Parents: Need some wise advice

[NY Disney fan]

I have a beautiful little girl of 4 that I love so much. Since becoming a parent I have discovered that I really hate playing with toys. I mean I really hate it. I would much rather read a book with my child or color, draw or play with stickers. My daughter loves to play with dolls and ponies and castles. She forces me to make up little scenarios with the dolls. My brain hurts thinking about it. Its great bonding time with her but I would much rather do something else.

I need serious help. I can't help the way I feel. I also don't want to hurt her feelings. Right now I play with her but I make it quick to spare myself the pain. I can tell it hurts her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does she have friends to play with? If she does invite them over frequently. If she does not have a circle of friends then try and get one going.

 

[Owlpost23]

I'm with you on that! My daughter is now sixteen,and it's just gotten better and better with age.I work at a private preschool(kitchen manager)and it amazes me how patient those gals and guys are with the kids.It must not be an age that you can relate to-I couldn't march the ponies and unicorns around the candy cane mountains for very long,either!Just not wired that way.But of course,you do the best you can because you love her.Not unusual at all!

 

[jeepgirl30]

Does she have other little girl playmates that would play dolls with her?

My DD used to have a little nursery center she would play with while I was taking care of DS. When DS was born my parents got her a Bitty Baby and she mimicked everything I did, i mean EVERYTHING! It was a bit embarrassing when she would have her baby BF. Or maybe a little kitchen you could set up in your kitchen and she could cook while you cook. Let her talk about recipes or talk to her and let her pretend while you do the real thing.

I found my DD didn't need me to actually pick up and doll and make it talk as much as she wanted to be with me and hear my voice as she would play pretend.

She used to love this guessing game where we'd have to give clues to which princess we were and the other would guess. You can only run through the princesses so many times.

 

[laurafergie]

There is nothing wrong with being honest and saying, "Honey, Mommy doesn't really like to play castles - but I would really like to read you a book. Let's go pick one!"

I can't stand playing toys or games. Always have. But I do cook and garden with them and take the kids camping, Disney and other places. The main thing is to pay attention, and give respect and attention to their interests. DD6 is really into Littlest Pet Shop right now and talks about them A LOT. So we discuss them, A LOT, but I don't play them with her.

The older kids are well adjusted, productive and still want to come home and spend time with us, so I guess I didn't hurt the bonding process by not playing with them very much.

 

[NY Disney fan]

My daughter is an only child and she does play when she's at preschool and makes friends easily but when she's at home she wants to continue the fun with me. I feel like a bad mom when I ask her "don't you want to watch TV insead?"

 

[Mermaid02]

You are not alone. Thankfully my dd was always good at playing dollhouse alone.

Maybe you could get her into arts and crafts?

 

[NY Disney fan]

There is nothing wrong with being honest and saying, "Honey, Mommy doesn't really like to play castles - but I would really like to read you a book. Let's go pick one!"

Good suggestion. I have tried this but she gets indignant with me and goes off into a corner to sulk. At this age her ponies and unicorns are her life. Wish I had more creativity to give in to her.

 

[krcit]

Don't feel bad, my 12 year old once told me that I'm not a 'playable parent' I was never a fan of playing with my kids like that. Of course I did it sometimes but like you for a short time and then would encourage them tom play with something else.I think it's important for kids to learn to play by themselves also. The other thing that is torture to me is board games

 

[laurie31]

This age is short-lived. She likely won't want you to play with her by the time she's eight or ten.

My Mom never played with us. I don't love her less, nor did I feel neglected. I just thought she was old.

Try suggesting other fun things you could do together, like making play dough, or taking a walk around the neighborhood to look for birds/leaves/whatever.

 

[js]

I have a beautiful little girl of 4 that I love so much. Since becoming a parent I have discovered that I really hate playing with toys. I mean I really hate it. I would much rather read a book with my child or color, draw or play with stickers. My daughter loves to play with dolls and ponies and castles. She forces me to make up little scenarios with the dolls. My brain hurts thinking about it. Its great bonding time with her but I would much rather do something else.

I need serious help. I can't help the way I feel. I also don't want to hurt her feelings. Right now I play with her but I make it quick to spare myself the pain. I can tell it hurts her.

ohhh, that use to be me (my dd is now 2 months shy of 17). As a child I didn't like playing with dolls and I really didn't like doing it with my dd when she was younger. Like you, I tried to hurry up. Now I feel badly but at the time it is what I did. We always read and colored but playing with castles and dolls was really painful

 

[SaraJayne]

Good suggestion. I have tried this but she gets indignant with me and goes off into a corner to sulk. At this age her ponies and unicorns are her life. Wish I had more creativity to give in to her.

So let her sulk. You aren't her playmate and she should learn how to play independently.

I rarely played with my kids and they turned out semi-normal.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Thank you all so much for the great advice and for being sympathetic to my case. LOL. I'm glad I'm not alone. I do agree that this age is short-lived so I'm trying to have a good attitude about it.

 

[Rumpus]

I think it is perfectly appropriate to tell her that toys are something for her imagination and enjoyment and occasionally you will play toys with her, but you will read to her almost any time, you will let her help you make dinner, run the vacuum, etc. Being able to entertain oneself is a tremendous advantage and will do her well as she gets older and into even adolescence. I have tried to teach my kids that "there are worse things than being alone". (Like being with the wrong people just because they are willing to play with you)

 

[laurafergie]

Good suggestion. I have tried this but she gets indignant with me and goes off into a corner to sulk. At this age her ponies and unicorns are her life. Wish I had more creativity to give in to her.

So let her sulk. You aren't her playmate and she should learn how to play independently.

I rarely played with my kids and they turned out semi-normal.

Absolutely. Let her sulk. You aren't her personal play toy. What if there were other kids, your partner, boyfriend, husband, or work or - or - dividing your attention. Do you drop everything? Life doesn't always do whatever we want.

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't "play" either. I played very well as a child, and then I was done with it. DS learned really early that I would do other things, but "playing" wasn't one of them, and he now has a VAST imagination and can play with his toys all on his own (checking in every so often to show me his creations and scenes) for hours. It's pretty awesome.

My husband LOVES playing with him, he's really good at it, but DS knows that I'm not the one to go to for play! And he's worked out how to deal with it. But I never started to begin with, I was adamant at the beginning!

 

[mjkacmom]

Don't feel bad - I'm completely lost if I only have one child home, and usually end up letting him or her have a friend over. Seriously, my kids are all close in age, that they just play with each other - sometimes I might play a board game with them. I always say that I don't like children enough to have an only child. I only had an only for 20 months.

 

[shortbun]

One word: playdates. When my son was little, I had a playdate for him about 5 times a week. Other mothers loved me, lol! That way, I didn't have to build the train track, play with Legos, build armies and so forth. He still has most of those friends and he's 15. They still don't need me to play video games, basketball, soccer or any of the other things they do. I make sure there is food, cross-examine them from time to time about their activities, say 'hi' and generally take care of them by providing a great spot for them to commune, giggle, compete and make memories. Again: Playdates

 

[golfgal]

I would often have the kids in the kitchen playing with their toys while I was doing dishes, etc. but I didn't play WITH them all that much either. This was where it was REALLY much easier to have twins. Even from the infant stage they "played" on their own (on the floor with a toy mat, etc.). If you continue to be her only home friend, she will never learn to play independently. Let her sulk and learn the world doesn't revolve around her. Keep in mind too that 4 year olds are like mini-teenagers and NEED to be around friends a lot. I would start inviting school friends over for play dates several days/week. You will find your life gets infinitely easier with a playmate around.

 

[mefordis]

I really like playing with Calico Critters. We have a bunch of that stuff and they are really cute. Maybe you could find some things you like to play with, such as Disney figurines and stuff like that?