twin A is very resentful of it to this day.

 

[golfgal]

this just boggles my mind! What is up with these parents???

The parents think it is easier on their kids if everything is "fair"--in reality they don't want to say no to their children which in the LONG run will be much more difficult on both the kid and the parents.

 

[aprilgail2]

Also, I think a group of 13 year old girls are PLENTY old enough to go to a movie together without mom, but you didn't ask that.

That is crazy- my daughter has triplets in her class and their mom let everyone know form kindergarten on that they are three seperate kids, you don't have to invite them anyplace as a package deal!
As far as 13 year old being supervised the whole time in a movie theater---whats up with that?? 13 is way old enough to be at the movies with friends without mommy hovering about!

 

[mom2rb]

I have twin boys. One is a gymnast, the other is a dancer. I had their party together, but each boy invited their own friends. The kids from school knew it was for both boys. The gymnast and the dancers were invited to the party of the boy they are friends with. It was kind of funny when some of the parents got here. I would hear, "I didn't know there were two of them?".

 

[cepmom]

That is crazy- my daughter has triplets in her class and their mom let everyone know form kindergarten on that they are three seperate kids, you don't have to invite them anyplace as a package deal!
As far as 13 year old being supervised the whole time in a movie theater---whats up with that?? 13 is way old enough to be at the movies with friends without mommy hovering about!

I totally agree with you on this....I only put it in the OP in case anyone thought the twin mom was unsure about her DD going to the movies unattended and maybe that's why she insisted her other DD go also . The bday girl's mom is very overprotective in that way, but that's a whole different thread in itself!

DD is at the movie party now; DD had a championship soccer game this morning that ran into overtime so we were running very late to get to the theater. I did not get to ask b'day girl's mom if the twins both came to the movie party. I will be sure to ask when DD gets home though!