Parents of kids with HFA or Aspergers: Do you homeschool? Will you homeschool?

[disney-super-mom]

I was curious about the educational choices parents have made for their child/children on the higher end of the spectrum (HFA and Aspergers) and why.

Is your child currently in public school because you feel it's a good experience for him/her, both socially and academically? How is your child doing in public school?

Is your child currently in public school, but you feel at some point you may have to homeschool? (Please explain your reasons.)

You have and will always homeschool your child with HFA or Aspergers. (Please explain your reasons.)

I would really like to hear all opinions and reasonings to help us be better informed for our own DS.

Thanks so much.

 

[karynnix]

My DS has Asperger's. He had a LOT of trouble in first grade. I almost considered taking him out of public school and homeschooling. That is when we got the diagnosis of AS. My family was transferred to Iowa in the summer before he entered 2nd grade. MAJOR problems in 2nd grade. I almost pulled him out again and homeschooled. The school got it together and put a 1:1 aide with him, and it has been great ever since. He is learning how to make friends, and he could not have done that as easily if he had been homeschooled. I have been in to all of his 4th grade classes and talked to the kids about autism. They are so responsive and curious and I know that Jack is safe at the school.

I hate to say it, but sometimes it's nice to let someone else have him for a little while! We have no family in the area, and I need a break sometimes!! I don't see a need to homeschool him in the future. He is adjusting very well, and making friends.

 

[Hasil72]

Good morning!

DS(8) has HFA/Asperger's, ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. He just started second grade and has been in public school since pre-K. It has been the best thing for him. Last year was rough because it was his first year in the mainstream and there were too many transitions (new school, new kids, new routine, etc.) and his caseworker dropped the ball bigtime. If I could have afforded to pull him out, as a knee jerk reaction, I might have. This year he has a 1-on-1 aide in the mornings and so far...no major issues. His classmates are very protective of him and try to help him with his social cues. Many of them can see when he is becoming frustrated and they try to help him pull it together and prevent a meltdown. They play with him at recess and interact with him throughout the day as they would with any other child. Some even invite him to birthday parties. We've been very fortunate. I can't teach him how to read social cues or interact with his peers, trust me I've tried. We have found that it's one of those things you can't explain to him, he has to go out there and try it.

 

[Earstou]

I never considered homeschooling for two reasons:
1)I have a progressive illness and it would be difficult for me to handle him all day and
2) we have relatives who homeschooled their asd child (I'll call him "Bob") and they didn't provide us a good example! Their son is grown now and suffers greatly from having been sheltered all those years. I know it isn't fair for me to judge homeschooling just from this, but it did impact our decision.

My ds attended an Early Intervention Preschool (EIP) at his school. This got him accustomed to school before kindergarten, but in an easy-going atmosphere. He has learned so much at school, yet we have also taught him things at home, so I feel he is much more well rounded this way.
He has had more chances at social interaction at school then he ever would have at home. He has learned how to work in settings with others, and how to communicate with the teachers and other adults at school.
My ds is in high school now, and he has grown tremendously through the years. He talks with my family, which "Bob" doesn't normally do. Judging from his early childhood, my ds is probably more affected by ASD than "Bob". But, my ds will probably go much farther in life than "Bob" will, because of the lack of social interaction "Bob" has had. "Bob' lives with a sibling, has a computer job arranged by his dad, and rarely leaves his house. I really believe he could have had a better life.

 

[JESW]

I have a ds12 with asperger's. First couple of school years weren't too bad and only had minor issues. It wasn't until 3rd grade when he was officially diagnosed and it all started to fall apart. In 3rd grade kids are supposed to be more independent and the work is more challenging. He also had a very tough teacher who expected a lot from her students. We had a behavioral plan put in at that point and he plodded along. Come 4th grade he got the IEP with some modifications for class and homework. 5th grade he had his first male teacher and he was good for my son. But the work was getting harder and all the social issues with classmates and the noise of middle school was tough. Last year in 6th grade they had team teaching - 3 different teachers with 3 different teaching styles. Lots of homework and projects, changing for classes, needing to be more organized, etc. - it was a NIGHTMARE for our son! Even tho he was pulled out for math and english and had a one-on-one aide at the end, it was too much for him. He was having severe anxiety attacks, our homelife was horrible and we were so afraid for his mental state.

There of course is more to it all, but then I would be writing all day...

We went to a neuropsychologist for more testing and she wrote her recommendations. It was determined that our son needed to be removed from public school as it was just too dificult for him. Dh & I checked out two schools that dealt with kids on the spectrum and learning disabilities (ds also has auditory processing issues). One school I didn't like so much as it was a school JUST for kids like that - even tho we didn't want to completely mainsream him, we also wanted him to be around "normal/typical" kids. We found a collaborative that is based inside a public school - yet separate. They run their own program, but the kids can also mainstream into classes with the other kids. There is everything in the school like regular schools - library, gym, cafeteria, etc.

There are a couple different classrooms and right now ds is in a group with 6 kids and 2 teachers - great ratio! With small groups they can do so much more - they go on lots of field trips, work on social skills, they have speech and ot right there and there is a counseor on site. There is also modified gym so these kids (a lot of them aren't real coordinated or sprots minded) can succeed without other kids making fun of them. Right now they are playing kickball and ds LOVES it! You never would have gotten him to play in public school. If a child is having difficulty they can take them out and walk around the school or outside or go into another room to talk. There is also a separate room a child can go into to calm down.

Another great feature is the notebook that comes home every day with ds so we know what kind of day he had and we can tell them how he is at home.

His education right now is probably a year behind what he would have been doing in public school but we are ok with that. We really needed to get his emotional side back on track and we figure the education part will come.

The important thing for us is that he is with people who understand kids like him. It was very tough in the public school when he was more of a problem in class that they wanted to get rid of.

As far as homeschooling...uhhhhh...I love my kids (I also have a dd8) but I could never, ever be their primary teacher!

Jill

 

[pcparamedics01]

My son HFA 9. He is a reg ed evironment with support. I would not homeschool. He needs that interaction with peers because he usually does not havev any play dates.

 

[graygables]

11yo DD has been dxed w/ Asperger's, but she is VERY high-functioning. She has selective mutism as part of her issues. I also have an 8yo who is bipolar (among other things).

We homeschool both of them. I'm a former high school English teacher and dealt with MANY PS issues with my older 2 DDs that I just didn't want to mess with anymore. We live in a district that is rated "excellent" by the state, but when it got to the nitty-gritty of the classrooms, we saw very little to be happy about from elem through high school. Both of our DDs are creative and imaginative thinkers and we didn't want to see that squelched as had happened with my older 2.

We belong to a homeschool group and have plenty of opportunity to spend time with other kids. DDs take dance and ice skating lessons with both PS and HSers, music and art lessons, field trips, plus church activities. Quite honestly, HS kids are much more readily accepting of DD and her quirks. There is less of a herd mentality and no one feels the need to knock someone else to make themselves feel better.

It was important for us to help her find coping strategies and a strong sense of self without the influence of the "wolves" that can often be found on the PS playground or classroom. Now that she has a stronger foundation, she is much better able to handle the occasional jerk that comes along with much more grace and aplomb and her self-esteem isn't as scathed.

My oldest DD (now 21) has Asperger's, only we didn't know what that was back then. She was horribly picked on and had a generally wretched experience all through school. She is, quite literally, scarred for life from some of the things she went through. Now that we have an idea of what the problem was, however, she's so angry and defiant ("skills" she had to learn to survive in school) she won't seek help. I don't want my younger ones to go through that.

 

[disney-super-mom]

Thanks so much everyone who has answered.

I really appreaciate your insights. These types of decisions are hard to make, and every year it seems there are new factors to think about.

I'm just worried because I know the older DS gets, the harder it could be for him to cope (I think). He's doing alright at the moment in second grade. But how in the heck is he going to make it in junior high and high school? I'm already dreading what things other kids will talk him into doing, or say to him, or how they'll exclude him (well that is already happening to a point now).

I'm just worried, and I want him to be happy and comfortable and feel good about himself everyday.

 

[belle&beast]

Thanks so much everyone who has answered.

I really appreaciate your insights. These types of decisions are hard to make, and every year it seems there are new factors to think about.

I'm just worried because I know the older DS gets, the harder it could be for him to cope (I think). He's doing alright at the moment in second grade. But how in the heck is he going to make it in junior high and high school? I'm already dreading what things other kids will talk him into doing, or say to him, or how they'll exclude him (well that is already happening to a point now).

I'm just worried, and I want him to be happy and comfortable and feel good about himself everyday.

It's easier said than done, but try not to think too much about that far in the future. I am currently a preschool SLP and I see kids all the time that I have worked with in the past. It is AMAZING how far they can come very quickly! I have seen many kids become very independent as they reach the upper grades. Just continue to be an advocate for your child and make sure he is getting the resources and assistance he needs in school.

 

[pcparamedics01]

Just continue to be an advocate for your child and make sure he is getting the resources and assistance he needs in school.

Absolutely, that is the most important!!!

 

[Poohnatic]

I won't home school my 11yo with Asperger's. I have several reasons:

Even though he's having a very rough adjustment to the middle school environment, it IS the right placement for him. His teachers do lesson plans that have independent work that can be easily adapted to the child's academic ability. I could provide a more challenging curriculum in English and History, but the school can do a much better job in Math and Science.

He needs to be in social situations in order to become more comfortable interacting with others. I can't provide that at home. This is a much rougher year on that front, but we're willing to tough it out, as is his teacher for half the day. He has a host of other issues (ADHD, OCD, Sensory Integration Disfunction, ODD, and fine motor deficits).

He used to have 8 in a class and now it's 20. This has 'shortened his fuse' because there is so much more to distract him. My thoughts on this is he will have to put up with this in the work force, he HAS to get used to it. Two of the teachers are in accord (the aides are a different story ) with us.

Also, it's good when there are other adults who are saying the same thing as mom and dad, don't you think? Each year, we go through a peariod of him testing "my mom said I don't hafta" or "Ms. O said I did", only for him to find that we all have the same rules. Life is like that -and by involving others in his care and education, it drives this point home. At least for my son it does.

We approached this year with a LOT of trepidation. We even made a 'letter of introduction' and went over to the school to meet the teachers. Alas, the program we'd been told of was cut due to budget cuts. We met the teacher that ran the old program, only to find that she wouldn't even be Neil's teacher. Even with the best laid plans, this year has not started of the way we wanted.

The best thing you can do for your son is be involved and on top of what goes on. I always ask the teachers if they mind emails. For instance, my son does NOT sleep (we're crossing our fingers that the melatonin appears to be helping), and we can tell when he wakes up what kind of day he will have. I'd much rather give them a 'heads up' when he's being obstinate!

After six years of this, I wholeheartedly agree with don't look TOO far ahead. As parents of HFA/Asperger's kids, we've already got a lot on our plate without looking too hard at what comes past this year and next. This doesn't mean you have to ignore it, just don't put all your energy into worrying about it.

We have started pointing out big picture cause and effect with my son. He has started to say he wants to work with animals when he's an adult. It opens up the dialogue that he has to do well in certain subjects. You know what? He took that conversation to heart.

to you. No matter what you decide, your son will do well to have such a caring and concerned mom. If you go the schooling outside the home route, the educators will LOVE you for being involved!

Suzanne