Parenting Question

[Nicsmom]

At what age is it ok to let your children play outside in your neighborhood in an area where you cannot see them? My DD is 9 and I will not let her go where I can't see her. However, all her friends can go anywhere. She feels left out. Am I being over protective?

 

[janette]

My girls are 11 & 8 and are allowed to go to a friends house. I don't let my 8yo walk to a friends house that is about 3 doors down by herself but just watch her sometimes. They usually play in each other's house or in the backyards. If they are in the front I ask that they stay within sight or with someone else.

Set ground rules that you are comfortable with. My 8yo DD is bad about going from house to house and gets in trouble when I can't find her easily. She is not allowed to go to someones without me knowing and if she leaves that house she is supposed to call. She does sometimes forget but gets better after spending a few days grounded.

 

[tiggerlover]

I don't have an answer for you as my son is only 6-1/2, but my opinion is whenever you feel it is the right time, not by what the others do. I tend to be a little over protective, and I am not sure when I will be ready to let DS out of my sight. I do let him go into our backyard, but I am constantly checking on him. I think you have to factor in the maturity of the child, where you live and your comfort level. I know there is a time when we as parents have to let go a little, I am just not sure at what point that is.

 

[NHAnn]

I don't think there's any real age you can pin down. So much depends on your area, your child, and her friends. I do think 9 is young for a group to be just out and about, w/o supervision. What exactly to you mean by the "anywhere" that her friends are allowed to go? Do they walk to a playground close by or something...or do they just get on bikes and ride without a destination? Do the parents of these kids going "anywhere" know where they are and who they are with and when they are coming home? It's so tough in this day and age to keep our kids safe, keep our worries to a minimum, and yet let them learn responsibility and independence.
My DD 16 is still complaining that I am too "overprotective" and sometimes my DH has to talk to me about lightening up and letting go
Have you talked to her friends' parents about this...sometimes they ALL tell their parents that everyone else is allowed and some parents don't want to be the bad guy and so they allow things against their better judgement so their child won't be left out. You may find some of them have the same concerns as you do and you can come up with a level of supervision that allays the parental fears but allows a little more independence to the kids....depnding on the circumstances of course!

Good luck!

 

[Serena]

I can't just let them go in my neighborhood. It's just not safe. It's usually fine in the daytime and as long as you aren't wearing red. Also, the kids here know me and my kids. Maxie does a good job of discouraging strangers.

 

[disneychrista]

My DD's are 12 & 10 and they are still not allowed to be out of my eye sight. Call me over protective but that is just the way life is.

I remember being able to roller skate or bike to the local "liquor" store to play video games or even to go to McDonald's. I remember riding my bike to good ol Mickey D's and getting my first Happy Meal (a styrophome UFO)

 

[SuiteDisney]

My DD is almost 12. We live out in the country, no houses across the street, but there is a small developement that begins four houses down the road.

She's not allowed to play outside alone. She's not allowed to walk down the road alone. She may play with her friends and she doesn't have to be in my sight, but she does have to tell me where she's going. She's allowed to walk the dog around the yard, but I want her to stay away from the road.

 

[Nicsmom]

I live in a circle. My house is on the inside of the circle. I cannot see the street that leaves my circle from my house. The kids ages range from 5-9. They only go around the circle. They might stop at someone's house for an hour or so and then move on. So, these parents don't know exactly where the kids are at all times. We live 3 minutes from a major highway and my neighborhood is visible from a very busy main road. I've seen parents searching for their kids because they didn't know where they were.

 

[NHAnn]

Originally posted by Nicsmom
I live in a circle. My house is on the inside of the circle. I cannot see the street that leaves my circle from my house. The kids ages range from 5-9. They only go around the circle. They might stop at someone's house for an hour or so and then move on. So, these parents don't know exactly where the kids are at all times. We live 3 minutes from a major highway and my neighborhood is visible from a very busy main road. I've seen parents searching for their kids because they didn't know where they were.

I can understand your feelings given those additional details, and I don' think you are being overprotective..... you know best what's best for your child. The fact that people end up looking for their kids at times would have me worried, especially with ones UNDER 9! Isn't it sad that what seems like a ncie child-safe neighborhood may make it a target for a predator -- and the proximity to the highway would make it dangerous to unsupervised little ones. Are there any of her friends' parents that you can talk about this with? I think you're in a tough spot if even littler ones are running around unsupervised for hours On the other hand if they checked in with the parent who can see them at each stop, maybe the parent or your child could check in with you? Or make YOUR yard/house so attractive in some way that everyone will want to come there

 

[Dana49]

We made sure both of our children were very close to home, where we could see them, until they were out of 5th grade. We live on a side street, in a small town, but the chance of losing them scared both my wife and me. From 6th grade on, if they were leaving the yard, they had to let us know where they were going and how long they were going to be gone. Curfews were in effect always.
Today they are in their late teens and we still ask them to let us know where they're going. If plans change, we ask them to please call and tell us where they're going to be. Believe me, the older years are much tougher than the younger years. You never stop worrying.

 

[Mishetta]

When she's 35 years old. That's when I'll let my son out someplace where I can't see him! It's a scary world out there!

 

[Judy from Boise]

well, I'll play Devil's advocate. I don't think it is healthy to convey to children that the world is so scary, and they are so vulnerable, that they need constant supervision.
Thake some time and figure out what skills you think your daughter lacks in keeping safe....then work at developing them. Role play all the tricks adults use to lure children, let her practice basic self-defense techinques, teach her it is Ok to say no to adults and mean it. Above all emphasize that she has the ability to control her destiny, that she is strong and capable as long as she remembers the safety parameters.

 

[Laurajean1014]

I think it all depends on where you live, what your street is like, and if there is anything going on? We here in Fairfield County, have an abductor on the loose. He/She has been trying to pick up children for over a month. So far, unsuccessful, but nevertheless, I will not allow my DS7 to play unsupervised. However, that does not mean that if there is a child 15 or older or a parent watching on my dead end street, that I would not have him play....

 

[Wishing on a star]

To me, the issue is not necessarily keeping my kid in sight every single second. But, I do want to know where he is at ALL times, no matter what the age! If my kid wanted to play and ride bikes, or play video games, or whatever, with a certain friend/friends, then Okay, fine... But, if an hour later I realized that I had NO idea where my child was, that would be simply unacceptable. Also, even if my child is at a certain friends house, then I would want them to return home, or to check in ever so often. I would want the other parents to know that I was indeed involved, and not just happy to see my child disappear to their house for hours and hours on end!

Funny story... DS is an outside kinda guy. He loves to play in and around our large yard, both front, and the woods in back. (about as safe a neighborhood as you could ever hope to find anywhere.) Well, he started wanting to drive his Powerwheels up the street a little too far for my comfort... One day before I realized it, he had zipped off on that thing to check out where some workers had been earlier to work on the water meter, just one house down... The father who lives there noticed him, and kindly 'escorted' him back to my front door. DS did not know this father very well, as his work keeps him away from home for long days and hours. This scared DS to death!!! I haven't had a problem since!!!

 

[mamajoan]

I have a wide range in when I let each kid out on their own.... it depended on the neighborhood and the child.

As for the youngest, who is now 13.. I am the evil mother that makes her "CHECK IN" with me physically every hour or two. If she misses a check in then she is not allowed to go out for the rest of the day.. kinda strict I know but it is necessary with Cam. We letting her walk and play around the neighborhood when she was 8-9.. but I was outside most of the time and the kids were at our house most of the time. It is also when we started having her "check in". It is a system that works really well for us. As she is growing older the time btwn check in's is increasing. She also HAS to tell us if she is going in someones backyard or in their house.