Overprotective Mom question

[WA Kay]

One thing that I have learned with little ones who don't want to hold a hand.. I have them hold a piece of my clothing. I can tell when a little hand lets go. Some times I hang a ribbon off my shorts so the princess can dance and twirl to her hearts content. but she doesn't let go! Because if she does she knows that we will go home. We have in the past!

Wow, this brings back memories and I have to say it worked great for my kids also. Last summer my son and I were at the Pike Place Market here in Seattle on a Saturday in the heart of tourist season. The crowds were very thick and getting around was a challenge. My son was behind me and I called out to him. His answer was “yah Mother, I have your shirt tail”. He was 23 at the time. I certainly didn’t mean for him to be holding my shirt but it was funny how the lesson lives on.

 

[bumbershoot]

1st off being a guy i always wonder why moms tell their kids to find a mom

Well, being blunt, it's just statistically safer to go to a women vs a man, b/c statistically a man is more likely to be a, um, criminal who preys on children.

While my husband is very sweet, is a good father, a good person, and he takes interest in other children and watches out for them as much as I do, we both know that people are going to feel safer if a child seeks me out vs him.

Sad but true.


Super-good book to read is The Gift of Fear; the author talks quite a bit about this sort of thing, with lots of statistics.

 

[Dukland]

I totally get it when you wonder about the employees. I've never seen a CM at DL or CA that I was worried about, but you never know. An online friend told the story about a trip to Chuck E Cheese's. She told her ds to get some forks, and he didn't come right back. She was immediately worried, and flagged down the manager, who was nearby.

They found a CEC employee, sneaking the boy out the fire exit. You know how at CEC they have that hand stamp for the family. Doesn't do any good when the kid is snuck out the fire door! The employee asked the boy, "Hey, do you want to meet ChuckE?" Of course he said "yes!" and went with the guy. After all, he was an employee.

Thank God they caught the guy before he could get the kid out of the restaurant! He was arrested, and obviously fired. That incident, and the recent, local incident of a 5 year old boy being sexually assaulted in the Chuck E Cheese's bathroom, really makes my Mama Bear Radar go into paranoid overload.

My kids are 7, 4, and 1, and my middle ds is a very fast runner with a mind of his own. I am dressing the boys, ages 4 and will be 21 months in June, with a lot of matching shirts, so I can say, "He's wearing this!" I try my best to warn my kids of the "creepy guys", because they look just like regular guys. My 4 year old, who wants to be Spiderman when he grows up, insists he will kick the creepy guy!

And I am paranoid about sending my kids into the potty by themselves. I am paranoid about taking my eyes off my kids, especially my 4 year old cracker jack. I am paranoid about so many things. In the summer, the only downstairs window that is open at night is mine. Because if you want my kids, you have to go through me first!

 

[Disneynut71]

I have a 11 year old and a 5 year old. With the 11 year old we discuss first thing where we are going to meet if we get separated, Usually at the hub.

I have also talked to both about finding a CM if they can't find me. They are everywhere.

When my oldest was 9 we were in EPCOT he got lost, He did what I told him to find a CM. I also went to a CM who went on the radio and was found in minutes. The CM's are trained to handle missing children (as I'm sure it happens daily) I was scared when I couldn't find him but I am so glad we had a plan in place.

 

[kylieh]

Well, being blunt, it's just statistically safer to go to a women vs a man, b/c statistically a man is more likely to be a, um, criminal who preys on children.

While my husband is very sweet, is a good father, a good person, and he takes interest in other children and watches out for them as much as I do, we both know that people are going to feel safer if a child seeks me out vs him.

Sad but true.
.

A fews years back on Oprah there was a guest who also said statistically, women are less likely to be offenders. I've also taught DD5 too see the lady works in the shop, a security guard or police officer. We have a talk about it and how she is to let them know that she has become separated.

We have a chat about it on random occassion and each time she can tell me what to do. The reason for out chat is that I was lost/left behind on several occassions as a child including Disneyland and each time I have never been so scared in all my life. I didn't know what to do. I think that if DD has the knowledge and confidence that we will come to collect her it will take away some of the unknown.

 

[rentayenta]

I would be more worried about the people in your neighborhood, the seemingly harmless ones, than the employees at Disneyland.


I work in a psych hospital and let me be honest, offenders can be men or women, come from all backgrounds, all SES, and religions.

 

[Bugsmom73]

WE always take a picture of the kids in what they are wearing each day and leave it on the digital camera.

 

[DevilDuckie]

Well, being blunt, it's just statistically safer to go to a women vs a man, b/c statistically a man is more likely to be a, um, criminal who preys on children.

Actually, they're not. The stats are based on *reports* and are flawed. They're simply more likely to be *reported*. Female predators get away with their abuse an horrific amount of the time because it doesn't get reported the same way male-generated abuse does.

 

[JosieGirl71]

When my kids were little, I always told them to find a mommy with children if they got lost. I figured that was safest.

I really like Bumbershoot's idea about finding a CM behind a register and KristyKenna's idea about the luggage tag.

 

[bumbershoot]

Actually, they're not. The stats are based on *reports* and are flawed. They're simply more likely to be *reported*. Female predators get away with their abuse an horrific amount of the time because it doesn't get reported the same way male-generated abuse does.

OK, of course, statistics are only as good as what they have to go on.

I think it's pretty hard to come to a conclusion that's anything more than speculative when going by "we believe that more of this is happening but not being reported", ya know?

I think if I go any further into my thoughts on this exact issue (men vs women), I'm going to have to talk more specifically about what it is we're all afraid of, and I don't think that's a good thing here, so I'm just going to tell DS what I probably would have told him anyway, which is to go to a FAMILY or a CM behind a counter (probably should have said "family" to begin with), and move along.

Part of the point of The Gift of Fear is that the likelihood of a lost child picking a predator is pretty dang low, if the child is actually doing the choosing. So if they go to someone they feel they can trust, they will very likely pick a good person who will help. This is opposed to someone going up to a lost child, which is the person picking the child, and coaxing them to come with them. Person might be good, or they might be bad.

OK so maybe I'll tell Eamon to stay where he is and yell for me, which would probably work b/c he calls me by name rather than title, and there aren't that many adult Mollys around (2 year old and 80 year old Mollys, yes, my age, no, unless Ms Ringwald is there, too, at the time!) and the kid is loud, so I'll likely hear him. As will a nearby CM, so he'll get helped no matter what.

Hope everyone else can figure out something they are comfy with!

 

[Pamb]

I feel better knowing I am not alone in my worries Thank you all for the great advice and I am sure everything will be okay, I am just trying to make sure I am thinking of potential problems.

I think I will also not discuss this with my mom again until *after* our trip!

 

[RaeRae's Mommy]

Wow, this brings back memories and I have to say it worked great for my kids also. Last summer my son and I were at the Pike Place Market here in Seattle on a Saturday in the heart of tourist season. The crowds were very thick and getting around was a challenge. My son was behind me and I called out to him. His answer was “yah Mother, I have your shirt tail”. He was 23 at the time. I certainly didn’t mean for him to be holding my shirt but it was funny how the lesson lives on.

I don't blame your son that place is a zoo on the saturday.

 

[RaeRae's Mommy]

I just got my order from Shanrene Custom Silicone Wristband. http://www.shanrene.com/custom-wristband-tool.php
The Youth 7in size fits on my dd3 ankle. I had dd's name and dh and my cell phone numbers on it. You can only read it up close so no one can just walk by and know my dd's name.
Where going to tell her if we get lost to find another mommy with kids and show the mommy her ankle with mom and dad cell numbers.

I'm so sorry to all you great daddy's, but mommys are just safer.

 

[amyamya]

You might want to check into Safety Tats, they were recommended to me by my DS's speech therapist because he is non-verbal and would not be able to relay any information or ask for help if separated from us. It's basically a tattoo for your child's arm with a cell number on it or any other information you want (except the child's name!). I guess writing on your kid's arm with a Sharpie is somewhat toxic.

 

[lisadoll93]

Last time we were at DL we found a lost kid. It was so scary. I appoarched him and asked him"did your mom and dad get lost" Me and the kid stood with him while DH went and found a CM and Security. The dad showed up not 2 mintues later. Another time we heard a couple yelling at every each other because they lost their dd.

With my kiddos, I write on their tummies with a sharpie. So, if they do get lost- someone is going to have a hard time getting that off. Also, find a mommy with kids.

 

[avalon451]

OK, of course, statistics are only as good as what they have to go on.

I think it's pretty hard to come to a conclusion that's anything more than speculative when going by "we believe that more of this is happening but not being reported", ya know?

I think if I go any further into my thoughts on this exact issue (men vs women), I'm going to have to talk more specifically about what it is we're all afraid of, and I don't think that's a good thing here, so I'm just going to tell DS what I probably would have told him anyway, which is to go to a FAMILY or a CM behind a counter (probably should have said "family" to begin with), and move along.

Part of the point of The Gift of Fear is that the likelihood of a lost child picking a predator is pretty dang low, if the child is actually doing the choosing. So if they go to someone they feel they can trust, they will very likely pick a good person who will help. This is opposed to someone going up to a lost child, which is the person picking the child, and coaxing them to come with them. Person might be good, or they might be bad.

OK so maybe I'll tell Eamon to stay where he is and yell for me, which would probably work b/c he calls me by name rather than title, and there aren't that many adult Mollys around (2 year old and 80 year old Mollys, yes, my age, no, unless Ms Ringwald is there, too, at the time!) and the kid is loud, so I'll likely hear him. As will a nearby CM, so he'll get helped no matter what.

Hope everyone else can figure out something they are comfy with!

I agree, Bumbershoot, there's some good points here. I have some family in law enforcement-- BIL is a lieutenant in a Vice unit. One of the things he's always telling us is that statistically, it's sad but true that there's much less danger from strangers than there is from family or someone you know. Stranger danger is an important concept to teach, but unfortunately, it's statistically much more likely to be Uncle Morton, or the soccer coach, or whoever... why we teach our kids to say no to anything or anybody, however respected, that they think is wrong.

 

[MaiynaMouse]

OK so maybe I'll tell Eamon to stay where he is and yell for me, which would probably work b/c he calls me by name rather than title, and there aren't that many adult Mollys around (2 year old and 80 year old Mollys, yes, my age, no, unless Ms Ringwald is there, too, at the time!) and the kid is loud, so I'll likely hear him. As will a nearby CM, so he'll get helped no matter what.

Hope everyone else can figure out something they are comfy with!

i just have to laugh at this....not at you, Molly...but my SIL's name is Molly and I always thought it seemed like an "old lady" name....until i met her. I have an unusual name as well (Marnie) so I'm pretty sure if my kids were calling me, I'd hear them. Of course, it often sounds like "mommy" so who knows?????

 

[pixiewings71]

I don't think any of you are overprotective at all! I think with all the nutjobs in our society today we all need to be overprotective of our kids. The stats we see show us that most predators are men but in reality many are also women, we simply don't hear about them or they aren't reported. Sad but true. I have 3 kids, 20, 11 & 8. We've always had many different ways of ensuring safety, we have a "safe word" or "password" that the kids know to ask for if someone says "Your Mom sent me to pick you up". And on top of that they know that Mom would NEVER send anyone they didn't know to get them unless it was an extreme emergency. So far so good, they have never had to ask for the pw but they know about it. As for getting separated at DL, my girls know where Lost and Found is, they have been told to get to City Hall if they can (we are frequent DLers so they are familiar with MS) and if they can't to find a CM standing behind a podium or in a store. They also know what the costumes for each "land" look like so they can identify costumed CM's easily instead of just looking for name tags. A game we play is what do they wear? I'll offer up a costume and they tell me where they've seen it, they are actually better at this than I am! LOL They also have my cell and DBF's cell number memorized so they can call us. I carry a card in my wallet that has their picture and other stats on it so I can simply pull that out and show it to a CM if they were to get lost. We get them free every year when the girls get their school pics taken. We also do the "hold my clothes" thing when it's really crowded, I'll just say "train time" and we all assume the position. LOL DBF in front, girls in the middle and I'm the caboose. LOL Sometimes we do that just for fun too. When we were at DL in December my DD20 and her DBF were there too, we were walking thru NOS and it was crowded!!!! I hollered out "train time" and we all assumed the position, except her DBF who was confused, once she explained it to him he snagged the back and he was the caboose. LOL

Again, as parents it is our job to ensure the safety of our children. While I would never write on my kid with a Sharpie if they were young enough I would definitely do the shoe tag, the temporary tat and anything else I could think of.

 

[Nora94]

I taught my kids to scream "you're not my mom/dad" if someone tries to take them. I told them that screaming "Help" or just screaming isn't going to look like anything more than a tantrum. My kids walk to school every day so they need to know this for that reason. I'm not worried about at Disney honestly.

That said, when we are on vacation the girls are dressed the same (or similar, like matching shirts but different colored pants maybe) every single day. Partly this is cause it's cute, partly it's so if they get lost I can say, "she looks like this only bigger/smaller!".

We also take them up to an employee when we first get there and tell them what to look for. We told them to go to someone that is working (cleaning, running a ride, working in a store, etc.). We haven't lost one yet. Well, not for long at least...

Nora

 

[Corpsebride]

A few months ago a group of friends and myself were at DL and during Fantasmic, we were walking towards the NOS right in front of Mark Twains boat and me and my pal Nichole see a little boy no more than 18 mo. old trucking alone on his way just by himself. We looked at each other and then grabbed him before he got near the water. Suddenly the friend of the mother comes running up to us thanking us for finding him. We all walk back together with a cast member just to make sure its all kosher and stuff. The mother, visibly shaken thanked us and said that they were all watching Fantasmic and he must have unclipped himself from the stroller and just worked his way out through the crowd and was on his way. She didnt even see him go. So, that being said, I dont have kids and can only suggest that one holds their kids while watching Fantasmic or fire works or a parade or what ever because , those little ones, they are wiley! The mother was so freaked out and she said that IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN I personally like those little back pack looking things with the handle attached to the parents wrist. My Dfi hates that idea, but I dont care,I am right and he is wrong and that is what we will use on our kid when we have one.