Our First Trip as Parents! December 2012 TR - 8/6 OMG a TR link!

[Linda67]

Sorry about you being in such a difficult situation. If I were your DH, I would probably tell them something snotty like, "If I talk, I will say what I want to say. If you want something said, that's your responsibility." But I'm not your DH.

I'm not you either, but I think you probably need to let your DH work it out himself. You might talk to him and see if he wants you to help out, but I certainly wouldn't do it without him knowing what you were planning to do.

Luckily for us, with all the people around us who have died, we never held any kind of memorial services, so there wasn't the quandary of whether or not to speak. I hope that it all works out for the best.

I have to agree with this excellent advice
It's very hard when you see that someone you love is in an awkward and uncomfortable position but I do think you have to let him work this one out himself
Big hugs from England

 

[Leshaface]

I'm sorry to hear about your DH's grandmother passing, but as you said, after all she had been through it was probably for the best.

Now the part about your DH speaking at the funeral... wow. I'm afraid to say I don't have any advice for you. You and your DH both, are being put in a very difficult situation here. I know you don't want to see him have to struggle with speaking at the funeral, but at the same time I'm sure he feels that he doesn't want to disappoint his family, even if he isn't happy with them forcing this on him.

I know you want to defend your DH, but I almost feel like this is a no-win situation for you. If you say something to his mom, you could end up getting both of them upset with you (unless of course, your DH knows you're going to talk to her about it). I guess from that point of view, I'd probably say it is in your best interest to leave it alone.

Either way, good luck.

sorry to hear about the loss.

i have been asked to speak a few times at family funerals, while i dont always want to at the time, i know that for me it helped to say something, and where i thought other family should say something they didnt, but after the fact they have all thanked me very much for saying something.

they said it helped them because they were not or did not feel like they could speak.

im sure they see him as someone strong in the family that can speak and say what they are not able to.

just a little past experience on things i have dealt with at funerals.

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss

Secondly, that is a very awkward situation to be in. I totally don't think it was right of her to put his name on the program without him agreeing to it. Does DH know you want to bring up the situation? I was just at a memorial service this weekend and some people are just not ready to talk yet, it's too painful.

Wanted to chime in to say how much I have been enjoying your TR but now also to say sorry for the loss in your family - though, like you said, the positive is that there is no further suffering her

That is a tough situation for you and your husband as far as speaking at the funeral. You might want to offer to your husband that you would speak to his mom if he wants - depending on his answer you might found out how much it is bothering. I wouldn't just do it without clearing it with him first though - but you obviously know the dynamics best

best of luck!

Sorry about you being in such a difficult situation. If I were your DH, I would probably tell them something snotty like, "If I talk, I will say what I want to say. If you want something said, that's your responsibility." But I'm not your DH.

I'm not you either, but I think you probably need to let your DH work it out himself. You might talk to him and see if he wants you to help out, but I certainly wouldn't do it without him knowing what you were planning to do.

Luckily for us, with all the people around us who have died, we never held any kind of memorial services, so there wasn't the quandary of whether or not to speak. I hope that it all works out for the best.

I have to agree with this excellent advice
It's very hard when you see that someone you love is in an awkward and uncomfortable position but I do think you have to let him work this one out himself
Big hugs from England

I truly appreciate all the honest opinions here. I was going to text my friend and ask for her advice, but she probably was going to give me what I wanted to hear, instead of looking at all sides.

I didn't bring it up the way I wanted to, but instead, asked who was speaking at the funeral and she proceeded to tell me herself that she was pretty much making DH to do it because she didn't feel comfortable talking and neither did her brothers and sisters. So now, DH is not able to speak from his heart, but rather from his uncles, aunts and mom. And she said if there was something he wanted to say about her, to give it to his cousin (who is speaking on behalf of all the grandkids) so she can read it outloud. I said nothing and just nodded.

I've been to more funerals than i've I wanted to and even spoke at a few, but never had I seen something like this.

I ended up telling DH when he got home about our conversation and wished I had told her how uncomfortable he was and that he didn't want to do it. Oh well. It's too late now, and I wish he would have said something to her earlier. But I am glad I took everyones advice and didn't say anything. I don't want her to remember planning for her moms funeral and her DIL questioning her moves.

Thanks again everyone!

 

[blabbermouth]

Aww, I'm sorry for your loss and the awkward situation your DH is in now. While he doesn't want to, I don't think he'll regret it in the end. Hugs to all of you!

 

[dizneeat]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss! from Austria.

 

[MEK]

Wow - that's a tough situation and I am very sorry for your loss.

Is there a specific reason why your DH doesn't want to speak? Is he afraid he will get emotional?

I know this must be very hard for your DH but if he thinks he can muster up the strength to do this, I think he should. Obviously his mother and his grandmother have put their faith in him. It is going to be difficult, but I only think he should turn it down if he absolutely doesn't think he can handle it. Sure, he is going to feel uncomfortable and emtional, but I bet he will feel very much at peace and connected when its over.

Of course, if someone else steps up and offers then he can offer to let them take the role.

Good luck!

 

[monica23535]

So sorry for your loss Lesha.

I hope the funeral goes ok and your DH isn't too worried about giving his speech.

 

[sjs314]

lesha Very sorry to read of Your and DH's loss. As far as saying something to DH's Mother from my own experience I would say not to do it. My DH's Grandmother passed and someone suggested the grown Grandson's carry the casket. I mentioned I thought they should get friends of the family instead. Opening my mouth was a big mistake but in my family the pall bearers were always family friends not members of the family.

 

[Leshaface]

Aww, I'm sorry for your loss and the awkward situation your DH is in now. While he doesn't want to, I don't think he'll regret it in the end. Hugs to all of you!

Wow - that's a tough situation and I am very sorry for your loss.

Is there a specific reason why your DH doesn't want to speak? Is he afraid he will get emotional?

I know this must be very hard for your DH but if he thinks he can muster up the strength to do this, I think he should. Obviously his mother and his grandmother have put their faith in him. It is going to be difficult, but I only think he should turn it down if he absolutely doesn't think he can handle it. Sure, he is going to feel uncomfortable and emtional, but I bet he will feel very much at peace and connected when its over.

Of course, if someone else steps up and offers then he can offer to let them take the role.

Good luck!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss! from Austria.

So sorry for your loss Lesha.

I hope the funeral goes ok and your DH isn't too worried about giving his speech.

lesha Very sorry to read of Your and DH's loss. As far as saying something to DH's Mother from my own experience I would say not to do it. My DH's Grandmother passed and someone suggested the grown Grandson's carry the casket. I mentioned I thought they should get friends of the family instead. Opening my mouth was a big mistake but in my family the pall bearers were always family friends not members of the family.

Thanks again everyone for all the kind words and input.

DH had a meeting last night with his aunts and uncles and they all gave him PAGES of what they want him to say, but to narrow it down so it's not too long Poor guy. I couldn't help but laugh. And I guess his older brother was making fun of him in front of everyone about being forced to do this. All his aunts and uncles laughed because they knew he didn't want to do this, while his mom looked embarrassed (from what DH said) Oh well.



Anywho....how about something happy?!


DM, DH, DS and I are going to Disneyland next weekend!



We had been playing with dates for a while and we were originally planning on going last weekend, but thank goodness we didn't, since his grandmother died that Friday. I'm hoping it won't be too hot but i'm thinking it will be.

We'll be staying at the GCH (just thought i'd look to see if there was anything available through DVC annnnd of course there wasn't!). I got a 20% off pin in my email before we were going to book which is a plus Super excited!

 

[franandaj]

Thanks again everyone for all the kind words and input.

DH had a meeting last night with his aunts and uncles and they all gave him PAGES of what they want him to say, but to narrow it down so it's not too long Poor guy. I couldn't help but laugh. And I guess his older brother was making fun of him in front of everyone about being forced to do this. All his aunts and uncles laughed because they knew he didn't want to do this, while his mom looked embarrassed (from what DH said) Oh well.



Anywho....how about something happy?!


DM, DH, DS and I are going to Disneyland next weekend!



We had been playing with dates for a while and we were originally planning on going last weekend, but thank goodness we didn't, since his grandmother died that Friday. I'm hoping it won't be too hot but i'm thinking it will be.

We'll be staying at the GCH (just thought i'd look to see if there was anything available through DVC annnnd of course there wasn't!). I got a 20% off pin in my email before we were going to book which is a plus Super excited!

Sorry about what your DH has gotten himself into.

When will you be there? I'm having a DISmeet on Friday afternoon out there already, are you coming that early or arriving late on Friday?

 

[Leshaface]

Sorry about what your DH has gotten himself into.

When will you be there? I'm having a DISmeet on Friday afternoon out there already, are you coming that early or arriving late on Friday?

Aw no we'll be there on Saturday through Monday.

 

[afwdwfan]

That really is a shame that the family can tell he doesn't want to do this and they just think it is funny. I doubt they'd feel the same way if one of them were being forced into it. It makes your DH the better man for just keeping quiet and doing it.

I think a weekend at Disneyland is exactly what he'll need after Friday.

 

[MEK]

Have a wonderful weekend in DL!!!!!!! Sounds like fun!

 

[Pinkocto]

I'm sad for DH, that has to be a lot of pressure.

Congrats on DL, that'll be a welcome break

 

[monica23535]

Woohoo Disneyland again! Man, I'm jealous lol

 

[Linda67]

Have a wonderful trip to DL - it will be the perfect stress reliever

 

[franandaj]

Aw no we'll be there on Saturday through Monday.

I should have realized, you've been saying that the funeral is Friday. Maybe we can work something out. Do you still have my number? I'll dig out my old phone and put your number in my new phone.

 

[blabbermouth]

Yahoo, Disneyland will be a well deserved break for you guys!

 

[Leshaface]

That really is a shame that the family can tell he doesn't want to do this and they just think it is funny. I doubt they'd feel the same way if one of them were being forced into it. It makes your DH the better man for just keeping quiet and doing it.

I think a weekend at Disneyland is exactly what he'll need after Friday.

Hi Andy! I think he's very excited for Disneyland this weekend, which is strange, since he's never excited about it. Probably more for DS. Now that he's older he'll keep his attention more. Some fun rides and a few drinks will make him even more happy

Have a wonderful weekend in DL!!!!!!! Sounds like fun!

Thanks Mary Ellen! From the amount of time i've been away on the DIS, i'm pretty sure i'm about 20 pages behind on your TR now

I'm sad for DH, that has to be a lot of pressure.

Congrats on DL, that'll be a welcome break

Hi Pam! Yes I think it will be very nice and fun. Hopefully it won't be too hot.

Woohoo Disneyland again! Man, I'm jealous lol

Hi Monica! Lol I just wish I could go more often. Although, I should be grateful that I can get there 2 times a year.

Have a wonderful trip to DL - it will be the perfect stress reliever

Thanks Linda It will be a nice change around here.

I should have realized, you've been saying that the funeral is Friday. Maybe we can work something out. Do you still have my number? I'll dig out my old phone and put your number in my new phone.

The only reason we're leaving this Saturday instead of Friday, was because it worked better with our schedule, otherwise we would have been there on Friday. We'll be at DTD Saturday afternoon/evening and that's pretty much all the schedule we have as of now. I'm pretty sure we'll be hitting up DCA on Sunday morning though and hopping between parks the rest of Sunday and Monday. I think we're leaving a little early on Monday. The only other thing I have to do, TMI, is schedule in a few pumping times.

Yahoo, Disneyland will be a well deserved break for you guys!

Yes it will! We're definitely looking forward to it

 

[heathsf]

Hi Alicia, I'm still behind on your TR (going to catch up soon - I promise!) but I just read the last two pages with your life updates and I wanted to say I'm so sorry for you and DH and your loss. It is such a hard thing I hope everything went okay on Friday and that you have a great time in DL

 

[Leshaface]

I'm probably the WORST DIS'er ever! I'm so sorry i've been away for so long. I'm currently trying to plan a trip for 6 to go to Pennsylvania...in 2 weeks. I didn't think it would be so nerve wracking and take up so much time, but when you have opinions flying all over the place, it gets hard. I've been dying to read up on every ones TR's so hopefully I can make my way back here within the next few days. I got the major things out of the way (Dates and Flights) and all I have left really to do is book a hotel for pre-flight, get 2 rental cars, and find a hotel for our last night. Hope everyone is doing well!