Parents of LD children--how to be "mean"?

[torinsmom]

DS15 has dysgraphia(writing disability), along with ADD. He also qualifies for listening comprehension and has visual memory issues and math fluency and computation issues. These are all in his IEP.

I don't feel that everything that can be done is being done to help him be successful in high school. For instance, the algebra teacher gives handouts out each day with problems on them. He completes the problems on the board and the kids are supposed to write the steps and use those problems for examples. Well........DS can't write the steps down fast enough and so he has given up on doing it. The result is that I have no way to help him, because I don't know how to do the problems(25 years since I did algebra)

I have asked the teacher for a copy of teacher notes, but he says that is what DS is getting. Thing is, a copy of a paper with more problems is not helping my son or me. He needs to see the steps. The book they use is no help--it doesn't cover half of what they do in class.

With the ADD comes forgetfullness and disorganization, which doesn't go over well in school either. He forgets to ask to make up a quiz and then gets a 0 on it.

I think I am too nice, and I need to learn now to be "mean", and demand they meet his needs. I worry about alienating the teachers, but DS is failing one class(work not made up) and close to failing in algebra, because he has not "gotten" the last few concepts. I can't afford a tutor and am scared to death, since he has to make it through algebra, geometry, algebra 2 and a higher math to graduate high school. This is his second year of algebra and he is already in 10th grade.

Let me just say that I know DS bears responsibility for some of this. He doesn't always do his best work and doesn't study as much as he should. I have to stay on him to do homework and help him study. I just want to have all the tools he and I need to have him be successful.

Marsha

 

[KirstenB]

What stands out is how the dysgraphia is impacting his algebra. Does his IEP spell out what accomodations are to be made? For instance, his teacher should be making sure each step has been copied down by your son. If not, then, the teacher needs to help him go back and fill them in.

Think about exactly what type of accomodations your son needs, and if they're not in the IEP, then ask for a meeting to revise it.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Being given copies of class notes is a very common accommodation. You really need to call a CSE meeting and have it put formally into the IEP. Either the teacher can provide a copy, or one of the better students can be asked if they are willing to have copies made of their notes.

Your DS should still be required to take notes and given feedback on his note taking ability with the eventual goal of being able to do it himself (this goal can be overseen by the resource teacher and put into his IEP.

For lecture classes you can put into his IEP that he's allowed to record the lectures and then "study" by listening to them later. I actually learned to do that in my upper level classes and in graduate school. I could never get things down fast enough during class and still really listen. I would ask permission from the teachers to tape them, take some notes during class, and then listen again that night (stopping the tape where I needed to) writing complete notes. It was time consuming, but I ended up with a 3.98 GPA in grad school versus the 2.0 I had during the beginning of undergrad.

Don't try to be friends with your DS's teachers. Don't expect that they'll do things for your DS that aren't in the IEP (you can ask...just don't expect it). Approach this as a business relationship. Treat everyone with respect and understand that you hold just as much if not more influence at these meetings as anyone else. You are their equal. Think of it as a business meeting where you are one of the heads of the department talking to other department heads about how to proceed. Try to not make it personal, but there will likely be some that won't agree or "like" you at the end of the day. in business you can't always be liked and in the CSE process parents can't always be liked. As long as you're approaching the process with an open mind and from an attitude of respecting the work they do, you can be as firm as you need to be to be an advocate for your son.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

One of the things he needs to learn is that if he was not able to get the info down he needs to work it out with the teacher to get the info. It is a vital step for success for a student.

However he sounds frustrated right now and doesn't care. Which is normal when a kid is flunking. They just do not care anymore. Depression sets in and it is hard to combat that.

Does your school offer tutoring? I know that some high schools will offer before/after school free math tutoring.

Your son has to invest himself in getting the info, making up his work, and trying to pass the class. That is the missing link here.

I am working with my 7th grader and trying to drill that into her head. I have my own set of school issues with my kids. It is tough. My dd has no LD's and it can be hard to get them on track. I can imagine that you must feel so frustrated.

 

[Pikester]

DS15 has dysgraphia(writing disability), along with ADD. He also qualifies for listening comprehension and has visual memory issues and math fluency and computation issues. These are all in his IEP.

I don't feel that everything that can be done is being done to help him be successful in high school. For instance, the algebra teacher gives handouts out each day with problems on them. He completes the problems on the board and the kids are supposed to write the steps and use those problems for examples. Well........DS can't write the steps down fast enough and so he has given up on doing it. The result is that I have no way to help him, because I don't know how to do the problems(25 years since I did algebra)

I have asked the teacher for a copy of teacher notes, but he says that is what DS is getting. Thing is, a copy of a paper with more problems is not helping my son or me. He needs to see the steps. The book they use is no help--it doesn't cover half of what they do in class.

With the ADD comes forgetfullness and disorganization, which doesn't go over well in school either. He forgets to ask to make up a quiz and then gets a 0 on it.

I think I am too nice, and I need to learn now to be "mean", and demand they meet his needs. I worry about alienating the teachers, but DS is failing one class(work not made up) and close to failing in algebra, because he has not "gotten" the last few concepts. I can't afford a tutor and am scared to death, since he has to make it through algebra, geometry, algebra 2 and a higher math to graduate high school. This is his second year of algebra and he is already in 10th grade.

Let me just say that I know DS bears responsibility for some of this. He doesn't always do his best work and doesn't study as much as he should. I have to stay on him to do homework and help him study. I just want to have all the tools he and I need to have him be successful.

Marsha

As soon as the school opens today call and schedule a meeting with his IEP team and tell them everything you just told us. You don't have to be "mean" but you can tell them how worried (heck tell them you are scared to death, it might help) you are about you son's education for right now and for the years to come.

 

[eliza61]

I'm going to totally agree with the previous posters. You don't need to be "mean", simply call and make an appointment with the child study team. There seems to be a disconnect between what the teacher thinks he's doing and what the IEP says he needs.

Hopefully, this should be a little matter to clear up. Stress that your son NEEDS to do things step by step in order to succeed.

My son was a special ed student and is presently a freshmen in college. These kids can and do succeed.

Also since your son is in H.S. you are going to have to encourage him to "speak" up. Very hard, but we had to constantly tell my son that he has to talk with his teacher each and every day.

 

[MushyMushy]

Let me tell you something I did when I was getting nowhere with my son's accommodations. I'd done a lot of research on his learning disabilities, had spoken to psychologists and experts and knew exactly what should and shouldn't be provided, what would be a waste of time and resources, etc. I'd been cooperative and polite with the team at the IEP meetings, but it was getting my son nowhere. I was like you and didn't want to be "mean" and alienate his teachers for fear it would make things worse.

One year I just called a meeting (you can do that) and had my husband come in with me. I don't know what it was about having him in there with me, but all of a sudden they were taking us and our issues seriously. It was obvious that I'd done all the research and had all the knowledge, but when he spoke and asked for changes in his IEP, they took him far more seriously than they took me. All I did was slide my notes right over to him.

It doesn't have to be a spouse. Anybody can come in and be an advocate for you. For that matter, a psychologist or counselor would do that for you.

Good luck! I know how frustrating it can be when your child's needs aren't being met.

 

[torinsmom]

He DOES have copy of teacher notes in his IEP. The teacher just says the handouts he gives everyone with the problems on it are the notes. DS also has preferential seating as an acommodation, but the teacher has some kind of revolving classroom, where everyone moves up one seat each day. He says it gives each child a chance to be up front.

I will email his coordinator. Hopefully we can meet the first week back after holidays.

Marsha

 

[fimac]

There is a yahoo group for dysgraphia with some very informed people on what dysgraphia is and how to tell teachers what the kids need. It sounds like the current acc. are not meeting your sons needs.

 

[lewdyan1]

You're son sounds just like mine. My best friend became the ESE chairperson. Now whenever I have an issue we follow 3 steps, first my son needs to advocate for himself. He finds it easier writing an e-mail to the teacher expessing what he needs. Usually this takes care of it. If after a week he does not get the needed response, I shoot off an e-mail that is copied to the ESE Chair. I have not needed step 3 which is a meeting with the Chair, so I guess it's working.

My son has the same LD as your son, he does get a copy of teacher notes, but his school has all smart boards, so that can just print the notes after the teacher has completed the lecture (huge help), he also brings a lap top to take notes as he works better with a keyboard (he just can't write). I think the most important thing is to teach him to be a self advocate, since you won't always be there to help. And make sure he has an advocate in the school to help him (a counselor, ESE teacher/chair...)


I will agree when you have a meeting bringing in another person with you always helps!

Good luck and just smile when you ask for things...

 

[ElizK]

DD14 has dysgraphia, as well. Interesting timing for your post. This is the first year that we've had problems getting the accomdations met from the teachers. It's her 1st year of high school. I'm going back and forth with several of her teachers via email over the last couple of weeks. I'm trying to be "nice", too. I don't want to be one of "those" parents, but I do want her to get what she needs!

Her algebra teacher is the biggest problem with noncompliance. I may take your suggestion of calling a meeting. Never had to do that before. Her teachers in the past have been so helpful, wanting her to succeed.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DD14 has dysgraphia, as well. Interesting timing for your post. This is the first year that we've had problems getting the accomdations met from the teachers. It's her 1st year of high school. I'm going back and forth with several of her teachers via email over the last couple of weeks. I'm trying to be "nice", too. I don't want to be one of "those" parents, but I do want her to get what she needs!

Her algebra teacher is the biggest problem with noncompliance. I may take your suggestion of calling a meeting. Never had to do that before. Her teachers in the past have been so helpful, wanting her to succeed.

Now that I have a dd in college, I can say that in HS the teachers expect the student to take charge of their issues. That is the mentality of HS.

Just an FYI....Good Luck to you!

 

[ElizK]

Now that I have a dd in college, I can say that in HS the teachers expect the student to take charge of their issues. That is the mentality of HS.

Just an FYI....Good Luck to you!

Thank you for your encouragement!

I have tried to get DD14 to handle most that stuff this year. She spoke to each teacher, telling them about her 504. She has asked for class notes, etc, but a couple of teachers intimidate her, so she's afraid to talk to them. I haven't seen her confidence level about school this low in years. I keep telling her that she needs to handle it, but there has come a point that I feel like I need to step in.

 

[lewdyan1]

Thank you for your encouragement!

I have tried to get DD14 to handle most that stuff this year. She spoke to each teacher, telling them about her 504. She has asked for class notes, etc, but a couple of teachers intimidate her, so she's afraid to talk to them. I haven't seen her confidence level about school this low in years. I keep telling her that she needs to handle it, but there has come a point that I feel like I need to step in.

You might suggest she try e-mail the teachers, that is how my son does it, it takes a lot of the stress off not talking face to face...

 

[ElizK]

You might suggest she try e-mail the teachers, that is how my son does it, it takes a lot of the stress off not talking face to face...

I missed that part of your earlier post. I saw the part you wrote about printing off the notes from the smart boards. DD14's school has smart boards, too, so I suggested she ask for a print out. It still might work, but none of the teachers have their own printers.

 

[lewdyan1]

I missed that part of your earlier post. I saw the part you wrote about printing off the notes from the smart boards. DD14's school has smart boards, too, so I suggested she ask for a print out. It still might work, but none of the teachers have their own printers.

Not a problem, let her bring a jump (flash) drive to school and just get the notes that way and then she can use them at home either printed or just on the computer! I love this age of technology, it really helps kids who learning differently!

 

[dismom2]

May I offer up a solution? Sometimes, even with notes you still might not fully understand what you are doing (some teachers are far better at explaining things than others). The internet is a wonderful tool---and youtube has thousands of teachers showing short videos of how to do all kinds of things. If one doesn't make sense, watch how another teacher explains it. If you do this at home, you can watch these videos over and over. The videos are great if you are a visual learner. If you or he would rather 'read' instructions, you can also just do google searches. There are many resources available on the net. You can also go to the library and try to find books that explain things. Good luck.

 

[ElizK]

ooo, lewdyan1.... good idea!

dismom2, I will have to do that, particularly for geometry. Great idea! thanks!


torinsmom, sorry to hijack your thread!

 

[englishteacha]

Does your son have an IEP? If he doesn't qualify for some reason, he should still be eligible for accomodations through Section 504 of the ADA. We had a student last year who had trouble with motor skills with his hands. Writing and typing were very difficult for him. We set up a 504 plan for him with accomodations, and were able to get MacSpeak, a program that will type what he says. It made all the difference.

If 504 or Special Education can't help you, can you get a small video camera for your son to record what the teacher does on the board?

 

[torinsmom]

You're son sounds just like mine. My best friend became the ESE chairperson. Now whenever I have an issue we follow 3 steps, first my son needs to advocate for himself. He finds it easier writing an e-mail to the teacher expessing what he needs. Usually this takes care of it. If after a week he does not get the needed response, I shoot off an e-mail that is copied to the ESE Chair. I have not needed step 3 which is a meeting with the Chair, so I guess it's working.

My son has the same LD as your son, he does get a copy of teacher notes, but his school has all smart boards, so that can just print the notes after the teacher has completed the lecture (huge help), he also brings a lap top to take notes as he works better with a keyboard (he just can't write). I think the most important thing is to teach him to be a self advocate, since you won't always be there to help. And make sure he has an advocate in the school to help him (a counselor, ESE teacher/chair...)


I will agree when you have a meeting bringing in another person with you always helps!

Good luck and just smile when you ask for things...

DS's teacher uses a smart board too. So, you can print out everything on the board after you work out the problems? That would be a big help!