Parents--Back Off! My Vent

[lovetoscrap]

Yeesh.

I went to DD8's 3rd grade class today to help out. The kids were making "gingerbread houses" (graham crackers and milk cartons). I had made all the royal icing ahead of time and had it in baggies for them and then we moms helped to get everything ready, cover the tables, pass out the candy, clean up etc. The teacher had never done this project before and just asked for parent help since she can't be everywhere at once with 23 kids.

There ended up being about 10-12 moms there. When the kids started working each mom ended up at their kid's desk "helping"--as in doing it for them, telling them what to do, telling them they were doing it wrong, and my personal favorite, going to take candy from other tables/kids because THEIR kid needed it. At one point one mom was in her child's seat working on his house while he stood next to her and watched! The moms that were the most hovering were the ones that also didn't help with set up and left before the clean up.

I guess I was the mean mom, I just sat on a table behind my DD and smiled and told her what a great job she was doing! I didn't help her one bit--and she never asked. I walked around and took photos of the kids working, and offered lots of encouragement to everyone. I really couldn't believe how much these parents were interfering with their kids creative process. This was not a "come do this WITH your kid" project, it was a come help out in the class while your kids do this. My daughter is so proud of her house she made all by herself.

There was another Holiday group activity yesterday where parents were invited and I saw the same thing. Parents following their kids around, doing the activity for them (decorating cookies, making edible ice cream cone trees, games etc..) and the sound of the helicopter blades were deafening! And the few parents that were actually helping with the activities were running ragged.

It is great that we have so much parent involvement but I think the class and the kids would be better served with a little less "help".

 

[bumbershoot]

I wonder if some of the houses were intended, by the moms, to be gifts for others, which is why the need for relative perfection was so high? Not defending, just thinking of an explanation.

 

[daisyduck123]

I hear you!

I teach 1st grade & all four of the 1st grade classes (22-24 kids each) are doing this exact same activity on Monday with their 5th grade "Big Buddies". We have only asked for 2 moms from each class to help with set up & clean up. My teammates & I knew that if we let all the moms come that we would have a mess on our hands.

 

[C.Ann]

Kind of like the parents that do their kids homework?

You're right.. Back off!!

 

[mom2cinderella]

I teach 1st grade & all four of the 1st grade classes (22-24 kids each) are doing this exact same activity on Monday with their 5th grade "Big Buddies".

My kids did that in first grade too with their big buddies. I d their lopsided, over-frosted, candy-picked-off-and-eaten monstrosities!

Michele

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Yeesh.

I went to DD8's 3rd grade class today to help out. The kids were making "gingerbread houses" (graham crackers and milk cartons). I had made all the royal icing ahead of time and had it in baggies for them and then we moms helped to get everything ready, cover the tables, pass out the candy, clean up etc. The teacher had never done this project before and just asked for parent help since she can't be everywhere at once with 23 kids.

There ended up being about 10-12 moms there. When the kids started working each mom ended up at their kid's desk "helping"--as in doing it for them, telling them what to do, telling them they were doing it wrong, and my personal favorite, going to take candy from other tables/kids because THEIR kid needed it. At one point one mom was in her child's seat working on his house while he stood next to her and watched! The moms that were the most hovering were the ones that also didn't help with set up and left before the clean up.

I guess I was the mean mom, I just sat on a table behind my DD and smiled and told her what a great job she was doing! I didn't help her one bit--and she never asked. I walked around and took photos of the kids working, and offered lots of encouragement to everyone. I really couldn't believe how much these parents were interfering with their kids creative process. This was not a "come do this WITH your kid" project, it was a come help out in the class while your kids do this. My daughter is so proud of her house she made all by herself.

There was another Holiday group activity yesterday where parents were invited and I saw the same thing. Parents following their kids around, doing the activity for them (decorating cookies, making edible ice cream cone trees, games etc..) and the sound of the helicopter blades were deafening! And the few parents that were actually helping with the activities were running ragged.

It is great that we have so much parent involvement but I think the class and the kids would be better served with a little less "help".

I always feel like the "BAD" mom too. I refuse to HOVER over my child.

She has to grow up..she may as well progress to!!

 

[DisneyWalle]

Do you suppose these are the same type of parents who do their children's projects and reports?

How are children expected to take responsibility - for anything - when over eager parents are always ready to jump in and "help"? Did the kids have any fun? Were they able to express their creativity? No! But mom did! "Look what mom made!"

The fun of having kid-made projects is to see their imagination and creativity in those projects. You would expect the projects made by children to be off-center, extremely colorful, busy/crowded, unusual and different.

I wonder if the parents prefer things to be perfect or look like a picture rather than something a child would make. If a parent wants "perfection" in an activity/craft/project then don't tell the child that they can do it - do it yourself. And don't pass an activity that you did 65% of as a craft that your child did. (Now obviously, children under the age of 3 would require a lot of parent involvement. But pass that age, there are activities that the other age groups can do almost if not completely by themselves. Just bear in mind, that the craft may not look like something you would do; it's what your child sees as pretty or cool.)

This is just my opinion! I don't understand parents who would prefer to do the work rather than allow their child to succeed or fail. My son participates in Lowes' Kids Workshops and I'm always surprised to see the number of parents who ultimately take the project away from the child. For the next 15 minutes, I listen to the child say, "But, ______ I can do it! Please let me do it!" and parents say, "But you aren't doing it right; just let me "help" so we can go." Why?? Why go if you're not going to let your child put it together?

 

[MeghansMommy]

My kids did that in first grade too with their big buddies. I d their lopsided, over-frosted, candy-picked-off-and-eaten monstrosities!

Michele

Me too. When I was looking for preschools for my kids to attend, I paid special attention to the art that was hanging on the classroom and hallway walls. If it was perfect, then I knew that the kids didn't really do them all by themselves. I chose the preschool where the kids' artwork looked like kids did it. Thankfully, it was the church school I wanted to send my kids to in the first place.

We're having our Christmas party tomorrow and hopefully we won't have a bunch of helicopter parents. I'm a mean mom too - most of the time my little one is asking me to do it for him when we have crafts at school and I try to nudge him to do it by himself.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

This is why our professors have encouraged us to think long and hard about how much parental participation we want in our classrooms- if any at all! It's sad that it has come to that.

I can't even imagine the space nighmare of having that many adults in with the kids, I think I would lose my mind.

 

[KirstenB]

Dadgum!! I volunteered in our 3 yr old's special ed preschool class today--they were doing the same project. Several parents were there, and we just stood back and tried to remind all the kids to stay on task--you know "let's finish our frosting so you can get the candies and decorate your houses". Very little hands-on from parents or teachers. I realize the stakes are higher, we're trying to get our kids to attend to an activity, and follow-through. At the same time, if we can step back, surely the parents of typical, older kids can handle this.

 

[teacups]

I love that a mom took candy from babes.... idiot.

 

[lovetoscrap]

You know for a bit I started to doubt myself and think maybe I was the wrong one! The funny thing is that I really thought the kids that didn't have "assistance" had the most creative houses.

May I self indulge and post my dd's house? It is crooked, covered in icing, her sled runners are on the top of sled, and her snowman is falling over, but I absolutely love it!

That marshmallow thing on the top covered in m&ms is her "Santa" on the sled. She decided that red m&m's would make it look like Santa. I bet no parent ever thought of that!

 

[akhenaten]

i am not surprised....
when I was a girl scout leader we had one girl in our daisy (kindergarten ) troop whose mom always sat down and did her daughters project..
it was really quite sad.....
we did not even ask for her to stay at the meetings... no other moms did....

 

[akhenaten]

You know for a bit I started to doubt myself and think maybe I was the wrong one! The funny thing is that I really thought the kids that didn't have "assistance" had the most creative houses.

May I self indulge and post my dd's house? It is crooked, covered in icing, her sled runners are on the top of sled, and her snowman is falling over, but I absolutely love it!

That marshmallow thing on the top covered in m&ms is her "Santa" on the sled. She decided that red m&m's would make it look like Santa. I bet no parent ever thought of that!

I love it.... is the snow robot in front holding up the house or knocking it down...

it is great and I bet she had lots of fun!!!

 

[mom2cinderella]

I love it.... is the snow robot in front holding up the house or knocking it down...

May I self indulge and post my dd's house?

Now that is a prizewinning Gingerbread house!

Michele

 

[MeghansMommy]

You know for a bit I started to doubt myself and think maybe I was the wrong one! The funny thing is that I really thought the kids that didn't have "assistance" had the most creative houses.

May I self indulge and post my dd's house? It is crooked, covered in icing, her sled runners are on the top of sled, and her snowman is falling over, but I absolutely love it!

That marshmallow thing on the top covered in m&ms is her "Santa" on the sled. She decided that red m&m's would make it look like Santa. I bet no parent ever thought of that!

Oh my gosh, isn't that the most precious thing ever? I love it!! Tell your daughter that we on the Dis think it's wonderful!

I especially LOVE the Santa idea - who would have thought about doing that other than a kid? Love it!

(I actually want to eat it - it's a good thing I wasn't there, I'd be sneaking candy to eat. I'm starving right now).

I coach a team of kids in Destination Imagination, www.idodi.org and we have explicit rules that there will be absolutely NO adult help. I can't tell you how hard it is to explain to helicopter parents that these kids are completely capable of doing their challenge without any help. We can teach them the skill, but we can't help them in any way. So, last year my team learned how to sew, how to use a drill, how to use a saw, how to use a hot glue gun (oh, when we were done, they hated that thing), how to sponge paint, how to do research and they wrote their skit/solved their challenge all on their own. I was so proud of them, but boy, was it hard to keep parents (especially one) out of there and sometimes I really had to fight to not give them suggestions. One day, I even taped my mouth shut because I was afraid of interfering in their solution (interference can cost the team points against them and DI takes it very seriously).

Those parents need to put their kids in DI. I love that program.

Sorry to hijack the thread - love your daughter's gingerbread house!

 

[daisyduck123]

Oh I love your DD's house! It looks great!

When we had the parents send in the items for our houses that we're making on Monday, we didn't ask for any mini candy canes. Now I wish we had thought of them. They look great on your DD's. I think I'm going to have to pick up a few bags this weekend!

 

[I Love Pluto]

Lovetoscrap - you are a GOOD Mom! The world needs more of you!

You were right - the helicopter parents were wrong. Creativity from a child is far better than adult perfection.

I wonder if some of these moms of "perfect children who always do perfect things" will go to their child's first job interview with them?!!!?

 

[Luv Bunnies]

OP - Your DD's house is absolutely beautiful! You should have seen the house my son brought home from 3rd grade last year! It was very creative and I could tell he designed and built it himself. That's the important thing!

To the poster who said they look at the artwork on the walls when considering a preschool, you are right on! I work in a special ed preschool and our kids do their own artwork 100%! We always show them a sample and see how closely they can copy it. Or we ask them something like, "Show me where the eyes go" before we give them the eyes and the glue. That way they can organize their thoughts before they actually glue anything down. But if the eyes still end up on the chin, that's fine. We leave them there! This morning, I watched a little boy make a Picasso gingerbread man. The eyes were on the legs. The buttons were on the hands. I don't even know where the nose ended up. The important part was that he did it himself. If you visit a preschool class and the artwork looks perfect - red flag warning!

 

[Briarmom]

I love your DD's house!
My kids are doing this project either this weekend or on Monday.