P & PD needed please

[wdwmickey]

We found out last Thursday that my FIL (DH's dad) has stage 4 liver cancer. There are numerous tumors and he will not be seeking chemo or other treatment. The doctors gave him 90 days to 6 months.

Please pray for comfort for him and for my MIL to have the strength and courage to do all the things she needs to do. Also, for Robert and I to have the insight to know where, when and how we can help.

ETA: I could use some info on repairing a father/son relationship before it's too late. Any ideas or resources for Robert and his dad?

Thanks so much

 

[Reddy]

 

[PrincessNancy96]

OMG! Cheryl, I am so sorry to hear this... sending lots of prayers and pixie dust for the entire family! All I can say, is just tell Robert to be there... extend the "olive branch" and just talk about good times in this childhood...

Please let us know if you need anything from us.

 

[joyah]

Cheryl I'm soo sorry to hear this. We lost Tom's mom to liver cancer 8 years ago. As for repairing the damage between father and son I'm no help Tom's father has ruined their relationship after her passing. hang in there sending you all lots of thoughts prayers and hugs.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Cheryl I'm so sorry to hear this.
As for the strength, I don't know but it just comes from somewhere. Just make sure that he's as comfortable as possible and that you do the things for MIL that you can to take stuff off her plate.
As for the relationship between Robert and his dad, honestly lower your expectations. I know it sounds harsh but there may be no resolution. If Robert can accept that but still extend the olive branch as Nancy said, then he has done everything he can to mend what was broken and he can be at peace knowing he did all he could.

 

[tinkryansmom]

Cheryl hugs to you, DH, FIL and MIL. Prayers sent.

 

[rlovew]

Sending Prayers!

As others have said the most important thing you can do is to offer to help and do what you can for his mother to help with things.

On the relationship front I would have to say if Robert is willing to extend an olive branch with no expectations they might be able to have some resolution but it depends on the attitude of both of them. If He is willing the workbook "Making Peace With Your Past" is good for dealing with issues of pain from the past.

Rebecca

 

[wdwmickey]

Thanks everyone

I'm worried about Robert, he has been unusually quiet. I'm hoping he'll at least talk with his dad. The relationship is really broken, but, I think it could be patched (not mended). Or at least reach a place where Robert isn't so angry. I'll talk with him about extending an olive branch. Maybe we can work through it together.

 

[LindaBabe]

Sending dust and warm thoughts for relationship healing - strength for the family - and freedom from pain for your father in law.

Your husband has a lot to think about - and so does your father-in-law. Robert is going to have to live with himself, whatever he chooses to do or say, long after the old man is gone. May he choose wisely.(one for him, too)

 

[JJ&JHsmom]

Cheryl, . Prayers to your family during this difficult time. I hope your husband is able to make peace with his father, it is a difficult time to be at odds and I am sure it would bring comfort to your MIL.

Cassey

 

[morgansmom2000]

Oh, Cheryl, I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

I know it's not nearly the same, but when I got married I decided to ask my dad to my wedding because I didn't want to look back on my life later and regret that I hadn't. He came, as a guest (he didn't give me away and I danced with my mother, not him), and it was okay. We don't have anything near a good relationship, but he is decent to Morgan, and that means a lot to me. I hope that whatever decision Robert comes to is one that he can live with without regret. It's not easy.

Sending thoughts of peace and comfort to the family.

 

[Lisa]

Cancer is so hard for everyone in the family. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

 

[lovingthemouse]

I will keep all of you in my prayers for peace and some resolution of the heart. Cancer is such a difficult disease for everyone and the patient too.

 

[MazdaUK]

P&PD for all of you. My BIL had a broken relationship with his sister - for example, she booked her wedding in Thailand knowing he and my sister could not afford to go (and anyway my sis was pregnant so it would have been risky). They did make up at Christmas some years ago, then she died very suddenly six week later. He is always glad they made it up, and he has a picture of the two of them together looking happy at what was her last Christmas.

All you can do is talk to DH and encourage him to put the bad things behind him before its too late.

 

[mommy2mrb]

I am so sorry to hear this Cheryl for you all, I will keep you in my prayers.

Jim and his dad had their issues too.......know Bob regrets everything he did/or didn't do....he is trying to make up for it by being better to Megan and I, for Jim its to late........

my advice, if Robert can't "talk" to his dad, have him write a letter to help pave the way, might be easier for him to put his thoughts on paper.

is there a Hospice group at the hospital? maybe talking to one of their counselors will be a good source of help and info.
do what you can to help your MIL, take care of yourselves too though!
maybe help her with making sure they have things lined up before the end gets to close.
call me if you ever need to talk!

 

[wdwmickey]

Thanks everyone

Robert and I talked last night and he told me "My dad and I made peace. I am willing to listen to whatever he has to say. I'm much more concerned about my mom." So at least I know where DH is coming from now.

I'm headed down to see them this morning. MIL called several times yesterday with scrapbooking/memorabilia questions so she is clearly staying busy by trying to get FIL's Marine Corps items into some sort of order. She's keeping FIL at home for now. We need to get together as a family (DH's siblings too) and decide how long MIL can do that and how we can help her.

Thanks for alll the prayers and support I'm feeling more hopeful today, at least for Robert's relationship with his dad.

 

[ddavis860]

So sorry for the sad news!

I was going to mention hospice too. We waited to get them involved when DH's uncle was getting sicker, and we were so sorry. They had these amazing resources for him but also for us. Might be worth looking into, as they helped so much with comfort and care.

Glad DH is a peace with his dad.

 

[mommy2mrb]

Thanks everyone

Robert and I talked last night and he told me "My dad and I made peace. I am willing to listen to whatever he has to say. I'm much more concerned about my mom." So at least I know where DH is coming from now.

I'm headed down to see them this morning. MIL called several times yesterday with scrapbooking/memorabilia questions so she is clearly staying busy by trying to get FIL's Marine Corps items into some sort of order. She's keeping FIL at home for now. We need to get together as a family (DH's siblings too) and decide how long MIL can do that and how we can help her.

Thanks for alll the prayers and support I'm feeling more hopeful today, at least for Robert's relationship with his dad.

That is wonderful news they made peace
Good that your MIL is wanting to keep busy and honoring his Marine service!

Look into Hospice, they will have lots of resources for you all....plus it is free for family members for counseling (or maybe a small donation - ours is free)

 

[wdwmickey]

We talked about hospice this morning. MIL is looking into it. She is making the most amazing wall hanging with FIL's "unit patches" from everywhere he served.

 

[rlovew]

Everyone I have known that used hospice have always said- "we should have called them sooner" - the work they do has always been amazing.

Rebecca