Parenting question, need advice (small update pg 2)

[BWVDenise]

My dd (8) is being picked on by a 9 or 10 year old on the bus and at recess during school. She sometimes comes home crying b/c of things he says to her (like she did today). I realize that kids will pick on each other and there are bullies and always will be. It sounds like this kid mouths off to the bus driver and lots of other kids as well.
So what's a mother to do? I hug her and tell her to tell so-and-so to "get a life," but she said she did. My shirt is soaked from her crying so hard. Is this just one of those things that she has to learn to deal with on her own? I remember being picked on when I was a kid and nobody ever did anything about it.
Any good advice out there?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You march up to the school and tell on him. Or have your dd tell on him.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Zero tolerance.

Unless your DD is extremely sensitive, and a bit of a crybaby, then there is definately something wrong here. ????

 

[Cindy's Mom]

You march up to the school and tell on him. Or have your dd tell on him.

I would do the same - and if you do not get a response from the school - call his/her mother!!

 

[Tantor]

Zero tolerance.

Unless your DD is extremely sensitive, and a bit of a crybaby, then there is definately something wrong here. ????

ITA. I would be in that principal's office ASAP

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

I let the bus driver know that there was a problem and asked that my DD be moved away from the other child - they are in the second grade and this had been going on since K - it had really escalated this year( not coincidently with our approaching trip to WDW - the other girl seems to be jealous of everything my DD has or does - and makes her pay for it). I can't even imagine what kind of life a child this young has to make them so mean and nasty!!!????

Anyway, I wrote a note for DD to give the driver - and she called me ASAP -she was very understanding - moved DD and promised to keep an eye on the other girl.

Good luck!

 

[luvmy2sams]

We're dealing with a bully situation at DD6's school right now. My advice is to get a meeting with both kids' teachers and the principal ASAP. We had our meeting yesterday during lunch, and their response has blown me away. DD's headmaster has made every employee at our school aware of the situation, has formulated a 3 strikes and you're out policy for the bully and is meeting with the bully's guardians tomorrow. He's also asked that we keep a journal outlining any little thing DD states that the bully has done. He wants a trail in case it comes down to providing evidence for dismissal. The first words out of his mouth were "above all else DD has to know that she is safe and must feel safe in her school".

to your DD and to you. Going through this is an awful experience. I hope you get everything resolved ASAP!

 

[daisyduck123]

1st grade teacher here...

I would call the office.
Our assistant principal is very good at getting down to the bottom of these types of problems immediately. She calls all involved students to her office on the day the problem gets reported & it is "solved" that day.

There is no reason that your DD should have to go thru all that.
I hope your school will take action.

 

[daisyduck123]

1st grade teacher here...

I would call the office.
Our assistant principal is very good at getting down to the bottom of these types of problems immediately. She calls all involved students to her office on the day the problem gets reported & it is "solved" that day.

There is no reason that your DD should have to go thru all that.
I hope your school will take action.

 

[clh2]

The first words out of his mouth were "above all else DD has to know that she is safe and must feel safe in her school".

I agree - your DD needs to feel safe. Most schools have a "zero-tolerance" for bullies - as mentioned by another poster. Definitely contact your DD's teacher and principal. They should put a stop to this immediately.

Good Luck!

 

[agnes!]

When my DD was younger she was occasionally harassed by another student. Remembering back, I think it was this certain boy when she was in 2nd Grade...and this is how we handled it at the time.

Her school encouraged parents to come in for lunch. One time, after an incident, her dad & I showed up for lunch the very next day and sat down with her. Now, you must understand, DH is a well-built guy. We figured that the message would get across that "you mess with my kid, you are messing with ME, with US." Meaning we wanted to convey to this little incipient creep that DD was not alone, she had a family to contend with.

Oddly enough, the young gentleman seemed to get the message.

The key part of all this, is whatever you decide to do, you *MUST* do it with your DH. Get your DH on board with all this, if you just walk in to that school by yourself, most administrators will regard you as perhaps just an over-protective mamma. Whenever we've had issues with a school, we get more traction when both DH & I come in to address the situation.
Call up the school, ask for the next available appointment time with the principal. Ask for the assistant principal to be there as well, since they are usually the disciplinarians in the school. When the school gives you a time, call up DH, he must get the time off work, he must be there, too. If DH is not in the picture, perhaps have a good friend or another adult family member who's aware of the situation come with you, there is *strength* in numbers. Have that sit-down with the principal and the assistant principal, work out what will be done to rectify the problem. Read up on your school system's student safety policies. This bully is making it impossible for your child to feel safe, to *learn*. The school is failing the grade with your child.

Good luck,
agnes!

 

[daisyduck123]

This bully is making it impossible for your child to feel safe, to *learn*. The school is failing the grade with your child.

Good luck,
agnes!

I have to disagree with this part. You say the school is failing this child, but....the school does not appear to be aware of the situation yet. The OP has not made the school aware of the situation. If authorities were aware & doing nothing, then I would agree that the school seems to be failing in their duties, but how can they rectify the situation if they are not aware of it?

As a teacher, it is impossible to know all problems occuring if students do not make us aware of them. I am always encouraging/reminding my students to let me know if anything is going on that they need to discuss.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

You need to contact the school ASAP. Take a few minutes ahead of time to document the specifics you remember, with dates if possible. The school can't fix what it doesn't know about. If you don't like the response of the bus driver, go higher up--get a specific action/remedy plan. Your DD doesn't have to put up with this!

Longer term, you might want to consider getting your child into a martial arts program. I'm not suggesting that she should have to fight off blows on the bus, but my DD10 started taking karate a couple years ago--mainly to cross-train for gymnastics and dance. The boost to her confidence from knowing she can defend herself has been amazing! She's never, ever had to use her skills outside the class--I want to emphasize that--but she knows that she COULD, if necessary. Not only did the mere knowledge of DD"s skills stop one bully in her tracks, but the "bus bully" is afraid of my petite, skinny little DD--and he's MUCH bigger than she is! Her knowledge gives her confidence to be fearless.

 

[dg39]

Call either her teacher or the front office. Explain the problem calmly and I'm sure that they will take care of it asap. How I hate to hear when a child is being bothered either in school or on the bus. I've been through it with my dd and it just tears you, as a parent apart. In the past when it happened to us, I called her teacher and the problem was resolved quickly. Still to this day, whenever my dd comes home from school, my first question is how was everything today and then after she tells me all went well, I question about how much homework, any tests coming up, etc. Good luck...

 

[agnes!]

I have to disagree with this part. You say the school is failing this child, but....the school does not appear to be aware of the situation yet. The OP has not made the school aware of the situation. If authorities were aware & doing nothing, then I would agree that the school seems to be failing in their duties, but how can they rectify the situation if they are not aware of it?

As a teacher, it is impossible to know all problems occuring if students do not make us aware of them. I am always encouraging/reminding my students to let me know if anything is going on that they need to discuss.

I see your point...well-taken. I hadn't thought about the idea that the school(teachers/bus-drivers/administrators) could be unaware of the bullying. It's very possible, I'm sure. The OP's DD could be afraid to say anything at school or on the bus, afraid that this little creep would find out and that things would get worse.
And about the school safety policies...When I've been going in for this type of appointment with the principal, I have found it useful to know what is spelled out in the policies and by-laws of the school system before I walk in the door. What does the school and the school system spell out in writing as their obligations to their students? Useful information to have at hand.
I guess I was interpreting the OP's post as that this situation was on-going, that somehow since it seems to be a boy from another class that his behavior might stand out from the norm, that on the playground the teachers from both classes(or the playground monitors) would notice that a kid from another class was harassing a younger/smaller kid. But he's probably smart in his chosen mis-behavior, in my experience these kids often know how to work the system and to 'work' adults around them. I bet he *knows* how to fly "under the radar". In my life as a parent, I have had other parents say "Well, he *is* a boy!" or "She's *such* a diva!" or "Kids will be kids"(with an accompanying shrug) when they are excusing bad behavior, especially the mis-behavior of their own.

And to the OP - Another poster mentioned perhaps calling this boy's parents, but I actually wouldn't call them at all. They *could* be part of the problem, one way or another. I think you might get more traction out of the school than out of the bully's parents After all, the mis-behavior is not taking place while this child is under the direct supervision of the parents, it is taking place under the *direct* supervision of the school system and the system's bus service.

Good luck. Let us know what happens,
agnes!

 

[WIcruizer]

Part of the solution is your DD does need to learn how to deal with this. This probably won't be the last time she's picked on, unfortunately. And some of these times may have nothing to do with school, so they won't be able to help.

With that said, most districts these days have zero tolerance policies for bullying. As others suggested, if you make the school aware of the problem, they SHOULD get it fixed immediately. If they do NOT get it fixed to your satisfaction, come back and let us know because there are ways to escalate this.

 

[BWVDenise]

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughts. I did give her a note to hand the bus driver this morning asking if he could possibly move her away from this kid. I was told by my boys that this kid picks on a lot of other kids and also has a fowl mouth, makes racial comments/jokes, etc. And, when I mentioned this to another mom who lives down the street, she told me that this same kid SPIT on her ds(7) last week. Sound like a nice kid to you? (insert angry face, my smilies won't work).
I am hoping that the bus driver (who happens to know my MIL, since she used to be a driver) will pass that note to the principal since I mentioned in the note that the problem extends in to school. I haven't heard from the principal today, but who knows if he is there today, or if he hasn't had a chance to call, etc. I will see what happens when she gets home today.
OH, and BTW, this is the son of a Township Council Member!!